November 2015 Moms

Pregnant w/ Husband Struggles...help

Tonight I asked my husband if he had any concerns or struggles in regards to us being pregnant with twins, he said the only thing that's bothering him is the fact that we aren't having sex enough for him. This made me really upset and I haven't confronted him about it yet because it's not something that I want to stress over, but I guess I figured with all the pain I've been in lately that one of his concerns would've been more...well...me! Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is it selfish to want him to feel more concerned about how I'm doing? Now he's asleep and I'm just pissed...

Re: Pregnant w/ Husband Struggles...help

  • I would honestly be feeling the same way you are. To me, that just seems selfish for a husband to say that. It's undoubtedly difficult for them to really understand what it's like for us to be pregnant, especially what it's like for you to be pregnant with twins as that takes an even bigger toll on your body. I would try talking to him about it in the morning and let him know how what he said made you feel, and try to keep calm when doing so, because men tend to tune out when there is too much emotion unfortunately.
  • I know my husband can feel the same way at times and it really translates to the fact that he doesn't feel close to me or wanted. Sometimes it's not always about sex and more about what having can do in a relationship. Maybe find out if he's feeling distant and if there's another way to make him feel better that doesn't take a toll on you physically and explain how his answer made you feel. Sorry you're feeling frustrated :/
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  • I completely agree with @ash413, I had this same issue with my first pregnancy. Also twins. My body was in so much pain, I didn't even want to consider sex. I believe you have every right to be upset, and your husband is being selfish. But just like a child, they don't understand or know better. I don't know if you're the type to not tell him when you're in pain, and how you're feeling all the time. But I have found that when I tell my husband how I am feeling, what I am dealing with he is more understanding. Maybe you two can snuggle, and he can feel some sort of closeness to you. If this is really only about sex, he is going to have to put his big boy pants on and realize sex probably won't be happening often for a while. Good luck Hun! Just try to be honest and calm with him.
  • I would express your concerns as well as being able to recognize his...and find some middle ground.

    Men are more sexual beings than women, it's just part of their body chemistry. I don't often want sex these days, but it makes my husband more in tune with keeping me happy when I work to keep him happy.

    Additionally, try to look at it this way, at least he was honest. Lots of women have men who lie and say "how you feel is most important" and then begin to explore other means to meet their own (I.e. Strictly physical affairs)

    Your husband loves you enough to have been honest with you, regardless of how shallow it sounded for him to say it, that's something worth treasuring.

    Good luck lady!
  • I'm sorry but I don't usually reply but felt the urge to today. This is 100% selfish. You have every right to be upset and in my opinion, he better get used to not having everything he wants when he wants it. It's not as if you are just not up to it, you are pregnant! Geez, maybe HE should present you a massage or take you out to dinner. Has he tried to romance you? Great relationships are not just about sex. So im sorry ladies but i dont agree that she should try to appease him. This is a time where your mind and body are changing at great lengths and he frankly needs to be patient and understanding. Afterall, what good is having sex when one person is not feeling up to it! I wouldnt want my SO to have sex with me simply because I want it. I'd want him to want it too. Definitely speak to him and tell him exactly why. Good luck and never let anyone make you feel like you should be intimate when you are not up to it.
  • While I understand it isn't great to hear, you did ask. And he was honest with you about how he is feeling. That doesn't mean that it isn't also perfectly valid for you to be hurt by that. I think it'd be in both of your best interests to discuss that as well as his sexual desires.
  • This may be an UO but have sex with the poor guy! Seriously once you have two little ones running around and are pregnant again you'll look back and think I shoulda had sex more when it wasn't damn near impossible!! Lol
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  • I am pregnant with one. It's my second kid. I feel pain everywhere and can't stand, sit or lay. I tell my housband every time I feel pain and he just thinks: oh well, let's have sex. Oh well, NO thanks. I have acid reflux, an active baby and pain in every joint. So ....sorry but not sorry. He is upset with me and I just want to frying pan his head for not understanding. This is our first together and I really dreamt that he will be more understanding...but a girl can dream,or can't she?
  • My husband is understanding but it took a lot of just explaining to him that my body somedays just feels differently and some days I'm fine but some days everything just hurts and I don't want to be in pain and he understands more now but it still drives him insane
  • Ok, so it's hard to reply to everyone but I do want to respond with a little preface and the outcome: so **warning** long response
  • @rachswi and @bugdalady I actually do a lot for him that goes unnoticed and under appreciated. For example, he got off work yesterday and I had his clothes laid out for him and ran him a bath before that comment happened. I also offer to massage his feet and stand up in the kitchen when I shouldn't so we can cook together. I also stay up talking with him all night even though I'd rather be sleeping. So I think I'm ok with taking this time to take care of me and the twins. We have 3 boys already so having time isn't something new to us lol but thank you for your comments!
  • Um... Where is the long response or was it your second comment?
  • @MoonUnitNugget lol I have no idea...I think it cut it out it was like 5 paragraphs... Lol
  • Ok my other response I guess was too long?!...

    Long story short my husband and I worked it out and came to the conclusion that we love and adore each other and the sex isn't that big of a deal.

    Before we got pregnant our sex life was great and I was always the one that initiated sex. I give him oral when I'm not in the mood and up until 2 months ago when it became vaginally painful to have intercourse. Plus when I'm lying awake in bed in pain from the sex he's asleep from the pleasure.

    I appreciate all of the comments as it gave me a lot to think about. Thanks ladies!
  • Not sure where and when no sex meant i dont want you. There are a million ways to make someone feel wanted. Both parties should be into it. If not giving it up when you are not in the mindset is straight up selfish on his part. Not hers. And honestly, most men want sex because they have a physical urge not because they want to feel close or wanted. Like i said earlier, there are a million ways to express wanting or caring for someone. I want to see how much they are feeling sex when the baby comes and are exhausted! Haha thats when their lives change, not just ours.
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