PGAL check-in warning: discussion of loss

rainbowminion · August 2015

PGAL = pregnancy after loss

How's everyone doing? I'm going to try to make this a regular thing but with the pregnancy brain I can't make any promises! How are your anxiety levels? Have you found something that really helps?

I found this blog post and really liked it:

PGAL bill of rights

purpletulip · August 2015

Thanks for posting this!
I had a good OB appointment yesterday. My doctor focused on our emotional well being and made me feel well supported.
Although I have more anxiety about the pregnancy this time around, my main fears revolve around after the baby is born since that's when my son died.
I enjoyed that blog post. PGAL is such a complicated dance of grief, anxiety and happiness. I feel a lot differently about announcing this time too- like people will think I've "moved on" or forget about my son that died. Silly thoughts, but still there. Does anyone else have that too?
The author of that post writes the blog "stillborn and still breathing" that I discovered a few days ago and I've found that to be very helpful.
https://www.stillbornandstillbreathing.com/?m=1

Edit: added link

sausages1 · August 2015

Hi ladies. This is my third pregnancy after our two losses and my anxiety and worry has actually been pretty low key. I still worry, and I know I will worry more the further on I get since I lost our first at almost 42 weeks and two days after he was born and our second was stillborn at 25 weeks.

ETA: third hopefully healthy pregnancy I mean - two losses, then DD, then DS then this one.

I mainly worry because DH took a LOT of convincing to have this baby and he has already said if we have another loss that's it, no more. The ONLY thing that made me feel better after our losses last time was being able to TTC again. I don't know how i'll cope if we loose this one and there is no chance of ever TTC again.

I am sorry to hear of your losses. Can I ask what happened to your babies? If you're open to sharing?

Those links are great. I've bookmarked that second one to read through later.

FreshBakedBrownies · August 2015

@purpletulip after my son was born, I actually had a friend say to me, "doesn't this make you forget about everything you went through?".
I'm sure I surprised her when I rather angrily said no.
If anything, it makes me think of the babies I lost even more. Of the life they didn't get to have and the siblings that didn't exist for my son.

We just told our parents this past weekend and I'm 13 weeks today. I wasn't looking forward to announcing, since I'm still nervous about something going wrong.

pbtoast · August 2015

I've been feeling better and better the farther I get along. However, I've found that my anxiety has resurfaced now that we are announcing. I keep thinking that now there's even more at stake because if, heaven forbid, something goes wrong, we'll have to go through the torturous process of "untelling" everyone who we've told. I know that is so insignificant in the scheme of enduring a loss, but it has brought back some emotions that I had somewhat buried over the last few weeks.

bredoll · August 2015

@pbtoast - I have the same feelings. With the miscarriage we had only told his parents/sister and my 2 really good girlfriends and were planning on telling my dad and calling my mom on Sunday but I miscarried on Saturday. This time so many more people know since the doctor keeps telling me everything is going perfectly. I thought after I got past the previous miscarriage point my anxiety would drop, and it did for a little while. It has reared its ugly little head again.

rachrobertson · August 2015

I will be 12 weeks tomorrow and just got the results of my harmony test today and was bawling like a baby in the grocery store because everything came back low risk. I have a healthy DD followed by a mmc at 10 weeks which we didn't do testing after, so we don't know what caused it. So, with my history of a healthy pregnancy and us being low risk for the major trisomy defects that increase chance of miscarriage, I am finally starting to feel some relief that we will get to bring this baby home. Also, found out we are having a boy! Total surprise since I have been having dreams of another girl and my daughter calls the baby her sister. We will just be happy to bring a healthy baby home in February. My next appointment is next Tuesday, after that we may announce to friends if all is well, family already knows. Love this weekly check in!

borgahurst · August 2015

Thank you for starting this! I would love to have this each week!!

I have had two early losses - one this past August and November. We have no living children. After making it past those milestones I thought my anxiety would lessen - it didn't. Only in the last few weeks (once I hit double digits) have I started to believe that this pregnancy might make it.

I too am feeling anxious about officially announcing. We have told plenty of people but the seeming finality of shouting it to the world is horrifying. I really do want to talk about my losses but I know it makes others uncomfortable. And making it public means that if something does happen everyone has to deal with that outcome.

If our appointment a week from today shows a healthy heart beat then we are announcing. But I'm still freaked.

rainbowminion · August 2015

Announcing is a huge deal to me too! My husband and I took some cute announcement photos this weekend and I decided that if little one looks ok on the NT scan this Friday then the pictures will go up on Facebook. It's terrifying to do it so soon (at least it feels soon, 13 weeks so later than most I think). I won't have the test results back yet. But I just need proof that baby is still alive in there. If we get bad results back from the testing, maybe I'll feel bad about bringing everyone in on it, but on the other hand this is still our baby regardless of whether we get to bring her/him home.

pbtoast · August 2015

@rainbowminion That's how I felt too. We started announcing after my 12 week US even though we haven't gotten the genetic testing results yet.

purpletulip · August 2015

@sausages1 My son died last November of SIDS. The risk of it happening again are low, but I don't know how I'm not going to be terrified knowing that healthy babies can just die like that.
I also had a mmc in March.
@ss456 It baffles me how someone could think another baby would make you forget all the sorrow. I've been told that it's very bittersweet; that the new baby will bring up memories and thoughts of the one you lost, as well as grief.

For everyone who was talking about announcements, I've seen some sweet ones online that incorporate a child that is no longer living. I'm going that route because it shows that he is still part of the family.

TheBeesBonnett · August 2015

I have had not one reason to fret this pregnancy but I still can't relax, I am terrified of my appointments because I just haven't been able to believe everything is ok. Ugh, it's good to get that off my chest

purpletulip · August 2015

After talking with my doctor yesterday, I've finally decided to get a home Doppler for peace of mind. Has anyone else bought one?

bredoll · August 2015

We took the announcement pics on Sunday after hearing a strong HB on Tuesday, but I've been delaying picking one to use for FB because that makes it REALLY out there. If I keep stalling at this rate I'll be at 16 weeks.

pbtoast · August 2015

purpletulip said:
After talking with my doctor yesterday, I've finally decided to get a home Doppler for peace of mind. Has anyone else bought one?

I have one. It is definitely reassuring but I do worry that one day I won't be able to find the HB for some reason and will freak. And I could see that it would be easy to become obsessed with it. So I guess it's a bit of a double-edged sword. Overall I'm glad I have it though.

SarahS06 · August 2015

This is my 5th pregnancy. My first was uneventful and I have a healthy DS. Two of my other pregnancies were early losses followed by a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and a d&c at 11 weeks. My losses were between August 2014 and January 2015.

I went to therapy after our last loss and also began working with a reproductive endocrinologist. I've struggled from the beginning to have to let go of the thought/expectation that something would go wrong. Our RE was so positive that we would have success that I would sometimes leave the appointments feeling like he just had no idea. (He and his office turned out to be amazing!)

My biggest struggle has been getting through due dates and feeling connected to this baby. It has gotten a little easier now that I've made it to the second trimester.

I have had a blump for quite some time. My biggest worry has been being "found out" at work before I was ready to disclose. I just couldn't imagine un-telling everyone.

Some of the mantras from the PGAL board have helped. I sometimes have to remind myself that I am pregnant for today and have no control over tomorrow.

I'm very grateful for this check in - I'd love to see a weekly check in.

Fullerj21 · August 2015

This check in is great and my heart is with all you ladies.

I'm 11 weeks and still not ready to announce publically either. Just like others have said, I don't want to "untell" people. Right now only close family knows.

I have a healthy DD who is 18 months and have had 2 losses since she was born. Both very early. It has felt good to have good appointments and move passed the weeks of when I lost the last pregnancies but I still have that fear. I do think it is becoming less and less though as time goes on.

I also have a Doppler and it is helpful for a little reassurance between appointments.

pettycrocker · August 2015

I just typed a bunch of shit out about 12x and deleted it. I'm not feeling good about this. That's all. I am feeling better than I was a month ago, but I am still in a very dark place, and I don't even think I realized HOW dark, until I tried to talk about how I am feeling being PGAL.

Most of the time I just ignore the fact that I am pregnant unless I am at OB or someone specifically ASKS- then I usually just say I am fine.

Hoping we all have uneventful pregnancies.

pbtoast · August 2015

@potatocastillo Hug.

alyxandraaanicole · August 2015

I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow. I'm trying my best to not let myself go to that crazy place where I worry about everything but I'm finding it difficult.

My first pregnancy was pretty high risk, and my second was an ectopic that burst at a 8 weeks, that took my baby, my tube and almost my life. With this pregnancy I experienced moderate to heavy bleeding early on (for weeks) and have just been trying to keep my mind off of my worries.

I know that things are beyond my control and that scares the heck out of me. I'll more than likely be a worry wart until my little one is safe and sound in my arms.

purpletulip · August 2015

@potatocastillo I'm sorry. There are times that I struggle with everything and I feel like I can't even talk about it with people.
I don't know your particular situation but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry. *hugs*

AEP0814 · August 2015

I'm 11 weeks as of yesterday. Yesterday made me nervous bc we had an u/s and the babe wouldn't keep on position to get all the measurements they wanted, she assured me everything was perfectly normal. We have a 5yo, and a 4yo followed by 5 losses. After the last loss at 9weeks, I had a rupture of some sort ( can't remember the exact name). They had told us at that point, I may not be able to have a successful pregnancy. Not to mention, neither of our families were supportive during any of the losses. Needless to say we're not announcing until 20 weeks if possible. There are a few close people that know. I'm just hoping for a happy healthy baby, not just for me, but all of us ladies!

kbedfox · August 2015

((Hugs)) to all of you ladies.. PGAL is a total mindf--k and I don't know that I'll relax until I have a healthy baby in my arms.

My first loss was my first ever pregnancy. I was due Sept. 2013 and lost the baby in mid-February. It took me about a year to feel ready to try again, and then well over a year of fertility meds and procedures. This was our last attempt before I just couldn't do it anymore... physically, emotionally or financially. So I was shocked to tears when I got my BFP!

I'm currently 13+6 and super anxious to announce. We have told our families and my bosses/HR, but that's it. DH is ready to tell the world, and I thought I would be, but I'm hesitant. My last OB appointment was at 12+5 and baby had a healthy heartbeat, but I don't get to go back until Sept. 2 so I'm trying not to go insane til then! I'm barely showing, which makes me nervous, but I try to find comfort in the occasional pg symptoms, even when they make me miserable

I had the Panorama test done at the last appt. and the nurse said it might take up to 4 weeks for the results, ugh. Waiting for news is the WORST.

Abclyons · August 2015

This is a good idea to connect with other mamas who may be feeling differently than all of the sunshine and rainbow mamas on this board. LOL. This is my 8th pregnancy and will hopefully be my 3rd living child. I had 4 early miscarriages and one still birth at 20 weeks in November 2013. I have a chromosome abnormality that makes loss more likely for me. But I had a CVS a couple of weeks ago and finally got the final results that our baby GIRL is healthy!! So I feel like I can finally relax and enjoy this pregnancy. And we are finally going to tell our friends and family this weekend. I will be 15 weeks on Monday. Good Luck to all!!!!

Want a personalized experience?

PGAL check-in warning: discussion of loss

Re: PGAL check-in warning: discussion of loss

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

PGAL check-in *warning: discussion of loss*

Re: PGAL check-in *warning: discussion of loss*

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

PGAL check-in warning: discussion of loss

Re: PGAL check-in warning: discussion of loss