Lost a baby at 20 weeks, no faith in our doctors

Wjm49701 · August 2015

Concerned dad here. We lost a child at 20 weeks this spring. My wife started bleeding at 19 weeks. We were in and out of the hospital 3 times that week and finally went to labor and delivery. Her cervix had opened to 4 cm and she was having contractions. They put her in a hospital bed in trendelenburg position and we waited. In what we thought was an answer to prayer. Her cervix closed, she stopped bleeding and contractions stopped or went to almost nothing. We found out that her amniotic sac had ruptured. The dr wanted to induce - we said absolutely not. The ethics committee had to intervene and said the dr would not be allowed to induce. Her fluid was down to about 4 but it was stable. So we waited. 7 days later the child came out through the cervix during a bowel movement and we lost her. My questions are this--
1. Am I correct in feeling concerned that the dr wanted to terminate the pregnancy when we had a healthy girl with a strong heartbeat?
2. She continued to have some contractions thoughout the process - could they have given her something to stop that?
3. They had taken her off the trendelenburg position- shouldnt they have left her on it?
4. One of doctors said to me "we knew this would happen, it would be just a matter of time" making me think that they may not have tried everything to save the child and they were just waiting for the "inevitable".

I can't get a straight answer out of anyone now. Nothing can bring our baby back but I don't want to see this happen again. PLEASE HELP...

jnissa · August 2015

Hi.

Firstly, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. I think the better board for this question will be TTC after a miscarriage (link below). Most of the women on this board have never been pregnant. That said, I've been pregnant and am also the wife of a doctor, so I do have some thoughts here.

Miscarriage board: https://forums.thebump.com/categories/miscarriagepregnancy-loss

TTC after a miscarriage board: https://forums.thebump.com/categories/ttc-after-a-loss

So, nobody here is a doctor with access to your wife's charts and medical history. I would sincerely doubt given the amount of prepping that doctors get in order to avoid malpractice suits that they didn't do everything medically necessary though - which does not meant they went to every length possible. It means they met all of the medical requirements. Also, are you entirely sure that by inducing at 20 weeks they meant terminate? While the usual cutoff is 24 weeks, a 20 week old baby can be taken to the nicu and given a chance. It *is* possible that they thought the baby would have a better chance outside of the body than in it. Forgive me if this is just conjecture and they were clear that by induce they meant terminate.

As for the contractions and the trendelenburg, again, without being a doctor and seeing her full chart, nobody here can answer that. What I can say is that it's within your rights to ensure that they have a sound medical reason for anything that they did. In her chart and notes they likely say while they're making decisions. Or you can request from the hospital an explanation for the care decisions that can be made. You have patient's rights, and those include explanations for the care decisions that were made for both your wife and your child. There may be sound medical reasons for them. Or there may not be in which case you should seek legal repercussion.

If you feel like you can't get a straight answer from the doctors, do retain legal counsel immediately. They will give straight answers then. It is always possible that you are not getting a straight answer because they don't want to say anything that will make them legally liable. It is also possible that in your grief you are simply not getting the answers you want. Please do not take that the wrong way. It's a common response to grief. Just take a breath and evaluate.

Again, it is within your rights to get *clear* answers. If you are not, seek a lawyer to help you get them. It is likely you are grieving too much to fight this process on your own,and time will be of the essence since doctor's memories are finite.

Much love and so sorry for your loss.

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't say much because I've never been pregnant and I'm not a doctor, but I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

Wjm49701 · August 2015

Thank you. I will repost it in the other forum. This is a somewhat rural hospital and they said anything before 24 weeks they would not attempt to save so inducing her at 19-20 weeks was a sure death sentence. It was this that had a person from the ethics committee come to our room and say they would not allow him to induce. Our daughter had a good heartbeat at that point and continued to right up until she passed. My thought is that maybe there are two schools of thought here: 1. Try everything you can to save the baby and keep mom safe or 2. These things happen lets just let this one go and wait for the next time. I know that sounds callous but since they did nothing at this point (and took her off trendelenburg and did nothing to stop contractions) it makes me think this was their idea.

Unfortunately we are older and our time is running out.

On a side note: they said it was a placental abruption even though the ultrasound was inconclusive (and there is only a 1% chance of this happening). They dont think it was an incompetent cervix even though it seemed to be due to the signs. They said they are not comfortable doing a cerclage even though a preventative cerclage at 12-14 weeks in the next pregnancy would seem to be a good option.

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