Needing to vent

valleric · July 2015

backstory... I had a 9w mc back in April.
So today my coworker had her gender reveal party, she is 21 weeks. So happy she just kept it family and I did not have to go. She is due 5 days after I was supposed to be. I was seriously hoping she was having a boy because if it was a girl I would be insanely jealous. Turns out, she's having a girl. I am a teacher, so I'm dreading seeing her when I go back to work in a month. I've seen her a couple times this summer and it's so hard. I mean looking at her is like looking at where I should be and all the what ifs constantly go through my mind.
I was so happy after trying for a year I was pregnant and now I have to go though al this crap again.

I just needed to vent.... Lucky for all my close friends and family none of them have gone through this, so I don't have anyone to talk to about it besides my husband.

fairygirl86 · July 2015

I know how you feel. I have a gal I went to school with we would of been due days apart. I don't necessarily see her in day to day but she is on my Facebook and I keep telling myself I should just un follow her but I guess I like making myself miserable. If I'm not pregnant by Dec I will be a real mess since I'm sure she will post pics of baby. Oh and this august too, it's just reminders of where I would of been. Try to keep your chin up and hope we all get our rainbow babies soon

LilLambie · July 2015

I'm in a similar boat. So many of my friends and workmates are pregnant. It hurts to see them. Like I'm happy they are happy but it still makes me think 'that should be me'. One of my good friends actually had her baby the same day as I had my induction in the same hospital. So her happiest days was my worst. Plus she is posting so many photos of her beautiful little girl on facebook and im staring at a teddy bear with my sons ashes in it. I'm here wishing we all get our longed for rainbow babies soon. Mine won't be for a while, I'm only 8 days out. I can't wait to hear you guys are pregnant. And anyway this experience is just going to appreciate your little baby so much more. Eventually we will all get our rainbow babies.

carrieandr · July 2015

@valleric -- hey former Nov '15 buddy. This is definitely rough. I'm on my 4th d&e cycle, and I don't have that hopeful excitement anymore. Thankfully, I don't have any pregnant women in my life. I wish I could say something encouraging, but all I can think is just keep chugging along. And find other things to focus on for now.

@LilLambie -- I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. Hugs to you.

valleric · July 2015

I've unfollowed her on fb so I don't see random things pop up.. But sometimes go over to her page when I want to check and see how she is doing. I knew she was having the reveal party last night so of course I had to go look.

valleric · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy I'm sorry you are still going through this!!!!' That really sucks!

jlo1019 · July 2015

I'm sorry you are going through this, loss is so difficult. I'm only three weeks out from my loss and I keep seeing pregnant women everything. And in the oddest of spots... It's annoying! I get sad/angry sometimes. I, for my sanity, just try and say a small prayer that their pregnancy is good and their baby is healthy. I don't want anyone to go through what we had to do.

Hugs to you. Our rainbow babies are coming soon!

bntfroggie · July 2015

@valleric I'm sorry that curiosity got the best of you, and that it was the sex you wanted. I feel like I have more and more pregnant people popping up in my life than I would care to have. My SIL is also have a little girl with her 'oops' baby, and I was hoping and praying it was a boy so I would have a shot at the first girl grandchild. All I can do is offer you a hug!!

kimey1 · July 2015

@valleric I'm right there with you. 4 of my friends are pregnant with their 1st/2nd/3rd kid and i am TTC since my loss 3 months ago.

Not long ago a colleague of mine I saw for the first time in a while reminded me how she got pregnant in 1 try and laughed about it. Her son is now almost 1 yr old, happy healthy boy. As happy for her as I am, hearing sth like that still stings. But I can't blame her for telling me- i've only shared my MMC with my close (pregnant) friends.

Hang in there everybody. My good friend who got pregnant unexpectedly (at the time she wasn't using protection since the doc said pregnancy was impossible then because of her cyst) said she kept thinking of herself sitting next to a plump lil baby for a while - it was around then that she found out she was pregnant. Sharing that with me she said "I think the babies choose us, too. Your baby will come to you soon - I know it."

We are gonna get our BFPs when both our babies and we are ready.

KIMRED22 · July 2015

So sorry! My hb best friend wife had the same exact due date I did, with her 2nd- it's actually kinda eerie and my close cousin is due 2 wks before I was, with her 2nd. Hurts even more since this was my first pregnancy.

foliver82 · July 2015

I too know how you feel. My niece is pregnant with her second child. She posted a pic from her anatomy ultrasound today. She is 19 weeks. I would have been 18 weeks.
I text my SO and said "am I horrible because I can't feel or find joy in her happiness? I feel upset and angry. Does that make me a horrible person?"
The truth is the hurt and scar and trauma of my experience will always be there. Every now and then it finds its way to my mind and heart so fiercely that it's overwhelming.
I still don't understand why it can happen for other people but not for me.
One day at a time...Thoughts and strength to you ❤️

kimey1 · July 2015

@foliver82 Wish you a baby soon too. Today I tried a tester and it was negative. According to the instructions it's too early to show on a tester. I was still disheartened and wondered when I had become desperate. Sigh.

foliver82 · July 2015

@kimey1 stay positive
What is meant to be will be

mt1403 · July 2015

I have been feeling horrible because I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I have a friend who got married two days apart from me. We planned our weddings together and basically planned to get pregnant at the same because we thought it would be fun to go through it together. She got pregnant on her honeymoon and is now a happy 21 weeks with the baby girl she's always wanted. I got pregnant two months after her and was so excited that we would at least have our babies this close together but instead here I am still grieving the loss of my little bean and TTC all over again. We work together and it kills me to have to see her belly grow every day and making plans for the nursery and picking out names. I know she doesn't do it on purpose and I want her to enjoy her pregnancy but I feel horrible that I feel such anger and hatred towards her right now. I just try to put on my happy face but deep down I am just dying

sorry for your losses ladies. Best wishes to all!

foliver82 · July 2015

@mt1403 I believe it is all part of the grieving process.
I now think back to when I was pregnant with my son and wonder if I was around anyone who had miscarried and how they felt.
It's a horrible feeling but in no way is it malicious. Try to stay positive and know you aren't alone :-)

kimey1 · July 2015

Thanks @foliver82 - I also trace back at some of my friends' reactions when we talking about TTC or pregnancies and wonder whether any of them had a MC or are having a tough time getting pregnant.

foliver82 · July 2015

@kimey1 I had two unplanned pregnancies. One of which is my 6 yo son. For the last 4 years my SO and I have been trying with no luck. At the end of March miraculously it happened. I had bleeding from about 4 weeks on. I miscarried at home at almost 12 weeks.
Even though I know other people out there have miscarried I believe it happens to everyone differently.

KIMRED22 · July 2015

It def. does suck. My close cousin and I both started trying last September- she went and got pregnant 1st month trying and had her son in June. Here I am almost a year later, just getting back on the ttc wagon after a mmc in march. I guess that's life, it's very hard.

kimey1 · July 2015

@foliver82 agreed. Im happy you have your son! Can't wait to have our own little one.
@KIMRED22 hang in there! Our time will come. Hugs.

valleric · August 2015

My husband and I went to our friends house for dinner (I work with the wife) and we found out she is 10w with their 2nd. They were going to start trying in July and found out she was already pregnant. My heart is just breaking. Another coworker who I have to see everyday and friend who is pregnant. Who has never had any fertility problems or mc. I am so angry and just feeling so heartbroken. A little piece of me died in April that I just can't get back

mishcav89 · August 2015

I just landed in the same boat as all of you ladies. My best friend and I had always 'planned' our motherhood together. She is a few years younger than me, we're both teachers, both want to be mummas. Two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Last Tuesday we lost the baby. I was five weeks.

Today she called me to tell me she took a Pregnancy test and is pregnant.

I feel happiness for them and anger/hurt at the same time for myself.

I just keep trying to tell myself everyone's pregnancies are personal, and different. No one can replace what we felt for our little ones lost. And no one can take it away from us.

I'm just trying to be positive (through the immense pain and disappointment). We are trying again. I hope my baby comes soon.

JessieandAdam · August 2015

I can't help but cry reading all of your stories and losses. I've had 3 losses in the past 2 years and I can honestly say all of this has been the hardest "life event" I've ever gone through.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. One friend got pregnant at the same time I did and her kid just turned 1. Another friend just gave birth a few weeks ago and we would have been days apart.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses and know that you are not alone. I'm currently in my TWW , second month using Crinone, praying for a BFP for myself and you all. Much ❤️

AprilV421 · August 2015

Sorry for your loss. I feel the same way. My sister got pregnant a month after I miscarried my first and had her baby a month after I miscarried my second. And my sister in law announced she is now pregnant and is due 2 days before I would have been with my second pregnancy. And a 19year old at my work just announced she's "accidentally" pregnant. She stopped taking her BC it amazes me that she calls that an accident. I'm at work now like ughhhhhhh!!!!! I need a vacation

valleric · August 2015

Yes you do need a vacation! I went on 2 cruises this summer to get away from life

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