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TTC After a Loss
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Just venting

ceclarlinetloceclarlinetlo member
in TTC After a Loss
Today in particular for some reason I am really bothered by/struggling with how much ttc and pregnancy loss is causing me to essentially wish my life away. I really do think that DH and I are in a great stage of life but I just can't help dreaming of the day we finally have a little one. but that is not where it stops - it's even more conpartmentalized - every cycle you just want to get to that new fertile week, and then you just want to ovulate and then you just want the tww to be over. And right now I just want it to be September so I can get the results of my tests back to see if we can nail down a reason for all our losses.

I know I should try to live and appreciate life as it comes and not constantly wish life away to get to the next thing but it's just easier said than done.
TW: MMC
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

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Re: Just venting

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    DeleaJeanDeleaJean member
    It's very hard to feel like you're constantly waiting. I think that's the most frustrating feeling. I've only just lost my first and between the waiting and dying to get to 12 weeks, and then the waiting and waiting for the doctors to confirm our MC and now we start the waiting game to begin ovulating again. It feels so frustrating. I don't want to will away the next few months of my life.
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    CarmelFaireyCarmelFairey member
    I feel you. I just lost my first pregnancy yesterday and I want to try again but waiting and being unsure is torture. You're much closer to being at the end of waiting than I so I send you the biggest healthiest shortest successful wait vibes I can muster. These months will be faint memories when you are chasing your little ones around. Good luck and patience.
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    carrieandrcarrieandr member
    I totally know what you mean. I've been entirely too focused on this, and have needed THIS to be the month too much every month.  I'm trying to relax about it a bit and instead of pinning all my hopes on this month, just hope it happens in the next few months. 
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
    BFP 2/16/18      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks      •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
    BFP 9/24/18  •      CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













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    ceclarlinetloceclarlinetlo member
    Thanks ladies. It's so nice to be able to just get something out and have people that understand.
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

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    MamaBishMamaBish member
    I totally get this! I feel like our life is in limbo because we were preparing for another member of our family and now we're back at square one. Sucks but I just want it to go as fast as possible!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 ♥
            
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    rachajoy09rachajoy09 member
    I needed to read this! Thanks ladies for putting into words exactly how I've felt the last few months. I'm trying to revert to NTNP to take the pressure off of DH and myself; but the control freak in me can't stop charting lol.
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    GoatSnakeMouseGoatSnakeMouse member
    I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was just asking myself where has the summer gone and then I realized - I've been wishing away the days and weeks wanting to get back to normal after my MC in June. I think the important thing is to not beat yourself up over it - this is hard enough.
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    SonyaL9SonyaL9 member
    I totally relate to this thread, it's my 30th next year and my friends are currently all messaging and talking about us all going away for our birthdays and all I can think is how pregnant I could be at certain months etc that I don't want to book anything like that as we are already trying again... Just feels like I'm putting whole life on hold until
    I get what I want which is a healthy preg and baby! Xx
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    okay52786okay52786 member
    It is so frustrating! Still waiting for my period before ttc again after a loss in May. I know it's hard, but the best thing for me really has been to try to concentrate on all of the other parts of my life that are so good. And obsessively organizing my house! ;) I totally get what you mean with being consumed with having a baby. I hope you get some answers soon!!
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    SonyaL9SonyaL9 member
    That's so true, we are in the process of buying a new house so lots to look forward too! Just got to take every day, week, month as it comes I guess!
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