Frustrated...do I have a right to be mad?

BabyBugutsky · August 2015

Long story short we are renovating while preparing for baby to get here.

Well my house is in slow motion reno mode. It's driving me nuts. I can't do anything as my father in law will get pissed. And I shouldn't be doing heavy lifting anyways.

What has really sent me over the edge today is we are stalled doing anything as one of our tools broke and no one cares to get it fixed when they are on vacation right now. My boyfriend and hia dad think its fine. They constantly tell me I'm complaining and whining about nothing and I'm just being bitchy.

Really?! I'm bitchy because I don't want my baby, who had a good possibility of cming much earlier then planned, to come home to a house that is not finished. Baby's room still needs wall work to be finished, painting, baseboards, windows etc. The floors through out the rest of the home need to be done too and the both room and front hall still need to be finished.

Am I over reacting? Am I just being bitchy because of hormones? Or do I have a legitimate reason to be upset?

irenejean · August 2015

I feel you, we had a bunch of house projects for this Summer, and not all of them are going to be done before baby. Luckily though, my husband did get the baby room finished. I think I'd be stressed (and stressing my husband out) if the nursery still needed work, even though we're keeping the baby in our room for the first couple months.

Maybe you could compromise and ask your boyfriend and his dad to prioritize getting the nursery done within a week? And maybe even break it down to having enough of it done so that you can move furniture in and get things ready, i.e. maybe the windows can wait, but painting and baseboards get done asap?

I've accepted that other things are just going to have to wait until after the baby gets here. My husband needs his time to do other stuff, so I don't make a big deal of it when he spends his weekends not doing work around the house.

LouLouLove · August 2015

Are your boyfriend and FIL the ones doing the renovations? Either way, I'd definitely be getting stressed if I were you. Renovations are stressful no matter what, so add a baby's pending arrival to things and I'd be feeling a little bitchy too. Can you get some extra help or at the very least create a list of things that absolutely must get done before baby arrives? That might make you feel a little better and give your boyfriend a list to prioritize.

chelseajeanene · August 2015

You're not being bitchy. Men just do not understand the need to get things done the way our minds work. In their mind it's always "we don't have to today. We have enough time"

babyneau · August 2015

I feel your pain! !! I am in the same situation and freaking because once reno finally gets done then I get to pack and move back in. Not an easy task when I am already on restrictions. It is coming down to the day and it would have been nice to be in earlier and rested before baby gets here. So I guess it will be organizing and unpacking aftert baby arrives which will be embarrassing with people coming to visit! !!

sdheft619 · August 2015

Girl I feel you. I'm still waiting for my baby's closet to get done. It's driving me nuts. Especially when my husband told me it'd be done before my first shower.....which was in July. They really don't understand our need to prepare!!!

WDDCH · August 2015

Renovations always take much longer than anticipated. I feel your pain! I've decided I couldn't be impatient and miserable because it was a waste of energy. Stuff was going to get done whether I wasted that energy or not.

And by stopping with the nagging I'm finding stuff getting done much faster. DH was getting way too stressed and pressured by me so he stalled. Being more encouraging and patient has helped DH to not feel so pressured and upset.

I don't think you're wrong to be upset but maybe try to relax a little. It will get done.

BabyBugutsky · August 2015

irenejean said:
I feel you, we had a bunch of house projects for this Summer, and not all of them are going to be done before baby. Luckily though, my husband did get the baby room finished. I think I'd be stressed (and stressing my husband out) if the nursery still needed work, even though we're keeping the baby in our room for the first couple months.

Maybe you could compromise and ask your boyfriend and his dad to prioritize getting the nursery done within a week? And maybe even break it down to having enough of it done so that you can move furniture in and get things ready, i.e. maybe the windows can wait, but painting and baseboards get done asap?

I've accepted that other things are just going to have to wait until after the baby gets here. My husband needs his time to do other stuff, so I don't make a big deal of it when he spends his weekends not doing work around the house.

I don't mind that he went four wheeling. I mind that he blames me for the house not being done cause I wanted to see family.

I've asked for the main things to be done for the last 4 weeks. We are still in the same spot. So I don't know what to do.

It's literally been one thing after another. Floors were not done properly so now they need to be taken up and redone. It's just one thing after another. Things that if they would have been done right in the first place would not have created twice the work now.

BabyBugutsky · August 2015

I have honestly tried to just deal and not stress about it. This is the only few days it's really been bothering me. I have just stayed quiet and now everything has just built up and exploded.

Elizabeth043086 · August 2015

Sounds like you have a right to be mad to me. I'm super irritated because I have NOTHING done and ready for baby and we aren't even renovating.

irenejean · August 2015

Yeah, I wouldn't be happy if my husband blamed me for the lack of progress because of the weekend plans I had made, but then used other weekends to do stuff for himself. You have good reasons to be upset, having an unfinished house with a baby on the way is super stressful!

I'm sorry he's not being more understanding, especially since it sounds like you are trying to prioritize what gets done. I'd be frustrated in your shoes. And they shouldn't be treating you badly because you want things to get done. If they're frustrated at you for being stressed out and upset, there are better ways of dealing with that, it shouldn't be taken out on you.

Hang in there! Maybe PP's idea of letting it go and not focusing on it for a while will help. I hope they come around soon!

BabyBugutsky · August 2015

It's stress on top of stress....

jbettles · August 2015

I can commiserate. We are mudding the baby's room still and it is going sooooo slow!!! I feel like it's never going to be done!! Then Friday there was a huge lightning storm, our house, dish, and hubby's truck were all hit. We lost three tvs, router, ps4, and all our dish boxes. Hubby's truck wouldn't start and had to be towed. They are still working on it and we are down to one vehicle. So all weekend we were dealing with all that, and NOTHING got done. There's a charity golf tournament this coming weekend that hubby's boss organizes and he committed to last spring, so this weekend is out. Hubby works 12 hour shifts Mon-Fri... Sometimes I just wanna cry. But at least he doesn't blame me!!! He's beside himself that he's not getting more done and blames himself.

BabyBugutsky · August 2015

I shouldn't have said he blames me. He just says things sometimes that I feel like he is. He has been amazingly supportive through out my entire pregnancy and I do love him a lot. Just super frustrating when I feel like he doesn't understand how I feel about things. But he likely feels the same way. Like I'm pushing and complaining and blaming him which isn't fair either.

jwebbbber45678 · August 2015

I feel your pain and I understand your concerns about not having a place prepared for your newborn. I was so excited as this is my last week of work and I could spend the next 4 weeks setting up the nursery and making it perfect. What expecting mother doesn't want a safe, well prepared place for her new baby? Anyways, I get an email from my landlady today telling us she needs us to move (no explanation) and now I feel homeless and nervous because I have four weeks to find affordable housing before I have my baby. It really sucks to have that kind of insecurity this late in the game!

surprisepkg31 · August 2015

It's definitely obnoxious. I would probably be the same way. I was so annoyed that my nursery took 3 months to paint! My dad is painting contractor and insists on always painting everything, but he pushed back the date 3 times and I was so mad! Especially because I had my shower and all this stuff to put away and organize and decorate the room and I couldn't! I had to wait! It's finished now and it feels so good! I hope you can get these dudes to go into over drive and get this done! Men don't realize the sense of urgency we have. I want to go purchase and get the rest of our essentials ASAP and my husband just seems so disinterested as if we have all the time in the world. Im due in 4.5 weeks at the latest and he works odd hours so we don't have evenings to go run errands and do things. I don't want to be waddling around stores at 38 weeks trying to figure things out! BOYZ!!!

joellenicole93 · August 2015

I wouldn't handle it too well. You have every right to feel the way you do. I'm going crazy everyday because I feel like there's still so much to do and we're in a one bedroom apartment so there's not much space to do anything. We chose to suck it up until May because I am not moving pregnant or with a new baby. Good luck!

kjs08 · August 2015

I'd be pissed/irritated too so I can't say that I blame you. Are there things you can do safely? If so, I'd personally be doing them and come up with some response as to why. Something has to hit home for them to truly understand that baby's going to come on their time, not his or yours, and some things can't be done while baby's in the house. If you can figure out what that is to your husband, he may change his tune.

We aren't renovating, but I've been trying to go through stuff and get rid of things we don't need and better organize to be able to fit baby's things. My husband did the whole "we have plenty of time" and "baby's not coming soon" etc. a while back when I couldn't resist my wanting to nest anymore (we're moving shortly after baby arrives so we don't have a nursery, but stuff needed to be moved/cleaned out of her room to fit the few pieces we need in it). Granted, I am a personal trainer so I can still lift things that are about 40-50 pounds, but I had finally had it and started moving stuff myself and he finally got on it to help me. I'm the handywoman in the house, but he does try (usually leads to him bleeding or hurt 95% of the time).

I've basically stopped asking for help with certain things and just do them, unless he's home then I'm asking him to do things for me, which he does, but he's gotten the hint that we're basically out of time to push things back as I'm due in 3 weeks (give or take 2 weeks). Good luck with your situation. They really just don't get it sometimes and really need things spelled out for them.

missycolby79 · August 2015

I feel your pain! We just got our building permit for a major renovation. I'm due in 6 weeks & we've got 12 weeks of major construction ahead of us. So my entire maternity leave will be spent in a work zone. Not to mention we are hosting our shower here at the house in just over a week. Hopefully the roof is still on:)
Always an adventure, life would be boring if we weren't always in the middle of multiple projects.

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