Is this rude? On the back of the invitation I'm putting 'Though we are expecting a girl, we would prefer gender neutral items for preparations sake if you decide to gift us.' I just feel like it's rude to ask for specific things as gifts but I don't trust my gender determination! And I want to be prepared
Ehhh I don't think it's rude, but it isn't polite either? That's the best way I could phrase that I guess. Have you announced that you are having a girl yet? Are you having a registry? Maybe only put gender neutral things on it. I've seen that done.
I haven't, we were told she was a boy at first too, part of the reason for my apprehension, but Dad has told his family. The gender neutral registry is a great idea though! @ChiccoBeanz
In my opinion, yes, it's rude to write anything about gifts on a shower invitation. If you receive items that you feel are too gender-specific, you can always return them or donate to a mother who might be more appreciative.
In my opinion, yes, it's rude to write anything about gifts on a shower invitation. If you receive items that you feel are too gender-specific, you can always return them or donate to a mother who might be more appreciative.
This. Aside from the registry info gifts should not be mentioned on an invitation. Register for gender neutral items and leave it at that.
I would side eye the hell out of an invitation that put stipulations on what gifts I should buy.
Yes it would be impolite to dictate to your guests what kind of gifts to buy you. You do have some control though, as others said, you can register for only gender neutral items and you can return anything you receive that's super girly. I'd also recommend that the host not put anything about the baby's sex on the invite. (I assume someone else is hosting this shower for you?)
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me: 27 | husband: 35 IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16 baby #1born 2.19.16
@fxtx5815 no I will be hosting my own. There's no one to host it for me and if I am never given this opportunity again I would like to have one.
I apologize if this comes off as prying, but I am trying to get the full context of your situation. Why is this the only opportunity for you to have a baby shower? Is that by choice?
@wassuphoes yes I know many people feel that way. But I want to have a shower so i'm not going to let lack of support keep me from enjoying and celebrating my pregnancy because people feel like it's more polite to do things one way as opposed to another
@ChiccoBeanz I never said it was the only opportunity, I said it *could* be
Sorry, I totally misread that. Well bottom line, the note you want to put on the back is rude. Just put gender neutral items on your registry. People will by you what they choose to by you. If they ask what you want you can direct them to your registry and then they have an entire list to choose from. That should make things easier for you. Have a happy and healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful healthy baby.
@wassuphoes yes I know many people feel that way. But I want to have a shower so i'm not going to let lack of support keep me from enjoying and celebrating my pregnancy because people feel like it's more polite to do things one way as opposed to another
"I know a lot of people think what I'm doing is rude, but I want presents, so I'm doing it anyway. I don't care if people think I'm rude as long as I'm getting presents."
That is how the above comes across.
If this isn't about gifts, just have a party instead of a shower. Or speak to your mom of sister or another close relative about it...it's entirely possible that they planned to host one for you before you told them you were hosting your own.
Also, yes, your first pregnancy is your only opportunity to have a shower bc the shower welcomes a new mom to motherhood and that only happens once. A shower is a gift, not a right. I'd back off unless someone offered to throw one for you.
I would just stick to gender neutral shower invites along with anything you register for being gender neutral (if you're going to register). Enjoy your shower & your baby. Don't let this ladies get to you. Good luck Momma!
I would just stick to gender neutral shower invites along with anything you register for being gender neutral (if you're going to register). Enjoy your shower & your baby. Don't let this ladies get to you. Good luck Momma!
/:)
Yeah, don't let the ladies of these board try to stop you before you completely alienate all of your friends and family with your gift-grabbiness. Wouldn't want that.
I think it's sort of rude and inappropriate to tell guests what they should buy you. A registry is one thing. It's a list of things YOU are planning on buying, that people can use to guide them in getting something you want. If you want gender-neutral items, register for them.
But what's really rude and inappropriate is to host your own shower. You're inviting people to a party, the sole purpose of which is to welcome you to motherhood and "shower" you with gifts.
Here's a good test to see if you should do this: go through the list of people you're inviting. Pause after each name and imagine yourself walking up to that person, then coming right out and asking them, "Hi there! I'm expecting a baby. Would you buy me one of these items on my registry? Oh, and if you decide to get baby clothes, please don't get girl clothes. Make them gender neutral so I can use them again in case the next child is a boy."
Would you seriously EVER say that to a person's face? Probably not. But by throwing your own shower that IS what you are saying. Everyone who receives one of your invites will think just as poorly of you after opening the invite as she would if you said it to her in person. You just won't be there to witness it. To be polite, no one will say anything to your face. Most of your guests will show up and bring you something. But that awkwardness will be there. Everyone will feel it. You'll get your baby supplies, but you'll lose the respect of everyone on that list.
@wassuphoes yes I know many people feel that way. But I want to have a shower so i'm not going to let lack of support keep me from enjoying and celebrating my pregnancy because people feel like it's more polite to do things one way as opposed to another
"I know a lot of people think what I'm doing is rude, but I want presents, so I'm doing it anyway. I don't care if people think I'm rude as long as I'm getting presents."
That is how the above comes across.
If this isn't about gifts, just have a party instead of a shower. Or speak to your mom of sister or another close relative about it...it's entirely possible that they planned to host one for you before you told them you were hosting your own.
Also, yes, your first pregnancy is your only opportunity to have a shower bc the shower welcomes a new mom to motherhood and that only happens once. A shower is a gift, not a right. I'd back off unless someone offered to throw one for you.
This 100%. You know what you are doing is rude but you want gifts so you're going to continue being rude to the very people that are supposed to purchase you a gift? That's classy.
And I second what PP has said - if you have no one around to host, then who is coming to your shower?
You know that you can save the money you would spend on your shower towards items for your baby, right? Like, you've realized this is a possibility?
I don't mean to be harsh but if I were invited to your own gift grab, I would not attend. You're running a very big risk of offending a lot of people,
I would deliberately buy pink or blue clothes if I received an invitation for a shower with that sort of note. Trying to dictate what people will buy for you is beyond tacky, but then so is throwing your own shower.
Me: 30 DH: 35
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
BFP on 5/13/15 DD born 1/24/16 TTC #2 - Jun 2017 BFP on 8/24/17
I would deliberately buy pink or blue clothes if I received an invitation for a shower with that sort of note. Trying to dictate what people will buy for you is beyond tacky, but then so is throwing your own shower.
I would do this also. But I would monogram it so it couldn't be returned.
On second thought, I wouldn't be attending a baby showers that an expectant mom throw for herself. So I wouldn't be buying a gift at all.
Since the purpose of a shower is to 'shower' the mother-to-be with gifts & welcoming her to motherhood, no you should not be throwing your own shower.
This is the equivalent of flat out asking your friends and family to buy you stuff. The offer to throw a shower is a GIFT in itself from the host, a shower is not something that we as pregnant women are entitled to. Not everyone gets a shower, that's life. Babies can be celebrated after they're born, and people actually get to meet them.
The money you'll have to spend to provide food and drink appropriate for the time day for this shower should be put toward buying baby items yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility to provide things for your baby.
Nobody has ever come up with a valid reason for why they should be throwing their own shower.
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me: 27 | husband: 35 IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16 baby #1born 2.19.16
Okay thank you for turning this post into a bash OP session when she was clearly trying to make sure she did not offend anyone by stating the above! I'm spending a great amount of money on my shower and the gifts that I would be receiving from people who would not gift me otherwise with be equivalent or less than the amount i'm spending. As stated there is NO ONE TO THROW MY SHOWER. But I appreciate the bash session as if it will make me change my mind. By all means, judge and bash on. Because it definitely makes a difference if I 'ask for gifts' myself or have someone else 'ask for gifts' for me. Seriously. Thanks.
I'm just curious @brianambriggs how there can be no one to throw your shower. Don't you have a single female friend or even co-worker? Those are usually the people who would usually offer to throw a shower.
Okay thank you for turning this post into a bash OP session when she was clearly trying to make sure she did not offend anyone by stating the above! I'm spending a great amount of money on my shower and the gifts that I would be receiving from people who would not gift me otherwise with be equivalent or less than the amount i'm spending. As stated there is NO ONE TO THROW MY SHOWER. But I appreciate the bash session as if it will make me change my mind. By all means, judge and bash on. Because it definitely makes a difference if I 'ask for gifts' myself or have someone else 'ask for gifts' for me. Seriously. Thanks.
If there is "NO ONE TO THROW YOUR SHOWER" then WHO IS COMING? seriously. That's not bashing. It's a question. You have people lining up to buy you stuff but not one who will hold the party at their house and Put out a tray of cookies?
I have no friends. The father of my child is not in my life and I have no family besides extended family I literally never speak to and close family members are estranged so thank you for making me list out more reasons why my life is in shambles. All I asked was for opinions on a specific matter because I had no one else to ask and I am getting judged and bashed. Bravo.
So who is invited to the shower? What they are trying to say is if you are friendly enough to invite someone to a shower and they would give you a gift then I would think they could "host" or at least pretend to host the shower. I joined a few mommy meetup groups recently and made friends with the people in the group pretty quickly. They host showers for anyone in the group. Maybe there is a single mom group or something you could check into on the meetup app. The groups offer a lot of support. It's great to see what other moms are doing and learn about fun activities to do in the area. Also, maybe join a church or temple (whatever religion) is a good place for support from caring people.
I've been following this and I too am genuinely curious who would be attending if you have no friends and extended family far away. I'm sorry you are in that situation. PP who suggested the mommy groups had a great idea. I have also met great people through the meet up app- although mine is a group for walking dogs.
I have no friends. The father of my child is not in my life and I have no family besides extended family I literally never speak to and close family members are estranged so thank you for making me list out more reasons why my life is in shambles. All I asked was for opinions on a specific matter because I had no one else to ask and I am getting judged and bashed. Bravo.
Well that sucks, but in this case, I certainly don't think "we" is the proper pronoun to be used on your shower invite.
I have no friends. The father of my child is not in my life and I have no family besides extended family I literally never speak to and close family members are estranged so thank you for making me list out more reasons why my life is in shambles. All I asked was for opinions on a specific matter because I had no one else to ask and I am getting judged and bashed. Bravo.
Now I'm calling total BS on this post. You started off and continue to say "we". Who is the other party have this child if the dad is not in the picture? It's physically impossible to spend a 'great amount of money' on your own shower with no guests unless you are planning on buying a lot of decor and food for an empty room. I'm sorry if you feel unsupported by your loved ones in your pregnancy, but you're just not maki any logical sense.
So to answer your original post - no, don't put anything on invites requesting specific gifts from all the people you DONT have in your life?
But I'm still so confused. I'm sorry about the having no friends thing but if that's the case, then who is coming to your shower? This is where I'm lost.
You're going to do what you want to do but I hope you at least know that there are many people, perhaps even some of the people you are planning to invite, that will find this whole thing to be really rude and tacky. If there is no one to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Plain and simple. It's not a right nor an entitlement, it's a gift.
But I'm still so confused. I'm sorry about the having no friends thing but if that's the case, then who is coming to your shower? This is where I'm lost.
You're going to do what you want to do but I hope you at least know that there are many people, perhaps even some of the people you are planning to invite, that will find this whole thing to be really rude and tacky. If there is no one to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Plain and simple. It's not a right nor an entitlement, it's a gift.
She still refuses to answer that question, and when called on it gets fake outraged. Calling MUD
But I'm still so confused. I'm sorry about the having no friends thing but if that's the case, then who is coming to your shower? This is where I'm lost.
You're going to do what you want to do but I hope you at least know that there are many people, perhaps even some of the people you are planning to invite, that will find this whole thing to be really rude and tacky. If there is no one to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Plain and simple. It's not a right nor an entitlement, it's a gift.
She still refuses to answer that question, and when called on it gets fake outraged. Calling MUD
I have to agree. I've been through the "not having friends" thing before and it sucks. The last thing I'd want to do is throw a party and have no one show, or just acquaintances who don't care. That hurts a lot more then the pain of not having a party.
Although I'm in Australia and not seen as rude to host your own baby shower, I personally would never do it. I'm hosting a small get together at a high tea with around 5 people and clearly stipulated that it is not a baby shower, instead just a small get together.I actually hate receiving gifts, so hoping that by saying its not a baby shower will indicate that I don't want gifts although I think most people will.
Okay thank you for turning this post into a bash OP session when she was clearly trying to make sure she did not offend anyone by stating the above! I'm spending a great amount of money on my shower and the gifts that I would be receiving from people who would not gift me otherwise with be equivalent or less than the amount i'm spending. As stated there is NO ONE TO THROW MY SHOWER. But I appreciate the bash session as if it will make me change my mind. By all means, judge and bash on. Because it definitely makes a difference if I 'ask for gifts' myself or have someone else 'ask for gifts' for me. Seriously. Thanks.
Who is this "she" you are referring to? Aren't YOU the OP?
If your life truly is in shambles like you claim, then maybe you should be focusing your time and energy on fixing that before your baby comes rather than planning your own shower?
Re: Gender Neutral Baby Gifts
I would side eye the hell out of an invitation that put stipulations on what gifts I should buy.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
That is how the above comes across.
If this isn't about gifts, just have a party instead of a shower. Or speak to your mom of sister or another close relative about it...it's entirely possible that they planned to host one for you before you told them you were hosting your own.
Also, yes, your first pregnancy is your only opportunity to have a shower bc the shower welcomes a new mom to motherhood and that only happens once. A shower is a gift, not a right. I'd back off unless someone offered to throw one for you.
/:)
DD born 1/24/16
TTC #2 - Jun 2017
BFP on 8/24/17
I would do this also. But I would monogram it so it couldn't be returned.
On second thought, I wouldn't be attending a baby showers that an expectant mom throw for herself. So I wouldn't be buying a gift at all.
This is the equivalent of flat out asking your friends and family to buy you stuff. The offer to throw a shower is a GIFT in itself from the host, a shower is not something that we as pregnant women are entitled to. Not everyone gets a shower, that's life. Babies can be celebrated after they're born, and people actually get to meet them.
The money you'll have to spend to provide food and drink appropriate for the time day for this shower should be put toward buying baby items yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility to provide things for your baby.
Nobody has ever come up with a valid reason for why they should be throwing their own shower.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
If there is "NO ONE TO THROW YOUR SHOWER" then WHO IS COMING? seriously. That's not bashing. It's a question. You have people lining up to buy you stuff but not one who will hold the party at their house and Put out a tray of cookies?
Well that sucks, but in this case, I certainly don't think "we" is the proper pronoun to be used on your shower invite.
Now I'm calling total BS on this post. You started off and continue to say "we". Who is the other party have this child if the dad is not in the picture? It's physically impossible to spend a 'great amount of money' on your own shower with no guests unless you are planning on buying a lot of decor and food for an empty room. I'm sorry if you feel unsupported by your loved ones in your pregnancy, but you're just not maki any logical sense.
She still refuses to answer that question, and when called on it gets fake outraged. Calling MUD
Who is this "she" you are referring to? Aren't YOU the OP?
If your life truly is in shambles like you claim, then maybe you should be focusing your time and energy on fixing that before your baby comes rather than planning your own shower?