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February 2016 Moms
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should I leave my partner?

jessii92jessii92 member
in February 2016 Moms
We have been together nearly 3 years. He has always had a wild lifestyle but now I'm pregnant. Yes drank everyday since we found out, he says its so he can deal with it. He gets annoyed if I fall asleep early. He's overly rude, and aggressive. He won't walk to dogs, then he will beat them for soiling inside. He doesn't make me feel loved or secure.
I dont work, I dont have a penny to my name. I want to leave him but the uncertainty of my baby's future gives me panic attacks. I dont know what to do.
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Re: should I leave my partner?

  • DaisyTortillaDaisyTortilla member
    I'm so sorry you are in that situation. Listen, if you are questioning being with him, I think that means you already made up your mind. You're just afraid, which is completely normal. I was in a similar situation once, but I wasn't pregnant. You have to think about the safety of you and your baby, if he beats your pets, he can escalate to abuse you all, and that is even a worse situation. The lack of money makes it more difficult, but there are shelters for abused women, which you are if he treats you as he does now. Go with a family member or a friend, ask someone for help. If you feel afraid to leave the house, call the police, they can escort you. Hope you find help soon. Good luck. Hugs

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  • wisco29wisco29 member
    Sounds like your baby will be better off without him not to mention your dogs and yourself.

    There are many help centers and women's shelters that would be willing to help you get on your feet if you don't have any family to help you.

    If anything leave him for your baby and your dogs
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  • wisco29wisco29 member
    Never mind. I call mud. I take back my helpful, and thoughtful reply. Good luck
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  • wisco29wisco29 member
    jessii92 said:

    We have been together nearly 3 years. He has always had a wild lifestyle but now I'm pregnant. Yes drank everyday since we found out, he says its so he can deal with it. He gets annoyed if I fall asleep early. He's overly rude, and aggressive. He won't walk to dogs, then he will beat them for soiling inside. He doesn't make me feel loved or secure.
    I dont work, I dont have a penny to my name. I want to leave him but the uncertainty of my baby's future gives me panic attacks. I dont know what to do.

    Oh yah and qfp
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  • ohbaby714ohbaby714 member
    wisco29 said:

    Never mind. I call mud. I take back my helpful, and thoughtful reply. Good luck

    After the weed thread?? Thinking the same.
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  • wisco29wisco29 member
    ohbaby714 said:

    wisco29 said:

    Never mind. I call mud. I take back my helpful, and thoughtful reply. Good luck

    After the weed thread?? Thinking the same.
    Yah I replied then I saw that thread.
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  • hopes4babyhopes4baby member
    Mud?
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  • minivanmafiaminivanmafia member
    hopes4baby said:
    Mud?
    Made up drama.

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  • hopes4babyhopes4baby member
    Oh! Made up drama.

    If this is MUD, that is sad.

    If this isn't, run and take the dogs with you.
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  • MamaFroFroMamaFroFro member
    hopes4baby said:

    Mud?

    Made up drama

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  • minivanmafiaminivanmafia member
    hopes4baby said:
    Oh! Made up drama. If this is MUD, that is sad. If this isn't, run and take the dogs with you.
    This exactly.

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  • VitaLunaVitaLuna member
    Ugh, I hate to even reply to this, because I'm pretty sure it's MUD.

    But, alas, in the event it isn't or that some other lurker is in the same spot... Get out of there and leave the trash behind. There are TONS of resources for pregnancy and new parents (food stamps, WIC, housing assistance). Dont bring your child into a dangerous situation for any reason.

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  • BabySeaTurtlesBabySeaTurtles member
    VitaLuna said:

    Ugh, I hate to even reply to this, because I'm pretty sure it's MUD.

    But, alas, in the event it isn't or that some other lurker is in the same spot... Get out of there and leave the trash behind. There are TONS of resources for pregnancy and new parents (food stamps, WIC, housing assistance). Dont bring your child into a dangerous situation for any reason.

    ^ This. ^
    Though I'm pretty sure this is MUD.



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  • brushesnbrunchbrushesnbrunch member
    In the case that this is not MUD (honestly I'm hoping it is even though I don't know why anyone would make light when it comes to DV, it's not a joking matter..) look into United Way. They can steer you in the right direction when it comes to the resources @VitaLuna shared above, as well as job assistance. You may also want to look into what churches offer in your area, some do rental assistance, etc.
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  • bredollbredoll member
    Bfavors said:
    In the case that this is not MUD (honestly I'm hoping it is even though I don't know why anyone would make light when it comes to DV, it's not a joking matter..) look into United Way. They can steer you in the right direction when it comes to the resources @VitaLuna shared above, as well as job assistance. You may also want to look into what churches offer in your area, some do rental assistance, etc.
    Agreed. If this is true, please get help that the PP pointed out. 

    If this is MUD, shame on you. My ex-SIL accused my brother of beating her and their 3 kids after 15 years together and convinced all 3 kids to lie about it to the court. My brother was only allowed supervised visits with his kids for years after, when they chose to show up. I still don't talk to my nieces and nephew because I "took his side." They are finally starting to come around and realize they were brainwashed, but it doesn't undo the years of hurt my brother and our family suffered. 
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  • DaisyTortillaDaisyTortilla member
    bredoll said:


    Bfavors said:

    In the case that this is not MUD (honestly I'm hoping it is even though I don't know why anyone would make light when it comes to DV, it's not a joking matter..) look into United Way. They can steer you in the right direction when it comes to the resources @VitaLuna shared above, as well as job assistance. You may also want to look into what churches offer in your area, some do rental assistance, etc.

    Agreed. If this is true, please get help that the PP pointed out. 

    If this is MUD, shame on you. My ex-SIL accused my brother of beating her and their 3 kids after 15 years together and convinced all 3 kids to lie about it to the court. My brother was only allowed supervised visits with his kids for years after, when they chose to show up. I still don't talk to my nieces and nephew because I "took his side." They are finally starting to come around and realize they were brainwashed, but it doesn't undo the years of hurt my brother and our family suffered. 


    So sad! I can't believe there are people out there like that. :(

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  • mamaekmamaek member
    As PPs have said get out get help. There are many places that offer resources/shelter/ safety plans to women in your situation.

    This is just soooo wrong if MUD
    So may women have actually gone through this or are in these type of situations. It is not to be taken lightly or to be joked around with.
    Also there are women here going through some very difficult situations who need actual support.
    Shameeee!
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  • steflesstefles member
    If you're questioning whether this is an environment you should be in... Then you have no business having a child. I don't care how harsh that sounds. You clearly cannot make smart decisions, especially considering your other thread about weed. Smarten up, leave the loser, take your dogs and go. If you cannot find the strength in yourself to make the decision you know you need to, then you won't make a good parent. Simple. The decisions need to be made for your child. I hope this thread is MUD because my blood is boiling over reading this disgusting thread along with your other one.
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  • Life is ExcitingLife is Exciting member
    It sounds like you may be afraid of him and that is a very unhealthy relationship. I encourage you to find some kind of work, even part time, so if he tries to get custody of your child, you can prove that you are capable of providing for the child and it will make his case harder.
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  • inomniaparatusinomniaparatus member
    Not sure if this is MUD, but if it isn't
    LoveIsRespect.org is a great resource for a young person in a situation like yours. 

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  • steflesstefles member
    AdventureMama said:

    stefles said:

    If you're questioning whether this is an environment you should be in... Then you have no business having a child. I don't care how harsh that sounds. You clearly cannot make smart decisions, especially considering your other thread about weed. Smarten up, leave the loser, take your dogs and go. If you cannot find the strength in yourself to make the decision you know you need to, then you won't make a good parent. Simple. The decisions need to be made for your child. I hope this thread is MUD because my blood is boiling over reading this disgusting thread along with your other one.

    Geez, harsh much? On the off chance this is real, or there are real victims of abuse reading, this is pretty insensitive. Abuse is psychological and mental as well as physical and verbal. When you're actually in the midst of the situation, it's much harder to leave than it seems to outsiders. Abusers often gaslight their victims, telling them everything is all in their head or they're crazy, and they shame them into staying. In addition, it's easy for non-victims to forget that the victim does (or at least did at one point) love their husband/partner/abuser. It's all very overwhelming and confusing. Finally, I'll mention that it's not always logistically easy to leave a spouse, particularly if you've been isolated from your support system (another common abuse tactic) or you're being financially supported by your abuser. Yes, there are many resources out there, but seeking them out can be daunting.
    IF this is real, she's at least taking the step of asking for advice, which is a great start. A little compassion goes a long way.
    OP, leaving can be scary, overwhelming, even sad. But think about what's best for your baby. There are so many resources out there to help you. If this isn't MUD, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to or you need help looking up resources.
    Too harsh? Maybe. I was in this exact situation. I went through all of what she was saying. People telling me "here's a resource" "you want to talk?" Didn't help. It wasn't until someone said hey stop whining and change it, that's when I woke up. I get that situations are different for everyone, it's not always easy to leave. There are shelters that are far better then being with someone abusive. You do what you gotta do, for the life you created inside you. If you aren't go to make a change, or make an effort then no one else can help you.
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  • AdventureMamaAdventureMama member
    stefles said:

    AdventureMama said:

    stefles said:

    If you're questioning whether this is an environment you should be in... Then you have no business having a child. I don't care how harsh that sounds. You clearly cannot make smart decisions, especially considering your other thread about weed. Smarten up, leave the loser, take your dogs and go. If you cannot find the strength in yourself to make the decision you know you need to, then you won't make a good parent. Simple. The decisions need to be made for your child. I hope this thread is MUD because my blood is boiling over reading this disgusting thread along with your other one.

    Geez, harsh much? On the off chance this is real, or there are real victims of abuse reading, this is pretty insensitive. Abuse is psychological and mental as well as physical and verbal. When you're actually in the midst of the situation, it's much harder to leave than it seems to outsiders. Abusers often gaslight their victims, telling them everything is all in their head or they're crazy, and they shame them into staying. In addition, it's easy for non-victims to forget that the victim does (or at least did at one point) love their husband/partner/abuser. It's all very overwhelming and confusing. Finally, I'll mention that it's not always logistically easy to leave a spouse, particularly if you've been isolated from your support system (another common abuse tactic) or you're being financially supported by your abuser. Yes, there are many resources out there, but seeking them out can be daunting.
    IF this is real, she's at least taking the step of asking for advice, which is a great start. A little compassion goes a long way.
    OP, leaving can be scary, overwhelming, even sad. But think about what's best for your baby. There are so many resources out there to help you. If this isn't MUD, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to or you need help looking up resources.
    Too harsh? Maybe. I was in this exact situation. I went through all of what she was saying. People telling me "here's a resource" "you want to talk?" Didn't help. It wasn't until someone said hey stop whining and change it, that's when I woke up. I get that situations are different for everyone, it's not always easy to leave. There are shelters that are far better then being with someone abusive. You do what you gotta do, for the life you created inside you. If you aren't go to make a change, or make an effort then no one else can help you.
    Sure, tough love is great, but I think it's more effective coming from a friend or family member- that would be a real wake up call. Not some random person on the internet who calls you a bad mother and says you "clearly can't make smart decisions" and that you aren't fit to be a parent.
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  • g0lightly8706g0lightly8706 member
    edited August 2015
    Pretty sure it's MUD.. The OP hasn't come back to comment on either of the threads she started.. I don't get people at all.
    However on the off chance I'm wrong. Yes, leave him now.
    Married: 8/25/12
    Started TTC: 1/1/14
    BFP: 6/1/15
    Baby Girl Athena Born: 2/7/16

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  • minivanmafiaminivanmafia member
    I have clicked on this thread a million times already, reading all the comments. I can not believe this is real, especially with the other post about her marijuana intake and lack of replies from her on her very own post.

    I will comment though, in case this is real OR someone may read this and need this... LEAVE HIM. Do yourself, your baby and your poor dogs a favor and get him to leave him. Call your old friends or family to help you. They will help you. Call the Health Dept, women's shelter, DFACS, Police stations.... Hell, go to the hospital. You have to stand up, put your big girl panties on... you are thinking about someone more than yourself now and forever.

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  • oxfordlandingoxfordlanding member
    Just out of interest it's surprisingly common for people who are unhappy to post fictional situations because of the support and validation. Even if the post itself isn't factual, the poster may still be hurting. Some people also post things they know will trigger criticism as a form of self abuse. Best of luck op. Hope your situation improves.
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