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Rant... break down...

cchenal07cchenal07 member
in TTC After a Loss
I broke down for the 1st time in a couple months and just cried for what felt like an hr. I had a miscarriage in March. Officially started ttc 2 months ago again. I just had af last week and was so upset it "seemed" so easy to get pregnant the 1st time. I should be having a baby in a couple months not hoping for a plus sign monthly. I feel like my whole life is on hold and revolves around if we have another baby or not. I can't go to my best friends wedding on a cruise because I might be pregnant then, can't take a trip on my oct vacation because hubs is scared to leave or travel far if I am pregnant and doesn't want to worry about it being to much on me. I've lost 20 pds this summer and walk every night to be in the best health. I have saved money to prepare for this baby and cleaned out the spare room. My husband wants no one to know we are ttc so we don't have to tell everyone if something happens again. I just feel like a ball of emotion and no where to rant. Then I cry at how selfish I sound being upset about no vacation... uggggh it's frustrating all I want is a little rainbow baby and to start our normal happy life as a family. I know it will be worth it but I also know no one can promise it will happen. Sorry so long...
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Re: Rant... break down...

  • MamaBishMamaBish member
    I totally understand how you are feeling. Ttc is so frustrating as it is, but add in the fact that we expected to not be doing this again so soon, and it's just heartbreaking. I hope you don't have to wait much longer. Hugs
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 ♥
            
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  • vallericvalleric member
    How about a staycation close to home? It sounds like you and hubby could both use one.
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  • cchenal07cchenal07 member
    A staycation or short drive getaway I am sure is what we will do. I think the frustrating part is you prepare and take care of yourself each month like you are pregnant then you are not. It just feels like a never ending cycle.
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  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    Gosh, this sounds like it was written by me. I would have given birth in May and I was a basket case for at least a month around the due date (I didn't even think about why until later). I'm exercising, saving money, prepping the house... Boy do I get it. As much as I want that BFP, it gets tiring to think and put so much effort in to trying just to get...nothing. I Don't know how to fix it, but I hear ya.
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
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  • ceclarlinetloceclarlinetlo member
    I have said all the same things to myself before. I'm sorry you feel like you don't have anyone you can talk to. I can understand why your husband doesn't want to tell anyone you are trying again because Explain to him that you need the support of some friends and want to pick a close friend or two to confide in.

    I hope you are able to enjoy some time with your husband soon.
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

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