My mother wants to stay at my house to "help" for 2 weeks after baby is born

jenelle22 · August 2015

My mother lives in another state but we are close and text each other pretty much on a daily basis. My child will be the first grandchild in our family so everyone is of course very excited. About a month ago, my mom announced that she was going to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks when the baby is born in order to help out, cook for me and my husband, care for baby if I need a nap, clean up, etc. This is very generous of her, but the more I think about her staying with us for 2 whole weeks, the more I am totally stressing out about it. I am now at the point where I cannot even think about it without getting anxious and upset. She has told me that when she had her kids her mom came and stayed for a couple weeks each time and it was such a great help. I do not think I will feel that way, however. My husband and I are both very private people and don't enjoy having people stay at our house. Also, there is no spare room so she will have to be sleeping in the nursery the whole time. Thirdly, it bothers me that she basically invited herself. The closer I get to actually having this baby, the more I feel like I want to take the time for my husband and I to bond with baby on our own in the days and weeks after birth. I might potentially be open to having her come help a little later on but it will all depend on how I feel at that time. I know that I have to talk to her about it and set up a boundary, but I am not finding the right words to say to not hurt her feelings but to also be firm and make sure she gets the message. She tends to have an overbearing personality, especially to me because I am kind of a pushover. Does anyone have any advice or ideas of ways that I can talk to her about this and let her know that I appreciate her offer to help but that I think her being here will stress me out more than it will help me?

nano1 · August 2015

If it's financially possible I might offer to put her up in a hotel for a few days after baby comes instead of staying at the house, since there's no spare room. I honestly would feel the same way as you, my mom and I are close but I wouldn't be able to handle her staying with us for two weeks.

Soyyoyary · August 2015

Well sweetheart you can speak to your mom about see if an agreement is possible. But please let you know I had a section with #2, and having my mom there was very helpful. It gave me time to focus on DD, she made sure I ate, DS was headed school, I wasn't pain. Mother was a great help, she knew to give DH and I space when needed.. After a little over a week she went homehome, DH went back to work.. I was feeling better and enjoy my kids..

oliarnmom1517 · August 2015

I told everybody I don't want to have everybody come right at once.. I don't want anybody but me and my husband for the first week unless I call them.. That's just because I'll feel overwhelmed with extra people in my apartment with half of them not knowing my dogs so my chihuahua will bark and then I'll be tired and I won't want to get use to extra people and a new baby and that just sounds very overwhelming.. If I need help I live 4 miles away from my mom and my MIL lives in a townhouse a small parking lot away..

TacoSarah · August 2015

My sister lives in Canada, our parents and BILs parents live in the UK. My sister is very independent and likes her own space.

My mum stayed with them for 2 weeks after her baby was born, then her MIL stayed for 2 weeks after that. She said it was a huge help and made it much easier for her.

Her advice to me was take all the help you can get because you won't realise how much you are going to need it until the time comes. If you are close to your mum and she wants to help out then let her, she can take care of you and you can take care of baby. Think how nice it will be to have someone doing your laundry for you, getting the grocery shopping in, cleaning the bathroom.

ash413 · August 2015

I think this depends on your mom. Do you really think your mom is going to be helpful, clean, make dinner, help with laundry, etc, or is she going to want to cuddle the baby for 2 weeks straight. Also hoe long will your H have off work.
I agree I'd financially feasible perhaps she can stay in a local hotel instead of the nursery. That way she can help you, but you don't feel like she is moving in.

At the end you have to do whatever you are comfortable with. If you don't want her to stay just let her know you appreciate her offer but you would like to make the visit shorter.

McQuadesVA · August 2015

That's actually how long I needed my mother with my first one, hubby is great and we would have been fine, but mom had the extra experience and she helped me keep the house clean which saved my sanity. I was thankful and blessed she could be there for me

flas · August 2015

I lived in another province when my first was born and my mom came over and stayed with her family for a little bit after DS was born. It was so amazing to have her there. In the evenings when she left I would break down because I missed having her there. I know everyone says they want special bonding time and I get it but if your SO has to go back to work( or even if he doesn't) having a person preparing meals or doing laundry for you so you can get some rest would seem invaluable to me. Now I don't know your mom so I don't know if that's necessarily her intent though it does sound that way. Maybe discuss a better sleeping arrangement so that she can relax somewhere else in the evening and you and SO can get into a groove and have some down time and your mom can be refreshed when she comes back the next day.

mamavbs · August 2015

If you think she will react badly or try to change your mind, definitely set the conversation up soon. Just be honest, tell her your worries and that you'd like to have that time just you 2.

Perhaps ask her to come on week 3? By then you will know where you stand with wanting her help and can be more specific with her. Also the hotel is a nice idea so everyone gets their own space

MoRay05 · August 2015

I am kind of in the same boat. This will be our second and I would love for my mom to come stay for a little while but we don't have an extra room. She would have to sleep on an air mattress and she has a bad back. As others have suggested, maybe a hotel for a week or have her come after your SO goes back to work. That way it would feel less crowded during the day and you and your SO would still get that special family time.

sacrazy · August 2015

It's ultimately what you feel comfortable with, but if I had the option of having my mom here, I would do that in a heartbeat. I have been feeling very lost without her and the advice she could have given me throughout this pregnancy. Plus having an extra hand would be helpful, especially to help you keep your sanity and allow you to rest when you need it. The stress relief may be greater than the added stress, if that makes sense.

thefithuntress · August 2015

I'm getting the same deal from my mom. Typically I can't spend more than 3 days straight with her because we are -too- close and we start driving each other crazy. With that said I am taking all the help I can get.

She'll either stay with us or a family friend who lives close by.. I think you should play it by ear with your mama. I wouldn't necessarily scare her off and say "don't come" but maybe voice concerns and show flexibility with the sleeping arrangements and consider air Bnb or a hotel for her. Since having a baby will be a brand new experience I think it's helpful to listen to her opinion and take it into account.

bellie1223 · August 2015

my mom is pretty overbearing too, and my husband and I are also very private people; visits with her are very stressful for me, actually all of us, because we always end up having some kind of disagreement. She wanted to come out before the baby was born and stay after to help out, but I had to set some boundaries and tell her we decided we don't want anyone there for the first two weeks (unless we ask for help) so we can figure things out and I can recover. I would go crazy if she were here. I also anticipate that she will be more the grandma who just wants to hold baby as opposed to giving us space and really helping out with cooking, cleaning, etc. She was pretty upset about it, but booked a trip to come visit my brother 10 days after my due date, will be staying with them about 45 minutes away, and if I have the baby by then she'll be able to come visit for a few hours a day.

The way I see if, if this is already causing you stress and there is not even a baby here yet, it may not be the best situation the way your mom has laid it out, but I think PP have given a lot of good advice about how to make things more comfortable: Ask for a little longer at home by yourselves before she comes, have her stay somewhere else, or ask her to only plan her trip for a few days, then if you decide the help is welcome she could extend her trip.

edited for spelling

thegingeravenger · August 2015

I know that my situation is different than most since my mom is only about three hours away and it's her first grandbaby. She came up with her own plan that I love. She'll come down once I'm in labor and stay for a few days, go home, and then stay for a week when baby is around two/three weeks old when my SO comes back o work. If you decide to talk to your mom about coming later, maybe also phrase how you'll enjoy her staying more when baby is a few weeks old?

pink*sheep · August 2015

I'm with @bellie1223. My mom lived close with my first so that was not an issue, but my MIL was in a different state, and it was her first grandchild (DH is her only child), so she wanted to come down and help. She was the "hold the baby" help we didn't need. We didn't have a spare room and it was a horrible horrible experience (even my DH was wishing he had just paid for her to be in a hotel). Now you know your mom better than anyone to say if that would be the case.

I will say this though, short of medically being unable to do things, there's not much "help" needed with a newborn. Older babies who are more attention or activity driven, or like when I went back to work, that's when help would be beneficial imo. Newborns don't do anything besides eat sleep and potty, and if there's something you need to do, they're easily wrapped/carried. That's my experience anyways. You know what's best for your situation though, and the only way to change the plans that are in place is to be open and honest about it. Good luck

Ceb2015 · August 2015

I was in the same situation- but I put my foot down and said she cannot come for two weeks after the baby is born, unless I want her to. I am like you and I am very private- having visitors stresses me out. When I told me mom this, she seemed to understand. Maybe you could try the same thing? Good luck!

dogsombrero · August 2015

My mom came when my first was 1 week old and stayed a week. She was the only reason we had food and clean clothes (DH was working 12+ hour days). I'd say it depends on how helpful you think she'll be.

My mom is coming to help for a week and a half this time followed by my grandma for 1 month. Of course we love having guests so that makes a difference.

TarHeelMomToBe · August 2015

How long is your husband off work after the baby?

I had a similar issue with my mom wanting to come right away. I convinced her that it would be much more helpful if she could come stay with me AFTER my husband went back to work. That way DH and I had our alone, bonding time with DD and she got to spend time with the baby too, when it was actually more beneficial to me. When you were born, your dad probably went right back to work, so in your mom's mind, you need help right away.

My mom is only coming to stay for a week though - that's my limit

dramaphile · August 2015

My mom will be coming about two weeks after the baby comes, and staying for about a week. This way, DH and I will get a couple of weeks to settle in and get a routine going, and will probay welcome the help once she arrives. She stayed with my cousin after her baby is born, so I know what to expect (that she'll be helpful and not just want to hold her grandchild all the time). I think having that initial week or two of bonding and establishing breastfeeding will be really important for us.

grapesoda1111 · August 2015

My mom will be flying in sometime before the baby is born, and staying a few weeks. But being a FTM I have no clue when she should be coming down. I was thinking the week of my due date? She lives in SD, and I'm in NC. I'm glad she is coming, she will help make meals and clean. And she will leave the house if I need more space. Just unsure when she should come/leave. If she comes on my due date (the 11th) and stays for 2 weeks, then she could stay for thanksgiving.

nbpa3027 · August 2015

It really depends on how helpful your mom actually is. My mom is the helpful type that will cook, clean, do laundry, etc. My mother in law is the opposite. For us, both parents are local, so it isn't quite the same, but it was really helpful at the beginning to have an extra person there to run to the store or do little errands so my husband and I didn't have to do it.

Truthfully, though, she might be the most help after your husband goes back to work so you won't be alone. If you are concerned about how she could react or hurting feelings, I would suggest alternatives for her instead of just saying that she can't come. I would tell her it's great that she wants to come right away, but you think she would be most helpful after your husband went back to work so you wouldn't be alone. Or maybe try to use the holidays to your advantage by trying to overlap or avoid?

AmoLovesAud · August 2015

I'm in the same boat. Both my mom and MIL want to come stay with us for a week or more immediately post-birth. Luckily the house we're in the middle of buying has a guest suite in the basement (with its own kitchen, even!) so it won't feel like they've moved in, but the issue is they BOTH want to stay right away to help me around the house (and, let's face it, they want fresh newborn cuddles). I seriously don't need both of them here at the same time! I think MIL is willing to concede to my mom to let her stay first, since this is my mom's first grandchild and MIL's second, but I still don't know how I'm going to handle having first my mom, then my MIL, here for weeks at a time, while also figuring out this whole newborn thing.

HungryRunner76 · August 2015

Wording is tough because she's your mom and you know her best. I also agree that a lot depends on how helpful your mom will be.
In my situation, my mother is very opinionated and high strung. She isn't very active and makes a mess whenever she stays. She also used to be a nurse over a decade ago so she thinks she's practically a doctor. So needless to say, she wouldn't have been much help IMHO.
I started laying the ground work early with my first pregnancy and was emphatic (yet respectful) about our wishes. I just emphasized how my husband and I wanted our own time to bond with DD and figure things out. I kept saying how I appreciated the offer, but it was important for us to do the first few weeks alone.
Both my mom and my MIL thought we were nuts and "didn't know what we were doing"! Well, DD is a year old and still alive. To this day, I think those first few weeks were the easiest and either mom would have just gotten in the way. It becomes harder when they (babies) don't sleep and eat all day.
My mom has already told me that I WILL need help this time but I've already told her no.

mamaKwetsi · August 2015

My own mother couldn't be bothered, I'm still not sure if she will make it when I'm going in. I'm a FTM and having a c-section, my MIL is coming over for a couple of days and she won't be staying with us. My DH will be home for 2 weeks and my SIL will keep on popping in every once in a while. My little brother, who is a chef will handle all the cooking and cleaning for me. (My SIL and MIL's cooking isn't for me unfortunately). All the help I need until I will be on my two feet again.

)

But again it's your choice and you have every right to do what's right for you and hubster.

nmwheel1 · August 2015

For me personally, I wouldn't have made it through the first two weeks with my daughter if it wasn't for my parents staying with us. They cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and still gave us space. I had an emergancy c-section and my parents would watch my daughter so I could nap and then wake me when it was time to breastfeed her. When she was 1 week old, literally the day hubby returned to work, I had a fever of 103 and ended back in the hospital with an infection and put on antibiotics. The entire last week my parents were here I was really sick between c-section recovery and getting over the infection that I honestly don't know what I would have done without them.
This time they are coming 2 weeks again, I told them they had to! With a 2 year old and newborn I seriously need my mom!
I should mention tho that my parents are great, they were helpful, never over stepped and made sure we had our own private time as well.
My in laws thankfully only stayed the weekend. MIL only wanted to hold the baby and drink in celebration and wouldn't stop putting lipstick on to kiss my daughter's face (I thought about throwing the damn lipstick off our 19th floor balcony).

Elyse1384 · August 2015

I was in the "I want to do this on my own" camp. Ignorant me... DS came out and I was flying solo from day 1. DH didn't have paternity leave nor was he allowed to take his earned time off (he was told a couple of weeks before I gave birth - bad work situation for him at the time). Well, DS had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep unless in someone's arms. Not just in someone's arms, but walked around and bounced constantly. He wanted to eat around the clock those first few weeks and I was spent. Basically... I was exhausted, the house was a mess and we had NO food. My mother got a call from DH a week into my solo parental leave after he came home to me having a complete breakdown one night. I felt like a complete failure and was beyond sleep deprived. My mother showed up and stayed with us for a few days and boy did that turn my world around! Granted our little guy's difficulties from the reflux combined with his need to be held and bounced 24/7 (That went on for 2.5 months) is a bit of an extreme situation and hopefully you won't deal with that, but if your mother would truly be the type to help... Take it! Maybe have her come when you know you'll be solo maybe just delay until you've had that family time to bond.

lulamagoo · August 2015

Elyse1384 said:

I was in the "I want to do this on my own" camp. Ignorant me... DS came out and I was flying solo from day 1. DH didn't have paternity leave nor was he allowed to take his earned time off (he was told a couple of weeks before I gave birth - bad work situation for him at the time). Well, DS had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep unless in someone's arms. Not just in someone's arms, but walked around and bounced constantly. He wanted to eat around the clock those first few weeks and I was spent. Basically... I was exhausted, the house was a mess and we had NO food. My mother got a call from DH a week into my solo parental leave after he came home to me having a complete breakdown one night. I felt like a complete failure and was beyond sleep deprived. My mother showed up and stayed with us for a few days and boy did that turn my world around! Granted our little guy's difficulties from the reflux combined with his need to be held and bounced 24/7 (That went on for 2.5 months) is a bit of an extreme situation and hopefully you won't deal with that, but if your mother would truly be the type to help... Take it! Maybe have her come when you know you'll be solo maybe just delay until you've had that family time to bond.

We dealt with the bolded as well. Thankfully, my mom flew in the day before my water broke and stayed for three weeks. It was incredibly kind of her to leave her business and husband for almost a month to help take care of my new family. She cooked, cleaned, and took DS at 4 am everyday so I could get some rest. (After dealing with a colicky reflux baby I understand why sleep deprivation is such an effective interrogation technique) We were beyond grateful for the help.

My mom is planning on coming for 3 weeks again, we just hope she arrives before the baby but not too early.

My step mom came for a week. And while she was super helpful, she and I got on one another's nerves, making it a less enjoyable visit. I really think it just depends on the relationship you have with the person coming to visit.

Elyse1384 · August 2015

lulamagoo said:

Elyse1384 said:

I was in the "I want to do this on my own" camp. Ignorant me... DS came out and I was flying solo from day 1. DH didn't have paternity leave nor was he allowed to take his earned time off (he was told a couple of weeks before I gave birth - bad work situation for him at the time). Well, DS had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep unless in someone's arms. Not just in someone's arms, but walked around and bounced constantly. He wanted to eat around the clock those first few weeks and I was spent. Basically... I was exhausted, the house was a mess and we had NO food. My mother got a call from DH a week into my solo parental leave after he came home to me having a complete breakdown one night. I felt like a complete failure and was beyond sleep deprived. My mother showed up and stayed with us for a few days and boy did that turn my world around! Granted our little guy's difficulties from the reflux combined with his need to be held and bounced 24/7 (That went on for 2.5 months) is a bit of an extreme situation and hopefully you won't deal with that, but if your mother would truly be the type to help... Take it! Maybe have her come when you know you'll be solo maybe just delay until you've had that family time to bond.

We dealt with the bolded as well. Thankfully, my mom flew in the day before my water broke and stayed for three weeks. It was incredibly kind of her to leave her business and husband for almost a month to help take care of my new family. She cooked, cleaned, and took DS at 4 am everyday so I could get some rest. (After dealing with a colicky reflux baby I understand why sleep deprivation is such an effective interrogation technique) We were beyond grateful for the help.
My mom is planning on coming for 3 weeks again, we just hope she arrives before the baby but not too early.

My step mom came for a week. And while she was super helpful, she and I got on one another's nerves, making it a less enjoyable visit. I really think it just depends on the relationship you have with the person coming to visit.

That's great you'll get some help again! The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I could have imagined from the round the clock pacing with DS in my arms. My son's GI specialist warned us that statistically speaking if your first has reflux there is a high likelihood subsequent children will unless the GERD was allergy linked. In our son's case, he did have a cow's milk intolerance (he is fine with cow's milk now), but his issue was the underdeveloped valve. I forget the exact statistic he gave, but it was greater than 50%! Ugh.. here is to hoping we get lucky. Fortunately DH is at a new company and will take a week's worth of vacation time to help out. Then I'm flying solo or maybe my mother will want to step into the insanity again if LO #2 has the same problem that DS faced. Definitely a relationship thing though! There are certain folks I would rather sleep deprivation than help.

VexedMommy · August 2015

Elyse1384 said:
That's great you'll get some help again! The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I could have imagined from the round the clock pacing with DS in my arms. My son's GI specialist warned us that statistically speaking if your first has reflux there is a high likelihood subsequent children will unless the GERD was allergy linked. In our son's case, he did have a cow's milk intolerance (he is fine with cow's milk now), but his issue was the underdeveloped valve. I forget the exact statistic he gave, but it was greater than 50%! Ugh.. here is to hoping we get lucky. Fortunately DH is at a new company and will take a week's worth of vacation time to help out. Then I'm flying solo or maybe my mother will want to step into the insanity again if LO #2 has the same problem that DS faced. Definitely a relationship thing though! There are certain folks I would rather sleep deprivation than help.

Ugh. My LO had GERD. I'm hoping not to deal with it again, but I found that the best thing for it was the swing. It kept her semi upright and moving without adult intervention. Baby wearing was also a Godsend for me. I could do things around the house AND keep her happy.

questisthebest · August 2015

We rent the upstairs from my mom and with my first, DH had to go back to work after two days and I was so thankful to have my mom right there, she fed me and helped keep things tidy, never pushed to hold the baby, but would offer to rock her so I could take a shower/nap if I was feeling the need. MIL has a totally different personality, talkative and high energy. She wanted to be there when the baby was born but I convinced her to come three days after the due date by telling g her it was my first and it would probably be late and I want her to see the baby before she leaves, and I was so stressed out about having the baby while she was there because I was having a homebirth, fortunately dd1 came on her due date and we had three days before MIL arrived. She was helpful and respectful but this time they would be staying on the same floor as us (we are having another homebirth and we were downstairs last tine) and she's planning on bringing her partner. Ithey both smoke outside but as most smokers don't realize, there stuff stinks. I keep telling her beggining of December would be a great time (baby is due 19th, but she is talking about coming in November). I wasn't stressed about when the baby was coming until she mentioned that. I'm gonna try to push her to December. I remember vividly right after birth being constantly exposed, having to walk to the bathroom half naked and always being exposed to let baby nurse. I just want privacy and the first few days to recover and bond with our new family member. My husband had a couple weeks off this time to help out and my mom will still be downstairs if I need her. I think it really depends on the personality of your mother, but where she is sleeping needs to be addressed. If you are planning on nursing you may want baby in your room with you in the beggining (we had a Cosleeper for seven months) and the nursery might be the best place for her, or, ask her to get her own accomadations the first few nights so you can have some privacy as a family (this isn't your financial obligation!) if she wants to be there right away. Being that my mom lives upstairs she only came down if I needed her and was very respectful of privacy, this is very important!

flas · August 2015

VexedMommy said:

Elyse1384 said:

That's great you'll get some help again! The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I could have imagined from the round the clock pacing with DS in my arms. My son's GI specialist warned us that statistically speaking if your first has reflux there is a high likelihood subsequent children will unless the GERD was allergy linked. In our son's case, he did have a cow's milk intolerance (he is fine with cow's milk now), but his issue was the underdeveloped valve. I forget the exact statistic he gave, but it was greater than 50%! Ugh.. here is to hoping we get lucky. Fortunately DH is at a new company and will take a week's worth of vacation time to help out. Then I'm flying solo or maybe my mother will want to step into the insanity again if LO #2 has the same problem that DS faced. Definitely a relationship thing though! There are certain folks I would rather sleep deprivation than help.

Ugh. My LO had GERD. I'm hoping not to deal with it again, but I found that the best thing for it was the swing. It kept her semi upright and moving without adult intervention. Baby wearing was also a Godsend for me. I could do things around the house AND keep her happy.

My second LO had reflux and because of it refused to eat. It was a nightmare! When she was finally released from the hospital she had to have a feeding tube. I would have to inject formula through it to her belly and then hope she didn't puke it up. This didn't last long as she was constantly pulling the tube out. Having to watch her scream as the nurses put a tube back down through her nose was horrible. Finally I decided to find another solution. I finally realized that she would feed, but only asleep. This meant I had to take a guess as to when she would wake to feed and wake up earlier then her so I could feed her before she woke up because once she did that was it. I also had to get up to speed on formula concentrations so that she was getting enough nutrients with the very little amount she was willing to eat. She was 6 months old before she would finally take a bottle while awake. I am so thankful to all the family that helped us through that and I am praying that we don't have another baby with reflux.

alisonrmc · August 2015

My mom is going to stay with me for a couple weeks. At first i was a little irritated because she has 3 little dogs and i have 2 so ill have 5 dogs in my little townhouse but then i realized that she will take care of hers plus mine i wont have to walk them and she can give my dogs some love that i might not be able to give right away as im learning how to take care of baby. Now my only worry is that SO other mom is going to be snooty about it because i wont want more people around for awhile. His sister has it in his families head that im going to take him and baby away from the family because me and her dont get along but my mother is rlly laid back and will do what i want for baby whereas his mom is over bearing and will tell me how to do it her way which will cause a fight because i wont be in the mood to take that. The way i see it everyone can see baby one after shes born then i want my space Christmas is a month after anyways and everyone can hold and see baby then but i know it will be a bunch of gossip around his family that im allowing my mom to stay and not have them visit constantly.

britbrat7 · August 2015

With my 1st lo, my mom stayed for a month and I loved it. It gave her a chance to love on her 1st grandchild, but it allowed my dh and I the opportunity to only worry about baby as she took care of everything else. I cooked maybe 4x the whole month! I can understand wanting your privacy, but talk it out with her and weigh your options. You may find you have more to gain with her being there. With #2, I'm stoked cause she said this baby gets the same treatment ;-) Sign me up for no house work! I might add I'm an only child, so that may add to my mother-daughter dynamic. If it was my mother in law offering, I'd come up with any possible excuse to avoid her.

laswett · August 2015

I can understand this as a problem. My mother is flying in for 3 weeks. Around Christmas. So, I will have figured some things out by then, but she and I do not get along for more than a few days, and 3 weeks is terrifying to me. She'll be helpful. I have no doubt about that. However, while she is helping, she will make comments about why her way to do these things is better, and she will also make a snide comments in front of my SO about the way I do things. Not sure why she would do this other than jealousy. She's done this before in regards to my cooking. Basically she blows through here and makes it look like I'm inadequate. So I'm a little worried I'll get a lot of lectures on how I'm doing things wrong rather than helpful advice. For 3 weeks. During the holidays. My suggestion is to lay down the law now with things you really don't want. I told mine as nicely as I could, that LO and I would not be visiting all over for Christmas, people will need to come here. We have our own traditions here, and we don't want him exposed to the various bugs going around 9r the cold. She agreed, so I at least won't have the holidays dictated to me.

scw89 · August 2015

My mom is staying with me for a week after baby is born. I will need her because once I get out of the hospital my husband has to go back to work. She is so helpful and will clean and cook and make sure I have what I need. She isn't the type to just hold the baby all day and be of no help. So believe me, I want her to stay.

rubirubi89 · August 2015

Praise the lord for overbearing mothers!! I have lots of experience with baby sitting newborns, toddlers and kids and have no shame to say I will probably be handing over my son to my mother and going to BED sometimes! I plan on taking on as much as I can on my own because I just like to dive head first into things but sleep deprivation is a bitch!

dogsombrero · August 2015

Elyse1384 said:

lulamagoo said:

Elyse1384 said:

I was in the "I want to do this on my own" camp. Ignorant me... DS came out and I was flying solo from day 1. DH didn't have paternity leave nor was he allowed to take his earned time off (he was told a couple of weeks before I gave birth - bad work situation for him at the time). Well, DS had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep unless in someone's arms. Not just in someone's arms, but walked around and bounced constantly. He wanted to eat around the clock those first few weeks and I was spent. Basically... I was exhausted, the house was a mess and we had NO food. My mother got a call from DH a week into my solo parental leave after he came home to me having a complete breakdown one night. I felt like a complete failure and was beyond sleep deprived. My mother showed up and stayed with us for a few days and boy did that turn my world around! Granted our little guy's difficulties from the reflux combined with his need to be held and bounced 24/7 (That went on for 2.5 months) is a bit of an extreme situation and hopefully you won't deal with that, but if your mother would truly be the type to help... Take it! Maybe have her come when you know you'll be solo maybe just delay until you've had that family time to bond.

We dealt with the bolded as well. Thankfully, my mom flew in the day before my water broke and stayed for three weeks. It was incredibly kind of her to leave her business and husband for almost a month to help take care of my new family. She cooked, cleaned, and took DS at 4 am everyday so I could get some rest. (After dealing with a colicky reflux baby I understand why sleep deprivation is such an effective interrogation technique) We were beyond grateful for the help.
My mom is planning on coming for 3 weeks again, we just hope she arrives before the baby but not too early.

My step mom came for a week. And while she was super helpful, she and I got on one another's nerves, making it a less enjoyable visit. I really think it just depends on the relationship you have with the person coming to visit.

That's great you'll get some help again! The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I could have imagined from the round the clock pacing with DS in my arms. My son's GI specialist warned us that statistically speaking if your first has reflux there is a high likelihood subsequent children will unless the GERD was allergy linked. In our son's case, he did have a cow's milk intolerance (he is fine with cow's milk now), but his issue was the underdeveloped valve. I forget the exact statistic he gave, but it was greater than 50%! Ugh.. here is to hoping we get lucky. Fortunately DH is at a new company and will take a week's worth of vacation time to help out. Then I'm flying solo or maybe my mother will want to step into the insanity again if LO #2 has the same problem that DS faced. Definitely a relationship thing though! There are certain folks I would rather sleep deprivation than help.

Oh dear lord no! My son was diagnosed with GERD at 1 month and didn't sleep through the night until 1 year plus the trial and error of meds. We had an ER visit for choking on reflux/vomit, barium swallow study, speech therapy at 11 months for swallowing issues. I really hope the twins don't have the same issues. Sooo glad I have lots of help coming in.

Bootsie81 · August 2015

My mom stayed with me for 6 weeks both times. The first time I was so sick from blood pressure issues and I had PPD pretty bad so it was soooo nice having her here. I cried when she left. The second time I had a C-section and it was so nice having the help because my son was 19 months and he was a handful on top of the newborn. I'm hoping I can convince her to stay for a few weeks this time regardless what happens.

Oh and on top of that she stayed with me before my kids were born for several weeks because I was on bed rest both times. I my mom.

Knottie15742183 · August 2015

Interesting because a lot of advice from non FTM is that they wish they had said yes when people offered. Abd you do know that you will lose a lot of sleep the first few weeks and what if you have a c section?

Maybe smile and graciously say thank you?????

But what do I know

Want a personalized experience?

My mother wants to stay at my house to "help" for 2 weeks after baby is born

Re: My mother wants to stay at my house to "help" for 2 weeks after baby is born

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

My mother wants to stay at my house to "help" for 2 weeks after baby is born

Re: My mother wants to stay at my house to &quot;help&quot; for 2 weeks after baby is born

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: My mother wants to stay at my house to "help" for 2 weeks after baby is born