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Late Term and Child Loss
mrsdhouse89
member
Stillborn at 30 weeks.
mrsdhouse89
member
My husband and I lost our second child on July 28th. She was so beautiful and part of my heart feels missing. My heart breaks for her not getting to grow into an amazing person, it breaks for my own selfishness, and it mostly breaks for my four year old son who is having a hard time that his baby sister isn't coming home.
I am seeking advice on how to help my son. Today was the first day of preschool at a new school and since our daughter passed away he is scared of doctors and was terrified to go to school. This is his second year of preschool and last year he did great and was excited so I don't know if his sister passing is affecting him more than we realize.
We've told him his sister has gone to heaven and I had to tell him again this morning when he asked where his baby sister was. After I explained she was in heaven he was a mess about going to school and how he didn't want to go.
Has anyone else had a young child they've needed to help through this before and if so, what seemed to help them?
He is what makes me strong and it's breaking my heart to see him this way. I have no idea how to help him.
I am seeking advice on how to help my son. Today was the first day of preschool at a new school and since our daughter passed away he is scared of doctors and was terrified to go to school. This is his second year of preschool and last year he did great and was excited so I don't know if his sister passing is affecting him more than we realize.
We've told him his sister has gone to heaven and I had to tell him again this morning when he asked where his baby sister was. After I explained she was in heaven he was a mess about going to school and how he didn't want to go.
Has anyone else had a young child they've needed to help through this before and if so, what seemed to help them?
He is what makes me strong and it's breaking my heart to see him this way. I have no idea how to help him.
Re: Stillborn at 30 weeks.
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and that you find yourself here. Our older son was 3 1/2 when our second son was still born. He too was in pre-school at the time. We also talked to him and explained his little brother had gone to heaven. He was pretty confused for a while and would ask again and again when the baby was coming home. Sometimes he would randomly bring up his brother and we would always stop what we were doing to talk with him, and then other times, he would go through stretches where nothing seemed different for him.
We were given a book in the hospital called "we were going to have a baby but we had an angel instead" that we read to him, and have continued to read with him since. We also gave him a stuffed animal from the nursery that we told him when he was feeling sad, he could hug and cuddle it (we were given a teddy bear in the hospital for similar reasons so the stuffed elephant was his special stuffed animal). We showed him photos and footprints and tried to make his brother as real as possible since he didn't get to meet him.
We didn't have the separation issues that you describe, and unfortunately I don't have any advice to share regarding that. You might consider looking into counseling for him - I know some other families on here have done that for their older children and found it helpful.
You can read more of what we've done to grieve as a family, and also to help our older son, on my blog (link in my siggy). And again, I'm so sorry for your loss.