Will I adjust to this news? — The Bump
Multiples

Will I adjust to this news?

Okay, so I found out on Tuesday that I am expecting twins. I am in SHOCK still.

I am worried about SO many things I don't even know where to begin.

When you found out you were having twins, how long did it take before you really felt at peace with the news?
Does anyone have experience finding daycare for twins? I need to look into what that is going to cost, because our household needs my income.
Is this even doable, this whole "two infants at once" thing? I'm a first time mom. This is so scary. I don't even know how I am going to do this!!!!

Soothing words and commiseration wanted.
Me: 36, Him: 38; 2 rescue dogs, 2 stepsons. First pregnancy ! (Eek!)

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Re: Will I adjust to this news?

  • I was a little different I guess because I had actually wanted twins, so finding out,I cried happy excited tears! You will figure out how to be a mom and twin mom very fast! It will be all you know and people will ask you "how do you do it??" And you just do it! Being a twin mom is so awesome! There are hard days but for me there were way more rewarding days! I don't have experience with daycare for twins since I stay home with mine. But congrats, and just relax! You have your whole pregnancy to get used to the idea of having two. Some days I still think that it's crazy I ended up with twins and mine are almost 2! Hah. Enjoy your pregnancy!

    BabyFetus TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Congrats! You will adjust in your own time - we tried for so long that I was pretty stoked about it immediately. I never really made peace with the fact that I had two actually give birth to two babies, though! My twins are 16 weeks and I'm still kinda amazed. Daycare will vary widely based on where you are in the country (world?) but I am in Denver, CO and I have found nannies willing to work full-time for between $1,500 - $2,600 / mo. (I was not at all pleased with the ones on the low end of that range though). In-home care ranged from $2,000 - $2,700 (again not pleased with low-end options). And daycare centers from $2,200 - $3,000. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you!
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  • I found out I am expecting twins about a month ago, and I was definitely in the same place as you for a long time. I'm still kind of in shock and nervous about the whole thing, but I started to calm down as we started figuring out the logistics (where will the babies sleep, what car should we get, etc.). It was a total curveball, because we also have a very rambunctious 2 year old boy. I'm mostly stressed because I feel like everything I learned as a singleton mom is now pretty much out the window. I'm a stay at home mom now, because my husband works crazy hours as a police officer so unfortunately I don't know too much about daycare. All I can say is that we're finding that other people's excitement is pretty infectious, so we're starting to come around to the idea of twins
    BabyFruit Ticker Follow my baby story at: http://www.nycitified.blogspot.com/
  • Lots of hugs! I know how you feel. I'm 23 weeks and I'm still not adjusted, feeling better but not quite there. We were actually really angry when we found out we were pregnant with twins. We did IVF with our toddler and wanted to do single embryo transfer this time, but they coerced us into transferring 2 at the very last minute. It took us both a while to get used to the news.
    We kept the pregnancy to ourselves for a long time. I didn't start telling people until I was 16 wks. What helped the most was time and just talking. We spent a lot of nights just talking, crying, and discussing our fears and concerns. After our early scan and genetic testing we both felt better knowing the babies were healthy. We started talking about how our lives would be different and fitting twins into our current hectic lives. We had to adjust our expectations and vision for the future. I also spent a lot of time talking with close friends.
    Now I'm getting excited. I didn't do much nursery planning or early shopping with my son, but now I'm finding it therapeutic. I've bought cute newborn clothes, matching outfits, and began planning the nursery.
    As far as daycare, we are seriously considering a nanny instead. The daycare cost of two infants is high and a nanny can do things around the house while the babies are napping. We did the math and it will work out to about the same cost even with taxes. It's hard enough to get one kid to daycare, I can't imagine two!
  • Same here - I found out at 8w it was twins and am a FTM as well (my and DH's plan was to have one kid and see how that went before deciding on another...see how well that turned out!). It took me a few weeks to really get used to it. It's definitely doable as there are plenty of twin moms out there who have lived to tell their tales! :)

    I won't have to worry about daycare because DH will be working maybe one day a week (MIL will babysit) and will stay at home with the kids otherwise. I hope you are able to find something that will work for you - I'm sure some of the other twin moms will have suggestions and thoughts!
  • Holy crap- daycare centers and nannies are more expensive than I thought! That's really alarming. I'm not sure what to do, with DH and I both needing to work full time to sustain the family - we really can't afford for one of us to stay home, unfortunately.

    I am feeling exceptionally terrified today (and so exhausted... god....). I just don't know if I can DO this, on several different levels.
    There's the physical part, which I'm afraid of because I've been so sick during the first trimester. There's the emotional part- the stress (I've always been really stress prone) and the financial part.

    Just don't really know what to do. Am definitely going to talk to doctors about my anxiety soon- I feel like although others may have lived to tell the tale, I'm not going to. Ugh!
    Me: 36, Him: 38; 2 rescue dogs, 2 stepsons. First pregnancy ! (Eek!)

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  • Honestly, better to freak out now and get prepared than think everything will be fine and not prepare! The first months with a singleton are hard, so I know twins will be rough, but people survive! Definitely talk to your docs about your anxiety. Rescue Remedy is safe in pregnancy, but so are some meds if you feel like it's really bad.
  • Yeah, I called my mother in a panic earlier today and she told me I need to be taking things one day at a time, focusing on what I can do each day- she's actually advising me to focus more on the little picture rather than worrying in general about how "I can't handle this", etc. But my mornings are rough. I feel too exhausted to move, and I find myself stuck with my own dark thoughts until I can rally and get out of the house. I don't really know who to turn to in those moments; my DH has been getting an earful, and I'm leaning on my mother and sister, but I don't have many friends who get it (I don't have many local friends with kids actually. Not yet.)

    I've got to develop a better strategy for dealing with this panic and anxiety that overwhelms me. I'm just not there yet.
    Me: 36, Him: 38; 2 rescue dogs, 2 stepsons. First pregnancy ! (Eek!)

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  • I'm a FTM of twins as well. I think that's the better way. You have nothing to compare it to so twins will be your normal. My boys are 29weeks old (16weeks corrected) some days run smooth some are a tired blurr but you do it. Before they came home from the hospital I made plenty of meals & stuck them in the freezer so I always had something on hand for those crazy days. But most days I'm able to cook dinner & kerp up with the household chores. In the beginning when your adjusting to them being home & most likely recovering from a c-section don't push yourself or expect too much. Sometimes I'd go days without washing my hair, let your laundry pile up, just focus on them & trying to get sleep when you can. Once you get into a routine things will be easier. Def try to get them on the same sleep & eating schedule. It's completely normal you're freaking out. I think I came around to it more once I found out the sex & could do fun stuff like decorate the nursery. But like your mom said take one day at a time!!
  • Holy crap- daycare centers and nannies are more expensive than I thought! That's really alarming. I'm not sure what to do, with DH and I both needing to work full time to sustain the family - we really can't afford for one of us to stay home, unfortunately.

    I am feeling exceptionally terrified today (and so exhausted... god....). I just don't know if I can DO this, on several different levels.
    There's the physical part, which I'm afraid of because I've been so sick during the first trimester. There's the emotional part- the stress (I've always been really stress prone) and the financial part.

    Just don't really know what to do. Am definitely going to talk to doctors about my anxiety soon- I feel like although others may have lived to tell the tale, I'm not going to. Ugh!

    I was super sick during the first tri as well and into the second. Probably didn't ease up for me until around 18w. My doc prescribed Diclegis for me which has really helped (I do need all 4 that you can take in a day though). Once the MS finally eased up I did feel better overall. Hang in there - no matter what, pregnancy doesn't last forever!
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