Stillborn at 36 weeks

shalyncross · August 2015

On July 16 I gave birth to my beautiful angel baby Kaleb. It's been a few weeks, but I just feel like things are getting worse. I have no interest in pretty much anything, I'm grumpy and tired all the time, and REALLY struggle taking care of my two other sons. I feel like a terrible mother, but I just can't get past losing my baby.

I feel really alone, even though I have lots of support. What did all of you other moms do to get through the heartache? I just feel like a piece of me is missing that I'll never get back.

msunshine123 · August 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Kaleb. Your feelings are normal. I lost my first child at 39 weeks due to a cord accident. This board and the amazing women here have helped me so much. I also recommend your local hospital's perinatal bereavement group and a grief counselor as they also helped me so very much. I am sorry to welcome you here, but know we are here for you. Be patient with yourself - your grief is still fresh. Thinking of you and sending so many hugs your way.

ceclarlinetlo · August 2015

Oh I am so so sorry. Pregnancy loss is hard at any stage but I just can't imagine the pain of such a late term loss. On top of the grief of Kaleb's passing you still have to get through all of the post delivery hormone changes and you don't have the luxury of locking yourself away if you need to be alone- you have other children to care for.

Do you have any friends you can reach out to who can help with your other children? Maybe they could get them out of the house for a few hours or watch them so you can get away for a little bit?

I wish I had more to offer you than just recommending a therapist to help you navigate your grief from kaleb's passing. You are in my thoughts.

stefuge · August 2015

I am so sorry for your loss of Kaleb. It is so hard to welcome new moms to this board and I am so sorry for your loss. Just take it day by day, moment by moment. In the beginning, I would set small goals for myself - like get showered or wash the dishes. I also tried to journal and write out what I was feeling. My parents were around to help with our older son as much as they could, and since I had had a c-section to deliver our second son, I needed a lot of help since I couldn't do any household chores or drive or even go up stairs. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Cry when you need to, yell if you need to, it's all normal. And we are here whenever you need us. The support of these ladies was a huge help for me the first year. ((Hugs)).

houstongirl77 · August 2015

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I know exactly the type of heartache you're enduring. We lost our precious boy at 22 weeks along. I was induced due to incompetent cervix and infection had set in. He was stillborn.

The way I got through the days was taking
It one day at a time. I know that sounds so cliche but it's all you can do. I have a 4 year old daughter and it was extremely hard getting back into the swing of motherhood. I miss my son every single day. I think over time you will learn to accept a "new normal" but I feel you'll never quite be the same as you were before.
Maybe I'm only speaking for myself ... Take care and we are praying for you ❤️❤️❤️

MamaBish · August 2015

I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of little Kaleb. It's so heartbreaking.

Those first few weeks, I generally just sat and stared out the window. I watched the same movie over and over again. And I doodled. I didn't eat. And I cried a lot.

I went to therapy (and still do from time to time if I need it) and it helped me to know that I was normal and not crazy.

After a while, I decided to actively grieve. I decided to try anything (healthy!) that could help. So I started an art journal. I joined online forums and talked with others, helping others helps me. I joined a support group. I started gardening. I got some grown up coloring books. Etc. I'm about to start exercising again to help get out the anger.

Do whatever you feel you need to do to get better. Life may never be the same again, but it can be better than it is.

I post this image a lot, but it's what got me through the days (and still does from time to time)

aang0250 · August 2015

My heart goes out to you for your loss. What you are feeling is totally normal. My daughter Olivia, was stillborn at 35 weeks due to a cord accident. I ended up with an emergency C-section that evening, and during my recovery I can remember for weeks just sitting in my living room with no tv on, no sound, just blankly staring into space, reliving the horrible memories of that night over and over again. IT does get BETTER!!! I hated the saying, "it just takes time", but six months almost to the date, I can assure you it does get easier in time. Be patient with yourself and most importantly let yourself grieve as you want! The first 2-3 months will be a roller coaster of emaotions.

My husband and I found great support in our local heal group for infant loss. In that group the social worker expressed the importance of grieving as we want and should. Not allowing others to tell us what is right or wrong in our grieving process. We together made the decision to follow that suggestion, and have been selfish in our grieving process, however, I felt that it allowed us to grieve properly and move forward each day from the loss.

Prayers to you and your family.

ikrystal · August 2015

**signature warning**

I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our twin sons (due to different circumstances) a year and a half ago, and I remember feeling like I was not capable of doing anything. I echo what everyone else has said - do what you feel like doing, take care of yourself, and in time you feel find that you are more able to take care of others again and even find happiness. My husband and I took a trip to the west coast right after our boys died to help us find some time to think about them, time with each other, and away from the craziness of being at home. This board helped me a lot too, and I hope it helps you.

jonahsma · August 2015

** LC MENTIONED

Im sorry for your loss of Kaleb. It is very hard to care for children when you are going through something like this. Like pp's have said you go day, by day. You will want to shut yourself away from everyone, you will want to scream, cry, sleep and sometimes feel like you want to give up.. but don't give up. Every morning I convinced myself to get up, I kept telling myself that my kids needed me, they needed to bathe, get dressed and eat. That pushed me to get through the day. Your loss is still so fresh, there are so many things going on physically, mentally, and emotionally but you will get through it, it doesn't seem like it now but you will. The ladies on this board have been an amazing source of support for me and they will be for you too. BIG ((HUGS))

shalyncross · August 2015

Thank you everyone for your kind words, encouragement and advice. Although I'm not happy that there are so many of in this predicament, it does help me to know that I'm not the only one and that it will get better...eventually.

smaguire77 · October 2015

I lost my baby girl at 38 weeks on 10/5/15. I started contractions and she got tangled in her cord.
Some days all I can do to get up and take a shower, and some days I leave the house for a little while. (Can't go back to work yet)
I'm startled awake every day with panic realizing I'm no longer pregnant and facing the loss every morning over again. I take comfort in reading about the pain being less and easier to deal with.... Right now, all I can feel is pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. You aren't alone and we will get through this.

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