MUCH NEEDED INPUT!!!

AnguelesR · August 2015

I will be a first time mommy August 29th (hopefully) (:. Well my BF sister has a son who is turning 1 on September 5th. The sister invited us to her sons birthday party which will be exactly a week after my daughter due date. I have told my BF so many times in different ways he must think I'm CRAZy if he thinks I am going to go let alone take the baby. He says I'm over reacting a lot of moms do it and that his daughter is going to that birthday party. I don't want to be a bitch but I don't know how else I can tell him. I will be a week Postpartum and that's if she comes in time who knows she might take longer or who knows how everything will turn out. I'm just tired of telling him the baby and me are NOT ATTENDING I am not going to risk my newborn to other kids and the far drive its 35 miles away. I dont know if I'm over reacting but so far everyone who I asked opinions on this issue say my BF IS CRAZY thinking I'm going to take the baby. To top it off his sister and mom think its fine for them me having the baby is like watever and I will be taking my little baby over as soon as shes born. They are crazy they are always welcome to visit me at home. UUGGHHHH

Miz_Liz · August 2015

No way would I be going. We have a number of parties right around when DS is due too, I have let the hosts know that odds are I will not be there, but DH may go with DS depending on when DD is born. Especially a kids party, kids are far more likely to carry germs and such and I would not be comfortable with my newborn around a bunch of kids their first week of life. If you are BF'ing you will be nursing so much in the beginning anyway that I personally prefer just stay home or do short trips. I would stick by your guns and remind him that YOU will be the one recovering, not him and if you are nursing, guess who has the boobs?

candicejeff2013 · August 2015

Maybe if he hears it from the doc/pediatrician he might be more inclined to agree. The TDAP, for instance, is really important to my doc. She says anyone around baby will need it. I know it's frustrating that he is fighting you on this though.

breezymeema7 · August 2015

It's completely up to you. I, however, don't see the big deal. If you are worried about germs and such, just wear the baby.

AnguelesR · August 2015

Miz_Liz said:

YOU will be the one recovering, not him and if you are nursing, guess who has the boobs?

I LOVE this thanks I will be sure to let him know (:.

candicejeff2013 said:

Maybe if he hears it from the doc/pediatrician he might be more inclined to agree.
^^ that is my route I am going to let the doctor and pediatrician know to tell him I'm just tired of arguing and him brining up the subject.

prairiedreams · August 2015

I would just let it ride for now and see how you feel after baby is here- this will also give your BF a chance to see how much of a change baby will bring to your lives pp.

gladdyola · August 2015

You will most likely be in full on recovering mode only a week after delivery! you will probably not be in the mood to be out and about and social. But even that aside, if you aren't comfortable taking LO around a whole bunch of people at a birthday party (I wouldn't blame you; I'm 6 days PP and still haven't allowed a single visitor) that should be the end of the discussion. It's hard not having people understand the position you're in but ultimately, as mama, you call the shots. Do what YOU feel is best and what YOU feel most comfortable with and it will probably be the best choice. The mama bear instincts are real. Best of luck to you and LO, praying for a safe delivery!

heath3er · August 2015

I'm due the 29th, my sons bday is the 5th he will be 8. I feel bad but we are doing something in October for his bday.

I think your bf sister should realize you are about to have a baby and a week old around all those germs is crazy.. Protect that baby! Your he momma bear you have carried the baby for 40w!

Wering · August 2015

I'd probably let it go for now and play it by ear when the day comes. As a FTM, you might still be pregnant on the day of the party. Or, you might still be in the hospital which is a perfect excuse not to go. Don't make it a major argument - it's really not worth it.

As the party gets closer, you can make a decision based on more than a suspected due date (which might be why you're getting pushback). Your BF probably doesn't understand that (most) women don't push the baby out on Monday and regain full strength/energy/sanity on Tuesday. He will get that once baby comes, and he'll likely be on your side.

I don't think you're overreacting in terms of deciding not to go to the party. However, you probably are being too forceful for the time period and all of the unknowns between now and the party. Take a deep breath, relax, and drop the issue. Pick it back up once the date gets closer.

I do agree with @Miz_Liz - I'm due on the 22nd and have basically let everyone know that from this point on, I will attempt to make as many social gatherings as I can, but I am absolutely not going to commit. I have no idea how I'll feel from day to day, what day I'll go into labor, how I'll react once baby's here, etc. But it's done with a "I wish I could be there, but at this point I'm just not sure what to expect. I'll let you know if I can make it" attitude.

CaliforniaDream87 · August 2015

Most likely you won't even go on your due date as most FTM's go late. That's pushing it.

Nope.

taylorharber1108 · August 2015

I think you are being very reasonable. I do not plan to take our son out in a large crowd until he has his 2 month shots.

AshK1027 · August 2015

Nope, nope, nope. Your a not being a b*****, you're looking out for you and your child. If possible, just dodge the question if/when it comes up. When the time comes, let your actions speak.

There are sooooo many germs at kids parties & that is really early to take baby out & expose them to so much.

sandrabrooke · August 2015

I'd play it by year honestly. I have stuff this weekend which I pretty much said no to because I assumed I'd go late. Now my recovery has been great and there aren't little kids there so I'm actually going to go. But really....its up to you and if your not up to it at the time just say you can't go.

jessandandy09 · August 2015

a week after the baby is born (if on time) is a period of learning and bonding with your newborn. I wouldn't put myself through trying to drag a newborn to a kids bday party, just because I am always exhausted after birth.

prpl11butterfly · August 2015

I skipped a good friends daughters party this past weekend because I didn't think it was a good idea. He was 4 days old. Even if the party where this weekend, I wouldn't have gone. Not just the germs and that, but the general discomfort I'm in. I had no desire to be around a bunch of people (most of whom I do not know too well) or around a bunch of kids who are baby obsessed and want to be in his face all the time (add to it that most of the parents to these children do not pay attention to them or make them listen when told no). DH was totally understanding (he isn't a huge fan of the mother or the child) and so wasn't my friend. No one should actually be upset if you chose not to go.

SassetteSmurfling · August 2015

I'm going to a first birthday party this weekend with a LOT of people. DD will be two and half weeks old. I don't see the big deal.

But I would wait and see. You don't know when you'll give birth. You don't know if you'll have an easy birth/recovery or have complications. You don't know if you'll have a champion nurser (if you're planning on BFing) or if you'll have trouble. I would tell your BF and the party host that you will see how you and baby are doing when the time comes.

runwee · August 2015

You are not unreasonable at all. I have somewhat of the same issue, only it is my best friend . She is having her baby shower on the 15th which is my due date...this is baby #3...she has told me that the only way I am excused from her shower is if I am at the hospital....ummm, we'll if I am on labor at home or just got home from the hospital I will not be there...sorry....

MouseMama817 · August 2015

I wouldn't go, but that's me. And if my SO tried to tell me "his daughter" is doing anything I didn't approve of...lol Lord protect him. Especially when she's brand new and susceptible to whatever germs the other parents/children may have. "A lot of moms" may do it but that doesn't mean they're making good decisions and I'm willing to bet he didn't follow them home to see how their children fared afterwards.

Honestly, you very well may still be pregnant at the time of that birthday party so it won't even be an issue. Cross the bridge if you come to it and don't stress yourself out unnecessarily. In the meantime, I would reach out to the hostess directly and let her know how close it is to your due date and that you'll make it if you're able but no promises.

acgonzalez22 · August 2015

My DS is a week old and I can't imagine having to go out with him to a party. Hell, I haven't even been out of my pajamas and put on makeup except to bring him to the pediatrician. A birthday is every year- you can attend next time. Stick to your guns.

aeondrift · August 2015

Your BF is crazy and you are quite sane. If you have had the baby by then she will only be a week or so old. Babies are so susceptible to germs. There's no way I'd take her to a kid's party. Not to mention that you will be recovering and sore, exhausted from being up all night, and just trying to find your way through new motherhood. Stay home and relax with your baby. Everyone SHOULD understand that.

puccagirl77 · August 2015

I wouldn't go. I MIGHT be going to some events for my daughter's Kindergarten with a very young baby, but that's because it is important for my daughter not to miss out. Your BF should plan to attend without you. And everyone else should be understanding.

leighalou91 · August 2015

If I were you, I'd just wait and see how you feel. My recovery went pretty well, and the first week I actually went with a group of people to the beach for a couple hours and the next week I went to a 3 year old's birthday party. I wore my baby and/or kept her in the car seat covered so people wouldn't touch her. I also took her to church when she was 6 days old, but didn't let anyone get close (nobody tried to either).

I live in a tiny one bedroom house (less than 400 sq feet) with no air conditioning and I HAD to get out of the house for my own sanity.

Play it by ear! You have every right to stay home if you are not feeling up to it. But you might also want to keep your options open just in case you change your mind.

cosplaymom · August 2015

Just tell him "no and dont ask me again until that day gets here".

I would not be going, whether I was late and still pregnant or had the baby today or anything in between.

mkillian27 · August 2015

Lets be realistic here for a minute. Let's say you give birth on you due date ( most women don't) Aug 29th. You might be in the hospital until Aug 31st or Sept 1st. You might have a c-section or there could be other complications. Why in the world would you be expected to go to a birthday party 4 or 5 days after being released from hospital? I would not plan on going and see how I felt. Who knows, you might still be in the hospital or even still pregnant on Sept 5th.

kjandericka · August 2015

It's definitely a personal decision, no right or wrong choice. As PP said, I would play it by ear. Definitely don't commit to going but keep your options open. I'm being induced on Saturday if LO doesn't come on his own earlier, and I'm considering going with my mom next Saturday to move my sister into college. If we end up going, I will be using my ergo or boba wrap to carry LO around and prevent people from touching him. The way I see it, not many people, if any, will reach out to touch a baby that's attached to my chest. College kids are a little different than younger children but, as long as you feel up to it and are okay telling people to keep their dirty hands away from your baby, it might be fun to get out of the house.

mriee · August 2015

You're not being unreasonable as PP have said you might still be pregnant at the time of the party. Just say lets just see how we feel on the day and discuss the possible risks with your doctor. I'm planning on going to my niece's 3rd birthday party and my son should be about two weeks old by then depending on when he eventually arrives. But it will be a very small gathering with just immediate family, if it was more then that there's no way I'd go.

LEGALLYblonde86 · August 2015

After I had DD, my ex's brother was getting married. It was 2 weeks after she was born. I put my foot down even with all their complaining and bitching at me. I just went to my moms that morning and stayed there. Oh well, baby is not going to be exposed to everyone elses germs.

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