Mental Health Poll :-)

saintpaulJess · August 2015

So I'm wondering if anyone else that is dealing with depression and/or anxiety during pregnancy has experienced intrusive thoughts. Good ol' Wikipedia defines an intrusive thought as follows: "An intrusive thought is an unwelcome involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate."

saintpaulJess · August 2015

Warning : disturbing explicit information to follow:

So I've experienced some really disturbing "intrusive thoughts" about cutting my baby out of me. Both my OB and my therapist tell me that such harmful negative thoughts are common during pregnancy and postpartum when a mother is experiencing depression and/or anxiety. And that these intrusive thoughts are entirely different from postpartum psychosis where a mother is actually prone to harm herself or her baby.

I guess I believe them, but am wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

Also, I think it's important to talk about mental health, even if it makes us uncomfortable. Which it does for me.

(Besides, my names are picked out, my bag is packed, and I have no plans for a baby shower and no opinions to add to others' baby showers or lack thereof).

plumpous · August 2015

All mild though. I can't say I didn't experience any of it, but I was able to manage. Does that count?

saintpaulJess · August 2015

@plumpous, Yes, I think that counts. Although my intrusive thoughts are horrible, they don't consume me, and I'm certainly not harming myself or the baby. So I guess I'm managing as well. :-)

on_the_move · August 2015

saintpaulJess I'm glad you are keeping your doctors appraised of what is going on and it sounds like you have it handled. When I answered that yes I had intrusive thoughts I was thinking more about some of the sad things our other March Moms have dealt with like miscarriage, stillborn, or going into labor too early.

saintpaulJess · August 2015

@on_the_move, thanks for sharing. I get that my intrusive thoughts are probably some of the worst out there, but wanted to put it out there anyway, as my doctors assure me I'm not the only one. Intrusive thoughts can run the whole spectrum, but cross the line from just being worried about something, to having the image or idea come into your mind involuntarily. When it reaches the level it has with me, it's beyond scary. But it's helpful to know that other people are dealing with similar, if less awful, thoughts.

Birdee212 · August 2015

This has been the one pregnancy symptom or side effect that doesn't yield a Google search result for me so thank you thank you for bringing it up. My intrusive thoughts are more like repressed childhood memories surfacing or randomly thinking of a traumatic event from my youth and then sobbing for hours. Most of them involve my dad which makes his excitement over my pregnancy hard to take because I'm so angry and repulsed by him.

Is anyone else reliving old hurts or remembering awful things?

jenspeake · August 2015

Definitely feeling the depression right now with the gestational diabetes. Just get frustrated with your body when it comes to the GD. You prick your finger and not enough blood comes out so you have to prick again. Then coupled with DH and I have been in a fight the past couple of days....you hope that this baby is something that will bring us closer together and not tear our relationship apart. Once baby comes you see your partner in a new light in how they react and will you agree on everything with your kid? Was having a baby the best decision that we made? You just can't help but think these thoughts sometimes.

MommyPhoenix · August 2015

Birdee212 said:

This has been the one pregnancy symptom or side effect that doesn't yield a Google search result for me so thank you thank you for bringing it up. My intrusive thoughts are more like repressed childhood memories surfacing or randomly thinking of a traumatic event from my youth and then sobbing for hours. Most of them involve my dad which makes his excitement over my pregnancy hard to take because I'm so angry and repulsed by him. Is anyone else reliving old hurts or remembering awful things?

**trigger warning**

Yes, I feel for you. This is me...intrusive thoughts related to my childhood and my absentee family. It's been almost 7 months since they've seen my DD and just as long since they've seen me...they live 30 mins away (they haven't seen me in my pregnant state at all!). While it doesn't make me feel like crying, it makes me so angry when I think about them that I feel like I want nothing to do with them anymore and seeing as how they don't really care to be in our lives, I feel like I don't want to allow them to see LO when he's born. If I can take anything good away from these emotions, it's that I KNOW what NOT to do with my child and I would never allow myself to repeat how I was treated growing up.

What does have me crying with this pregnancy is my previous miscarriage...when I think of this little one, I am just elated but I can't help but think that had baby#2 survived, I wouldn't have this little one with me now...it makes me cry out of nowhere! Good ol' pregnancy hormones...

millette2015 · August 2015

While I can't necessarily relate to this post personally, I wanted to offer my support and say that I'm glad you made this thread @saintpaulJess! We talk about other aspects of ours and baby's health on here all the time. I'm glad you're addressing the mental health portion (just as important!) and giving people a place to open up about it.

TheSouffleGirl · August 2015

I have had health anxiety since I was 15, and I do have intrusive thoughts that relate to it. I am constantly terrified that I have a brain tumor because I am having vision disturbances that don't seem to be the beginnings of preeclampsia! Because of my fear, I am convinced that I will die a year or two into my daughter's life, and feel like I will never get to know her.

. It's made the pregnancy as much a time of dread as anticipation. Fortunately, I have a great counselor who is helping me identify my fear's sources and manage it, and my husband is endlessly kind and gentle when I am afraid.

I think this thread is a great idea, because, according to Parents.com, 32% of women have anxiety or depression during their pregnancy. That's between 3-10x as many as have gestational diabetes, and we all know how many threads THAT one needs! .

If all the girls with GD need support and rightfully seek it, think how much more support is needed for mental health! There is more of a stigma attached to it, and it can be harder to understand and sympathize with, so I just really hope all the rest of the girls out there are getting good support IRL, like I am.

MommyPhoenix · August 2015

This post just got me thinking about how we shouldn't forget about our significant others where it pertains to their mental health as well! Especially for men, I think these issues are difficult for most guys to speak about and many situations go unnoticed and they manifest into other outlets such as frustration, withdrawn behavior...etc. For me, I know my husband was in shock when DD was first born because of the pain he saw me through and the final C-section that was required to deliver her...it wasn't what either of us had envisioned for the birth of our first child. He felt ashamed that he felt some resentment towards the whole experience and he really couldn't connect with DD until some months later. He loves her dearly now and they're best friends but he had only spoken of his feelings just a year ago (she's 2 and a half now). I wish I had known about his feelings back then because I'm sure we could have gotten some assistance with attempting to resolve how he felt.

millereliz13 · August 2015

I was diagnosed with anxiety about 7 years ago, I have struggled off and on with it all pregnancy. I've worried about me dying, the baby dying, the baby having major issues, or something happening to my husband. I try to do "self talk" and talk myself out of the anxiety. I give myself permission to worry, but know that some days, my anxiety is going to talk loud and it's ok.

Hugs to all of you

casserole27 · August 2015

It's nice to hear from some MTB going through this as well.

I do suffer from anxiety and a panic disorder. Basically at any time I can be overcome with horrible fear, there's nothing specific that triggers the reaction in my body so my brain just runs different scenarios trying to rationalize the emotion and makes it worse. I've actually improved a lot since getting married, my husband helps keep me calm and I'm not alone as often so I have less panic attacks. But since I've been pregnant I've been having this intense guilt that doesn't go away. I finally looked it up and read that it can be a side effect from my preexisting anxiety. Its a bit of a new experience for me and I struggle keeping the bad thoughts away. There's so many natural fears and uncertainties associated with being a new mom and I think having anxiety amplifies them.

zaclina · August 2015

Such great posts and points! I've had my share of anxiety in life, but pregnancy seemed to help rationalize and prioritize so it has been less. Pandora then the third trimester came along.... Labor means nothing to me, I'm terrified of losing this person I've grown to already love so much. The idea of counting kicks would drive me mad. For the O.P. And P.P., intrusive thoughts/obsessive thinking is common, but it doesn't make it any easier. A good therapist or counselor is always a helpful resource to help cope and normalize those thinking patterns. Previous trauma coming up I would imagine makes complete sense especially if it occurred when one was a child, fearing that repeating for your baby as well as anger toward adults who caused/did not prevent/stop trauma. You're not alone ladies and there are amazing self help books and counsellors out there.

orangeivy · August 2015

I've been so stressed and depressed this entire pregnancy.
My husband is on the autism spectrum. Not normally an issue for us, since I'm normally very patient. Since becoming pregnant I have zero patience. And he doesn't know how to cope.
I'm currently 31 weeks, and in that time the most we've gone without 'extreme' fighting is 2 days. Seriously 2 days!!! I'm so tired.
All day I think about leaving him, burning the house down, or running away with the baby.
A lot of it is that I feel resentful that I believe no matter what I'll be raising this baby on my own, as well as taking care of him. He's not functional enough to care for himself, or be left alone with a child. I love this baby more than anything, but I do regret this pregnancy.
Mentally, I think I'm done. I feel horrible. I wish there was a pause button here. I don't think mentally I'm strong enough to do this.

saintpaulJess · August 2015

@orangeivy, I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to let you know I really empathize with what you must be going through. It sounds incredibly difficult and draining, especially while you are pregnant. Do you have anyone, personally or professionally, that you can reach out to for help? The thoughts you're having can be normal for a depressed/anxious mother, but without a support system can become more serious.

We're here for you and I'll be thinking of you.

TheSouffleGirl · August 2015

@orangeivy, I agree with PP! Women are not designed to carry all this alone, and you don't have to! We are here for you when you need us, but you need someone day-to-day, too!

adcoxmt · August 2015

Birdee212 said:

This has been the one pregnancy symptom or side effect that doesn't yield a Google search result for me so thank you thank you for bringing it up. My intrusive thoughts are more like repressed childhood memories surfacing or randomly thinking of a traumatic event from my youth and then sobbing for hours. Most of them involve my dad which makes his excitement over my pregnancy hard to take because I'm so angry and repulsed by him. Is anyone else reliving old hurts or remembering awful things?

Yes, most of mine are based off previous childhood trauma (which I generally try to repress). I have always had an issue with those memories resurfacing (oftentimes out of the blue) and causing anxiety, if not panic attacks. Pregnancy seems to make that occurrence much more frequent. I'm not sure if it's just due to hormones, or being alone, or perspective (i.e.: I'm going to have this precious, little baby to take care of and protect and there are so many terrifying things that he could very easily be exposed to/affected by and I just panic)....it's rough.

jenspeake · August 2015

Had a nice chat with DH last night and got out all our frustrations. Just have to remind each other that we are in this together and shouldn't be working at it apart. And when one is feeling frustrated to say something then....don't let it build. He feels that everything is about me right now and I cannot help that. In about 8-9 weeks, hopefully, it will be all about this little guy in my belly! I cannot help that I'm tired all the time and don't do as much housework as I did but do keep up with the daily items. Or that the thought of hanging out in a bar all night is not appealing right now. But these are things we need to work on together! On some points we had to agree to disagree but right now is the time I need him more than most! Thanks everyone for sharing what you are going through!

weaselwhiskers · August 2015

Thanks for posting this. I'm sure it's something not a lot of us talk about, but we should!

About 2 months after our son was born, my husband was suddenly deployed. I was left alone as a FTM for basically the first year. I didn't handle it very well at first, because the only family nearby was my MIL - she actually caused more stress for me when she would try to "help." There were times I would finally get the baby down for a nap and then I would just sit down and sob uncontrollably. After a while it got easier, and by the time that first year was over I felt like a pro, but it was rough going there for a while.

During this pregnancy I have found that intrusive thoughts often come to me after hearing news stories about terrible things happening, especially to children and animals. I really have to limit how much news I take in, and I've actually told my husband to not tell me about anything like that because I start to fixate.

Knottie16288692 · August 2015

I've reached the point in my pregnancy where I can't deal with being sick anymore. Two weeks ago, I started having morning sickness/all day sickness again. I was at a Mexican restaurant with my sister and just finished my meal. I got really bad sick and ran to the bathroom and the stalls were full. I had no choice but to use the trash can. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. I went home and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I had several random thoughts about "ending it all" or "I wish I could go back and prevent this". I would never hurt myself or my baby, but those are pretty scary thoughts and make me even more so worried about post partum. I've never been a depressed/anxious person, but its really hit me hard in recent weeks. I talked to my husband about it and he makes a point to sit down with me and talk about my fears, feelings, etc. so that I don't feel like I'm going through it alone. It's actually helped quite a bit and in some way created a support system for me. I've also talked to my ob and he says its completely normal. It can hit anytime but it generally hits around the third trimester. As long as you have a handle on it and manage it properly, completely normal. I've also started writing in a journal. If you are religious, you could read comforting Bible scriptures. A close friend of mine made a pinterest board of quotes that uplift her and for every negative thought she writes a positive one

Pregnancy is rough, but luckily you can find comfort in most women who are either in your shoes or who have been there!

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