To Name or Not to Name

mylittlegemini · August 2015

Hi ladies!

Need your opinions on something. Sooo my first cousin JUST had a baby girl last week and ended up naming her daughter the name that my husband and I really like for a girl (we did not disclose this to the cousin). ANNND my husbands good friend named his son the boy name we really liked (he is almost one now). What are the odds right?!
My question is...would you be upset if someone in your family/good friend named their baby the same name you choose for your DD or DS.

Thanks!

kdoak2015 · August 2015

Yes, I always believe in first come first serve. If they picked it before you then you should give it to them. There are thousands of names to choose from, pick another one.

stephaniearthurs · August 2015

If you didn't tell them... Then no, but I would ask. Some people are really weird about that. My cousin wants to name her baby the same name I love (it was a huge coincidence) and since she's due first km going to let her have it. Mostly because I don't want our children to share a name... Anyone else I will be ok, but not with this cousin.

But ya, talk to them and see what they think. They may love the idea!

mylittlegemini · August 2015

@kdoak2015 Even if it's a name you've liked for years and years...?

kdoak2015 · August 2015

Yea sorry, I like to be unique and I would honestly just pick something different.

jmomof4 · August 2015

Yeah I agree.. First come first serve...

mylittlegemini · August 2015

@stephaniearthurs Wow...that's super nice of you. Was it a tough decision for you to let her have it? I already know that family won't take it well which is why I don't even think I should bother bringing it up. I find out what I'm having soon, which will take the stress off a bit as I only have to focus on the names of one sex.

Gingermom15 · August 2015

Haha my dads first cousin named his daughter, who is a year younger than, me Sara. He also named his son Johnathan, who is 6 years younger than my brother Jonathan. We all grew up together and were close, it was never weird. We had fun with it.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

Name your child whatever you want. If you want to name your kid the same name, sure, talk to them about. But name YOUR child what YOU want.

LC122 · August 2015

I don't believe in "letting them have it" when it comes to names. Nobody owns a name.

That being said, if you just don't want to name your child that anymore (don't like the name as much anymore, don't want the same name as a friend or relative, etc.), then don't. But don't give up a name you love just because someone you know loved it for their child too.

If you are concerned about it, give them a heads up or ask them if it bothers them (if you care) that you all had chosen the same name. They may love the idea of having two "Whoevers" around. But even if they don't love the idea, they still don't own the name and shouldn't keep you from naming your child whatever you want.

celainev · August 2015

There are a couple people in my family with the same name... So I think it works. However, I just think about the kid you are naming... Do you think they want to grow up with the same name as their cousin/good friend? Probably not... So for their future sake, I'd pick a different name.

Melissadmag · August 2015

I would think it was a bit weird, flattering, and annoying all at the same time. Kind of like a huge hmph.....It's not something I would stop speaking to them over or anything, but I would be like really? You couldn't think of annnyythiiing else? Plus, how weird would it be when family members had to be like I'm talking about so-and so's daughter, not your daughter. It would be weird for me, but I know in a lot of families, family names are tradition and there are like three cousin Tony's, and 4 uncle Mike's etc etc.. I guess it really just depends on your family and you.

maiatene · August 2015

mylittlegemini said:
@kdoak2015 Even if it's a name you've liked for years and years...?

no one can call dibs on a name.

I will say a couple of things about this:
- if it's a name you love and you really don't want to consider something else just use it. It might be weird at family functions so be prepared for that.
- stop sharing everything with everyone. If you discussed the name previously you pretty much opened the door for this. We were team green for our first and my sister overheard hubby and mom discussing girl names and she named her daughter that. Now I'm pregnant with #2 (who I'm convinced is a girl) and we have to start over again. If I were petty I would name the girl this but it's not that serious to me... she's been jacking my style for years so I should be used to it by now. Plus whatever we name this potential girl will blow hers out the water lol

stephaniearthurs · August 2015

mylittlegemini said:
@stephaniearthurs Wow...that's super nice of you. Was it a tough decision for you to let her have it? I already know that family won't take it well which is why I don't even think I should bother bringing it up. I find out what I'm having soon, which will take the stress off a bit as I only have to focus on the names of one sex.

It was a little hard at first. My little brother (who is 12) still calls baby this name. However, I do flip flop with girls names, and this name was actually my second choice, but my immediate family liked it better! But I did see a PP say name your baby what you want, and I agree! Family drama is hard, but people will get over it.

RSB1982 · August 2015

I would definitely be upset and a little jealous if I was in the OP's position. Its only natural after all to want your baby's name to be special. However... I may choose to use one of the names anyway. Especially if they are really common (like Emily or Noah) or if there is family significance. I agree with @maiatene , no one can call dibs. If if were in this position I would probably scour the Internet for alternatives but if I could find nothing else I loved as much, I would just use the name I love.

mylittlegemini · August 2015

@maiatene...that's the thing..we never mentioned the girls name to the cousin. EVER! So when I told hubby..his response "S***, guess we can't use that name anymore!" I am still thinking of using it as a middle name if I do decide on another name (that's IF i am having a girl). As for the boy name I'm pretty sure I said "Ohhh i LOVE that name" when they were debating between the two boy names. GAH! And I was JUST talking to another relative last week about "what are the chances that people name their DD/DS the name u like cause she was in that predicament as well". And sure enough couple days later...I'm faced with it too. Boooo!

I appreciate all your opinions! At the end of the day, we will just have to go with our gut. But some ppl are right...I would like my child's name to be original and not "copy" someone else.

hcdmdf · August 2015

My daughter and DH's best friend's daughter have the same name. We had told them our choice for girl name before either of us were pregnant. Her girl is older by 6 mos, when they found out that they were having a girl, we sat down and decided that if we both had girls, we were fine with them having the same name. Around them, our daughter is called by her first and middle name. It works

redfallon · August 2015

I'm on the "name your kid what you want" boat. I don't are if there are a billion kids with the same name. If you love that name and that's what you think your child should be called, then go for it.

april172010U · August 2015

I think if you don't see the person on a monthly basis, I'd just use it. We had my husband's cousin's (who we see one time per year) ask if she could use my daughters name. I thought it was nice she asked and of course said yes!

reware · August 2015

@april172010U is a lovely person and we should all aspire to that kind of generous spirit. But I wouldn't count on that from everyone, especially someone who is in your regular social circle.

I'd make a decision on what you want to do first, and not ask permission or let someone else decide the outcome of what your child's name will be.

Remember to weigh up the chances that either you or your child will be close with and regularly interact with the other family in 10-15 years time... in a lot of cases it's pretty unlikely, and you've let a relatively temporary situation affect a permanent decision.

I completely understand though, it's such a hard thing to do to name someone!

EEB88 · August 2015

My son and his cousin have the same middle name (though that is the name we call my son.) Personally, I was flattered that they thought my son was so "cool" that they named theirs the same. And my sister and I share a name( my middle, her first). Again, I was flattered.

That being said, I have an extremely popular name and I hate it. If one of my close relatives named their child something I liked, I'd probably use it as a middle name.

stephydan · August 2015

When I was pregnant with my first my sister rambled off a load of names for my baby one of which I really liked and we decided to call her, years after I named her she started telling everyone I knicked her name but I honestly just thought she was naming pretty names to help me out as she said quite a few, I never once thought I couldn't use them, anyways 10 years after naming my daughter Millie my sister gave birth to her first girl and called her Tilly, both very similar and lovely, maybe there's something similar to the name you like that you could change it to just by changing one letter ?

MEMichelson · August 2015

My opinion - who cares, it's your baby and if you picked out a name that you want to use then use it

No reason to stress over trying to find a different name that you might not like or want as much. My SIL was pissed when my other SIL 'took' a name that she wanted to use for a girl (she's had two boys so far) and honestly if she liked the name that much then use it.

It's your baby - you get to make the call

VesperLove · August 2015

I'll just say this ...

My mom and her dad have the same middle name.

My mom decided to give that middle name to my sister too -- she says it wasn't to pass down a name but just because they (my mom and dad) couldn't think of anything else.

A few years later, her sister had a baby ... and used that name as the middle name as well.

I cannot tell you the number of conversations that have come up where we talk about how that name has been a family name and my mom gets bent out of shape and says it didn't start that way but then her sister used it and blah blah. She says it doesn't bother her but it SO OBVIOUSLY DOES.

And this is thirty years later.

So, in short ... find another name and avoid the potential family conflict.

momotheflyinglemur · August 2015

I have a first cousin who is seven years younger than me that shares my name, only spelled different. It hurt my feelings a little bit that my uncle stole my name, but as an adult I don't care because I never see either of them ever. As far as I knew my parent's didn't care that much either. I guess it sort of depends what your family situation is. Are you going to be seeing them often? Only at holidays? What are those people like? Are they going to stir the pot and cause a scene because you named your child the same? Or will they just take it in stride because it's a good and/or fairly popular name?

kategancla · August 2015

We found out recently that the name we're going with (one Ive loved for years) is also one that DH's cousin intends to use if they have a daughter (there is a family connection to the name on the wife's side). This in no way bothers me, especially since we see them maybe once or twice a year.

mylittlegemini · August 2015

The thing is...our families are pretty close. We see them monthly I would say. Our kids would be going to each others birthdays and such and we see each other on Holidays too. Unfortunately she isn't the easiest person to get along with. And there is no way I would ask her "permission" to use the name. I would actually be hesitant to bring up the convo with her and I know it would most likely blow up. *sigh*

haylierm · August 2015

Its always a turn off for me, yeah

my husband and I had the name Jackson picked out for our son since back in high school. Well, that was in the top 5 baby boy names from about 2012 to last year. One of my coworkers used the name so even tho we loved it for years it just made it blah for me. That's just me though. If it doesn't bother you or the people who also used the name then I say go for it. Unless you make up some crazy nonsense word there will always be someone out there with the same name. I would maybe see if they are bothered by it, but if you aren't and they aren't then there ya go

johci · August 2015

If it's not my brother/sister's child, then I wouldn't care. I would name my baby the way I like it. And also if you don't see them too often, then it really doesn't matter.

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