Baby Shower (drama)...

anightintunisia · July 2015

Question ladies, who is planning your showers? I have issues with my mom wanting to invite some of HER friend(s) whom I am not too fond of and we end up getting in heated debates. It is MY DAY and I don't want her to dictate the rules! Also my husband wants to attend but I told him no. He feels like he isn't apart of much so I suggested he have a baby shower with his friends. So again mommies to be, who is planning your showers and will your significant others be there or is it women only? Thank you

jeanbug12 · July 2015

My sister planned my shower for my first. It was all women and DH did not attend (but I can't imagine him ever wanting to attend a baby shower, even for his own son!) My sister asked me for a list of people I wanted at my shower and those are the only people she invited. It seems strange that your mom would invite her friends to a shower for you, especially if you don't even care for them. Maybe she is just excited about her grandbaby and wants to celebrate with her friends too.

ETA - during my shower DH went to play golf with my dad and some of the husband's of the ladies at my shower, maybe that is something you DH might want to do if you don't want him at the shower.

sbeara25 · July 2015

I have a friend who did a daddy shower. His friends all came over to play poker. Buy in was a pack of diapers and she had a booze related prize for the winner. They all had a blast and it was something special for daddy.

Personally I'd like to have bf at the showers (my sis and MIL both want to do one). As long as the games aren't too out of this world I can't see why it couldn't be men and women. Almost everyone gets excited about a baby. So why not invite everyone

To each their own though

MamaGooGoo · July 2015

I'm having my second baby, so I'm not having another shower this time around. But with my first, two close friends planned my shower and they invited the people I had on my list, that's it. Your mom should not be inviting her own friends to your shower. It's for you, not her. Put it to her like this: if your friend was planning and putting on the shower for you, wouldn't it be quite odd if she invited some of her friends that you didn't really know, just because she's the one planning it? I just think that's strange. And if your husband wants to be a part of something then maybe one of his friends can do like a "Huggies and Chuggies" diaper party?? Unless the whole shower is co-ed, why would he want to be there with a bunch of chicks?

SummerOH · July 2015

Eh, I think that whoever throws it kind of does get to dictate the rules to an extent. It's rude to tell someone who is throwing you a shower what they can and can't do. I mean, it would definitely be nice of her to respect your wishes, but the whole "It's MY DAY!!" thing strikes me as a little entitled. My mom had some of her friends at mine, which was thrown by my aunt, and I didn't mind. A lot of them have known me for years. I don't like all of them, but they stayed to themselves at a table and I didn't even notice they were there. And I know this will sound horrible, but they all brought me gifts, so who can complain about that?

Men are always there lurking at showers in my area (larger Midwest city). A lot of times friends and family will bring their SOs, too, and the guys will hang out, eat food, and then help load stuff in cars and clean up. I do think you should let him be there if he's specifically requesting it. It's sweet that he wants to be there, and it's his baby too. For my sister's shower that I threw in April, we had a game (yeah I hate games, but she wanted some so whatever) that was called "Mom or Dad?". We came up with a bunch of cute stories or trivia facts and guests had to guess if it was my sister or BIL. There are a lot of other co-ed games if you go that route.

If your mom really is upsetting you, just see if someone else wants to throw it.

CaraBoonie · July 2015

My mom and best friend are planning it together. My mom's friends WILL be there, however I also LOVE her friends and also invited them to my wedding (willingly, not coerced by my mom, haha), and can't imagine these ladies who knew me as a baby not being there.

We are likely having a co-ed shower and DH will be there. If your DH wants to be there with all ladies, is there a reason it would be so bad for him to be there? It's not like a bachelorette with lingerie gifts and a male stripper, it's just some ladies sitting around talking and eating and maybe opening gifts. I'm not one for conventions though, the only reason I'm having a baby shower is because my best friend WANTED to throw me a wedding shower and I refused and told her instead she could throw me a baby shower when the time came, as long as there were no stupid games. I freaking hate baby shower games.

anightintunisia · July 2015

Let me clarify, this one friend of my moms I barely know. She says I met her but have no memory of this. Anyways, this lady creates drama with my mom and now they are in the "friend stage". Being female I know how that goes. I am protective of my mom I guess and I didn't appreciate the things my mom would tell me about her. I love my moms friends but this one lady has been rude to my mom in the past.

vvitchhazel · July 2015

My cousins are throwing mine and boys are definitely welcome! We've always involved SO's and dads and some male friends. It's their baby too and I don't think of a shower as a celebration of the mom, I think of it as the celebration of the couple who are both bringing this LO into the world!

cjd&k · July 2015

My sister is throwing my shower and I don't think she would ever invite someone I don't want. She even double checked if I wanted one of our sisters to be there because she's lots of drama. Males are coming to my shower! My fiancé wants so bad to be there and it's his baby so why not. I'm also meeting family that's 9 hours away and won't be visiting too often after baby so my dad and brother will be coming as well

willashbaby · July 2015

My Mom is throwing mine, it will be ladies only. My DH will come at the end and help pack up the gifts but that's the limit of his participation. My Mom is inviting some of her close friends but I've known them all my life so I don't mind. Certainly no one I don't get along with.

cawalp · July 2015

My mom and sister are throwing mine and it will be co-ed. My husband also feels like he's not a part of much of this pregnancy and most of my friends are married to/dating his friends. So we will have a little outside BBQ type with a grill and some outside games for the boys, and inside we will do the more traditional shower type things minus some of the cornier games. I think if your husband really wants to be there, there's not really a reason to say no. Like PP said it's way different than a bachelorette party and I'm sure he just wants to feel included.

mommaSimpkin · July 2015

My mom and I will be planning the baby shower together. This is my second child, but It's my first with DH. I know his family will want to be included in a shower since it's his first and they never even thought he'd get married. Let alone have any kids.

That being said. My mom and I will do the planning, nothing big and fancy. I don't want a lot of gifts or anything. DH will be there. He's super involved and excited about this, I feel he has a right to be there. He can help me open presents while I shove cake in my face, and then he can load the car when we're done.
Men will be aloud if they want to be.

DaphneMoon1 · July 2015

I understand your frustration, but to some degree the person throwing the party dictates the rules. Techniqually you get little input unless asked.

Luckily, my mom threw mine for my first and we discussed guest list. She did want to invite her cousins. I felt a little weird about that because I literally didn't know some of their names, but she went to their kids showers and so she expects them at hers. Whatever. I dealt with it, but again I understand your frustration.

mysquishy18 · July 2015

I probably won't have a shower with this baby since it's my second, but my first was planned by my best friend. We did a couples shower because my husband was feeling like yours. It was so much fun! We basically ate, drank, and had cake. We did open some gifts and played some games, but they were really low key and you only participated if you wanted to. I'm glad we did the couples shower it was the perfect thing for us.

Mamabeagle · July 2015

It's your day to an extent, it's a gift. Much like Christmas, you may ask for the brand name but if you get the off brand you should still be gracious about it. Is it really worth arguing with your mother over 1 guest?

laineylove78 · July 2015

Oh here it comes...ok well it's my #2 and they will be 18m apart so no shower and no "sprinkle" going on over here.

For my shower my mom threw it with the help of my BF. She asked for a list and she invited those people but she also invited her friends and their husbands bc they travel from out of state. They all invite each other to their kids weddings, showers, etc and they all go and bring nice gifts and she's shelling out all the $$ so if she wanted her friends there so be it. They kept to their table in the back and I didn't even notice they were there. They gave awesome gifts like handmade sweaters and blankets and $$ which was awesome, thoughtful, and generous. So what if you don't know them all that well? If your friends will be there isn't that all that matters?

I loved my shower, but I wasn't all like "it's MY day" I feel like I used that card up for the wedding. This is about your baby and your generous family and friends who will help you get prepared to welcome the little one into the world and take care of them.

In terms of DH he came, at the end maybe the last hour. He opened a few gifts and mingled and took pics. It was nice he was there. There were other men there too my dad, brother, some husbands of my moms friends. It didn't bother me. I was just grateful that they threw me a shower and that I didn't have to buy all that stuff myself.

If I were you I'd take a step back and think about what really matters. I doubt your shower will be ruined by your moms friends.

MommaB16 · July 2015

I'd have your shower seperate, and have a "diapers for dad" shower for your man. Since we're due (right before the Super Bowl, so I've been told ; )) the guys could get together for a fb game and do apps and drinks, and all the guys bring a pack of diapers. Guys that are invited will like that they don't have to choose a gift, just 1 pack of diapers). And I think your man will like to show you his loot from his party too!

Your mom situation is weird. I would let my mom invite her friends, but none that would over-step vocally. I don't have this issue, so it weirds me out that your mom would want to put you in that situation.

UptownPearl · July 2015

My aunt and SIL are hosting a shower for me. I was so honored that they both asked if they could throw one for me and that it was their immediate response to finding out I was pregnant. I will provide them a guest list, but I'm not dictating anything about how my shower has to be. I will give them feedback if they want any, but they offered to plan it so I'm leaving the decisions up to them.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it isn't really your day, it's for your baby! Everyone is showering your baby because they love YOU, but the gifts and fellowship are about celebrating and preparing for the new life you are creating. Focus on the joy of that and don't let the guest list have a negative impact on you. It's just not worth it, moms-to-be have enough stress already.

Ju111310 · July 2015

I won't be having a shower with this LO, but with my first, several of my friends hosted the shower. My MIL submitted her very own guest list to them and requested an invitation to put up at HER church that I don't attend. I politely told her -- no, I want to keep this small and only plan to invite immediate family and close friends. I do not know your friends and church family and am not comfortable with inviting them (aka basically asking for a gift) to a shower for me/my child. I did allow her to invite her sisters of course and her two closest friends that I know pretty well. I found it very frustrating that she tried to make everything about her, but that's her personality. As far as DH goes, I think it's sweet that he wants to be involved. I'd probably just have him come towards the end and help open gifts/load the car as PP suggested. Most co-ed baby showers that I have attended have been awkward unless it was just a small get together.

SummerOH · July 2015

If it's just one lady and your mom is on/off with her, maybe she'll be off by the time your shower rolls around. I would make sure to point out to your mom all the drama surrounding this woman, if you haven't already, and say you really appreciate her throwing your shower but you want a happy, drama-free day.

jennaclure · July 2015

My shower will definitely be co-ed!! Would be so bummed if my hubby didn't want to come. Last shower I went to was co-ed and everyone had a blast. What a great way to involve dad. Oh and my sister and best friend are throwing the shower!!!

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

SummerOH said:

If it's just one lady and your mom is on/off with her, maybe she'll be off by the time your shower rolls around. I would make sure to point out to your mom all the drama surrounding this woman, if you haven't already, and say you really appreciate her throwing your shower but you want a happy, drama-free day.

This one is a good suggestion. I'd let my mother invite her friends and what not. I'd just say that I am uncomfortable with that one lady. I'd give my reasons why and I'd ask that she keep the day drama free. That seems to be the most mature compromise.

Jamilla9 · July 2015

My church threw me a shower and my husband was there as well as our male friends and family. It was super fun

fmanocchio · July 2015

We are doing a co ed shower. No need to exclude the daddy...he is excited! It's hard for them to feel included bc everything happens to us. So it's going to be a big family party for us!

And my mom is inviting all her friends! More people more gifts! I don't mind who shows up! Lol

WhitMathis · July 2015

I'd let anyone that wanted to come and bring me a gift, come on! Haha it sounds bad but I'm planning to stay home after LO arrives and if half the town wants to show up and bring baby and I a registered gift then come on ova!!

however, I do see what you mean. If it was someone I specifically had a problem with that would be hard and it might get under my skin the whole time. Just talk to your mom and let her know why these people bother you and see if she will budge. Sometimes grandmas can get wrapped up in the idea of a grand baby. Maybe she will ease up with time.

WhitMathis · July 2015

Oh and also if daddy wants to come-- let him come! I think it's sweet he even wants to.

Atlasmom · July 2015

My parents and my sister did a surprise Baby Shower for me when I went back home to visit (we live in different states). I don't know many people there so they invited all of their friends and the only three friends I had in the area. It was nice and I was grateful to have it. We also ended up with a ton of gifts.

My best friend and my boss are doing a local Baby Shower for me. My only requirement is that the Baby Shower be Co-Ed. My husband is very involved with everything that has to do with the baby and I wouldn't dream of excluding him.

Frankly I don't understand why women like to exclude the dad from the Baby Shower and other baby related activities. This only causes issues in the future when the dad feels he doesn't need to be involved in things...and why should he be? He was excluded from everything to begin with. The mom then struggles with most of the responsibility of the baby. The baby is a 50/50 situation. We both get to enjoy and suffer equally. LOL.

Rakastajatar · August 2015

Most likely myself and my husband will be planning it since neither of us have any super close friends that would do it for us. but maybe someone will surprise, don't know yet. My sister who is two hours away wouldn't know what to do and i don't expect her too either, and I don't expect my mom either who is three hours away. I think the only way you get the shower you want is to plan it yourself

With that said, I'm due 1/25, when would it be the best time to have it? right before thanks giving?

MommaB16 · August 2015

Yep! I'm due 1/27 and we'll have my shower the first or second weekend in Novemeber

kmcc14 · August 2015

Rakastajatar said:

Most likely myself and my husband will be planning it since neither of us have any super close friends that would do it for us. but maybe someone will surprise, don't know yet. My sister who is two hours away wouldn't know what to do and i don't expect her too either, and I don't expect my mom either who is three hours away. I think the only way you get the shower you want is to plan it yourself

With that said, I'm due 1/25, when would it be the best time to have it? right before thanks giving?

The best time to have a shower that you are throwing yourself is not at all. It's very tacky and gift-grabby, not to mention a major breach of etiquette. Showers are not a right. If someone does not offer to throw you one, then life goes on and you do not have one.

Rakastajatar · August 2015

@kmcconnell22 .. wow thanks for your honesty. how would you feel if no one offered and you never had a shower for your first child?

kmcc14 · August 2015

Rakastajatar said:

@kmcconnell22 .. wow thanks for your honesty. how would you feel if no one offered and you never had a shower for your first child?

Any time. I would not be very bothered. Sure I might be a little hurt since I have helped throw showers for others, but I don't think anyone is entitled to a shower, myself included. I would purchase the things I need for my child and life would go on. Showers are a gift that others give to you.

Rakastajatar · August 2015

I see. it's pretty iffy on the web, some say do what you want and what makes you happy others are fully against it. all my best friends are on the east coast and i'm on the west, they certainly can't just fly out at holiday time frame to plan and throw a shower in an area they don't know. hopefully a friend will come out of the wood work and offer with my input only for a theme.

Lljbean · August 2015

@Rakastajatar

Girl, If you want to throw yourself a baby shower. Do it. Is it tacky and gift-grabby usually? Totally. But everyone is different and yours sounds like a different situation. Most of my best friends also live on the east coast and my baby shower was thrown by my husbands, friend's, wife. Which was mildly awkward for me but I still had a nice time.

If you just want to have a celebration because you are excited to have your first baby and you dont want to come across as gift grabby just be honest in your invites and be like, "Hey we want to celebrate because we are so excited but please do not feel obligated to bring gifts. We've got it covered! But please do come celebrate with us and eat yummy food and gush about new babies" People love that crap and will more than likely bring you gifts anyway and appreciate your honesty.

anniyas · August 2015

My mom, step-mom, and MIL are collaborating to throw me a baby shower... even though it is my second child. I didn't have one for my first and I don't really need anything besides diapers and newborn clothes (which I'm already stocking up on). Since they insist... and want me to do the inviting of my friends, I suggested that we do more of a family reunion-esque party. My family, My SO's family, and close friends (both genders- my SO loves parties but since we're busy being adults, we don't have time). In lieu of gifts, I suggested that we do a potluck and leftovers go to stocking the freezer for those first few crazy weeks. I remember forgetting to eat sometimes when my DS was born.

SummerOH · August 2015

^^ This is a GREAT idea! I may steal it. My sister really wants to have a shower for me but I don't want one. It's our second boy and we have everything, right down to clothing (DS was born in December). I said she could have a brunch if she absolutely insists on doing something, but this is another idea!

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