advice needed! Possible ASD. Long story. — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

advice needed! Possible ASD. Long story.

I know this might not be any of my business but as a mom I am concerned.

I have a friend with a little boy who will be 2 in December. I am concerned he is showing sign of ASD but she ignores it. How do I advocate for this child without making mom mad or should I just leave the issue alone. Here is his story:

Since he was born he has been so hard to interact with. He hardly ever interacted after about 6 months. No giggles maybe a smile every now and then. He is completely non verbal. No babbling, no pointing, no grunting, will hardly even cry even when disciplined. He has never waved bye bye, mimicked, and still does not have a functioning pincer grasp. ( cannot feed himself small bits of food he will pick up a handful and shake his hand until he gets only one or two small bits and then will take it to his mouth) He is fixated on objects instead of toys. He loves rocks and will sit for hour in a pile of rocks just running his fingers through them. He will line blocks up but never build. He won't interact with children that try to play instead he walks off away from them never saying a word or showing any emotion. He will lay on the floor stroking the carpet for hours. He will go in the kitchen and open and close drawers for entertainment. Something was finally said and she did get his hearing tested but the doctor performing the test said the test could not be accurate because the child did not interact enough.

The only time mom has acknowledged there might be an issue was the day the hearing doctor said he didn't interact enough and that she might need to try speech therapy first. That day she admitted she thought he had ASD, but her husband was very mad and irritated with her for thinking that. Since then she has decided he is just an independent child and has no need to talk. He gets his sippy cup out of the bag by himself so he has no need to ask for it. I feel like the child needs and advocate but at the same time I know this is not my child and it's ultimately her decision.

Should I try to talk to her more or continue tip toeing around the subject and let her keep brushing it under the rug.

I just know the earlier you can get them help the better this can be treated. Please no negative comments i am coming from a place of love and concern and my heart brakes for that baby and mom and family. All advice is very much appreciated.

Re: advice needed! Possible ASD. Long story.

  • The child does sound a bit out of the norm. I'm not sure how to approach this although it sounds like she is thinking about ASD already and showing some concern. I'm surprised none of this has come up at a pedi visit. They usually ask about speech and milestones. Perhaps this question would be best posted on the special needs board to get advise from those with experience with this. I had some concerns about my son and posted there and got a lot of helpful comments from mothers of children who had good ideas to cope with his quirks and shared their experiences with their children.
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  • I know this might not be any of my business but as a mom I am concerned. I have a friend with a little boy who will be 2 in December. I am concerned he is showing sign of ASD but she ignores it. How do I advocate for this child without making mom mad or should I just leave the issue alone.

    This is where I stopped reading. I'm sure you have great intentions and you obviously care but this is not your place. At all.

     

  • I would agree with others. Unless you are either a medical professional, or have a very close family member with ASD, it's not your place to start this discussion with your friend. It sounds like she already suspects that something is going on, and her pediatrician will probably have a conversation if the hearing test went as you said it did. As her friend, I think you should listen and offer support when she talks, but not bring it up on your own. If she asks your specific opinion, that would be different. There are many ways ASD presents, as well as other quirks or disabilities which can look like ASD to the untrained eye.
    DesignermommaBigboobsmcgee
  • I would say it's none of your business. I am sure he has a pediatrician and if the doctor isn't worried then you shouldn't be either. For all you know, she already has a diagnoses for ASD for him and is ashamed to talk about it.
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • I have a master's degree in special ed. Sounds like a possibility based on what you're saying BUT it's none of your business. Its is not your place to say another child has a disibility. Let the doctor address it. The doctor will advocate. The mom and dad will process the information in their own way. The dads reaction of being mad is perfectly normal. It'a extremely difficult to hear that your child might have a disability.
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • lestes1121lestes1121 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2015
    The mother is like a sister to me. We have known each other for a very long time. This child is like a second child to me and I worry about him like he is mine. I feel it is necessary to advocate for children when they do not have a voice. And I'm not saying that because he can't speak I'm saying that for all children that have needs that aren't being met.
  • Is this child in question yours? No. Therefore, none of your business. Clearly you don't know anything about boundries because this is crossing one of them. But go ahead and put your nose where it doesn't belong.

    It sounds like the parents and doc already suspect something. So why don't you let the doc do their job and give the parents time and space come to terms on their own, as a family. It sounds like this child will get the help he needs if there is an issue. Are you a doctor? Trained to diagnose disabilities in children? Then I highly recommend that you do not diagnose this child. There are a plethora of other issues that could be going on.

    If you already had your mind made up about "advocating" for this kid, then why post your question? You asked for our opinion and the consensus says this is none of your business. Good luck.
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • The mother is like a sister to me. We have known each other for a very long time. This child is like a second child to me and I worry about him like he is mine. I feel it is necessary to advocate for children when they do not have a voice. And I'm not saying that because he can't speak I'm saying that for all children that have needs that aren't being met.
    Advocate for children that do not have a voice? Get off your soapbox. You sound entitled and pushy. This child has a parent and if you think she's not a good enough mother then go ahead and tell her that.

     

  • Is this child in question yours? No. Therefore, none of your business. Clearly you don't know anything about boundries because this is crossing one of them. But go ahead and put your nose where it doesn't belong. It sounds like the parents and doc already suspect something. So why don't you let the doc do their job and give the parents time and space come to terms on their own, as a family. It sounds like this child will get the help he needs if there is an issue. Are you a doctor? Trained to diagnose disabilities in children? Then I highly recommend that you do not diagnose this child. There are a plethora of other issues that could be going on. If you already had your mind made up about "advocating" for this kid, then why post your question? You asked for our opinion and the consensus says this is none of your business. Good luck.

    She wanted us to praise her for "saving" this child but no one did that so now she will do what she wants anyways.

     

  • I was not asking for praise at all. My heart is breaking for all involved. I'm not being pushy I have held my opinion back in hopes that I was wrong. I am sorry I offended you all for caring about someone else's child like its my own. I'm sorry for having compassion and generally caring for others. Something that you both know nothing about. I I asked that people bite their tongue if they have negative comments because this is a subject that weighs heavy on my heart every day. I pray for my friend and her family continuously because of the hard journey that lies ahead. I'm tying to find help for this family. Thanks for being wonderful opinionated asswholes!

    So you all are saying if you saw a parent completely ignore the fact that his or her child is sick or hurting or being abused that you all would not advocate for that child? Man I'm so glad we have wonderful people in the world such as yourself.

    I asked this question to see if others might have gone through this and had good outcomes or maybe it turned out that there was nothing wrong. I'm not on a soapbox you idiot I'm trying to help! You might wanna try and re read your comments and see just who is on a friggin soapbox!

    I have not mentioned one thing to the mom about him might having a setback. I have been supportive and kept quiet and not aproached the subject at all with the mother. She has mentioned she thought he has ASD and I just lended an ear and prayed with her. I was stating my observations and my feelings hear. We live in a small town and the pediatrician has said that she did not want to be the one who is blamed for that diagnosis and has lied to the mother about her concerns.

    I cannot thank you mean women enough for all your gracious thoughts and support! I'm going to pray for you!
  •  

    I was not asking for praise at all. My heart is breaking for all involved. I'm not being pushy I have held my opinion back in hopes that I was wrong. I am sorry I offended you all for caring about someone else's child like its my own. I'm sorry for having compassion and generally caring for others. Something that you both know nothing about. I I asked that people bite their tongue if they have negative comments because this is a subject that weighs heavy on my heart every day. I pray for my friend and her family continuously because of the hard journey that lies ahead. I'm tying to find help for this family. Thanks for being wonderful opinionated asswholes! So you all are saying if you saw a parent completely ignore the fact that his or her child is sick or hurting or being abused that you all would not advocate for that child? Man I'm so glad we have wonderful people in the world such as yourself. I asked this question to see if others might have gone through this and had good outcomes or maybe it turned out that there was nothing wrong. I'm not on a soapbox you idiot I'm trying to help! You might wanna try and re read your comments and see just who is on a friggin soapbox! I have not mentioned one thing to the mom about him might having a setback. I have been supportive and kept quiet and not aproached the subject at all with the mother. She has mentioned she thought he has ASD and I just lended an ear and prayed with her. I was stating my observations and my feelings hear. We live in a small town and the pediatrician has said that she did not want to be the one who is blamed for that diagnosis and has lied to the mother about her concerns. I cannot thank you mean women enough for all your gracious thoughts and support! I'm going to pray for you!


    Wow. You just keep making yourself look worse and worse. Save those prayers because I certainly don't need them. You should show your friend this entire thread and let her form her own opinions on you "advocating" on behalf of her child that you compare to an abused child. I can guarantee she won't run into your open arms and thank you for your help.

    You really should spend more time evaluating yourself as a person and the type of mother YOU are. People who focus on others instead of themselves are usually avoiding troubles of their own. Again, don't ever pray for me. I don't need that and it's actually offensive.

     

  • And it's quite clear you are butt hurt that you didn't get the type of support you were looking for on here so perhaps you should find some friends in real life to discuss these things with rather than strangers on the internet. I would be really upset if my "good friend" was spewing my business all over the world wide web. Not cool dude.

     

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