Community› The Bump Month Clubs› October 2015 Moms
October 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Husband traveling weekly until just before 38 weeks

SballerinaSballerina member
edited August 2015 in October 2015 Moms
For awhile now (a couple months) I have known that my husband will finish traveling for recruitment events around October 9 (he works in college admissions). My EDD is October 24. At the most he should only be 5 hours away. Ever since he told me this I have been relatively ok with it. Of course I would prefer that he was able to stop traveling earlier, say by the time I am 36 weeks. However, he is already cutting his travel season short and still has to do his job. I know that statistically most babies come within a week before to a week after their due date, and the vast majority between 38-42 weeks. I have had no issues during pregnancy that would suggest early delivery or require early induction.

Today I happened to mention this to the ladies in the office and they seemed no where near as comfortable with that. One said that she had her fourth or fifth child in less than 3-4 hours. They said I should have a backup coach. I really hadn't thought about that, though I have a couple friends I could ask.

I have just always figured that since hubby would be 3-5 hours away, I would be able to start feeling contractions, wait a couple hours to see if they intensify, and then call him once I know it is early labor and not false contractions. But now I am getting more "what ifs" in my head. I have been planning to labor at home as long as possible so I have greater freedom (particularly to reduce the time where they won't let me have anything except ice). The biggest is what if it takes me so long to figure out that I am indeed in early labor that active labor starts and goes fast? In other words, if I wait a few hours to make sure I am in early labor, but don't go to the hospital to get a cervix check because I don't want them to hold me captive there), and then it suddenly becomes active labor, will husband have enough time to get to me?

Sigh... do you think I need to campaign more for him to wrap up travel earlier, at least a week earlier? Do I really need designate a backup coach? I don't want to. Just want hubby there.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Husband traveling weekly until just before 38 weeks

  • jefinley1jefinley1 member
    I feel your pain. My husband travels for work as well, often quite far away, so no being back in 3-5 hours. We decided early on to push very hard for him to be grounded in office at week 36 because we knew that if he had to get on a plane, the likelihood of him making it in time was slim. He is seriously starting to feel the pressure with this though, as he mainly makes money for his company by traveling. So at this point, if I knew he could make it back way sooner, I might actually consider wanting him to travel a bit longer to take that off of him. 

    I understand being nervous though, and honestly, I don't know that he would even be able to focus for worrying so much. So I think it's a really personal decision, I just thought I would share the flip side a bit. To encourage you, subsequent labor and delivery goes way faster than your first one generally, and the signs that you are going into labor happen way closer to the actual event. An average labor lasts 14 hours, and apparently it is totally normal for even early labor to last 12 hours or more. So as long as he has his phone to answer immediately, he should make it back with plenty of time. 

    I made sure that even for before 36 I had someone local to call just in case, and that really helped with my peace of mind. Is there anyway that he could choose much more local jobs the last couple of weeks? Maybe that would be a good compromise. Regardless, I empathize. My worst nightmare is my husband missing the birth of our first child. Just thinking about it makes me panicky. I would do whatever you both feel comfortable with, and try to get a feel for his thoughts on it too.    
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MauKa23MauKa23 member
    Totally your call. I'm in a similar boat... With my last one, I grounded my husband (he flies every week) a month prior. With this one, we're just doing two weeks. The big difference for us is that before we lived in DC where we knew lots of people, but traffic was so horrible it made them getting there to help in any reasonable amount of time unpredictable. This time, we live elsewhere and have a support network of friends and neighbors just minutes away. I think the defining question is how would you/ he feel if he missed the birth? Hopefully it won't happen - but in the case that it did, would both of you be ok? If so, let it lie. If not, talk with him about staying closer - maybe impose the two-hour radius doctors put on us mamas :)
    Report Reply
  • christina4436christina4436 member
    I don't thinks week is worth fighting for but I would have someone ready to call starting at like 34 weeks just incase! As far as timing of labor u never know and can't really depending on knowing what's going on right away and having 5+ hours to wait. You should go in when contractions are like 5 mins apart. Some people have 3 hour labors and some have 23. You just never know!
    Report Reply
  • SballerinaSballerina member
    @jefinley1, @MauKa23: the territory he has is New York and New Jersey. The only way he could recruit closer to home is if he were to trade territories with another recruiter. But the thing is he is from Jersey so he is the most effective guy up there. The counselors are already assigned to their best places I think. Plus they are down staffing wise so it's tight for everyone.

    I only moved here just less than a year sgo, right before we got married. His friends, family and church family embraced me very quickly. I know they care. I know a few I would feel comfortable with and supported by in early or active labor. But I don't feel comfortable with any backups for delivery, and probably not transition either. I don't want him to miss the birth. I know in my head I and baby would turn out fine if he was away and didn't make it it time, but I think I would be disappointed. I don't habeva mom figure or best friend to lean on here. I think DH cares about being there for the birth too.

    I guess I need to just rest that statistically speaking 5 hours should be enough time for him to get here. And that statistically speaking I am unlikely to deliver before 38 weeks. And ultimately trust God whatever the outcome is, because I can't control it!
    Report Reply
  • jefinley1jefinley1 member
    If you ever need moral support, feel free to message me! Our entire relationship has been either long distance or him traveling significantly and on short notice, with me in an area where I don't really have people super close to me, so I really empathize. 

    Hope everything turns out OK! I'm sure it will be fine, I just feel for you. 
    Report Reply
  • millette2015millette2015 member
    edited August 2015
    I'm also in a similar situation. I think it depends on what you're comfortable with, and shouldn't be based on the opinion of others (like the ladies from work).

    My husband is gone during my 37th, 39th, 41st week etc. It takes him at least 5 hrs to get home. What we have decided is as soon as I go into labour, I call him and he comes back. And I have back-up people (friends) to take care of me until he gets here. I have no clue how long my labour will take and can't guess, and he HAS to work... It's the best compromise we could come up with. Good luck to you and your husband jn working this out! I hope you both come up with a plan that you're comfortable with.

    Also @jefinley1, we need a "part time single mom" support group!
    Report Reply
  • jefinley1jefinley1 member
    @millette2015 Yes! Haha. We just decided that he was more comfortable with going out on the road two weeks after baby comes even though we would prefer a month. But we just don't feel like pushing it. Honestly, I'm more concerned about him than me. He's going to be devastated the first time he has to leave. 
    Report Reply
  • trishee13trishee13 member
    My husband just found out he has to go to Prague for weeks 37 & 38. PRAGUE! We live in Massachusetts. Really bummed but he's actually leaving the trip early and missing the second half of it.
    Report Reply
  • christina4436christina4436 member
    trishee13 said:

    My husband just found out he has to go to Prague for weeks 37 & 38. PRAGUE! We live in Massachusetts. Really bummed but he's actually leaving the trip early and missing the second half of it.

    Yikes. Good luck!

    Report Reply
  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    My husband travels leriodockh for work as well; he works as a mover. The out of town jobs pay the best, so we're always happy for him to go, but I told him he needs to let his boss know that he can't do any out of town jobs after 36 weeks till maybe a couple weeks after baby comes. I don't want to be in the position of having to go to the hospital at a moment's notice, while my husband is in South Carolina in the middle of a moving job. If he's local, he can call the office and they can send someone out to relieve him. But not if he's out of town.
    My in-laws will be taking care of DS, but they live 2.5 hours away, so it's not like I can just drop him off. I need DH available.

    The timing for me, though, is based on my history. DS was born at 36 weeks 5 days because I had pre-e. I wasn't planning on having him so early till the day before he was born, and then I was told I'd be induced the following week. I didn't know till I was sent to the hospital that I'd deliver that day.
    This time, I'm hoping to make it to 38-39 weeks and so far I have no signs of pre-e, but I have to be ready.

    All that being said, I think in most cases, your SO would probably be safe to travel right up till your due date. Just make sure you have an emergency back-up plan in place.

    a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c2dc3.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
    Report Reply
  • SballerinaSballerina member
    edited August 2015
    @trishee13, ok, wow, that tops my situation! That is hard to think about! I guess he's already tried to get out of it and see if they can send someone else. I'm praying right now baby stays put until he returns, and with no false labor scares!

    Edited typos
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"