C-Sections/Birth Option Troubles?

SummerFall03 · August 2015

So I was wondering if anyone is choosing to have a c-section, or will be on their 2nd or 3rd one?

I had twins a few years back, and I have a pretty bad case of diastasis recti, so I am opting to have another c-section. I am getting HELL from a lot of people. I have family members telling me I should go for a vbac, or that I'm "giving up" by having a c-section for the second time.

Honestly, having a scheduled c-section was so perfect! We were able to clean and rest up the night before, showed up to the hospital, and everything was incredibly relaxed! I have heard horror stories from c-sections, but personally, I had a fantastic experience!

Anyone else getting ripped apart at for how they are choosing to have their children?

enkb · August 2015

I hate it when people act like someone's birth choice is wrong, sorry you are having to deal with this! I know you have probably already done this, but as long as you have looked into your options and you truly believe this is the best option for you and your family, just try to ignore other people, or choose not to share with them what your plan is. If you are still unsure about your decision, or you feel like your care provider isn't really giving you a choice and that is adding to your stress about the situation, don't be afraid to read more about it (look for actual scientific studies rather than blog kind of things) or get a second opinion from another provider or consult with a doula for more support. At the end of the day, your birth, your baby, your decision! Best of luck and hope you get the birth that is best for you! Edit: Meant to add I'm dealing with something similar, but from the other end of the spectrum. We are choosing a home birth and getting a real mix of responses, with several people treating us badly that we are 'risking our baby'. We've not shared our plan with many for this reason, I don't feel like I need to go through the mounds of research I've done on why this is the best option for us with all our acquitances.

SummerFall03 · August 2015

@enkb, I thought doula's were only for natural births? Can you have them with c-sections as well?

enkb · August 2015

You can absolutely have a doula for a scheduled c-section, I have several doula friends who work with clients like that. Doula's provide support for the pregnant and delievering mom, can help you ask good questions to your ob appointments, make sure you get as much input into your c-section as possible (do you want immediate skin to skin, low lights, delayed chord clamping etc) and can help with your comfort during the procedure (cool cloths, help with nausea etc). They can also stay with you if baby is taken away and partner goes with baby. Look into it if you are interested, every doula I know does an extensive pre-hiring interview, so you can see what you think before you hire!

SummerFall03 · August 2015

Thanks @enkb! I have a friend who is a doula, I might just talk to her. I really had no idea!

enkb · August 2015

Glad it helped! One extra note, most hospitals are accommodating of doulas in the operating room, but its worth checking with both your ob and the anestesiology department to make sure they know you want yours to be in the room and that you won't find out at the last minute they aren't allowed. Even if they can't be in the operating room, they can still be of benefit before and after, just good to know going in.

mvhyde · August 2015

Sorry people are giving you flack about this. I think it's really a hard decision to go for a VBAC. I have many friends who have tried this successfully and some who did a trial and then went on to have repeat c-sections. Honestly, people should leave this decision to you and your health provider.

It's not like 10 years ago when women were all told no VBACs ever. Most women know this is an option and can make pretty informed decisions about how to deliver and can seek out providers who will do it if they want.

I wish I could come up with a snarky come back for you to give these people. Like, oh, I didn't know you were working on getting your MW or OB/GYN degree... oh your not... well then, maybe you can give me some advice on tax law instead.

SummerFall03 · August 2015

@mvhyde, my stomach muscles are so damaged from having twins, I just don't even want to risk it. I try to explain that and I'm told "well try it first!" OR "everyone's stomach separates when then are pregnant". Yes.... but mine is permanent lol!

I just can't stand when people try to tell you what is the best option for your health/delivery. A friend of mine went into her labor saying she would ONLY have a natural birth. She didn't want drugs, or a c section. She ended up having no choice but to have a c-section because of numerous complications and hours of labor. I think c-sections are seen of as scary, and granted, there have been bad experiences, but if it's necessary to get the baby(s) out, then go for it!

mesamyt · August 2015

I'm so sorry that you are getting attacked for your decision. My SIL went off on me for weeks for not trying to find a doctor who delivered breech babies vaginally and for having a c-section instead. I had to have a repeat section for my next baby, also breech. My SIL and MIL both tried very hard to convince me to try for a vbac but neither know my high risk situation, my anatomy, or my body. And frankly it's not their decision.

This time I am planning on a c section regardless of how baby is positioned. Which both DH and I decided as soon as we knew we were pregnant.

Oh and I'm 18 weeks 2 days and dear MIL and SIL still don't know I'm pregnant. The less they know the less they can annoy me.

SummerFall03 · August 2015

@mesamyt, we knew I would have a c-section before I knew I was having twins. It was just what I preferred, but then insisted on when I found out it was twins.

My in laws are terrible. We had them come to the hospital for our previous delivery, but have asked them not to come for the next one. They were there the minute we walked into the hospital, and stayed until we left. They even requested our friends and other family leave because they felt they should get more time with their grand kids. It was a horrible experience, so I'm hoping this one is better!

RunnerMeg · August 2015

SummerFall03 said:
@mesamyt, we knew I would have a c-section before I knew I was having twins. It was just what I preferred, but then insisted on when I found out it was twins.

My in laws are terrible. We had them come to the hospital for our previous delivery, but have asked them not to come for the next one. They were there the minute we walked into the hospital, and stayed until we left. They even requested our friends and other family leave because they felt they should get more time with their grand kids. It was a horrible experience, so I'm hoping this one is better!

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! Your in laws sound horrible! Good for you for setting boundaries this time.

And yes, people need to mind their own business about someone else's birth choices. I had a c/s with DS and am hoping to TOLAC/VBAC this time (OB thinks I'm a great candidate), but it's a big decision. Having had a c/s first, whether choosing VBAC or c/s for subsequent births, means there is a lot more to factor into the decision process. We certainly don't need others sharing their unsolicited opinions lol.

Question, how does diastasis recti affect having a vaginal birth and no longer make you a good candidate for it?

monaclemere · August 2015

I'm having my 3rd c-section and I couldn't be happier about it. Scheduled sections are fabulous!

I'm sorry people are giving you such a hard time. I don't know why anyone should care, your body, your baby, your choice. Tell them to kind their own business, if you want their opinion, you'll ask for it.

I personally would not attempt a VBAC. I'm not comfortable with it and I know it wouldn't work for me. To each his own.

SummerFall03 · August 2015

RunnerMeg said:

@mesamyt, we knew I would have a c-section before I knew I was having twins. It was just what I preferred, but then insisted on when I found out it was twins.

My in laws are terrible. We had them come to the hospital for our previous delivery, but have asked them not to come for the next one. They were there the minute we walked into the hospital, and stayed until we left. They even requested our friends and other family leave because they felt they should get more time with their grand kids. It was a horrible experience, so I'm hoping this one is better!
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! Your in laws sound horrible! Good for you for setting boundaries this time. And yes, people need to mind their own business about someone else's birth choices. I had a c/s with DS and am hoping to TOLAC/VBAC this time (OB thinks I'm a great candidate), but it's a big decision. Having had a c/s first, whether choosing VBAC or c/s for subsequent births, means there is a lot more to factor into the decision process. We certainly don't need others sharing their unsolicited opinions lol. Question, how does diastasis recti affect having a vaginal birth and no longer make you a good candidate for it?

I get really bad stomach knots, so I chose to not do a vbac because I didn't think I would have the stomach muscles/support to do it. If I work out or push then I get uncomfortable knots in the upper abdomen. If I had to push a baby out I'd spend most of the time stopping to stretch my stomach.

Does that make sense?

RunnerMeg · August 2015

@SummerFall03 - Yes that makes sense, and sounds very unpleasant!

ntyravgsp · August 2015

That sounds immensely frustrating, OP. I'm sorry they're being so pushy with you, I'd probably just tell them the next time they bring it up that it is not a topic open for debate and if they can't respect your decision, then it's also not open for discussion. Since they're in-laws, I also wouldn't hesitate to have your husband step in and tell them to leave you alone about it.

I had a c/s last time and am planning TOLAC this time. I get the feeling that my MIL doesn't entirely approve (she only had c/s for her 3 kids) but she at least has the sense to not say anything about it to me or my H.

jeanbug12 · August 2015

I have had a c section and a VBAC. I am hoping for another VBAC this time.

Ignore all those people amd just do what is best for you! If that is a c-section, go for it! You are in no way giving up or taking the easy way out, so don't listen to them. You are having abdominal surgery, that is NOT easy! And really it is none of their business anyway. I would just try to avoid talking about it with them and change the subject if it comes up.

cawalp · August 2015

I hate hearing about this stuff! Why does anybody even care how your babies come into the world? The important thing is that they and you are safe and healthy.
I'm in a similar boat to @enkb because I am planning for an unmedicated water birth (at the hospital because of insurance) and anytime someone hears that they always look at me like I'm crazy or tell me I'm gonna change my mind. It's nobody's business how you deliver and I've decided I'm not even going to talk about it anymore. If people ask I'm just gonna say 'we're going to the hospital and are leaving with a baby'.

It really makes me angry that people think they have a say in a decision that is about your health and why would they want you to labor for hours/days just to end up in a section anyways?!

Sorry that's so long, this just really gets to me.

UptownPearl · August 2015

Unfortunately choosing to do things "less naturally" will absolutely get you flack. I got flack because a chiropractor doesn't approve of infant carriers since slings are better for their spines and a more natural position for them to be in. And btw, this was about a baby that I nanny and isn't mine and I do things the way her mother wants them done seeing as how it is HER baby. But seriously, a freaking chiropractor! My DH's uncle tried pressuring us into being team green because you "shouldn't find out before birth." Like who do these people think they are??? I even get flack for being more natural. I'm going to a birthing center and my SIL's mother has the opinion it isn't safe even though I'll have highly trained professionals at a center next to a hospital. My point being is that everyone thinks they are entitled to opinions about your life and your decisions once you become pregnant and it totally sucks, but we just have to develop a thick skin and ignore them. I hear it only gets worse once you actually give birth. Joy.

mesamyt · August 2015

@SummerFall03 oh honey I could tell you some horror stories of my in-laws.

With my first child I had a vaginal delivery. Only having met my new MIL 3 months prior I had told her that I don't mind if she was at the hospital but wasn't really comfortable with her in the room. When I was in labor both MIL and SIL made their way into the room. I didn't mind because they were out of the way and there for moral support. Until it came to pushing... Once the nurse said I could start pushing both of them were front and center for the show. Literally. My doctor had to tell my MIL to move out of his way so he could do his job. Once I had the baby she wanted to do skin to skin time too. NOPE! She was also at the hospital from the beginning to ending of visitor hours. The only time she wasn't trying to take the baby from me is when DD was eating. She would even sit next to me to rub her head while eating. Ugh. That woman gives me hives.

Moving out of state has been the greatest! I love having a c-section because it's time DH and I get to have with the baby. AND SHE CANT BE IN THE ROOM!!!

I hope everything works out for you!

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