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Helping DH Cope

OneRainDropOneRainDrop member
in March 2016 Moms
Hello Ladies! I need your advice...

We got the results from our Harmony DNA test back today and found out baby #2 is girl! (#1 is a girl too, she's 2 now).

I didn't have a preference on sex, husband said he didn't either...but I can tell he is pretty bummed #2 isn't a boy. I know when she comes he'll be over the moon in love, but he even mentioned this afternoon that he feels like our chances of having a boy are just dwindling and he would really like to have a boy one day.

Any thoughts on how to raise his spirits? It's hard for me to be excited when I know he's not feeling the best. :(
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Re: Helping DH Cope

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  • parenthood4parenthood4 member
    Congrats!

    Maybe you can help him focus on the sister relationship between the girls, as well as the father/daughter relationship. The whole wedding/first dance thing, how he will set a good example for what she should look for in a man, things like that.

    That being said, I also think it's okay if he's a little bummed for a little bit. Emphasis on little! If I had only had boys, I think a part of me would be a little sad that I'd never have a mother/daughter relationship. I have a great relationship with my mom and I'm glad I have the chance for that with my daughter. It's not really PC to say on here, but if you've always pictured that ideal relationship with a son or daughter (as unrealistic as that ideal may be), then I think it's okay to be a little sad while you let that idea go and adjust to reality.

    You know he won't care when he sees her!!
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  • FutureMrsCaesarFutureMrsCaesar member
    So coming from someone with 3 of the same sex...it will be fine. Just give him time. DH was pretty bummed when we found out #3 was a boy, more so than I was, but over time we both came around. I feel a little more attached to the baby before its born so for me as soon as I knew it was another little boy I already loved him. It may have taken DH longer but no doubt by the time ben came along we couldn't imagine anything else!

    I explain it to people like this, I'm never disappointed that each baby is a boy, I just get bummed out that I'll never have a girl (we were not planning on a 4th). So the fact that your husband already said that he feels bad because his chances for a boy are dwindling is a totally normal response (in my opinion) and I'm sure he'll love your next little girl just as much as the first!
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  • lindscnn1lindscnn1 member
    My husband did the same thing when we found out #2 was also a girl. His brother had 4 girls and his family emphasized how he was the last chance at continuing the last name. He was bummed at first but within days came around. Our 3rd was a boy and he was a great baby and toddler. He is now 10 & wow, he is so much more difficult than my girls. Our 4th was a girl and my husband was thrilled. With this one he says he doesn't care what it is as long as it's not as rambunctious and defiant as our son. I think it is a boy and am sooo worried he'll have my son's wonderful attitude! Lol.
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  • RosyKRosyK member
    We have 3 girls... Just give him time to get over it. Don't try to convince him to be happy. He will be when she gets here.
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  • mb0112mb0112 member
    From the title of the thread I thought you had a miscarriage or something. I understand your husband might have been more excited for a boy, but I'm sure he will be happy to have another healthy girl too. Probably not much you can/should do to help him- it should happen with time. And if he gets on your nerves about it, just remind him it was his sperm that chose the sex!!
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  • AlphabetFishAlphabetFish member
    edited August 2015
    If you know he'll be happy eventually, then isn't it okay for him to be a little sad now? Let him mourn the son he thought he was going to have. Let him take a little time to say goodbye to him. Maybe he never mentioned it, but he might have really had some visions of parenting a boy that he was pretty attached to. He needs a little time to let go of that. He has time before baby is here, so there's no need to press him right now.

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  • ARogers26ARogers26 member
    A good friend of my dads ended up with 7!!! No really 7 girls!! They are a great family. He now has 4 sons in laws. I was pregnant with my first at the same time his daughter was pregnant with his 1st grand child. ANOTHER Girl!! My dad gives him heck. Each child is a gift/blessing just ask my friends who have been TTC for 10 years!!!!
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  • OneRainDropOneRainDrop member
    Thank you for all your answers ladies, I really do appreciate you all taking time to answer.

    Maybe I came across wrong, and sounded insensitive, but I am totally ok with him taking the time he needs to warm up to the idea of another girl, I just wanted to see if anyone had ideas on how to ease his mind, quicker than he would on his own, which many of you did, so again, thank you! :)

    He is definitely aware of his blessings, and the fact that we are beyond lucky to be pregnant at all, regardless of the sex, as many of our friends have been TTC since we had DD1. I think many of you are right, in that he has an idea in his head about parenthood and reality is quite different than our imaginations.
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