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January 2016 Moms
smallpie
member
Best friend is being annoying.
smallpie
member
Alright, so my best friend and I have been friends for 20-something years. (We met in the second grade) For the most part, we've always gotten along. We've gotten into dumb little arguments but would quickly make up. Since we've been friends for so long, I feel like we're "sisters." She even said in her MOH speech that she felt like we're sisters also. Well ever since I became pregnant, she has been really getting on my nerves and has been very judgmental and annoying.
Before we even started TTC, I told her that when we do, we want to do a gender reveal cake and showed her one I found on Pinterest. I told her it would just be something small with just my parents, brother and sister-in-law. My husband's family lives out of town they won't be there. I told her that she would be invited also and she said "I better be!" Well I found out about 7 months after that that I am pregnant and called to tell her (after telling our immediate families) and I said "so you're going to be an aunt again" and her response was "no, just the one." referring to her sister's son. I said "no, I mean with my baby." I don't remember her response but I don't remember it being enthusiastic.
So I'm 18 weeks and 2 days now and she keeps giving me inaccurate (and not sought out) advice and has said some really stupid things. She told me at one point that she was talking with her sister and said that they should let me babysit her nephew (he's 4 and into the roughhouse sort of playing) to see if I still wanted a baby. Her sister's response was "too late for that." There have been many other things she's said that sound as if she's mocking my ability to be a mother. I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks (she knows I was on medication and weaned off of it when I became pregnant) and she sent me a Buzzfeed article of a woman contemplating that her anxiety may have given her son ADD. She's told me that her nephew and sister don't like the name we have picked out for a boy. I know that won't affect our decision on our son's name but I don't understand the point of telling me that. When I found out what her nephew's name was going to be, I didn't like it but just said "oh that's nice." She's told me that I should switch my prenatal pills to some "organic" ones (without DHA) her sister took that costs twice as much for the same amount of pills in a bottle that I already take (Nature Made with DHA) and my doctor said the ones I'm taking were perfect. She's even said that it's okay for me to eat cold cuts because her sister did.
Anyways, she keeps acting/talking with a very "know-it-all" attitude. I feel bad saying this, but she doesn't have any of her own life experiences for me to even consider any of her "tips." We're the same age (29) and she's never been on a date or had a boyfriend and all of her advice has started with "well my sister..." We'll be finding out the gender on September 8th and having a gender cake a couple days later but I really don't want to invite her anymore. I don't know what to do. I've gotten to the point where I very rarely talk about my pregnancy when I talk with her and I only do if she asks me something about it. Any help?
Re: Best friend is being annoying.
Rather than take her cutting (and totally no-deserved) words to heart, just sort of "feel bad" and remove her negatvity from your life.
I had a situation with a best friend of 10+ years (sister style) who told me to get an abortion when she found out I was pregnant (ultimately ended up in miscarriage). I found it hideously rude. Long story short, she is not apart or welcome into my current pregnancy. Her own issues with her life need not be mine.
Xo
People say it all the time but you don't really know until you experience but your relationships change once you have a baby. It becomes much harder to be friends with people without kids.
Your friend is probably trying to be helpful or relevant by constantly bringing up her sister and nephew, but it's coming across the wrong way. I don't think your expectation of her to think of your child as kind of her niece/nephew was unreasonable, but now that you know her feelings don't get hung up on it. If her behavior does continue to upset you, just be open with her about it, but try to do it in a moment when you are already calm. Best of luck!
I've been there! People drift apart. With DD after an ultrasound I posted something along the lines of "baby is dancing up a storm" and my best friend from college made a comment about it being a "stripper baby." Like, WHAT?! Those two words should NEVER be in the same sentence, none the less, when talking about MY baby that my husband and I so desperately wanted!
She's a couple years older than me, unmarried, new boyfriend, etc. Mentality just doesn't click sometimes when you're at different parts in your lives than others.
I did the same thing as you. You slowly start including that person in less and less. Either they get it and change whatever stupid stuff they're aiming at you, or you just keep drifting. And if that's how it goes, so be it! You find other people who are what you need them to be in your life!
I think it has alot has to do with our hormones. In regards to your friend I would say keep your distance from her if she's really making you're pregnancy non-enjoyable. It also sounds like ou guys might have some boundary issues which many relationships have. The length of a friendship doesn't mean anything in my opinion. it's the emotional depth which includes trust, compassion and honesty etc.
Good luck !!!