friend issues.. what do we do?

Re: friend issues.. what do we do?

• sushilove15 member

  August 2015

  I personally don't think it's a big deal to let them see the baby when you are ready for them to. Like you said, they are friends. It's exhausting to try and keep score in a friendship! Sometimes life happens and we don't keep up with our friendships as we ought to, I don't think it's a reason to blacklist someone.

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• cosplaymom member

  August 2015

  I wouldn't make special accommodations but it seems fine to arrange a visit after you are home from the hospital. Don't schedule anything now, they need to work with your availability, maybe they tell you what day they are free and then that day you tell them if you have a visiting hour open.

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• cseley321 member

  August 2015

  So you are angry with them for not checking in on you while being pregnant?  As I've gotten older my friends have come and go.  Things come up in people's lives and I cannot possibly expect to be the focus of another couple's life.  You mention that they're engaged.. they are probably saving/planning for a wedding which can be a lot of work and/or stress.  I don't know if they have children, but if they do not then sometimes it is hard for people without children to relate and be around to expectant parents or parents of small children.

  
  

  I would just try and be more open minded and at least tell them that after the baby has arrived that you guys will try and get with them when everyone is settled in.  Sure they could have checked in with you guys a few times, but it appears that they are making an effort now to reach out.  I don't see any reasoning to block them out of your lives if this was their worst offense.  

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• emmacake08 member

  August 2015

  I guess I'm failing to see the big problem? I wouldn't have them over right after but after a few weeks (or a month or two) you get stir crazy and visitors or an outing with visitors can be fun. My feeling has always been if people care enough about our littles to see them, then they're welcome (as long as it's been a few weeks). Were these friends super close to your fiancé and then distant/nonexistent during the pregnancy? I guess just from the description it doesn't sound like anything big happened to warrant being standoffish. You don't have to cook them breakfast and host them, just let them see LO (whom I'm sure you'll want to show off).

  

  

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• Saratiff member

  August 2015

  You are way over reacting. Like pp said they have lives also. Have you called them and asked about their wedding plans? Called them to ask to hang out? Friendship is a two way street. I prob wouldn't have them come see me at the hospital. But at home when your ready for visitors why not?

  
  

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• SassetteSmurfling member

  August 2015

  Yeah I agree with PPs, I don't see what the problem is. As we've gotten older my friends and I certainly don't see each other as often as we used to it as often as we would like to. Life happens. People get busy. Unless there was an actual falling out, I just can't see where you're coming from.

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• kettlekitten member

  August 2015

  People just get excited for new babies. All sorts of people came out of the woodwork to see our first baby including people I probably hasn't even seen while I was pregnant. And we got presents from everyone, including friends of family who we had never even met! Doesn't sound like there is a real problem here, I agree with PPs.

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• AshK1027 member

  August 2015

  No big deal. My husband's best friend is kind of in the same category, but I want him to be around my son even if it's just here and there when both of our schedules allowed. Not to mention, that friend is a special person to my husband, so what makes him happy, makes me happy (for the most part ).

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• Hayleysamantha member

  August 2015

  @emmacake08 they were super close to us before we got pregnant and then once we announced it they wanted nothing to do with us until now. And they do have a 3 yr old son together who we would all be seeing and being around and considering I'm a ftm at 22 I just expected more support especially from my fiances friends wife since she has 2 older children also from a different marriage.

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• JNOVA2015 member

  August 2015

  Hayleysamantha said:

  @emmacake08 they were super close to us before we got pregnant and then once we announced it they wanted nothing to do with us until now. And they do have a 3 yr old son together who we would all be seeing and being around and considering I'm a ftm at 22 I just expected more support especially from my fiances friends wife since she has 2 older children also from a different marriage.

  It sounds like you expect a lot from them, but it doesn't sound like YOU'VE done anything to maintain the friendship. Friendship is a two-way street. If you haven't reached out to them, I don't think you have any right to be angry that they haven't reached out to you. Id say let them visit, and if the friendship is important to you maybe think about what you could do to help sustain it, instead of just focusing on what you feel you're owed.

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• abmommy15 member

  August 2015

  I get that you feel brushed aside by them but it also doesn't sound like you have done a lot to maintain the friendship either. I don't really see why there would be an issue with letting them see the baby. It sounds like you are using the privilege of seeing the baby to get back at them for not being around. Who knows what has been going on in their lives. Is it possible they had a loss you don't know about, or are having troubles TTC? Maybe something has happened in their lives that just made them unable to be the kind of friends you wanted them to be.

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• Bickey11 member

  August 2015

  I feel like you are being overly sensitive. Life gets in the way for a lot of people. I have friends that i see once a year, once a month, once a week and i don't take it personally, because i know sometimes I'm the cause for that. That being said, maybe they do want to see your baby. And maybe just like the shower and everything else, maybe they won't show. Unless you intend to sever all ties with them and let them know why, I wouldn't use your baby as a bargaining chip for their friendship.

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• neludelu member

  August 2015

  I see whee you are coming from and can sympathize. But I do think you are over reacting and that should be happy that you have people who are interested in the baby. Don't burn bridges over silly things.

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