Arguing with my husband about Drs appts!!!

kaley1422 · August 2015

has anyone else had this problem? Am I being unreasonable? I've gone to my last two Drs appointments alone. And next week is my 20 week ultrasound and I was hoping he would take the day off.. Which he has been saying he is going to. And now he's going into work after!!! Am I just being emotional? Or should I be mad?

ryan1reb · August 2015

When you say he's going into work after does that mean he's going to the appointment? Mine would only take the time off for the appointment, not the whole day. Doesn't bother me I guess, but that's just how it works in our house. My husband went to every appointment with me for our first, but will only be going to the anatomy scan this time around. Chalk some of it up to pregnancy emotions, but try to calmly express how your really feeling. Sometimes I have to think about a situation for a while before I realize what I'm really being emotional about! Best of luck!

AngelEsshaki · August 2015

If my husband told me one thing and then did another I would be upset. That being said, at least he is going! My DH is auditioning for a surgery residency right now and refuses to take any time off for anything. I scheduled my 20 week for 5pm (as late as they will go) and hope he can make it. He usually stays at the hospital until 6 but if he can't ask to leave early ONE DAY I will be livid I know it.

If you can, enjoy what he can and is willing to do. But if it's something That is really bothering you then let him know that him not taking the entire day off hurts your feelings, whether he finds it reasonable or not.

ohbaby714 · August 2015

I think if he is going to the appointment and back to work after then yes you are just being emotional. There really isn't a reason to take the whole day off. My husband only went/goes to the important appointments like the very first one and the anatomy scan. With our first we had to see a specialist and he also came to that one because I was scared out of my mind.

Sometimes it's hard for me to determine if it's just the hormones or if it actually is something that would normally make me mad. I usually call my mom to vent to her before I go off on my husband. She can usually talk me down lol.

CaraBoonie · August 2015

Do you mean going to work after the appt? I schedule all my appts early morning or late afternoon so hubby only has to go in late or leave early to be able to be with me and see baby. I'd frankly be pissed if he wasted one of his days off for an hour at the doctor, he needs to save those so we can go on vacation or for when he's sick. I've been glad his work hasn't complained about him coming in an hour late on these days to make it work.

Edit: I also would only make him come to appts with ultrasounds...I've just happened to get one at each appt (8, 10, 16) so far so he's wanted to come see her.

willashbaby · August 2015

I schedule my appointments at the end of the day so DH usually just skips lunch and gets to leave early to join me. I certainly wouldn't be mad at him if he had to go back to work, that's being an adult and I would respect him for it. He also only comes to ultrasound appointments. I may have him come later on when we discuss birth plan and whatnot since we're doing Bradley and he will be my labor coach but that's about it.

arac2007 · August 2015

My DH has missed every appointment so far due to work and will be missing the 20 week scan next week. I have been taking my mum or MIL to appointments instead and they have been thrilled to be do involved (first grandchild on both sides). I'm hoping DH makes it to at least one appointment during the pregnancy but decided early on not to let myself get upset if he can't attend appointments as I would rather he saved his leave for after the birth.

QueenCarlissa · August 2015

Sorry I think your being a little over emotional about it. Men see things like this as time to prepare (financially) if he's going to the appointment that's perfect that's what you wanted. Now you kind of have to meet him half way here. My 20 week u/s is Thursday although I'll be shy of 20 weeks that's what falls closest on my appointment schedule so we just stayed on track to kill two birds with one stone. And my ex will be going to work that same day I don't think it's really necessary for him to take the whole day off & not to be rude but for what purpose exactly?

deaddahliah · August 2015

I work full time 9-5 and have to go to work after my appointments. I couldn't imagine taking a whole day off for every appointment. DH has it lucky, I schedule them for his day off.

MommyAlexia · August 2015

My initial reaction is why would you take the whole day off? But if you had plans or something and he changed his mind, I guess that could be upsetting. I would imagine it's because he has work to do. I would definitely save days off for after the baby arrives.

kaley1422 · August 2015

The original plan was for him to be off though. And at his job he does have the luxury of taking personal days. It doesn't change his vacation or paternity leave. The plan was to go to the appointment and then get our registry done.. And now suddenly work is more important.

l4rk · August 2015

My SO hasn't come to all the appointments, but he has driven me to my ultrasounds (in case it was bad news, I didn't want to be devastated and having to drive home). But both of us have worked directly before and after appointments. I personally think it's a bit unreasonable for anyone to take a whole day off for an appointment if the workplace allows otherwise. I have never denied an appointment request from anyone on my team but if people started abusing that by taking more time than necessary, I'd have to crack down to make stricter guidelines and allow fewer requests. No one wants that.

kaley1422 · August 2015

Thanks for everyone's input. Maybe I feel this way because I make zero requests to anything other than this one day. I am the opposite of needy.. And this is just one day. But thanks everyone!!

MamaGooGoo · August 2015

Chiming in a little late here... But I agree with most of the others. At least he's going to the appointment. You can do your registry on a Saturday, or whenever he's off work, just as easily as you can do it after the appointment. I see no good reason he should take the whole day off, even if that's what he said he'd do. It doesn't mean that work is more important than the baby. It means work is more important than doing the registry immediately following the ultrasound.

adcc43 · August 2015

My H only goes to the "big" appointments. This is our 3rd baby. We both work full time so I usually make the appointments for right after I get out of work. I made the anatomy scan appointment very early in the morning so he could go into work right after we are done.

I understand now that you offered more insight to the situation why you were so upset about him skipping out after. I would also be upset if my H had plans with me then broke them especially when trying to get things done for the baby.

Good luck and I hope he has a change in heart about going into work after vs. spending time with you.

MissMheMhe · August 2015

I certainly don't expect my husband to the the entire day off for a doctors appointment. I schedule all my appointments later in the day specifically so he can work and then meet me at the office. I go into work early those days and take a short break so I can leave early. Then we usually go out to get something to eat and talk about the appointment. At the beginning of this pregnancy, DH was very adamant that he be able to attend every appointment, for which I am thrilled!

saraellenM · August 2015

I can see why you would be disappointed if you were hoping to find out the sex and then go straight to register. I can also understand why your husband would want to go back to work. Maybe you can tell him your feelings are being hurt by him not wanting to take the whole day off, but that you could meet him half way and settle for using his next day off to register??? I think most men find the idea of registering to be torture. You could always have him there for the appointment, but then plan to register with a close female friend or family member. Honestly you'd probably have more fun with a woman than you would dragging a man around the store. Lol! Either way, good luck!!!

ndeguara · August 2015

DH has only been to my first appointment where they did a dating ultrasound. He wasn't able to make it to the 13w ultrasound so I brought my mom & they were able to send the ultrasound video & pics to my phone so I could share them with DH that way. He will be coming to my 20w ultrasound, our radiology dept is open on Saturdays so I was able to schedule then so he could make it.

I see why you would be upset if he had already told you he would take the day off & you were going to spend time together afterwards.

CaraBoonie · August 2015

saraellenM said:

I think most men find the idea of registering to be torture. You could always have him there for the appointment, but then plan to register with a close female friend or family member. Honestly you'd probably have more fun with a woman than you would dragging a man around the store.

^^^^Yes to the above. I registered with my mom instead of DH, we had tons of fun. DH wasn't even that interested in registering for our wedding, in which HE directly received gifts for HIM, so the idea of registering for baby stuff is so uninteresting to him. I get, now that you elaborated, that you're more upset that he's breaking the plans, but frankly the plans were probably something he never wanted to do in the first place (which he SHOULD have said at the time, but guys can be dumb about that stuff, lol).

MommyAlexia · August 2015

I could see why you'd be upset if you had plans, but it will be very special to go to the ultrasound together. Not everyone is able to do that! I really wouldn't use a personal day to go shopping, nor would I want my DH to, so I also understand why your DH would go to work after the appointment. Like others suggest, you can do that on the weekend, or with a good friend or family member.

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