Trying to get myself out of this slump (child mentioned)

Tomerine · August 2015

So, I took a little time away from the board last week because I've just been feeling so down. I'm trying to get into a more optimistic place especially since I will be ovulating sometime soonish (just started OPKs today). Last week was just a horrible week and I think the clomid made me hormonally crazy. Everything felt so out of control, and then DH's bday was last week and it was miserable. He was moody, and I took it personally and we ended up arguing most of the weekend. Oh, and the cherry on top was that I had a yeast infection. Awesome.

I'm feeling better today (emotionally and yeast-wise), and DH and I are in a better place, but I can't help feeling so not hopeful. It feels so hard. I'm so tired of thinking about/analyzing/monitoring my girl parts and deciding what else I should try, and I'm so so so tired of waiting (to O, to see if I'm pregnant, for AF to come once I know I'm not). I feel like the tiniest thing is going to make me cry. I'm so grateful to have DD but I feel so sad to think that I might not be able to hold a sweet tiny baby who belongs to ME again. I want to be pregnant again, I want DD to have a sibling, and I want to have those tender moments with a new baby again. I don't know if that sounds selfish (it feels greedy when I have a beautiful daughter). I apologize if it does- I know I'm wallowing.

The good news is that I have acupuncture tonight (with a new person to get started again), and I know that will make me feel more balanced all around. I need to feel hopeful again. I'm just not sure how to get there.

Thanks for letting me send this out into the void.

ladeuce13 · August 2015

I think we're all allowed to wallow a bit from time to time. I'm new here and don't really know anyone yet - just know that you're not alone, and hopefully you can find some comfort in the community here. Sending friendly hugs your way.

Goldsgirl9 · August 2015

@Tomerine i just wanted to say I'm sorry and tell you I understand completely. I think almost, if not all, of us have been there. It may not be great advice but what's helped me has been the maya abdominal massage (not sure why but since having it done my outlook has changed) and just focusing on myself and getting healthy. The days you're struggling try and remember how truly strong you are and this too shall pass. Sending hugs your way.

Knottie16743552 · August 2015

I get it 100%. I get it, I get it, I get it. This whole process is so damn frustrating that it's draining. Hang in there.

jilligan14 · August 2015

I feel defeated often. It's a tough process and all the over-thinking and over-analyzing can be so incredibly exhausting. I have no real advice as I don't know how to deal with the whole TTC process myself but hopefully acupuncture tonight helps. Treat yourself to something nice too :-)

P.S. I have acupuncture tonight as well!

thistle8677 · August 2015

@Tomerine xoxox...you have every right to feel this way, and it sounds like you had a lot of factors affecting your mood last week. Here's to a wonderful acupuncture treatment!

I understand feeling guilty about being a mother and wanting more children, I also understand the desire to add to your family and every family has a right to that desire.
Thinking of you and hoping that this next week is more hopeful and positive for you.
Here's to waiting to ovulate! I'm right there with you.
Although I have no experience with clomid, isn't it responsible for messing with your mood?
Hang in there!!!! >:D<

emsmama15 · August 2015

Oh @Tomerine, I could have written this post. I understand all too well the guilt of wanting ANOTHER child. If you think about it, that's so silly! Only you know what size your family should be. The struggle is real, regardless if you've been blessed with any other children. Give yourself a break and take care of yourself. I hope your acupuncture helps you get back on track.

And Clomid made me a moody, ragey b*tch, so that could definitely be a contributor!!

Sporty1216 · August 2015

I understand and relate 100%. I struggle with feeling guilty, but the desire--the need--to have a sibling for my LO is real. And every time I see a new baby or a pregnant belly, all I can think is "when is it my turn." The waiting is hard. Hang in there!

Tomerine · August 2015

Thank you, wonderful ladies, for your kind words of encouragement and commiseration. I do feel so much better after acupuncture- the work that she did, as well as knowing I'm doing something good for myself going forward. She was also just very reassuring.

And thank you for acknowledging that it's not selfish to want another child. When I look from the outside, I can see how ridiculous that sounds- many, many people have more than one and why should my desires be so different? But I don't ever want to lose how lucky I am, either. And that's what's been so hard- I've been so negatively focused lately. But I hope that's changing.

I really do appreciate all of the cyber-love- And back atcha! :x

carrieandr · August 2015

My mood changes from one day to the next. I've noticed that if I'm stressed or tired or bothered by something else, TTC depression always wants to join in. And if everything else is going smoothly, I get all zen about TTC.

jlo1019 · August 2015

I don't have any other better advice other than what you received. I just want to add that I'm TTC #3 after a 20 week loss. I don't care if you have 25 kids and have a maternal pull to reproduce, that is your right. This is your journey and you have every right to want a sibling for your children. Be kind to yourself, being a mother is a beautiful thing and wanting to duplicate that should be celebrated, not mocked. Good luck to you.

emsmama15 · August 2015

@jlo1019 - I just wanted to say thank you for those words, even though they weren't directed at me. They brought a tear to my eye and helped me tonight...

Sporty1216 · August 2015

^^^^agreed.

happyktmom · August 2015

Thank you for voicing exactly how I've been feeling lately. I feel so blessed and fortunate to have my DD. I feel like the last 2 years of her 3 year old life, I have been distracted by TTC thoughts and I feel that it's taking away from her. I don't want to give up, but I don't want to regret missing out on her moments. I feel so selfish sometimes thinking, 'why isn't she enough?'. I know that there are days that I give all of me to her, but there are others that I am angry at my stress of TTC and she has to feel that.
It can be very frustrating and sad. It isn't fair. Sometimes, it's important for us to step outside of ourselves and look in.
I hope acupuncture is helping you. I did it prior to conceiving my daughter and would really like to try it again.

Tomerine · August 2015

@jlo1019 and @happyktmom thank you for your responses, too. It's so helpful just to hear that others feel this way.

@happyktmom I did acupuncture before my daughter and through my pregnancy and that's a large part of the reason I'm going again- because a part of my brain is trying to recreate all of the things I was doing then, in hopes that it will help me again now. But it does so much more for me than just that. It helps me feel more even-keeled. I'm still struggling a bit, but knowing that I get to go back in 2 weeks (she's out of town next week) is helping. I hope you can go back to it, too! I understand the pain of realizing that your child is picking up on your stress. I think it happens to all parents, though, and my sister reminds me that it's part of life and so it's ok and good for kids to see their parents handling stress and different emotions. But the guilt... it's just everywhere sometimes.

ladeuce13 · August 2015

@Tomerine My ND has been talking to me about trying acupuncture. I might give that a try next cycle. Is there a certain time in the cycle where I should do it, or is any time good?

Tomerine · August 2015

@kaydeeaye I've gone to acupuncture for years (started for jaw pain) but I know all acupuncturists are different, so this is based on my experience. My understanding is that acupuncture is cumulative, so you go consistently for whatever time your practitioner and you think is helpful. My new person said a typical treatment is 6 sessions. I'm going to be going every week, but with my original acupuncturist, I went once a month once he knew me better. I happened to see him the day before I ovulated when I got pregnant with my daughter, but I don't think that's a requirement

Once I knew I was pregnant, he started a treatment that helps the baby connect to your immune system, and supposedly eases labor in the long run. So I was a long-term patient and I find it helps my anxiety too. I highly recommend it.

PM me if you want to know more about my experience. Good luck!

Trying to get myself out of this slump (child mentioned)

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