Inviting work friends — The Bump
Baby Showers

Inviting work friends

Just looking for some insight about the appropriate way to go about this. My mother in law is hosting a shower for me and I was wondering how to go about inviting friends from work.

I work with 10-12 girls all of whom I genuinely like and get along with, some I'm closer to than others but there's no one that I dislike or wouldn't consider a friend. I would like to make sure they all are included, but I don't want to appear gift grabby inviting people I don't necessarily hang out with outside of work. Do you think I should make sure they all get formal invitations or maybe post on our work Facebook group that anyone who is interested is welcome to come? I don't want to pressure anyone into coming and giving a gift, but I would hate to hurt anyone's feelings who might want or expect to be invited. Thoughts?

Re: Inviting work friends

  • If you are friends outside of work invite them. If you do not see them outside of work, do not invite them.

    Anyone invited should get the same invitation.
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  • VORVOR
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    Yup- if you see them outside of work, invite them. If you don't see them, then don't invite them. 

    Seriously- you're really not doing them a favor by inviting them. "Oh- please, I want to make sure you have the opportunity to attend this event for me where you get to give me a gift!".  Yes, a bit cynical and most people don't look at it like that.  BUT... that really is kind of what is going on.

    As there are so many of them, I would actually kind of expect, if they see you as a good enough friend to want to buy a gift for, that they may actually organize something for you at work themselves. 

    If you don't invite them and if any of them really do express dismay at this fact, just say that it was a small family shower.  even if that's not entirely true, it's the easiest way to buffer any upset feelings. 
    koala1107wassuphoesfwtx5815
  • Thanks for the input, I certainly don't want to appear gift grabby, my concern was trying to be inclusive as a few have asked about it already. I'll keep those points in mind thank you!
  • VORVOR
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    koala1107 said:
    Thanks for the input, I certainly don't want to appear gift grabby, my concern was trying to be inclusive as a few have asked about it already. I'll keep those points in mind thank you!
    But this doesn't mean you have to invite them. As showers tend to be planned largely w/o the MTBs input, I would just feign ignorance.  "Oh, I'm not sure what's being planned".  OR "Oh, my family is throwing a small family shower" with a smile then change the topic. 

    I agree w/ neverblushed.  While some may be asking, others don't care and will be FINE to not have to spend a weekend afternoon at a shower. 

    And again, if they really want to go to a shower for you, they have the option to throw one for you themselves! 
    fwtx5815
  • Agree. I've attended a co-workers family shower before but we ate lunch together frequently and I considered her a friend. She only invited a few ppl from work. We also had a shower for her at work but I only gave her 1 gift at her family shower. When it was my turn to have a baby shower, I invited only a handful of co-workers who were friends and they also had a shower at work.
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  • If you want to invite them, go ahead. If they don't want to come they are free to say they have other plans. I would be worried about inviting some and not others.
    koala1107
  • Do they ask to be invited to a shower or are they just asking general questions about your shower ? Could be they are making polite conversation to pass the time at work.
    VOR
  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77
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    edited August 2015
    Have they thrown showers for other coworkers before ? I just ask because I didn't invite coworkers to my shower as it was the norm to have one at work too. They were always a surprise and I didn't want anyone to feel like they had to give me two gifts.
  • The general rule is if you spend time with them outside of work, invite them. If you only see them at work, don't invite them. However, since some have asked if you're having one, you can either tell them it's family only or invite them. If you invite one, you should probably invite them all.

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  • VORVOR
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    Do they ask to be invited to a shower or are they just asking general questions about your shower ? Could be they are making polite conversation to pass the time at work.
    I do wonder about this in general.  This comes up a fair amount.  Are people REALLY asking "Are you having a shower? Am I invited? Can I come?" or are they just giving polite "Oh- yay baby!  Is your family going to throw you a shower?  So exciting!". 

    I've never ever known anyone to out and out ask/invite themselves to a wedding OR baby shower.  I'm always intrigued by this idea.  Largely because while I'll happily go to a shower for a good friend, I'm really never SEEKING out spending a few hours of my weekend at an event like this, much less for someone I pretty much only work with. 
    fwtx5815
  • edited August 2015
    VOR said:
    I've never ever known anyone to out and out ask/invite themselves to a wedding OR baby shower.  I'm always intrigued by this idea.  Largely because while I'll happily go to a shower for a good friend, I'm really never SEEKING out spending a few hours of my weekend at an event like this, much less for someone I pretty much only work with. 
    I've had a few people tell me to make sure they get an invite.

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  • VORVOR
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    VOR said:
    I've never ever known anyone to out and out ask/invite themselves to a wedding OR baby shower.  I'm always intrigued by this idea.  Largely because while I'll happily go to a shower for a good friend, I'm really never SEEKING out spending a few hours of my weekend at an event like this, much less for someone I pretty much only work with. 
    I've had a few people tell me to make sure they get an invite.
    This just feels so ballsy to me!  I can't imagine ever saying that to someone.  "I"m going to invite myself to your party.  Oh, and really, a party that you don't even necessarily have control over the guest list!!". 
    fwtx5815
  • VOR said:
    This just feels so ballsy to me!  I can't imagine ever saying that to someone.  "I"m going to invite myself to your party.  Oh, and really, a party that you don't even necessarily have control over the guest list!!".  
    I guess it is, but I'm just happy they want to be there for me. 

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  • I'm at inviting one person from work, as we have been friend for a few years before working together. Other co-workers have asked and I politely let them know it's close family and friends, we are trying to keep it small. I found out the other day my manager put together a "baby shower committee" at work and planned on throwing me one there. I am very grateful they are taking the time and energy to do that for me, especially since I turned down their self-invitations.
    My thought, if they really want to celebrate this situation they will probably put together something small at work. But, if you really do feel close to them to the point where you want then there, then invite them. If you don't want to feel gift grabby leave the registry info off theirs.
  • VOR said:
    Do they ask to be invited to a shower or are they just asking general questions about your shower ? Could be they are making polite conversation to pass the time at work.
    I do wonder about this in general.  This comes up a fair amount.  Are people REALLY asking "Are you having a shower? Am I invited? Can I come?" or are they just giving polite "Oh- yay baby!  Is your family going to throw you a shower?  So exciting!". 

    I've never ever known anyone to out and out ask/invite themselves to a wedding OR baby shower.  I'm always intrigued by this idea.  Largely because while I'll happily go to a shower for a good friend, I'm really never SEEKING out spending a few hours of my weekend at an event like this, much less for someone I pretty much only work with. 

    Right.  On the other hand, I can see myself asking general questions about a shower just to make conversation with a coworker and you know...break up the monotony.  I wouldn't necessarily want to be invited though.

    VOR
  • VOR said:
    VOR said:
    I've never ever known anyone to out and out ask/invite themselves to a wedding OR baby shower.  I'm always intrigued by this idea.  Largely because while I'll happily go to a shower for a good friend, I'm really never SEEKING out spending a few hours of my weekend at an event like this, much less for someone I pretty much only work with. 
    I've had a few people tell me to make sure they get an invite.
    This just feels so ballsy to me!  I can't imagine ever saying that to someone.  "I"m going to invite myself to your party.  Oh, and really, a party that you don't even necessarily have control over the guest list!!". 
    I agree.  Who does this?  "Hey, if someone other than me throws a shower for you, make sure they invite me!"  If you want to "shower" a co-worker that much, organize something with other workers.  Don't pressure the MTB to make sure you're invited to a shower that someone else is planning.  What if the hostess has really limited space?  Or there are a TON of cousins that all have to be invited, or something like that.  

    I feel like it's rude of your co-worker to put you on the spot like that, and not at all an indication that you have to make sure she's invited.  If your hostess can accommodate co-workers, fine.  If she can't, or it makes the guest list awkwardly large, then don't feel obligated. 

    Even though she told you to make sure she's invited, I still stand by my original reply that most people regard showers as an obligation, not a joy. 
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

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    fwtx5815ChiccoBeanz
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