Am I overreacting?

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

My mom and I have had a rocky relationship since my young adult life. We just don't understand each other. I'm honest about my feelings and she interprets that honesty as me overreacting and never accepting her. Anyway she just shared on FB that I'm being induced tomorrow. I'm really upset about this...I started bawling because, well, hormones?

I'm a lot more private than most and share very little on Facebook. But shouldn't that be up to me to share? I'd rather not share the details of my birth story with anyone other than my close friends and family. Granted TheBump is more annonymous if that makes sense.

Anyway, she doesn't understand why I don't want people to know! Ugh.

SashaDenn25 · August 2015

I have been this way about my entire birth experience. I told my family not to txt friends that this event was for us and the family first and foremost. Throughout my entire labor process only family was updated and even being in the waiting room they didnt get much because DH was so busy helping me get through everything. Anyways, have yourself a good cry, tell her it hurt you if you want (even if she gets upset and says you arent accepting her it will probably make you feel better to air it out), but remember to tell her why because you wanted it to be a private thing until you were ready, and then unfortunately let it go because you cant change it and just enjoy this last night before you are induced tomorrow. Good luck momma, ill be thinking of you tomorrow. My inducement went very well (just some encouragement) so FX for you it will be the same!

mimigrace12 · August 2015

I don't think you're over reacting. I mean, maybe the crying is a bit much (hello, hormones

) but you definitely have a right to be upset. My mom and I aren't close either, and she is a FB junkie where as I am also more private. I would be very annoyed with her if she shared something personal that I wasn't ok with. I would probably make her take it down, and really she should respect your decision as it's your business, whether she understands or not.

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

Ya. I'm upset for allowing myself to get so emotionally worked up about it since I should being enjoying this experience. But no more tears lol.

hclzmm14 · August 2015

I would be mad. It is absolutely a private thing and she (in my opinion) is in the wrong and had to right to share that information publicly.

cseley321 · August 2015

My mom posts *everything* to facebook, so I always have to preface any news to her that I want kept private with instructions NOT to post. I would suggest doing the same if it's something important to you.. she may (or may not) eventually get the idea.

With that being said, there's not much you can do about it now. Just go with it and I'm sorry she put you on the spot like that

kettlekitten · August 2015

I would be livid and ask her to take it down immediately.

I had to do that with a friend recently who shared a post I was tagged in, which had a pic of me getting a cast made of my belly. I was ok with the original poster putting it up but then it was shared by a non-mutual friend to FB and she tagged someone in it (who I don't know) to draw it to their attention. So it was shared with the friends lists of two people, most of which include people I don't know, and I was not comfortable with all these randoms seeing my semi exposed belly... I requested she delete the post and she said 'oh sorry, I've adjusted the settings now,' I said that's great but can you please just delete it and send it to the ONE friend you wanted to show it to. No response to that so far...

WTF makes people think it's ok to share this sort of stuff on social media!

MouseMama817 · August 2015

I would definitely be frustrated as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with respectfully asking for her to take it down since you only want those closest to you knowing your business.

I gave up Facebook a few years ago and I'm so glad I did. My MIL is 100% obsessed with it. I can't imagine the horrors that have been going on there for the last 10 months. X_X

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

messymolly08 said:
I would definitely be frustrated as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with respectfully asking for her to take it down since you only want those closest to you knowing your business.

I gave up Facebook a few years ago and I'm so glad I did. My MIL is 100% obsessed with it. I can't imagine the horrors that have been going on there for the last 10 months. X_X

Haha right?! I've contemplated deleting mine as well. What did we ever do without FB?! :-@

MouseMama817 · August 2015

@candicejeff2013 what finally made me do it was being at a basketball game (a REALLY good one. Double overtime!). I noticed these two girls sitting in front of us who had literally been Facebooking about the event for the entire game but had barely looked up at the actual game. I realized that everyone is like this now! It's like if it isn't on Facebook for everyone to read, it never happened. I deleted mine that night >:/

ETA: I should say "so many people" are like this now rather than "everyone." I know that there are people out there who are not completely bound by the world of social media. No offense intended!

visualcircus · August 2015

Sorry she spilled the news, I know my family likes to share the news too but I always wait until I'm ready before sharing. The other thing I do is before sharing something I ask for it to not be shared on social media.

Your mom is probably super thrilled about meeting her grandbaby, and it might be a better experience for you and your mom if you take the high road and let this slide- and try to enjoy the next weeks together.

J&D2007 · August 2015

I'd be highly irritated by that. I told my family that there will be no social media posts at all about my pregnancy or the baby. I can't believe people think it's o.k to post anything about someone else's private life on the Internet. I think that stuff is way out of control and I'd be calling her and asking her to remove it.

SassetteSmurfling · August 2015

I don't think you are over reacting. I would be upset if anyone shared anything about me on FB that I didn't share first. My parents and in laws had very strict instructions about what info they could give to who regarding our birth and they know better than to cross me. That sounds bad, but it's the truth.

hitcj4687 · August 2015

I'm the same way. I would be really irritated because it's supposed to be my news to share. Likewise, I will be really angry if anyone posts a picture of my son after I've given birth before his dad or I get a chance to introduce him to the world. It's just not anyone else's place

bpwife&mama · August 2015

I have a cousin and an aunt who were livid with me for not telling them I was in labor this past Wed. My family is notorious for blowing up my phone regardless of what I may be doing. I don't even care. It's my birth experience and they aren't going to ruin it for me.

emmacake08 · August 2015

(RANT) I hate my parents generation's love/usage of social media. It has totally ruined any utility it ever had. The moment FB wasn't for college and my grandmother friended me, and all my friends had to take down pictures of keg stands, it was over. I do like the convenience of keeping up with distant friends and relatives but I'm so sick of the oversharing, attention whoring, and repeat posts showing how politically/religiously ignorant you are to someone else.
What's next? Do they expect you to live tweet your labor??

JNOVA2015 · August 2015

My mom texted me 3 hours after I gave birth to ask if she could post it on FB. At least she asked, but I was like, "are you kidding me?? It's midnight, no one will even see it now, and why would you think FB is a priority for us at this moment?"

She is so obsessed with FB, it drives me insane. My favorite is when she calls me to share "news" about people I know that she read on FB, but shares as if it's insider gossip. Yeah mom, I'm also FB friends with that person, I am also aware that she is engaged."

hcook321 · August 2015

@JNOVA2015 I feel your pain. MIL recently got into Facebook and now over shares everything and anything. Same also with the "news", when we're friends with the same people. I'm honestly thinking of deleting my FB after baby because not only is she FB crazy but so is my mom- to the point of tagging herself in my photos of which she isn't in (I.e. Wedding photos of DH and I)!

There's an app called Tinybeans which you can invite family to follow your profile (only those you invite can see) and upload photos for them to see. They can only comment, not add their own photos and reduces the whole "I need to see new pics of my grandbaby" drama as they can just login there to see. We'll see if this works for my family....

ETA app name misspelled

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

@hcook321 My mom does this too! Tags herself in photos she's not even in. She will also tag ME in photos that I'm not in...like cousin photos or grandparents etc. and then she will "share" these photos on top of tagging. Haha. I'm like "mom, I'm not sure you're grasping the whole share and tag thing. People will see your uploaded photos. There is no need to tag and then re-share the same things"

SashaDenn25 · August 2015

Just a note on the getting rid of FB. I felt I had a lot more privacy with the baby coming and being at the hospital due to not having FB. I got to let who I wanted to know and when. Also, I got rid of facebook about 3 years ago and finished my bachelors with a higher GPA (I used to scan FB to avoid homework) and now have a 3.8 in my masters. I really feel the less distractions you have on a computer to get into while doing homework the better.

@candicejeff have you been induced yet?? Hope its going well and you have a smooth delivery!! Thinking of you.

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

@SashaDenn25 I go in at 7:30 tonight!! Didn't sleep much last night eek!! Thank you! About to have a quality meal....anxious and excited. Ahhhh :x

LittleFox2015 · August 2015

We are strictly a no post until baby gets here. We had a serious run in with M.I.L whi felt we had no right to dictate what she could and could no post on her own page after she posted her purchase of a pack n play for her house for the grandson to use. Needless to say i got upset and after my husband had told her to not post (although she never took the original post down) and we moved past it, she has noticed a serious decrease in the flow of info. Your situation is much more seroous and you have every right to be upset. If you'd wanted people to know than you would make it a point to tell them... good luck on your induction tonight!

cseley321 · August 2015

JNOVA2015 said:

My mom texted me 3 hours after I gave birth to ask if she could post it on FB. At least she asked, but I was like, "are you kidding me?? It's midnight, no one will even see it now, and why would you think FB is a priority for us at this moment?" She is so obsessed with FB, it drives me insane. My favorite is when she calls me to share "news" about people I know that she read on FB, but shares as if it's insider gossip. Yeah mom, I'm also FB friends with that person, I am also aware that she is engaged."

This reminds me of my mom. Not only will she tell me about it, but she'll read the post and the comments to me out loud... Even AFTER I tell her I already had it on my feed

On another note regarding the horrors of facebook, on my first pregnancy we announced it early to our immediate families and they were understandably really excited. Well, my SIL decided to post the news on facebook so then instead of me asking her to take it down, I just ran with it and confirmed it on the post. About 2 weeks later after that I miscarried the baby. The whole thing was so awkward so I've tried to make it clear to everyone on both sides that there will be 0 announcements from anyone unless I share the news first..

mimigrace12 · August 2015

Today is my EDD, and before I even wake up and get out of bed, my mom already has it posted all over FB with over 50 likes, half of which are people I don't know. Very annoyed! Not sure if it's irrational but what ever.

Starynightsky24 · August 2015

kettlekitten said:
I would be livid and ask her to take it down immediately.

I had to do that with a friend recently who shared a post I was tagged in, which had a pic of me getting a cast made of my belly. I was ok with the original poster putting it up but then it was shared by a non-mutual friend to FB and she tagged someone in it (who I don't know) to draw it to their attention. So it was shared with the friends lists of two people, most of which include people I don't know, and I was not comfortable with all these randoms seeing my semi exposed belly... I requested she delete the post and she said 'oh sorry, I've adjusted the settings now,' I said that's great but can you please just delete it and send it to the ONE friend you wanted to show it to. No response to that so far...

WTF makes people think it's ok to share this sort of stuff on social media!

If you ask the original poster to delete it, the person who shared it's post will disappear. Probably not what you want to do, but if it's that important to you it's an option. I've had to do that a few times.

OP I'd be furious and def ask her to take it down.

squigles28 · August 2015

Sorry for the long rant. This struck a chord today
Ugh for some reason I chose to proactively have this conversation with DH last night. I don't want to put that I am being induced, both because certain family members don't need to know and because I don't want people to know as soon as I go into labor out of fear of it stalling or something happening after.
There is still a risk for my baby of NICU time and I also said I don't want any pics of her in the ICU bed things on Facebook. He says he gets that, but thinks his mom should be able to make an announcement before me on Facebook as she is so excited for a granddaughter. I guess I feel like if she was so excited, she would check in on her granddaughter once in awhile.

We are compromising that others can make an announcement and take pictures if they don't mention NICU or put up pics of that. I just am feeling angry because I am the one who has done all this work and cried the tears with the complications, why should they just get the fun part? But if it makes DH happy, then okay of they follow the rules.

mariafordon · August 2015

@squigles28 I would be annoyed about that too. I don't get why people feel entitled to share news about other people or pictures of other peoples children on social media. Yeah she's becoming a grandma and so it's exciting and in a way her news too but I think it would be way more appropriate to share the news with close friends via text or something and wait until the parents are comfortable with posting on Facebook.

Bickey11 · August 2015

I would think you'd know your mother well enough to know whether she can be trusted with such info. Live and learn. I'm sure she's just excited and people who aren't really private people don't get it. I"m not a private person, I don't care what people know about me, so I have to really put effort in to not share info that is not mine to share. I'd let her know that it upset you and that if she couldn't respect your privacy going forward that you wont' be sharing any more info with her until you're ready to share it with the rest of the world.

brinkman2013 · August 2015

Omg I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I have to have a conversation with my mom and her husband today about not posting pictures or arrival announcements on FB until either myself or DH has. We want to make sure all the important family members have heard from us first before they see it on FB.

Kwest1007 · August 2015

I'm glad I'm not alone on this topic! We did a gender reveal back in April when we found out, and I asked those who came to give me time to text those who couldn't make it, before it was posted on Facebook... I couldn't even get 10mins!! My best friend (who lives far away) found out via Facebook.. Which sucked.

I talked to my husband about it and he said it was a battle not worth fighting because he knows his family is gonna jump the gun about posting and it's just going to upset me so try not to care.. Not sure how I feel about this but I'm just trying to roll w it. His family is always in competition with who posts the fastest and with the most info. I thought about deleting Facebook but then Id have no way to at least monitor what they were posting. Hopefully if we can strategically limit who's allowed at the hospital, there won't be too much to worry about :-/

tmbennett1 · August 2015

Im in the same boat. NOTHING about my pregnancy is on facebook but a so called mate has announced on her own facebook TAGGING ME in the post so i cant delete it.... that im having a boy.... MY FAMILY WANTED A SURPRISE. Im fuming, upset about it. Disgusted with her because she knows damn well my family didnt want to know. They wanted a surprise. Then this b*itch does that. God help her if i see her. I find this unforgivable.

cseley321 · August 2015

Since I'm past my due date the doctor finally set an induction date close to 42 weeks, but it only took my mom about 10 minutes to announce the induction date on Facebook. Thanks, Mom.

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