Cultural, Religious and Regional Traditions and customs for baby showers

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

Hey Ladies,

I thought it could be interesting to discuss the different cultural traditions and customs that people have when it comes to baby showers or when a new baby is born. I'm sure we are not all of American origin, so this could be a way of us all educating each other about our cultures and how things are done where we are from. It can also bring some perspective to the board. Please don't hesitate to suggest any religious customs as well. This conversation is meant to be for fun and educational purposes. I just respectfully request that we are respectful towards each others cultures and religions, that can get touchy. Thanks in advance ladies. I look forward to have this interesting convo with you

https://www.baby-shower.com/story/baby-traditions/

https://realitysandwich.com/222660/baby-shower-world-the-world/

https://www.mom-voyage.com/2014/06/26/baby-shower-traditions-a-cultural-comparison/

** P.S. I didn't put this on the baby shower board because I thought D15 could use a topic that was a little fun. Also, baby shower boards frequenters can participate using the search function if they please**

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

I think people may be a little nervous to post considering all the flames being thrown around by the etiquette police. But I don't care so I'll go first.

I grew up in a very small country town in Louisiana. I knew nothing of all the rules of etiquette on baby showers until this board and I am almost 32. I know of women who have had a shower for their 3rd child and as far as I know no one was side eying them. Also as far as the "big ticket items" most people who came to the showers I've attended did not buy those things. Mostly people bought clothes and bottles and diapers. Big ticket items are reserved for the parents to be or grandparents to be to purchase. Baby showers around here aren't about bringing a woman into motherhood they are more about celebrating the upcoming arrival and having fun. I have never been to a shower that was more than 20 people. I have even been to a shower where the mother to be wasn't able to attend because she was hospitalized until the birth of the baby. And since she was hospitalized 2 days prior to her shower they decided to shower the dad instead of cancelling or rescheduling. Everyone had a blast and even wrote a nice note on the banner for the mom to be. This was also this particular mother's 3rd child and I never though anything of it, nor did any of my friends that also attended.

My opinion on baby showers is if your friends and family don't find it tacky, then don't let a bunch of internet strangers tell you otherwise. It's all about where you grew up, your family's traditions and cultures, and your family and friends preference. Traditions and culture have a tendency to change over time. We are not still doing things the way they were done in the 1500's because we have evolved from that. Just as today's customs, names, and traditions are evolving.

ETA: Even though this wasn't part of the OP I just want to throw this out there too since it's another "Hot Topic". All names were made up at one point or another. I am sure that Brittany or Jennifer or Darren weren't names from the beginning of time. They were all made some where. And with so many babies being born day after day around the ENTIRE world it is becoming more and more difficult to find a name that someone else hasn't used 367,234 times. So names like Brynley or Kyler may seem "made up" now, and in fact they are, in 20 years they won't be made up names but names of many people. And in 29 years there will be even newer "made up" names. It happens. We can't all stay the same and continue to repeat the same things over and over and over the world is constantly changing and evolving whether you agree or not, whether you like it or not. So name your baby whatever you want. In 5 years it may be the next Makayla, or Asher.

merbear32 · August 2015

We are Jewish (different sects vary) so we avoid bringing nonessential baby stuff into our home prior to having the baby. There are two reasons behind this the major one is mainly superstitious. The idea is that jealously (perhaps from even those who love you but might be struggling to conceive) could bring harm/evil eye to the baby. Secondly, a birth of a baby is gift from G-d that can be taken away and therefore assuming you are going to be blessed prior to the arrival is not encouraged. There are loop holes for baby showers (keeping gifts in garage, gift cards only etc). We are pretty mixed on the issue of a baby shower. We are religious but liberal. Many religious men stay away during labor due to customs around purity and blood. My husband plans to be by my side the whole time. Also the bris (for a baby boy) or naming (liberal Jews throw a naming party for a girl) is a ritual/party after the baby is born. We plan on skipping the shower but having a bris/ baby naming.

ammnam14 · August 2015

@hplunkett2883 Said it perfectly.

I'm also from a small country town. A baby shower around here is to celebrate the baby and a new life, not welcoming the mother into motherhood. There's usually tons of people in attendance as well, small showers seem awkward to me. The gifts are the usual clothes, diapers, and lotions. My parents will be buying one big item and his parents are doing the same. We will purchase the rest. I've also never "side eyed" anyone for hosting their own shower, it's just the norm.

I think the weirdest thing I've learned from the bump is that registries on a baby shower invite is an actual thing. The closest store is a Walmart and it is in the next town over. That is probably why I've never heard of it before. I have started a registry but it's more of a check off list for hubby and I.

Great thread @ChiccoBeanz !

VesperLove · August 2015

I strongly believe that every birth is a celebration and therefore have absolutely no issue with people having showers for each of their children. I don't care how close together they are, how much stuff you still have or gave away, etc. Your first child is just as important as your second or third or tenth and they deserve a party (maybe I just like parties). I think a bunch of people in my social circle and family feel the same way because we usually have parties for every birth. We do tend to throw them a little differently depending on the circumstance (shower versus sprinkle versus baby BBQ etc) but we still throw them nonetheless.

We also deal with gifts similarly to what above people have posted. The large ticket items are usually purchased by family. Sometimes close friends will go in together to get a larger item, but I've almost never seen a registry (as an attendant of a party) that has many big ticket items on it. They've either already been purchased, or just been left off because they aren't expecting general attendees to purchase them.

Showers around here also almost always have a diaper cake. For those who don't know, a diaper cake is a big cake make out of rolled up diapers. I'm not sure WHY that has become a thing out this way but it has. My sister actually makes beautiful ones and is often asked by friends to make one for their showers or for a shower they are hosting.

Most showers in our area are thrown in a home, almost never out at an outside facility (hall, restaurant, etc) ... and often times it's the home of the mom-to-be to make things easier on her. I've been to showers that range in sizes from 8 people to about 30 people but never anything bigger than that. Once they get bigger than that, they are often divided into multiple showers (ie, one side of the family throws one or a particular friend and all those associated with that friend group throw their own). I'm not sure why that happens.

Games are a traditional part of showers. I personally hate games and hope there aren't many at my shower.

As for what I'm going to be doing, my sister is throwing my main shower. It will be women only and will likely be about 20ish people. I think it's going to be at my house though my sister doesn't want me to see anything beforehand so I'll either be asked to leave while she's setting up and return later or she'll decide to have it somewhere else. I don't really know. I'm not involved in any of the planning at all, aside from date and guest list. I love it that way. I love planning parties for other people but I hate being a part of stuff for myself (I feel awkward and was the same way with my bridal shower).

A friend of mine will be throwing me a second co-ed shower because DH wants to be a part of one. He's been to one co-ed shower and loved it so we're having a small one for him and his friends to be at as well. This one will likely only be about six couples (all close friends), have some cheesy games, and be more about a BBQ and hanging out than anything else. I'm excited for both.

reware · August 2015

I have an honest baby shower question that I've been curious about for awhile but didn't want to add fuel to the etiquette/judgement fire... To preface, I don't know much about baby showers as they're not done where I live, but I totally support enjoying whatever traditions anyone finds meaningful and fun (not to mention for those who need the financial assistance with all the baby kit). I'm ESPECIALLY all for making mtb's feel special, now that I know firsthand what a rocky road it is.

But tell me, is it more common these days for the MTB to open gifts in front of everyone or open later and write thank you notes?

I've always been uncomfortable with gifts other than from dh anyway (no bridal shower, no wedding gifts, etc.) but I know that this is a strange personal quirk of mine. Still I was surprised that at the baby shower I just attended the MTB held court for almost two hours opening her gifts with nearly forty people sitting around trying to stay amused. Seemed like kind of an awkward way to spend your saturday afternoon, no?

So is this standard shower practise these days or is my own discomfort making me see this as awkward and really it's not at all? After all, I understand that she is being 'showered' by others, who prob want to see her open their gifts, right? And some of the little hand-knitted items she got were beautiful..

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

Out of the 10-15 showers I have attended the MTB always opened the gifts in front of the guest and someone would be right next to her writing down what the gift was and who it was from. I could totally wait to open gifts after everyone left though, but that's just not how I've seen it done. I guess it is standard practice.

reware · August 2015

Cool, thanks. That is so nice of someone to track everything for her - must admit, I didn't even notice this going on though I know this girl is superwoman and does everything by the books.

ketobaby · August 2015

I agree. I have attended several baby showers and every single MTB has opened gifts. I think the guests really like to see the MTB opening their gift. It will probably be less awkward since most of the gifts will be for baby, you can admire how cute the gift is and then tell the guest thank you. Usually there is a lot of chatter going on at this point anyways.

momotheflyinglemur · August 2015

Wow, those are some interesting reads@chiccobeans.

The French don't celebrate baby until their first birthday!

TomekiaB · August 2015

I think that in my hometown (in the midwest--I moved and have missed most showers but get still get the invites) the norm is the first shower is big and you can register for about anything but you make sure you have plenty of affordable options. Most people get the completion discounts are why you'd include bigger items, not because you think someone will buy them for you. Typically they do another shower if the second child is a different sex than the first but if you are having the same sex it is somewhat assumed that you should have most of what you need and so most people would treat it more of a party and bring something cute they liked and would be less likely to shop from or even look up your registry. After the first shower it also becomes common to do the meet the baby type of shower too. I don't know of any showers that were held for "team green" I guess in our community that is more likely to be the parents choice after having a boy and a girl. This is all for a regular family and friends, shower size is normally 10-30 people.

I went to one huge chuch shower in the South and 50+ people showed up and she got so many clothes that were adorable small kids clothes (many easily 9months plus) and I am sure the majority never fit the child in the right season, it was in a community center.

I've also noticed people shop registries more when they know the couple has limited financial resources but are more creative and choose a "boutique gift" just because it is cute when they know the couple can afford the essentials themselves.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

I'm Puerto Rican and Black. My Puerto Rican side is a bit americanized, so we do baby showers before the baby is born. Usually mom and her sisters throw them in our family. To my understanding, back on the island, baby shower customs are similar to those of @merbear32 's religious beliefs. Mainland Puerto Ricans tend to do it more the American style.

I thought learning about different cultures would be interesting. I'm glad you ladies are participating and enjoying this thread.

mac-n-cheesy · August 2015

I'm just happy this thread didn't turn judge-y and bring out the etiquette police. I think how showers are done are very regional as well as specific to the culture and religion of the expecting parents.
I see no problem in having showers for more than one child; if someone genuinely wants to throw a mom another shower for the new baby why not?!
I do agree gifts should be opened in front of the guests, as I know a lot of people do make knitted/crocheted/homemade things or make something very personal or spend a lot of thought into picking maybe something from the registry but also including something more personal. I wouldn't want to deny acknowledging that person in front of others for their kindness just because I'm shy about all attention being on me.
My shower is only going to be 18-20 people and I'm still very nervous because I have social anxiety but I can get through my issues and hopefully enjoy spending a day where everyone is there out of love and celebration for our new little girl coming into the world as well as to welcome me into first-time motherhood.
It was refreshing to see the PP's of this thread have a more modern view of baby showers as well as the Jewish traditions which were interesting to hear about since I'm not familiar with them

violetigerlily · August 2015

Like some PP's where I'm from showers seem to be more about celebrating the impending arrival of a new member of the family/community than about the mother. First showers do tend to have bigger gifts than subsequent ones--usually from the grandparents or great grandparents to be, but all of my friends have had showers for subsequent babies without calling them anything different. They're usually women (+/- young male children) only but my generation is changing things a little and I've seen some dad's to be at showers.

Part of this might be possible because showers are never fancy or particularly expensive productions. I'd compare it more to a kids birthday party level of prep. We usually have it in a big room at a church or at someone's house, decorate with some balloons, paper tablecloths, streamers, and paper plates and cups. Usually some of the closer family and friends or retired ladies at the church get together to make some snacks (chips and dip, pretzels, small chicken salad sandwiches, etc) and someone bakes or buys a sheet cake. The cake usually has the baby's name and due date on it. Most of the showers I've been to have had around 20-30 people in attendance, including kids who usually are running around playing during the shower. It has a real community/family feel and since the work is spread out, it generally isn't a big ordeal. I've never actually known or thought about who was officially "hosting" the shower since there's usually at least 3 or 4 people helping out (sometimes including the mom to be). A grandmother to be often seems to be the ringleader but a group pitches in for setting up and a lot of guests stay to clean up afterwards.

Aside from close family, most of the presents are small--tons of diapers usually (which might be weird for us since we're doing cloth which nobody around here realizes is still something people use), as well as a lot of clothes and blankets. We usually play really cheesy baby shower games and watch the mom open presents while we eat cake...which thinking of it as a pregnant woman now might be kind of mean in hindsight. I'll just have to get bites of cake between gifts I guess.

Edit: I'd love to hear from some people who have families with much more formal showers. From other threads I'm guessing that there are quite a few people here who have showers that are really different and think it would be really interesting to see where everyone is coming from.

MillyDally · August 2015

My hubby is Navajo, so there's so fun stuff coming up. The baby shower is supposed to be after the baby is born, but we are going more modern and having a fun fall one before she comes. Then there is getting the first snowfall on the baby ( technically rolling them in snow, but that might come the next year since she will be so little) and the first laugh party signifying that she wants to join the human world from the spirit world, and she approves of her new family, which is my favorite! She will put a grain of salt on each person's plate to show her generosity, and will be given a Navajo name by her great grandma, and dress in a little traditional outfit. Omg, that is going to be so much fun!

Latina211508 · August 2015

Hi. I'm due in February with my fourth baby. Just lurking in another months

. I really like this thread. I'm Mexican and European mainly (Scottish and Welsh). I only really grew up on my moms side (Mexican). My mom was born in Mexico and that side of my family honestly celebrates anything/everything. Which I love. So yes I have had baby showers with each of my babies. My family never side eyed any of it. They love celebrating. My husband is Puerto Rican and his family is the same. They celebrate everything and always have parties. We also feel every baby should be celebrated the same and the baby doesn't have to be there to do so. I have never made a registry, not even for our wedding but I can see how that would help guests get an idea of things to get you. We played games at our showers, we just like to have fun and try new things. I'm not sure if we will have a shower/party this time around because a lot of our family is far away (military). But honestly I love that everyone has their own traditions or do things a certain way because of their culture/religion.

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