DH/SO rants & raves 8/19-8/25 — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

DH/SO rants & raves 8/19-8/25

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Re: DH/SO rants & raves 8/19-8/25

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  • Fiancé went through all my posts on here and got mad at me for all the things I've said "venting". So glad i have privacy and somewhere to talk about things. I don't get why I can't just have my one place to talk freely. It's not like I can talk to him about it. I'll probably just lurk from now on since I'm being "watched".
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  • Not really a rant, just frustration. Now that LO is older / bigger (8 weeks today) his moods and schedule are normalizing. I've been able to follow the EASY routine some of you have been talking about. It was established during pregnancy that when DH was home I was 'off duty' - he gets the majority of cuddles, diaper changes, bottle feedings, soothing to sleep... anything that doesn't require boobs. Of course I help, but the idea is that I get a semblance of being able to relax to read or nap or clean or run to the store solo or do whatever I want. And that is generally working fine, even at night during the 1-3 nights a week he is able to help (tho that was an issue, reaching an understanding there).

    My frustration is this - during the 'Activity' time, he doesn't really engage LO. I know LO usually has about 20-60 minutes of awake / active time after a feed, and then he starts to obviously be ready for a nap. DH will engage with him for maybe 10 minutes and then just kinda lay him down next to him on the couch and play Xbox, and LO just lays and looks at the ceiling until I say something or take over. He says he doesn't know what to do with him. I tell him just talk to him, make faces, hold his hands and move them around (do the YMCA), poke his cheeks and be silly, tell him about your job the past 2 days, use the activity mat (tho LO does not care one whit for it right now)... Just *interact* in some way. So he keeps LO on his lap for longer, but ends up looking at his phone most of the time and looking at LO only when he makes noises or moves around after the first few minutes. Its my feeling he is just waiting long enough to give me the impression he is doing active time. And then it feels like he's in a rush to get him to nap.

    I get it, you want to play Xbox and enjoy your day off. But dude, its usually not more than 45 minutes. This is your kid and he's never going to be this little again. Assassin's Creed will be there whenever, but this day in LOs life will never happen again. [-(
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    karaelaine1991CillyMamacristypino
  • mellymar said:

    Not really a rant, just frustration. Now that LO is older / bigger (8 weeks today) his moods and schedule are normalizing. I've been able to follow the EASY routine some of you have been talking about. It was established during pregnancy that when DH was home I was 'off duty' - he gets the majority of cuddles, diaper changes, bottle feedings, soothing to sleep... anything that doesn't require boobs. Of course I help, but the idea is that I get a semblance of being able to relax to read or nap or clean or run to the store solo or do whatever I want. And that is generally working fine, even at night during the 1-3 nights a week he is able to help (tho that was an issue, reaching an understanding there).

    My frustration is this - during the 'Activity' time, he doesn't really engage LO. I know LO usually has about 20-60 minutes of awake / active time after a feed, and then he starts to obviously be ready for a nap. DH will engage with him for maybe 10 minutes and then just kinda lay him down next to him on the couch and play Xbox, and LO just lays and looks at the ceiling until I say something or take over. He says he doesn't know what to do with him. I tell him just talk to him, make faces, hold his hands and move them around (do the YMCA), poke his cheeks and be silly, tell him about your job the past 2 days, use the activity mat (tho LO does not care one whit for it right now)... Just *interact* in some way. So he keeps LO on his lap for longer, but ends up looking at his phone most of the time and looking at LO only when he makes noises or moves around after the first few minutes. Its my feeling he is just waiting long enough to give me the impression he is doing active time. And then it feels like he's in a rush to get him to nap.

    I get it, you want to play Xbox and enjoy your day off. But dude, its usually not more than 45 minutes. This is your kid and he's never going to be this little again. Assassin's Creed will be there whenever, but this day in LOs life will never happen again. [-(

    We have a similar situation, DH is taking LO full time for two weeks when I go back to work on Monday and I think he will have to get used to how active LO now is - he hasn't had full days with her since week 3 when all she did was sleep. Sometimes I spend 1.5 hours with her between a feed, change and play time and he's like "is everything ok?" As he's not used to her wanting that much activity. I'm really glad he will have a chance to see it soon and figure out how he wants to play with her, I just hope he has the stamina for it. It can feel like such longs stretches! He thinks he's gonna get stuff done on his leave.... HAHAHAHA.
    KaLikeAWindbethanne09lovethatcolosunCillyMama
  • DH took his sleeping medicine tonight and started spilling his guts. It's basically the only way I get him to tell me how he actually feels about things without him trying to guard my feelings. Well, during our talk tonight he said he wants to do more to help with LO but he doesn't know how or what. He wore LO today for the first time, which was great. He didn't want to take him off when it got to bath time. The only problem is DH sucks at keeping LO on his schedule. LO sticks to having an alert and active two to three hours between naps and DH just doesn't seem to know what to do when LO starts giving signals. He doesn't see them like I do, I guess.
    I feel bad for jumping in, but I don't want to just let LO get mad and DH get discouraged by it. How are y'all managing the significant others?
    virginiaunicorn11lovethatcolosunkaraelaine1991
  • LO sucks at taking naps and by the time DH wakes up from sleeping (works third shift) I'm exhausted. I was trying to do some ironing and hold LO at the same time. I finally asked DH for help. He took him for maybe 10 minutes. I was done ironing and he hands me the baby and says, "Can you hold him so I can at least eat?" Wth, man? He acted like he's been taking care of him all day and hasn't had the chance to eat yet.
    DH was so helpful, until about 2 weeks ago. That's when things started getting rough because LO fights naps. Now, I feel like I'm doing this on my own. I'm getting resentful.
    cbrtncanadian
  • Rave - DH made dinner tonight so I could nap with LO - you know, because I just don't get enough of that when I'm home with her all day ;) he did leave a giant mess in the kitchen for me to clean up afterwards, but oh well. I could've had to make dinner AND clean up the mess!
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    KaLikeAWindlovethatcolosunLaurenAnn0405CillyMama
  • This is isn't a rant or a rave but just need to tell someone.

    SO is a chef and works 3pm- 9.30pm Saturday's then 10-2.30, 5-9.30 Sunday to Wednesday. Thursday Friday's off. He has a 3 year old (from a previous relationship, that I class as my own) that stays Friday nights.

    Well I take Saturday to Tuesday night so SO can sleep the night before work. Then he'll do night shift on Wednesday nights so I can sleep then I usually take Thursday nights so he can have some what of a weekend. Then I'll tend to LO and he'll get DS on Friday nights. Well lately his being letting me do both on friday nights and because I've been up all night with both by the time I get back to sleep Saturday morning DS is usually up and ready to start the day. So I have to get up and watch both boys until SO emerges from the room around 12. Then complains that I'm being grumpy and for me to drop the attitude.

    P.s other person gets to sleep in a different room when it's their turn for a full nights sleep.


    I know it's might seem like a nothing rant but no one knows that's a sleeping arrangement. Yet when people ask about how LO sleeps at night his so quick to make a comment about it but really he doesn't know. PLUS the one night he does have LO he stuffs up our routines and his sleeping pattern.
  • @almakie I'd lose it if DH told me to "drop the attitude". Good for you for keeping it together
    KaLikeAWindbethanne09
  • @mvargas12 I have to. I always seem to have LO with me or near me and he doesn't need to see his momma go crazy yet.
    virginiaunicorn11KaLikeAWind
  • Dear DH,

    Doing the grocery shopping is not some magical get away that every girl dreams about doing every week! In fact, I hate it and consider it a chore! It's especially annoying when I ask you what you want and all I get is "nothing", and then you complain when I get home!

    Sincerely,

    Your seriously annoyed and exhausted Wife

    my DH does the same thing i ask what he wants from the store if i get a chance to go when he gets home and his answer is also nothing. then he eats the food i bought for myself and doesnt replace it (the guy works at a grocery store)
    lovethatcolosunkaraelaine1991esampson1983MouseMama817
  • DH seems to have lost his brain recently. Last night he decided to spray pesticides around the house, including LO's room while he was in his crib sleeping. He doesn't even see what's wrong with it. His response was "is he dying? " SERIOUSLY! IS HE DYING? LO has been coughing really hard all day, and since it was nice out I opened the house up to air it out. I could ring his neck I'm so upset by it.
    karaelaine1991MouseMama817
  • Why is it DH & daughter can fall asleep so easily while I toss & turn for hours? Finally in a good slumber and am woken up to the cat puking beside my head with DH sleeping through the whole thing! Can't really rant about DH being such a deep sleeper but it makes nighttime hard for me cause he sleeps through most everything!
    KaLikeAWindkaraelaine1991
  • Friend said she's jealous because DH good-good-dadded all over the restaurant today. He took LO out for a walk when he got fussy, changed him, and fed him a bottle of breastmilk so I could eat my unreasonably messy hamburger. LO was sleeping hard when we ordered so I thought i could get away with it...I have learned my lesson.

    I am so glad to be married to this guy. He doesn't help for a second at night. I get maybe one nap a week to make up for no sleep. He gets mad at me when I don't want to clean. But, he's also really amazing sometimes. I need to stop forgetting that.
    lovethatcolosunCillyMamavirginiaunicorn11rrcameron21
  • Rave: Thursday I woke up to a flat tire in my new car. DH has been driving me to and from work the past 2 days because the tire places in this area don't have convenient hours for people who work. Today he took my car in and has been there for almost 2 hours waiting for new tires while I get to stay home and cuddle with LO. Love DH!
    lovethatcolosunKaLikeAWindCillyMama
  • Well Now that I'm starting to feel a bit better I've been wanting to get back in shape. Pre baby I took some class at our local Bar Method. So they are running a special right now so o was thinking about going back. I told DH and he threw a fit and said I don't need to do that I can just stay home and focus on being a mom. That I don't need to be going places by myself. I guess all of a sudden this is a problem for him and now I'm being "disrespectful" because who am I trying to look good for? I'm so upset. I just wanted an hr to myself and to make me feel better but looks like that isn't happening. I don't know when he turned into an insecure monster.
  • HoosOnFirstHoosOnFirst member
    edited August 2015
    Would he say the same thing if it was say, a painting class? (Also What's with the uptick of June bumpie SOs being overbearing jealous jackasses?)

    I'm concerned that he's saying you don't get an hour to yourself.
    karaelaine1991bethanne09virginiaunicorn11LaurenAnn0405
  • ^^could it be that DH is just afraid to be left alone with LO? He could be using his other excuse as a front for his own insecurities. Maybe?!
    JessHeppellesampson1983virginiaunicorn11LaurenAnn0405
  • ^^could it be that DH is just afraid to be left alone with LO? He could be using his other excuse as a front for his own insecurities. Maybe?!

    He's been alone with her before. She's a really easy baby. They even offer babysitters there so I could take her if I needed to but he still says no.
  • hoodoll82 said:

    Would he say the same thing if it was say, a painting class? (Also What's with the uptick of June bumpie SOs being overbearing jealous jackasses?)

    I'm concerned that he's saying you don't get an hour to yourself.

    Idk I told him it's an all girl place, lol there are no men there! Even though I don't feel I should have to justify it!
  • Rave: last night during my MOTN feeding, I felt something on my back and when i swiped my hand, realized it was a bug, which landed on my pillow then disappeared. Of course I freak out, waking DH.
    Without hesitation, mocking or whining, DH gets up, turns on the lights and does a full search of the bed for the bug. Which we never found, but I guess that's how tired I am, that I was still able to get to sleep :)
    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

    KaLikeAWindlovethatcolosunklkonwiLaurenAnn0405
  • HoosOnFirstHoosOnFirst member
    edited August 2015
    So I have been up with LO since 7 am (it's now 11:30 am). She typically naps at least once and she JUST now went down - and I'm not sure she's gonna stay asleep to be honest. I've done two feedings since 7 am and DH has ignored all cues from my end that MAYBE he could take her for a few minutes because frankly I'm out of ideas and energy. Not only that, he's napping right now! I was SHOOTING daggers with my eyes at him as I fed LO, I have no idea how he didn't feel them.

    I know he starts full time caring for her tomorrow (for two weeks), but weekends are supposed to be shared! Arghhhhhhhh.
    karaelaine1991KaLikeAWind
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