I think my friend is pregnant but afraid to tell people...

intheversa · August 2015

My friend just got married. She's in her thirties and I know she and her DH wanted to have kids in the near future. Today was my shower and she started asking me all these questions about the baby. She loves kids, but I've never seen her so into pregnancy stuff. I wondered if maybe she was trying or just curious.

Then later tonight we were out at her house for her sister's surprise party that we had thrown together. She immediately pulled out Sangria and told me she made a non-alcoholic one just for me, but then I saw her drinking it too. When we were alone she started asking me and DH all these questions about the first trimester like how far along was I when I had told her? When should you tell people? Once you have an ultrasound are you safe from miscarriage or when do the risks go down? My DH kind of looked at her funny and then at me like "Did you forget to tell me something?" and we answered her questions, but then she just got all quiet.

When we got in the car I told my DH that either she's pregnant or trying. I don't think I should ask her, but if she is, I think she wanted to tell me, but isn't sure when she should. I'm very close to her and her sister and I'm sure her sister will hear it first so I don't want to say anything to either of them. I really hope she is though. Her last husband left her b/c he didn't want kids anymore and it really hurt her. He new DH is all about kids so I really want things to go well for them. I shouldn't say anything right? I want her to tell me when she's comfortable, but I'm worried that she was trying to tonight, but was too afraid.

edited: I'm getting the vibe from her that she doesn't know when she can tell people or who to talk to about it and that's what she was trying to do last night. I'm trying to think of how to subtly tell her where to get the info so she can decide for herself.

Knottie59387608 · August 2015

It's sweet you care so much! I wouldn't say anything though, she will tell you when she is ready! Just pretend you had no idea and act even more excited when she tells you lol.
Edit: also if she's asking about miscarriages and when it is safe to tell people she may just be waiting to get in the clear zone. She's obviously wanted children for a long time and if it is finally happening I'm sure it would crush her even more if something happened and had already gotten everyone excited about it. Just let her tell you when she is ready

intheversa · August 2015

Thanks, that's kind of what I hinted at tonight. I told her that I was forced into telling people early because my In-laws couldn't keep quiet so that if I'd had a choice I would have waited until I was ready.

She just seemed so torn tonight so I just kind of played dumb and plan on doing so until she tells me.

mollypuss1 · August 2015

Definitely wait til she tells you. I didn't tell anyone til after my 20 week scan because I was so paranoid about something going wrong after previous problems. When I did 'announce' my friend told me she had suspected for a while but she understood why I had kept it quiet for so long. If your friend is pregnant she will tell you when the time feels right to her.

LiveNLove44 · August 2015

I'm with others and would definitely wait to let her tell you on her own terms. It sounds like you're a good support for her, so she probably won't wait long, but she needs time to let it sink in, too. Knowing that she might be pregnant might be the best way you can support her in keeping it a secret around others. Consider being the subject changer if other people bring it up around her and they don't appear to be the kind of people she's interested in telling at this point. You and I both know she can't hide that kind of secret forever, so giving her time sounds like the best way to go about it!

intheversa · August 2015

Thanks @Livenlove44. I was thinking about it and she really doesn't have too many friends with kids. She can also be really shy about things so I don't think she feels very comfortable talking to people about it but doesn't know where to get the right information. If she asks me again I might just mention that when I found out I bought the Mayo Clinic's guide to a healthy pregnancy and it really helped me understand the risks and what not. But remind her that it's her decision on when to tell people.

adriennerose80 · August 2015

She's definitely pregnant. Every thing she has done and asked, I did and asked. haha

ksully1776 · August 2015

Looks like i have the dissenting opinion here; I'd ask her. Tactfully, of course. You say you're very close to her, so it shouldn't be awkward to ask gently. Next time she starts asking questions like that, I'd ask her if there was something she wanted to tell me. Or ask if there was a particular reason she wants to know. Basically just let it be known that she can share with you if she wants. Based on your post, it sounds to me like she's pretty desperate to talk about it.

intheversa · August 2015

Thanks and maybe she is. I'm going to give her a few days. I think she's still in that scared of losing the baby period that we all go through. I may suggest a game night in the next couple of weeks and see if she brings it up again.

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