Paternity leave vs Maternity leave

BkKittyMama · August 2015

A small petty rant: I will not get paid by my employer for any of my 12 weeks of leave, which they are really only giving me because of FMLA ( I work for a catholic school!!) But my boyfriend is going to get full pay for "how ever much time he thinks he needs" at a minimum of 4 weeks up to 6 months!

Don't get me wrong I am super grateful that he will be home with us and we won't lose his pay check BUT it feels SO unfair!!! I am birthing the baby!! UGH.

Our country really is something else sometimes...

preggoandglowing · August 2015

That really blows. What state are you in?

MegStark · August 2015

Well, at least one of you gets paid leave. My employer also doesn't offer maternity leave. Do you at least have short-term disability? I get unpaid FMLA as well, but for 6 of the weeks I'll have short-term disability.

MY DH will be taking a week of his vacation time, but doesn't get paternity leave.

Birthinrox · August 2015

I know! It sucks! For my son I got 10 weeks (not the full 12 because I had to take 2 wks FMLA during my pregnancy) and my husband got 6 months!
I will tell you that it is so helpful having your partner there. Everyone commented on how well rested we were and I'm sure it's because my husband was home with us. When we had a sleepless night neither of us had to get up to go to work. We even went out to a bar (gasp!) one night when the baby refused to sleep! We just sat outside and shared a beer, but it was fun.
This time around I'm not working because I just graduated. I had a job offer but would have only gotten 8.5 wks off total. I'm having twins so I will likely have to go out before the babies are born. Luckily they pushed back my start date so I will be home for at least 3 months with the babies.

Our country sucks with family leave. My friend lives in Norway-she got 54 wks!!!

kkarik · August 2015

I think these are two separate things.

Look into short term disability, as it may give you a portion of your pay (not ideal, but better than nothing).

I firmly believe that a father has just as much right to paid time off as the mother. Your bf seems to be in a great situation at his work. My DH does not get any paid time and we don't acrue vacation time as we are both public school teachers. He will use a few days of sick leave while I'm in the hospital, but has to go back to work because we need both incomes.

While I understand your frustration as maternity leave in the US is a joke, don't let that color your view of your bf's leave. You are BOTH deserving of the time to bond with your LO.

*stepping off of my soap box now ☺

momotheflyinglemur · August 2015

It absolutely appalling that the work sectors you feel should be the MOST accommodating to people starting families are the absolute WORST about maternity leave!!!! I used to work in Early Childhood Education. These are people who make their money off of people having little ones!!! But if one of their teachers gets pregnant they have next to nothing in place to make them feel comfortable.

I watched as pregnant teachers were docked pay for going to their doctor's appointments. Nearly harassed for requesting their time off or asking for an assistant to lift babies onto changing tables when it got too risky for them. Of course, FMLA requires all workplaces to have the twelve weeks unpaid, but most teachers were so worn out by all the shit they had to put up with while pregnant that they didn't even bother returning. The one lady who did came back for three days and then quit because the manager refused to accept her time-off request to take baby to their first pediatric appointment!

I am sorry that you don't get paid time off and I certainly hope that if you are being treated in any fashion similar to the way these teachers were being treated that you report them as soon as you can!

Edit: Came back to say something constructive because all of ^^^ is so ranty! Do you have vacation time that you can use? Are there any positions open at your BF's company maybe you can get a job there instead? hahaha

hugs though, for real! Other posters all make great points about short-term disability.

rain0831boww · August 2015

It sucks but like the PP, at least one of you get it. The US is the worst with Paid Maternity leave and I understand why. Check with your employer and see if you are eligible for short term disability. Are you able to take vacation?

Birthinrox · August 2015

momotheflyinglemur said:
It absolutely appalling that the work sectors you feel should be the MOST accommodating to people starting families are the absolute WORST about maternity leave!!!!

Seriously, I worked postpartum per diem as an RN before I was pregnant. They refused to accommodate my OB's recommendation that I only work 8 hr shifts. So now I don't work at all. A fricking maternity unit!!!

AlejandraN2 · August 2015

I think it's amazing that your bf gets so much time off. Sucks about losing your salary but great that he can keep it and be with you guys. I'm lucky enough that i'll probably get about 10 weeks paid mostly because i've been at my company for over 5 years (they have an accumulative maternity leave policy), but my husband has no paid paternity leave so he'll take about a week unpaid from FMLA and maybe sick days.

Did anyone hear Netflix's new policy? Unlimited maternity/paternity leave for baby's first year. Between them, Google, Johnson + Johnson and a couple of other companies, i'm starting to get hopeful that we may be heading to the right direction.

RSB1982 · August 2015

@BkKittyMama I would love to know where your BF works, 6 months paternity is amazing. My DH works for a university and gets 3 weeks and I thought that was pretty good.

ammnam14 · August 2015

6 months paternity leave is amazing! My husband gets 10 days and whatever leave days he decides to take.

Just to mimic @AlejandraN2 I really believe America is moving in the right direction! The new Netflix policy is amazing. I have seen a lot of negative comments about it and really just want to punch them all in the nose. Why would ANYONE be against that!!!

whit3183 · August 2015

I understand the OP's frustration, and I think the moral of the story is that we ALL need to be more vocal about supporting mandatory paid maternity leave. The United States is the only first world nation that does not require at least some amount of paid leave. And if you follow politics at all, you know it's not even an issue candidates are discussing right now; it's too progressive for even mainstream Democrats to touch. The only way it's going to change is if women in both political parties start being more vocal.

Taylovesbrad · August 2015

Honestly 6 weeks is typical for US residents. Your husband's situation is a HUGE blessing because that is Def not the norm. At least your husband could be home with babe for 6 months instead of at daycare. I would try to look at this as a huge blessing... because it is.

Gingermom15 · August 2015

I work at a hospital and they only offer 6 weeks maternity leave with 60% of my base pay, which is basically just short term disability. I can take an additional 6 weeks unpaid or use my pto to supplement, which is my plan. The first week when the baby is born, assuming I work until the day of, is pto to meet my percentage as well because it's considered calling off. If I didn't have a good banked amount of pto I would have to return after the 6 week leave, which is ludicrous. My SO is planning his week vacation for the week the baby is due, but gets zero paternity leave. As luck would have it, the place he works shuts down the week of Christmas and reopens a couple days after New Years so everyone gets family time for Christmas. He gets 60% of base pay, as well.

kkarik · August 2015

@whit3183 What you said, only we need to be demanding paid family leave! Both parents deserve the time to adjust to a new member of the family.

VesperLove · August 2015

It sounds like you guys are on both ends of the spectrum of this issue. Your employer chooses to go the most conservative/minimum required route and your husband's company chooses to go above and beyond. Frustrating for you but wonderful for him.

Sorry you don't have the paid time you'd like but remember that it's still a positive that you get up to 12 weeks with job security. Some places aren't even required to provide that. Any time off can risk their job ... not a huge positive when you have to give up pay during that time, but still nice.

My company doesn't pay during FMLA time either, unless you have vacation or holiday hours banked that you can run in conjunction. I will happen to have three weeks of vacation saved up when baby gets here so 3 of my 12 weeks FMLA will end up being paid.

Thankfully, my company does also offer short term disability so I'll get the standard 6 or 8 weeks (depending on type of birth) paid before having to dip into my FMLA.

Good luck to you

but happy for you that you'll at least be able to have your husband home for awhile.

Ccat1977 · August 2015

I don't get short term disability and I haven't been here long enough for any FMLA rights so no money when I go on leave. Luckily husband gets 2 weeks. That being said, I won't be returning to this place. What's the motivation to return if they don't give employees decent benefits. There are better options out there and I agree typical company standards for leave in the US stink. On a good note, Adobe just increased their leave to 26 weeks and Netflix offers 6 months now I think. Maybe more will join the bandwagon.

celainev · August 2015

I've already shared this but in Canada we get a year paid at 60% which is amazing and I am 100% thankful for it! My husband was asked if he was going to take time off and he asked for a week after baby comes (he'll be paid 100% in "stacked" time.)
I noticed that my parents were a bit judgy and told him he should work through the whole week and even if I'm in labour!! I told him he definitely deserves the week off and should use it for bonding, and of course, assisting me.

Has anyone else dealt with judgy people regarding paternity leave?

rdilts · August 2015

My company doesn't give paid leave either but I can take my vacation and sick time so I can get a paycheck while I am off. Luckily I will have just enough for 6 weeks, and I pay into short term disability to that gives me 60% of my income while I am pregnant. My husband on the other hand is not offered paid anything so he may just take 2 weeks off when I have to go back to work. We shall see.....

Mags128 · August 2015

I will be taking 12 weeks of fmla. The first 4 weeks will be short term disability so 4 weeks of 60% pay. Then I will use my accrued pto which will be 2 weeks. Everything else will be unpaid.

DH is a teacher so he has been able to accrue his sick time every year so will probably take 3 weeks paid. Then a couple days throughout leave.

VixDecember2015 · August 2015

I keep hearing the amazing stories from my friends and friends-of-friends about how their employers will give them 6 months at 90% pay, etc. for maternity/paternity. But those are dreams for most of us.

I am a federal government employee in the US. We get unpaid FMLA and are not eligible for short-term disability. The only way that we will get paid is if we use our vacation and sick days during our time off. Earlier this year, the president made a big deal about his executive order to give federal employees up to 6 weeks paid sick time off after having a baby - in truth, he just authorized us to use our sick days in advance. IT WOULD TAKE 2.5 YEARS TO REPAY THOSE DAYS OFF. 2.5 years where you won't get paid if you (or your kid) get sick or you have another kid. And you can't quit working for the federal government before all of the time is paid back because then they can go into your bank account and take back the equivalent money that you owe. Talk about the federal government leading by example....... Sorry. Sensitive topic. We have been trying for another kid for a while, so I have been saving up my days off and haven't taken a vacation in a long time. I apparently need one.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

IMHO, you are incredibly lucky. That's amazing that your BF can get that much paid time off.

candimann · August 2015

Here in Canada, sick leave plus maternity leave and parental leave we can get a total of 65 weeks of leave with pay (decreased pay)

kategancla · August 2015

At this point I would be thrilled with 6 weeks paid at half my salary. DH and I both teach at charter schools and neither of us get any paid time off.

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

I'll admit, partway through I started skimming. Like I told my mom earlier, I've been ditzy lately and focus was never a strength. It seems like there are a lot of good posts but I wanted to add, since I didn't see it mentioned, I found when my husband was out of work at different times for various reasons that when you stay home you don't spend as much. I don't know how tight finances are but it is something to concider. We weren't out the gas money for his commute or his work lunches, eating together at home we saved a lot and the car hardly needed to be filled with gas. We were actually more comfortable sometimes on reduced income for these reasons.

rachel10488 · August 2015

My husband just started a new job and I found out yesterday that the only way he'll be able to take any time off for the baby is vacation days and those don't start accruing until after 90 days so by the time December comes he'll be able to take a whole 4 days paid off. That makes me very sad and now I'm hoping the baby comes a few days before Christmas so we can add that time on too.
I am grateful that this new job pays enough for me to be able to stay home with our baby but it's not right that father's get zero bonding time with their children and we obviously can't afford for him to be taking none paid days off.

garrettnr · August 2015

My husband is a contractor and can only take accrued vacation time .
We are hoping this current contract leads to an offer to work for them.
It won't be in time for him to qualify for any paternal leave.
I'm a graduate student and will be taking a semester off and probably studying for my CPA exam when I can.
It will be hard on my DH missing the time with the LO.
He is a citizen of Australia and came to the U.S. for me, and he is extremely disappointed with the normal vacation time offered here not just the mat/pat leave.

krick43 · August 2015

I have short term disability and then FMLA where I can supplement with my personal time (sick/personal/vacation is all one bank) I likely won't get paid the whole 12 weeks which isn't perfect, but we will figure it out!

I don't disagree that the system here doesn't promote new parents to stay home with their babies due to cost. My husband is from the UK where the maternity leave system is infinitely better BUT good news- you found out on the earlier side about your leave so now you can use this time to plan & save!

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