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Facing baby questions from parents

crob5685crob5685 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
My DH and I have been married 9 years now, so needless to say I don't think our parents understand why we didn't have kids 5 years ago. I was really young when we got married (21) and don't regret waiting at all as me and DH have really enjoyed the last 9 years as just the two of us. I am also the breadwinner in our family so there has been a component of when the right time would be for me career wise, something neither of our mothers can necessarily relate to.

Anyway, we found out we were pregnant this past May and things weren't right from my first ultrasound in early June. I had my D&C 4 weeks ago. My mom was visiting this weekend and was asking questions above "when a baby was going to be in our plan". It wasn't as painful as I thought it might be, but I definitely didn't want to talk about it. So I told her that and left it at that. Nervous about my mother in law who comes to visit in a few weeks though as she doesn't exactly have a filter and has asked about kids in a let's say rude manner in the past (she means well, she just has really poor word choice). Definitely don't want to tell them because I don't particularly want them to know we are trying (also don't think I can't handle the "so are you pregnant yet" questions for months). Not looking for advice, perhaps just commiseration...haha.
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Re: Facing baby questions from parents

  • rachrobertsonrachrobertson member
    edited July 2015
    Ugh I hate nosey people. Maybe you guys don't want kids and it being your life they don't really have say in that. I think people mean well and just don't think when they ask that. For all they know, you could have been trying for years with no success. My sister has been trying for 2 years to get pregnant with no success. I know this but extended family doesn't and she can't really afford to see specialists to figure out why they aren't getting pregnant, so she may never have a baby. Not because she doesn't want them, but because she can't and my unfiltered, rude grandma will bug her about it forever. People don't know your situation and don't need to know it or ask about big decisions like that. Rant over. Sorry for your loss and nosey family to boot.
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  • crob5685crob5685 member
    @rachrobertson totally agree about the "for all they know" thing. I know they all know people who have struggled with infertility or who have had a loss, they just suddenly forget about all that and don't consider we could be going through something and what impact their questions could have. They are just too blinded by their desire for grandchildren.
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  • hippiechickehippiechicke member
    I just wanted to say that my situation sounds similar to yours. Got married young, career focused, just got pregnant and miscarried. I hate when people assume that your fertility is their business. Thankfully with my family they haven't been too nosy. I have been open with my mom about our struggles but I still wish I could give them a grandchild already. Hope things go well with yours in laws.
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  • JMaganaJMagana member
    Ugh been there with some family and friends it was painful and hard to stomach at times. I used to be very closed about our troubles but after this last miscarriage i opened up to a point to those family members and friends . im sorry your getting the questions they suck and are relentless sometimes.This is our 2nd miscarriage this year and we have been trying for a year and a half:/ . I think sometimes people dont connect the dots they assume because you dont have kids yet it must be by choice. Best wishes too you ♡
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  • crob5685crob5685 member
    Saw all my family this last weekend, and shockingly my mother-in-law didn't say a peep. I don't know how she resisted because my nephew (brothers baby) was even there. Really surprised she didn't ask me why I didn't have one yet. However, they are coming up here for just shy of a week next week so she might yet!

    Surprisingly my brother was the most annoying. I decided that if anyone asked me that I was going to respond and say that I never understood why anyone felt that was an appropriate question. Perhaps a bit cold....I felt bad after saying that to him because he kind of took offense and said "I thought we were closer than that." Oh well! Maybe I'll tell them all when we are finally pregnant and it sticks and they all ask....what took you so long....
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  • DanyTargaryenDanyTargaryen member
    I was at my parents' house and my new SIL who can't handle blood or pain reminded me that I had to have a baby first so I would have had the experience before she has to go through it. My family doesn't know we were even trying yet, let alone that we had been successful then lost the baby. I just wanted to cry and yell that I was supposed to be pregnant now, but even after the loss I still don't want everyone knowing we were trying.

    Hopefully it doesn't take too long to get pregnant again, and hopefully the next one sticks. If it does I fully intend on telling my family about this m/c. In the meantime I'm just putting on a happy face and making up answers when people comment about baby stuff.

    I'm glad it went well with your MIL @crob5685. Sorry about your brother though.
    _______________________________________________________________________________________________
    MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
    DS born 9/13/16
    BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
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  • crob5685crob5685 member
    @DanyTargaryen Agee I hope we get pregnant again soon and then I too intend to tell close friends and family about this miscarriage.

    In-laws arrive at our place for a week today so we will see if they can bite there tongues this week. I hope so as I feel like I could snap. Just came from a team happy hour with my co-workers and there was a lot of talk about babies as one of my colleagues just had a baby Saturday. I just kept trying to change to subject...
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