MIL advice

neludelu · August 2015

My baby was born last week and my MIL who lives out of state still hasn't see him. She is planning on coming up this weekend and staying a few days. My he original plan was that she stayed for the last few days my hubby was off work. As we get closer my husband is starting to push for her to stay for an entire week. I am 100% against it because he works long hours and I will be stuck in the house with her day in and out for the entire time. His mother and I get along but we by no means are friends. She has the personality of a cardboard box and the strangest views on things. I don't see why I have to do that for a week. My husbands argument is that my family is always around and that it isn't fair. It is true that they are always here but no one ever sleeps over and we always end up having a lot of down time through out the day when it is just us. I can't decide if I have a valid argument or not. What do you think?

Seed0824 · August 2015

I'm in a sort of similar situation. My family is always around but for short times. My husbands doesn't speak English so I feel super uncomfortable being alone with them and they live out of state. Since it's only a week like twice a year for me, I suck it up. My hubby likes knowing they are here even if he's at work.

SassetteSmurfling · August 2015

I think if he's working and won't be there then you have a valid argument.

My family is around a lot more than my in laws (both are local). The difference is that I'm more comfortable with my family and I have no problem telling them to leave if I want them to. With the in laws, I can't just lay on the couch in boxers and a bra. It's awkward trying to get them to leave. And I feel like I have to play host instead of caring for my baby. It's just a different vibe. So DH understands why I don't want them here all the time but have no problem with my parents dropping by 4 days a week.

kettlekitten · August 2015

SassetteSmurfling said:
I think if he's working and won't be there then you have a valid argument.

My family is around a lot more than my in laws (both are local). The difference is that I'm more comfortable with my family and I have no problem telling them to leave if I want them to. With the in laws, I can't just lay on the couch in boxers and a bra. It's awkward trying to get them to leave. And I feel like I have to play host instead of caring for my baby. It's just a different vibe. So DH understands why I don't want them here all the time but have no problem with my parents dropping by 4 days a week.

^^ this exactly. Would he be comfortable hanging out with your mother on his own for a whole week?

mriee · August 2015

Congratulations on having your baby. I'd play it by ear but make it clear you arnt comfortable having her there for such a long period of time...again. She might arrive and having her around all day might be nice you never know. But if not since you're the new mom it's your choice how long she can stay. Try going outside lots if you're up to it so you arnt too cooped up together. Good luck family can be such a chore.

mpmom1518 · August 2015

Does she have friends or other family she can plan daytime visits with while your husband is at work some of the days? If she lives far away she might want to take advantage of seeing some of the ppl she is normally so far from. It sucks if they're pushing for a longer visit than you would enjoy, but at least she only sounds like she is boring (if I translated the cardboard box comment correctly) and not an evil or horrible person like some other MIL stories on here.

missmarissa711 · August 2015

SassetteSmurfling said:

I think if he's working and won't be there then you have a valid argument. My family is around a lot more than my in laws (both are local). The difference is that I'm more comfortable with my family and I have no problem telling them to leave if I want them to. With the in laws, I can't just lay on the couch in boxers and a bra. It's awkward trying to get them to leave. And I feel like I have to play host instead of caring for my baby. It's just a different vibe. So DH understands why I don't want them here all the time but have no problem with my parents dropping by 4 days a week.

THIS X1000000 ugh....

jesselayne8 · August 2015

If you have to play host instead of her being helpful then HELL no. That's how my MIL is. She won't even help my 3.5yr old potty so she is no use to me and I refuse to entertain her when DH isn't home.

MouseMama817 · August 2015

I say stand your ground. Especially since he's not even going to be there to see her during her visit. If her intention is to come down and help you, then you have every right to refuse that help if you don't think you need it. If her intention is to come down just to see the baby, then like you said you don't need to play hostess to somebody all day after you just had a baby. That should be his job.

I understand how you feel. Not as far as boring goes but as far as the awkwardness! My in-laws don't speak English so anytime I have to see them without my hubby there it's very awkward. Do whatever you feel will cause you the least amount of stress. Don't people-please your way through this special time!

heath3er · August 2015

I,have the same issue. I haven't had the baby yet. But mom and mil live out of town. My mil is supposed to come next Thursday and stay for the next two weeks. My mom is coming the moment I let her know it's go time.

I need my mom, she's my mom. My mil is nice and controlling at times. I just feel like it is going to be chaos. I guess I just can't sweat the small stuff. My husband is so,excited she's coming....ughhh...can I have some wine...38w!!

Husbands don't understand, I know yours is like mine he thinks he's helping you.

melanier26 · August 2015

SassetteSmurfling said:
The difference is that I'm more comfortable with my family and I have no problem telling them to leave if I want them to. With the in laws, I can't just lay on the couch in boxers and a bra. It's awkward trying to get them to leave. And I feel like I have to play host instead of caring for my baby. It's just a different vibe.

It feels good to know that other people feel the same. In the evenings by like 7:00 I'm so wiped out and I just like to unwind on the couch with my baby and husband. We had made plans to go to my sister in laws this evening but had her come here this afternoon instead so we could have the evening to ourselves...then my MIL and FIL invited themselves over. And still aren't here yet (it's 7 now). I generally get along with them pretty well but ever since my son was born they get on my nerves so bad. My mom took a week off of work and drove an hour each way every day this week to come over and cook, clean and do whatever I needed which was great. His parents are very nice but haven't done anything to help. If you're going to invite yourselves over, at least offer to bring dinner or something. Sorry...end rant

neludelu · August 2015

MrT723 said:

SassetteSmurfling said:
The difference is that I'm more comfortable with my family and I have no problem telling them to leave if I want them to. With the in laws, I can't just lay on the couch in boxers and a bra. It's awkward trying to get them to leave. And I feel like I have to play host instead of caring for my baby. It's just a different vibe.
It feels good to know that other people feel the same. In the evenings by like 7:00 I'm so wiped out and I just like to unwind on the couch with my baby and husband. We had made plans to go to my sister in laws this evening but had her come here this afternoon instead so we could have the evening to ourselves...then my MIL and FIL invited themselves over. And still aren't here yet (it's 7 now). I generally get along with them pretty well but ever since my son was born they get on my nerves so bad. My mom took a week off of work and drove an hour each way every day this week to come over and cook, clean and do whatever I needed which was great. His parents are very nice but haven't done anything to help. If you're going to invite yourselves over, at least offer to bring dinner or something. Sorry...end rant

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We are the same person! I love my night time couch time with hubby. It is the best part of the day. I hate people intruding on that! My family bends over backwards to help and picks up on ques to leave. His family is great but they just don't get it. :-/

heidi8992 · August 2015

^^^ugh!! People not picking up ques the leave!!!

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