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Alone 32 weeks

Torry04Torry04 member
in October 2015 Moms
alright ladies I don't post here often but I do read your posts often. My boyfriend of just over a year left me. One thing lead to another during a argument and it came out that he isn't truly in love with me. He was just pretending or playing house in a essence because it's what he thought he needed to do and was the "right" thing once I became pregnant. He showed zero signs of this and I had no idea he felt even slightly this way. He reassured me many times how much he loved me, was excited he was to have this new family with me. So on and so on... This came completely out of the blue. I'm hurt, upset that he lied, all sorts of mixed emotions. I have no doubt he will be an amazing father and involved with our daughter once she is here. I guess that's ultimately all that matter. I just don't understand how he could fake, or change his feelings so quickly. Makes me almost wonder if he just got over whelmed or scared all of a sudden and left. Ladies, I have so much anxiety. Going from someone being lovey dovey and supportive to cold hearted and a lier over night is tough to handle. Especially at 32 weeks pregnant...not a good time to leave anyone. Sorry for the long post I needed to vent and some advice/ support. :/ I know everything will work out how it's suppose to and my daughter and I will do amazing. Right now, it's a whole different story just getting through the day is just about too much.
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Re: Alone 32 weeks

  • MariahOBrienMariahOBrien member
    Hey there,

    I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you. These types of things are never, ever easy. I don't have any advice per se, but I want you to know that you can talk to us and vent any time! These ladies are wonderful, hilarious, and thoughtful. I hope you stick around here. Best of luck, girl. Again, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Hugs! xo
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  • plumpousplumpous member
    I think in life stuff happens when it happens, and not when it's convenient for us. A lot of times, the hardest stuff to deal with happens when we are at our most vulnerable. It sucks, but you know, we have no control over certain events. What I came to learn is that we are kind of amazing and strong, and this pain will heal with time. Ultimately, you are better off not spending your life with a love that isn't true, and in time you will find someone who loves you for real.
    I am very sorry to hear your story, and I wish you a better future. A baby is going to be tough to bring up alone, but the love you will have for it is going to fill you with so much joy. 
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  • elmann1elmann1 member
    I'm so sorry you're going through this... you know, men go through hormonal imbalances too, just as we do. Sounds to me like he got angry and overwhelmed and kind of just said things without thinking. It's hard to believe anyone can become cold hearted over night, unless he's felt this for a while OR he's just hormonal and overreacting (just as I've been this trimester sometimes!) Give it some time, i'm sure he'll cool down and realize that wasn't cool. You're a strong momma at 32 weeks (woohoo!) very soon you'll have a healthy baby and you'll be stronger than ever AND a mom. He needs to grow up a little bit. Let him do that while you do you during the rest of this pregnancy. 
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  • cbolton19cbolton19 member
    Do you have some family or friends close by that you can get some support from? I don't really have any other advice, but I'm so sorry. I
    That is a difficult situation. Sending you positive vibes.
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  • LiveNLove44LiveNLove44 member
    Torry04 said:
    Thank you so much for such a sweet notes! I wouldn't want to stay with him if that's how he truly feels. I appreciate his honestly even if it came way too late. I just wish we could have tried to do everything we could to fix the issue, to try to stay together. Ultimately though you can't make someone do something they don't want to and feel no positive result from sadly. I'm surrounded by so much love and support I won't ever be alone. Things will get better and easier each day...have to keep reminding myself of this. Positive and happiness for my baby girl :)
    @Torry04, this is such a strong mentality. I can tell that you feel confident in the love and support that surrounds you, but I also hope you know that being upset and confused can be a healthy part of the process, too. You are right that this is not easy for anyone, especially at 32 weeks pregnant, but it will not change the love you have for your baby girl. She is already so blessed to have you as a mom, and your former BF will hopefully recognize how lucky your daughter is to have you as a mom. 

    It sounds like he shared some pretty serious feelings with you, and while he can't ever take it back, he may still grow to better understand his own feelings. As you two become parents of this little girl, I hope the two of you can maintain a good level of trust in one another. Lots of hugs to you!
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  • intheversaintheversa member
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I am agreeing with a lot of the ladies comments here. I think he's working out a lot of feelings at the moment and like the others have said, needs to grow up some. I would imagine that a baby will really change things for both of you and hopefully he wants to be involved in her life. If he really doesn't love you, then the three of you are better off because I think years of forcing yourselves to love each other would only hurt more in the long run.

    Give him some space. Lean on your and friends and even us for the support right now. I know with hormones it only makes things worse. Get through the rest of this pregnancy and then take it from there and see how you two work as co-parents. It will all work itself out for the best, just give it time. 
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  • DeeGreerDeeGreer member
    I'm so so sorry. I'm dealing with a similar situation, except we've decided to try but it doesn't feel promising. I'm glad to hear you've got a great network of support and you're maintaining a positive outlook despite the crappy situation. Something about knowing I've got a little one to care for gets me out of a funk pretty quickly because baby boys health and happiness is more important than the pity parties I sometimes throw myself. If you need anyone to talk to, please reach out. I can't say I know exactly how you feel but I think I have an idea. It's shitty but I keep telling myself the best revenge is living well ;)
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  • CaitLewis15CaitLewis15 member
    @Torry04 that's such a difficult thing, and I'm so sorry it's happening now. You've already gotten good advice from PP's, and by your last post it's clear that you are a strong minded woman with lots of support. The timing of this is pretty bad, but you're right, if that's how he really feels, you're better off without that.

    BF may come back to his senses, but he is going to have to do a lot of damage control to make you feel safe with him again (and I would look sideways at any dramatic L&D room declarations or promises). Listen to your gut, and if anything isn't feeling right, call him on it. You'll be too busy with your new daughter to deal with anyone else's emotional issues anyway. Best of luck to you, mama!

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  • ameares721ameares721 member
    I found out my husband had been sleeping with someone else for six months when I was 15 weeks pregnant. It's not the same situation, but I'm sure we share similar feelings! Time does help, but the pain will always be there in some form.

    It will not change your ability to be an awesome mother! If I could make a suggestion based on my friends' experiences though, it would be to have a custody/child support agreement prepared. All of my friends thought that the father of their child would "man up" and "do the right thing" and they took the dad at his word... Only for him to not contribute and totally flake! You should protect yourself and your child the best way you can!

    Best of luck!
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  • fletcherj1fletcherj1 member
    It is very sad that you are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you but like you said you will be okay and things will get better!
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  • sdnyc99sdnyc99 member
    Obviously I don't know what will happen with your situation in the end, but I just wanted to add my experience:

    I raised my older daughter alone. I was dating her biological father at the time I got pregnant but I knew he wasn't the one for me and that we wouldn't be together long-term (he was immature, couldn't hold down a job, didn't have a HS diploma, etc, etc). We stayed together for a bit just because it was easier to have that support through the pregnancy, but then broke up soon after she was born. Well, he turned out to be a very dangerous situation...drugs were being used & sold out of his house and guns were around...so I cut off all ties with him 100%. Sadly for him, he's had no relationship with her whatsoever.

    BUT, my daughter had an amazing, wonderful childhood full of all the love and support I could possible imagine thanks to my family and friends. She's now a confident, happy, talented, successful 17-yo who is applying to colleges in the fall. I'm now remarried to her wonderful stepfather and she does have 2 parents who adore her.

    Having two biological parents actively involved in their lives isn't absolutely necessary to a child's happiness and stability. It might be more work for you, but if you have good people around you who also love your baby, that'll make it easier. You can do it; it's not the end of the world.

    I do hope things work out the way you want them to with the father, but if they don't, please know that you and your baby will be okay!
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  • RaijapattersonRaijapatterson member
    Oh boy! That's awful! And I'm so sorry that he felt he could do that to you. Obviously nobody deserves that and especially someone who is carrying their child. Ugh! People disgust me. Let me just say I applaud you for your positive attitude towards him being a great father. You have been through a lot with him and to still try and hold him in a positive light is admirable, but may be a little naive. I am not trying to be mean but it sounds like someone who had been so devious and really made you believe he loved you and that things were wonderful, only to find out the opposite was true is a con man. Or what in a professional sense they call a sociopath. I have professional and personal experience with these types and hope I am wrong. But someone who is capable of doing these things may also be capable of doing horrible damage to your child. I would say keep your eyes wide open to what he really did and what he is capable of doing. Hope he turns out to be the wonderful father you think he will be! Best of luck to a happy life for you and your LO most importantly!
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  • gabrielafrnqyepezgabrielafrnqyepez member
    Im sorry that you are dealing with this situation, i think that the fact he was honest with you was good, his timing was shitty tho... none the less that doesn't help you out in your situation, just know that YOU CAN BE A GOOD MOM WITHOUT HIM, to be a mom all you need is you! 

    finding the right partner to spend your life with or raise children with isn't easy, i can tell you from my experience i have a son and i had decided to stay with his father and try and be a family , i never really loved him and knew that he wasn't "the one" but it was the right thing to do ( or so i thought ) this made him and i very unhappy for about a yr i couldn't take it anymore and we split up (there were other factors too).

    I was very fortunate to have met DH a man who's great and amazing, what i am trying to say is things happen for a reason we dont always see it as it being a good reason but at the end you will see the big picture. 

    Best of luck momma and as PP have said we are here if you need someone to vent to, laugh with or just kill some time! 





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