Dear Sister In Law's **loss & child mentioned-possible trigger**

#1-Congrats on baby #3. I wanted to thank you and my brother for seeking counsel from family and for struggling with how to break the news to me. I knew you were trying and it was only a matter of time before I got the news so I was mentally prepared. I appreciate you telling me before you told the rest of the family so I had time to process the information but I wish it wouldn't have been in person. I said congrats and I meant it but it still hurt. Hopefully what I was feeling inside didn't make it on my face that day. I am happy for you both as I know this has been planned for a year and I'm just glad you've never experienced loss and pray you never will. Please don't take it personal when I don't like each Facebook post about your pregnancy. Some days it's easier to digest than others.

#2- Thanks for text last night letting me know baby #2 is on the way. I knew once my BIL found out we were trying you wouldn't be far behind just like my first pregnancy . What did BIL say last time? Oh that's right, "we can't allow them to have all of the attention". I wish I could say I am genuinely happy for you but the news was like a sucker punch to the gut. The happiness and healing I've done seemed to dissipate in an instance and I'm angry with myself for allowing your news to take that away from me. I'm hoping this turns out to be viable pregnancy and you go on to have a healthy 9 months but forgive me if I don't ask how you are feeling or appear overly excited. Quite frankly, I just don't care right now. Perhaps it's similar to you not caring when and how you broke the news?!? A call to DH asking if he thought it might be a good idea to tell me or asking how to tell me would have been a good place to start but I guess common sense isn't something that can be taught. I will one day be truly happy for you but, today is not that day I won't pretend it is.

#3 - I wanted to thank you for not calling me to announce you are TTC #2. My brother isn't quite as subtle and called DH a month after my D&C bragging that you would be pregnant within weeks. I think he's missing the same sensitivity chip SIL #2 is missing. Clearly my two losses this year has lit a fire in your 30 yr old uterus, which I totally understand, and you decided not to wait until 2016 as you and my brother have told us for the past year. I want you to know once you have another baby I will love my niece or nephew as I love the rest of them but if I seem uninterested in the beginning it's because I am. I have fought hard to get past the hurt and depression of multiple losses and I can't allow two or three pregnant SIL's to drag me back to that place. I am and I will be happy for you when it happens but today.....today I am hurting.

It's been about 10 weeks since my 9 week old baby's heart stopped beating. Maybe that seems like ample time to be over experiencing something of that magnitude but I don't think i will ever forget the pain of that day and sadly your good news reminds of that moment. I know everything happens in God's perfect timing, which has been evident in so many areas of my life, but I don't always understand the process, so again...please bear with me on the days I struggle. I happen to love each you dearly.

Signed, struggling to understand