I'm over 5 months pregnant and stressed, would this affect my baby

sabah1234 · August 2015

my husband doesn't understand what I'm going through, I cook n clean for my in laws my feet swell up because of all the parties my mother in law has.. I do everything to please them.. I try really hard

sabah1234 · August 2015

but all they say is I'm just pregnant you ain't ill. So please don't do acting.. I want to sleep but till late is that a crime.. I should be awake at 8 to prepare food n clean.. Since I've been pregnant my husband ain't happy.. This marriage was a love marriage.. We've known each other since uni.. but for the past 1 years he says he was forced to marry me.. I said divorce me if you want but he doesn't.. I've had it with MIL they think I put his son down when day and night he talks about dead people in my family (rip dad) it breaks my heart, it breaks me from the inside.. I can't stop crying n I just think what can I do to make them happy.. I'm not a robot I have feelings but in laws and husband says keep my mouth shut at all times.. I just want to know one thing WILL THIS EFFECT MY BABY?? It's my first I'm so worried so worried May god be with me n my baby.. I don't care about anyone not even myself just my baby.. How would I know if the baby is ok

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

sabah1234 said:
my husband doesn't understand what I'm going through, I cook n clean for my in laws my feet swell up because of all the parties my mother in law has.. I do everything to please them.. I try really hard

sabah1234 said:
but all they say is I'm just pregnant you ain't ill. So please don't do acting.. I want to sleep but till late is that a crime.. I should be awake at 8 to prepare food n clean.. Since I've been pregnant my husband ain't happy.. This marriage was a love marriage.. We've known each other since uni.. but for the past 1 years he says he was forced to marry me.. I said divorce me if you want but he doesn't.. I've had it with MIL they think I put his son down when day and night he talks about dead people in my family (rip dad) it breaks my heart, it breaks me from the inside.. I can't stop crying n I just think what can I do to make them happy.. I'm not a robot I have feelings but in laws and husband says keep my mouth shut at all times.. I just want to know one thing WILL THIS EFFECT MY BABY?? It's my first I'm so worried so worried May god be with me n my baby.. I don't care about anyone not even myself just my baby.. How would I know if the baby is ok

Are you getting prenatal care?

kdoak2015 · August 2015

Hi,
Your entire message is really hard to read. You need to do some research because stress isn't great for your baby but I don't think it's extremely detrimental. How would you know if your baby is ok? Talk to your doctor maybe? Have to had your anatomy scan? That should have given you piece of mind. I really don't know what to say to you. Maybe you can explain a bit more or maybe just talk to someone.

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

Hmmmmm I could say a whole lot here but since I don't know your whole story I will hold my tongue... a little. If this is the way your relationship is with your husband and his family all the time... it doesn't sound like the type of family I'd want to be around pregnant or not. Stress can be harmful to you and your baby. You should check with your ob. And what pp said... have you had your anatomy scan yet? Do you feel the baby move yet? Have you talked to your OB about any of this? I hope you find resolution to your situation and it's the best outcome for you and baby.

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

Hmmmmm I could say a whole lot here but since I don't know your whole story I will hold my tongue... a little. If this is the way your relationship is with your husband and his family all the time... it doesn't sound like the type of family I'd want to be around pregnant or not. Stress can be harmful to you and your baby. You should check with your ob. And what pp said... have you had your anatomy scan yet? Do you feel the baby move yet? Have you talked to your OB about any of this? I hope you find resolution to your situation and it's the best outcome for you and baby.

sabah1234 · August 2015

No, no prenatal care I just don

sabah1234 · August 2015

I just don't know what to do to make them happy

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

Is there a reason why you are not getting prenatal care?

sabah1234 · August 2015

My antamony scan is next week

sabah1234 · August 2015

I don't speak to my midwife openly coz my husband is always there

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

sabah1234 said:
No, no prenatal care I just don

sabah1234 said:
I just don't know what to do to make them happy

sabah1234 said:
My antamony scan is next week

I think that you should try to go back for your scan by yourself and have a discussion with the doctor. Will you be by yourself during the scan? Otherwise, I suggest that you slip a note to the receptionist asking that they ask you to come back without your husband (at least at first.) You should definitely talk to a professional about your situation.

Is there a reason that you haven't had any prenatal care as of yet?

sabah1234 · August 2015

I've not heard of prenatal care at all il do some research now

sabah1234 · August 2015

In England we have check up but it's not often

sabah1234 · August 2015

I've had only one scan when I was 16 weeks n that's it..

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

People can't make other people happy. They are either happy or not. Happiness is a choice really. You can choose to be happy with someone or you can choose to criticize and put them down no matter how hard they try and please you. I just don't think this type of relationship is very healthy. You have to decide if you and your baby's happiness is more important than your husband and his mother's then go from there. It sounds to me that you are not even considering yourself or your child and putting them ahead of you both. Is this something you want to continue throughout you life or worse yet your childs?

ETA words

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

Prenatal care in the US is just being seen by a doctor or midwife and having check ups throughout your pregnancy. Sounds like you are getting it.

sabah1234 · August 2015

All I wanted was to be happy ..since we've moved to his mums my life has gone upside down

Peanut1128 · August 2015

I'm sorry that you are suffering. Do you have any family or friends that you could reach out to? Maybe take some time away from your home situation and stay with them? Stress is not good for anyone, pregnant or not and things will likely be more stressful when baby arrives.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

Do you live with your in laws? I don't think I'm quite understanding the situation. Im sorry you're dealing with all this and sorry your husband is being like that. If you live with your in laws, I think step 1 is that you and Dh need to find your own place, otherwise, I can't understand why you're letting them be so involved in your life and why you're working so hard to please them.

kdoak2015 · August 2015

yl1m32015 said:
Do you live with your in laws? I don't think I'm quite understanding the situation. Im sorry you're dealing with all this and sorry your husband is being like that. If you live with your in laws, I think step 1 is that you and Dh need to find your own place, otherwise, I can't understand why you're letting them be so involved in your life and why you're working so hard to please them.

Agreed, we need more of the story.

grkgdss00 · August 2015

It sounds like you are a slave to them? Why do you have to do all the work around the house? Since your marriage was originally built on love, can you and your husband move out? Since it sounds like the living situation is what is stressing you out. Your husband should care about your health and happiness.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

sabah1234 said:
I've not heard of prenatal care at all il do some research now

sabah1234 said:
In England we have check up but it's not often

In the UK, it is called antenatal care.

ColoradoHiker · August 2015

As a side note, I read a post earlier where a UK bumpie said normal pregnancies don't have very many early pregnancy appts, at least not like in the US.

marikadevienne · August 2015

I am not religious at all, but do you have a church, temple or mosque with people you trust that you can talk to about all this? I think stress is bad for you and your baby and you need support.

nik6499 · August 2015

You can ask your midwife to check your cervix and ask your husband to step out while she does it and give yourself time to speak alone.

reware · August 2015

ColoradoHiker said:
As a side note, I read a post earlier where a UK bumpie said normal pregnancies don't have very many early pregnancy appts, at least not like in the US.

Yep, this is true until about 10 weeks. But by her anatomy scan she should've been seen five times, with unlimited options to visit her regular gp in between, no appointment necessary.

Don't call mud on this one, I think OP is young, without resources, and completely cut off by her in-laws, who are probably from a non-western culture.

OP, you need to get yourself to your gp alone so you can explain your situation and worries (either call and book an urgent appointment or find out walk-in hours and go tomorrow).

If you can't get there by yourself, or if your gp isn't supportive because s/he knows your in-laws or whatever, contact the NCT on 0300 330 0700 and pick option 1 for the different helplines they run for pregnant women in crisis. They should be able to give you resources and counselling options.

Good luck and hope you and baby get the support you both deserve right now!

sabah1234 · August 2015

Thankyou everyone xx

dec15mum · August 2015

Have you got an antenatal book? I'm from Scotland so i don't know if its the same down south, but since the midwife looks through it you could possibly put a note in it asking if she could ask the husband to step outside while she does some routine tests or something?
Then just openly talk to your midwife they are there to help.
Or even pop into the center when your husband is working so he won't know?
I hope things work out for you, the way you're being treated doesnt sound fair

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