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2nd baby guilt

ambervalanoambervalano member
in Two Under 2
I'm 12 weeks pregnant and have a 17 month old daughter. My daughter was planned and me and my husband always wanted more kids, but it was a surprise that we got pregnant again so early. We are happy but I am struggling with guilt. My daughters life is going to change when the new baby gets here and I feel bad she wont be the only center of our world anymore. And I'm worried I won't love our 2nd baby as much as my daughter. I can't imagine loving another baby this much.. anyone else feel like this? How r u coping?
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Re: 2nd baby guilt

  • mattandloramattandlora member
    edited April 2015
    I felt just like you, with timing and planning and everything. But everyone reassured me I'd feel just as much love for the 2nd one once she got here. And they were right! You will too. And it will take the older one a bit to adjust. However, they'll be close enough in age that the oldest will probably never remember life without a younger sibling.

    (Edited for "helpful" autocorrect)

    **siggy warning**

    Current Age 35, DH 33

    Married 9/2011

    BFP 8/2012, Miscarried 9/2012

    BFP 9/2012, DS 6/2013

    BFP 6/2014, Miscarried 7/2014

    BFP 7/2014, DD 4/2015


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  • MelanieBrilliantMelanieBrilliant member
    Your daughter is going to have a very valuable experience of being an older sister. It will teach her a lot. And also she will have a younger sibling which is also amazing - it is the best friend for the whole life!
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  • Dannylion24Dannylion24 member
    Your heart just ... Expands. I also fretted and fretted. You will love #2 every bit as much.
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  • mamaksweezmamaksweez member
    I have a 14mo old (almost) and I'm due 1/9 with baby 2. I worry about not being able to love #2 as much as I love my dd too. I know I will it's just hard to imagine since I've never loved anything as much as I love dd.

    As far as how I'm dealing, I'm just really trying to enjoy every moment with her now, and I'm banking on dd and baby 2 being best friends since they'll be so close in age. (19mo apart!) I'm telling myself that we are giving dd the best gift ever! It'll be hard at first but once we all figure it out, I know it will be fabulous!
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  • Latina211508Latina211508 member
    You will love your baby just the same as your first especially once you hold them. Your daughter will enjoy helping you with the new baby. Just try to spend as much one on one time with her. My kids adjusted well and I personally never felt that guilt. My first two are 24 months apart, my second and third are 19 months apart, my third and fourth will be 3 years apart. My youngest is very attached to me and everyone is concerned how she will feel but I know she will be excited. Maybe have your daughter help pick out some baby clothes, blankets etc. She will feel very included.
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  • thisblessedmessthisblessedmess member
    I don't know anyone who says they had to divide their love between their children. Do you love your husband less because you have a child? Love multiplies.
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  • mtro1mtro1 member
    I feel the exact same as you. I would have thought I wrote that post myself. I just found out yesterday I am pregnant and am still in shock. The baby and dd will be 20 months apart. I'm hoping I get over the guilt so I can enjoy the pregnancy and the last months with just me and my sweet girl.
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  • BarrettJ89BarrettJ89 member
    I'm new to this board (been sticking with birth month) but when I found out that I was pregnant this time around, I cried. I was so mad at myself as I was just getting ready to go to the doctor for an IUD... my son will be turning one on December 9th, and baby #2 is due January 9th. 13 months apart, am I nuts?!
    It's been a struggle. I feel like I took away from him being my one and only. I'm still upset that I'm spending so much of his first year preparing for another baby! Slowly but surely, I'm getting more excited. Definitely still anxious though.
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  • mamacastromamacastro member
    @BarrettJ89 I feel just like you. Our son is so special to us and now I feel so terrible and like its not fair to him. I just wanted to have this special time with him since this is his first year and full of everything special and now there is another one coming and they will only be 16 months apart :(
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  • BarrettJ89BarrettJ89 member
    @mamacastro I'm absolutely dreading next week. I'm already a hormonal disaster and now I have to go back to work (I work at a school). I'm likely going to miss my son's first steps and my boyfriend's work schedule is changing to the exact opposite of mine. So after an entire summer with my baby, I have to leave him and now, even though we live together, I won't see my boyfriend either... and I get to prep for baby #2 all at the same time? I feel like so much is changing all at once :(
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  • mamacastromamacastro member
    Yeah i'm a bit overwhelmed right now
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