Husband ranttt. Venting and such.

Knottie59387608 · August 2015

So before I type any of this, I'd like to address the fact that I am a very supporting wife, I never tell my husband no or that I'm uncomfortable with a situation unless it's really well, not a good situation. So begin rant, when I first met my husband he had just stopped talking to one of his best friends for being strung out on dope, and apparently said friend had gotten mad at him, broke into his house, stole a ton of his stuff to sell for drugs and hadn't heard from him since. It literally happened all right before we got together so I never got to meet this guy. (But I mean, does it sound like I even wanted to)? So fast forward to now, a good few years later, my husband tells me that one of their mutual friends gave him this guys phone number, and now he wants to call him up and see how he's doing and plan a day to see him. Ummmm... Did I miss something here? He asked me if I was okay with it, and being honest I told him no, because why would I be? It's cool that you were good friends a few years back, but you're married now and we are expecting a child. Do you really think I want someone who could still very possibly be strung out on drugs to come be around me and my child and possibly break into MY home and steal MY things for drugs? Yeah, I didn't think so. But now DH is acting all upset, as if I have no real concern on why it would be a problem and trying to guilt trip me about it. One part of me thinks I should just let him do as he pleases, but another part of me is now a mother and has to do what's right for the safety of my child even if DH throws a hissy fit like a baby. Any thoughts on this? Am I being over dramatic or does anyone else totally see my logic to this?

mgdunn · August 2015

I don't think you're being dramatic. My hubby has a couple of sketchy friends right now that are on drugs and I don't allow them at the house. I hate to be that "bossy" wife but I tell my husband EVERY day "you are known by the company you keep." I wouldn't want my husband around that and if he's in a different place in his life, I wouldn't think he would want to be around it either? Idk. Maybe its just me but I definitely agree with you! I'd be uncomfortable.

gabrielafrnqyepez · August 2015

i see your logic behind it , and yea its true everything you are saying. sometimes there are things that our SO need to do and mb this is one of them. mb try having DH not bring him to your home or give him any personal info till he sees whats really up with his friend . after all you would hope that DH would have common sense as to not put his family in any danger.

rgisaly · August 2015

IMO your SO must believe in giving people second chances and this person must have been important in his life. It is very possible that this person has turned his life around and ready to be in your SO's life again. If not then hopefully your SO will recognize that and not take it any further.

Knottie59387608 · August 2015

rgisaly said:
IMO your SO must believe in giving people second chances and this person must have been important in his life. It is very possible that this person has turned his life around and ready to be in your SO's life again. If not then hopefully your SO will recognize that and not take it any further.

If he has turned his life around then I'd be totally fine with it. Awesome, I'm glad you got your friend back. My real problem is no one knows if he is still strung out or not. He's going going into his with the hopes that maybe after years of doing it he'd stop. (Which isn't something people on meth are known to do) it wouldn't bother me as much if he at least asked around and went in knowing he was clean.

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

I'm with you. It's too much of a risk that he hasn't changed. I think if he had, he would have probably called and apologized by now. I would leave him in the past and just pray he's in a better place.

furelise93 · August 2015

Yeah, I agree with everyone else. It's too much of a risk. I wouldn't be okay with it either!

zaclina · August 2015

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I guess I would be open to the phone call, and maybe encourage a few phone calls before a face to face so your husband can get an honest read on his friend. I'm sure he is hopeful his friend has changed, which is normal, but it's good to be cautious with having baby on the way and past criminal behavior. I 100% agree with not giving out your address or allowing friend to the home. However, if my husband had substance abuse/ dependency issues in the past I would shut the whole thing down.

Cupcakesandquilts · August 2015

You guys are starting a new chapter together. Maybe he's just trying to finish up old business or something first? I would feel the way you do probably, but it is his choice to talk to this person. My bet is he's going to have a quick reminder of why the friendship ended in the first place.

Knottie59387608 · August 2015

zaclina said:
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I guess I would be open to the phone call, and maybe encourage a few phone calls before a face to face so your husband can get an honest read on his friend. I'm sure he is hopeful his friend has changed, which is normal, but it's good to be cautious with having baby on the way and past criminal behavior. I 100% agree with not giving out your address or allowing friend to the home. However, if my husband had substance abuse/ dependency issues in the past I would shut the whole thing down.

He has when he was younger and he's worked very hard to better himself and has not been involved in such activities in a very very long time. Which is maybe why I am so hesitant. I like seeing him do better for himself and even though I know he wouldn't go back to it and I trust him the whole situation just puts me on guard. He isn't being as pushy about it though since he has noticed it really bothering me.

jenn2132 · August 2015

Like some of the PPs have said if my husband had a previous history of drug use I definitely wouldn't be ok with inviting a friend that may still be using into our lives.

jefinley1 · August 2015

I would probably try to find out why it's so important to your husband to get in touch with this person. It seems like he was comfortable cutting ties before due to this person's substance abuse issues, so it doesn't seem like he would have a problem doing it again. I don't think it sounds like you need to worry about him getting sucked in to anything. He may just want closure after the way things ended, or to find out if this person got help and is on track, which I would consider to be an admirable quality in your husband. So I wouldn't make a blanket "no" personally.

With that said, I would make sure that however he contacts this person, he doesn't do it in a way that would allow them to get his contact info, or he should at least be prepared to block his number. They should meet at a neutral location without alcohol, and it would probably better to do it during the day outside of your neighborhood. I would not let him know where you live or even the area. And even if it seems like he's doing ok, I think some relationships are best left in the past. Meeting up for coffee now and again to check in is one thing, but I would probably not feel comfortable having this person in my home for a long time, or ever.

I think part of being an adult is reconciling and coming to terms with the fact that people make mistakes and can be forgiven them so all parties can move on. I also think it means realizing that those mistakes may have life long consequences that prevent involved parties from going back to the relationship like nothing happened.

wildbutterfli2001 · August 2015

Knottie59387608 said:

rgisaly said:
IMO your SO must believe in giving people second chances and this person must have been important in his life. It is very possible that this person has turned his life around and ready to be in your SO's life again. If not then hopefully your SO will recognize that and not take it any further.
If he has turned his life around then I'd be totally fine with it. Awesome, I'm glad you got your friend back. My real problem is no one knows if he is still strung out or not. He's going going into his with the hopes that maybe after years of doing it he'd stop. (Which isn't something people on meth are known to do) it wouldn't bother me as much if he at least asked around and went in knowing he was clean.

if your husband is going to meet this person on neutral ground I wouldn't worry too much about it. I understand your concerns, you have voiced them with your husband. I would hope that he would never jeopardize your family.

If he's a meth addict it will be very easy to tell if he's still on dope. But people can and do change. Not all, but it is possible. I'm 12 years clean myself. I was a meth junkie and in the worst way.when I got clean, it took a long time to earn back the trust and respect of my family and friends but I did. I would not have been able to had those people not given me the chance to.

Noone strives to be a junkie, it's not an aspiration. It certainly wasn't mine, however I found myself down some dark roads with a needle in my arm. Now looking back, I don't even know who that girl was and could not imagine ever going down that road again but it has helped make me the strong woman I am today.

some people can leave the life, some people sadly never do, but you can pretty much look at a person and see if they have been on those kinds of drugs for the last few years. It shows in their physical appearance, and in their behavior. Have faith in your husband and just ask him to go into it with caution and open eyes.

good luck!

Want a personalized experience?

Husband ranttt. Venting and such.

Re: Husband ranttt. Venting and such.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards