Are you sure there's only one in there? vent

Melissadmag · August 2015

Why on this green Earth do people ever find this appropriate to say to a pregnant woman? I might *might* be able to understand if the woman was absolutely unhealthy gigantic and it was meant as a hint to cool it with the unhealthy food stuff or something......but ugh. I got this comment for the first time this week from a lady I barely even know, and I might add is a solid 2 or 3 times my weight and not pregnant *so humph!*

I just don't get what they are trying to accomplish. Are they wanting the pregnant woman to stop feeding herself and the freaking baby growing inside of her? Do they think babies really do come from a stork and that a woman shouldn't gain weight or a belly while pregnant? Have they ever seen a pregnant woman in real life? If it's meant to be funny, news flash people, it's not, it's a flat out rude and inappropriate comment. As if a pregnant woman isn't taking a big enough hit on her body and self esteem with everything changing and getting bigger (which is really scary in our world) we have to deal with morons like this.

Literally 2 seconds after she made that comment another lady came up all excited and shocked and said she hadn't even realized I was pregnant because I am so small. I did pop this week, but I know I'm by no means huge or looking like I have multiples in there considering I'm halfway through and am right on track with the weight my doctor has wanted me to gain. Yeah, I have a bit of a belly right now, but oh yeah, it's because there is a person growing inside of me that I need to focus on caring for, and feeding, so making me feel like I'm giant or should maybe stop eating so I can fit back into my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans accomplishes the exact opposite of the point of being pregnant. Would it make the commenter feel better if I gave birth to a malnourished baby or something? What does she think a 21 week pregnant girl is supposed to look like? My bump is still able to be hidden under some of my regular clothes. I don't know why I am trying to defend my freaking bump right now. I've just been stewing about this for days. What the heck was her point? Was she trying to make me feel like crap? To stop eating? Was she dumb enough to think it was a funny comment? Does she say that to every pregnant woman? Can I just slap her now?...in the face...with a chair.....

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

My grandpa gave me a wonderful tip for dealing with this one. With a perfectly straight face ask when they're due with theirs. I've gotten the same comments. People think they're being funny even though they're not. Hormones don't help in dealing with it. Seriously though, ask when they're due.

ash8684113 · August 2015

I am actually having twins and still get upset about a few choice comments coworkers have made. I too am right ok track for 11 weeks and I have worked hard to gain the right amount of weight to help my babies have good outcomes. My favorite comment is " oh and look your even starting to gain weight in your face!" Wow thank you much that is so nice of you, said no on ever! I honestly don't think I have really put weight on my face but what ever.

People don't think before they speak and honestly are just stupid when they make comments about our weight. I try to not get to upset and say something rude back. Good luck and we all feel like slapping these people!!!!

navyblueladybug · August 2015

When my sister was 37 weeks pregnant someone in the hall of her midwife's offices asked her if she was having twins... She wasn't. And she got so mad her blood pressure went way up! The midwife wanted to do a 24 hour urine check to make sure it wasn't pre-eclampsia! She got pissed about that too and ended up going into labor that night! We joke that she did that on purpose so she didn't have to collect her pee

)

Ninapinks · August 2015

I'm not sure why people think it is funny to talk about weight to pregnant women. First of all, we aren't getting fat.. There is a baby in there! But yes it is dangerous. Don't they know how much women judge themselves already? Why make women second guess eating or feel worthless? I have a huge problem with this too and it's hard already to accept that I am gaining weight, even if it is for a baby. Anyway.. Remember they are just being careless, and you are doing fine! You have no reason to be ashamed of gaining weight, which is what you are supposed to be doing! You are making a person!

c000501 · August 2015

This is my third and Ohhh the comments about popping early or looking big. I'm not too sensitive but it is jaw dropping to hear though. My dad tells me you can't help stupid so I go with that and laugh because I'm so excited about my little joy on the way. I wouldn't let that bother you but if it does politely smile and just punch them in their face in your mind and laugh that a preggers just whooped them.... Lol

jmomof4 · August 2015

I get that too! I also get "oh That baby's just gonna fall out!" When they find out it's our 5th! Like wtf?!? My vag went back to normal each time thankyouverymuch. I still get the pleasure of laboring AND pushing out a baby.

mltarrio · August 2015

Ugh that is awful.

I keep getting, "that's going to be one big baby"! I had no idea how sensitive I would feel about this until the first time my MIL said it. And she's terrific, I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but it's hard when I am trying so hard to exercise and eat right. Gaining the pregnancy weight has been harder than I would have thought and insensitive comments don't help.

BrookeBrown2015 · August 2015

Well, I haven't gotten any insensitive weight comments from strangers but my HUSBAND called me fat the other day! We were getting ready to go to a water park and he said he hoped I was "the only fatty there wearing a bikini". He also told me that it looked like I'd gained more than the 10 pounds I have gained. My little sister also said point blank that it looks like more than 10 pounds...

I have been surprised though that I have had a couple strangers ask me recently how far along I am. It didn't really bother me but I wouldn't a stranger my size that...you never know... I was once with my cousin when she asked someone that (a cashier at the mall) and she wasn't pregnant!! Sooo embarrassing.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

I get "you're huge for only 20wks!" And "are you sure there's only 1 in there?!" ALLLLLL the time. It's so frustrating and hurtful. But the other day my MFM Dr told me it's great I'm so skinny because they were able to get all the angles they needed....bless her.

Cjaff70 · August 2015

BrookeBrown2015 said:
Well, I haven't gotten any insensitive weight comments from strangers but my HUSBAND called me fat the other day! We were getting ready to go to a water park and he said he hoped I was "the only fatty there wearing a bikini". He also told me that it looked like I'd gained more than the 10 pounds I have gained. My little sister also said point blank that it looks like more than 10 pounds...

I have been surprised though that I have had a couple strangers ask me recently how far along I am. It didn't really bother me but I wouldn't a stranger my size that...you never know... I was once with my cousin when she asked someone that (a cashier at the mall) and she wasn't pregnant!! Sooo embarrassing.

I'm sorry that's not cool at all. It's frustrating how many comments are made to pregnant women about weight. It should not be a topic of discussion

KreecherMom · August 2015

Just another thought: before I started showing (and now with my bump), everyone asked me if it was only one or twins. I think it's become a new "standard" question these days..."Congratulations! How are you feeling? When are you due? Just one? Boy or girl?" I think given the prevalence of multiples these days, people are just curious.

mrussello · August 2015

I don't know why people are insanely insensitive to pregnant women. Like all filters shut down.

When I was pregnant with my first, I was getting a pedicure and I was 30 maybe 32 weeks. The nail tech kept asking me if I was sure there wasn't 2 or 3 in there. My sister was hysterically laughing and I'm pretty sure I turned all shades of red. Mind you, I had gained 40 lbs and my belly was out like a torpedo but still, Shut your face lady!

12815AEEA · August 2015

Omg! My MIL said to me the other day...ooh I see a belly! Then continued to say, "there was a lady at the gym and she had on a tight shirt and her belly was way out there. When I was pregnant I wore baggy clothes, plus I only gained 15 pounds." I wanted to punch her. First of all, she's underweight and my husband was a preemie, so um, maybe you should have gained more. I told her I want to show off my bump so I'm wearing fitted tops, she was baffled. ~X(

BCIndychick · August 2015

I keep getting that question from my family. It is annoying. I've shown you the ultra sounds. Screw you! I also hate when other moms laugh at me when I say that I fully intend on not gaining 50 lbs. They just keep saying I don't have control over that. News flash, I sort of do. I don't have to stuff my face with fast food everyday and eat whatever I crave at any given minute. Plus, I am over weight anyway so it is quite possible for me to not gain obscene amounts during this pregnancy. People are down right mean.

stephaniearthurs · August 2015

Some people..... If I was bold enough, I would say, no, are you having twins?

littleSkittle14 · August 2015

I got it last pregnancy towards the end. I was teaching in an elementary school and one of the 8th grade teachers told me at a staff meeting that her class was debating how many babies were actually in my uterus because I was so large. Uhhhhh, awkward?

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

Yeah, ppl haven't said any of that dumb shut to me. But I'd straight up tell them they were rude. Idc, you don't make comments about another person's weight (Unless they asked you for help or its an intervention) period. I also would ask if they were expecting or when the last time they ate was... I'm an equal opportunity bitch if ppl say stupid shit to me. I only have fake patience for my MIL on behalf of my SO. But she knows I don't play any of that. I'm also not allowed to gain weight, so I'm sure that helped my rude comment situation.

ammnam14 · August 2015

My husband found two faces in our 3D ultrasound and has convinced everyone we are having twins. Although we know for a fact there is only one baby in there lol. So, I'm starting to get the infamous "Are you sure there's just one in there?" Twins are very popular in our families as well. It probably doesn't annoy me as much because it has nothing to do with weight.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

It sucks on the other end of the spectrum too. )=

Im naturally very tiny, yet busty. So at 5 ft 7 in and 105 lbs & 32DD before I got pregnant. Now Im 124 lbs & 32DDD at 20 wks. Due to the increase in my bust size, you cant really tell that my bump has grown at all unless Im wearing a tight shirt.

So for the people that know Im pregnant, & its my first, I hear "shouldnt you eat something, you know, its not just about you anymore, you need to eat for the baby". Yet I eat something every 4 hours, if I dont I get kicked and reminded its food time! Im right where my doctor wants me to be. but since Im halfway and you cant really see it..& it doesnt help my little sister, whos having her 3rd boy looked about as big at 20 wks as she did at 38 wks when she gave birth to her first. So the fact Im so small is like Im doing something wrong & not taking care of myself or my baby boy. & in the past 24 hours, after finding out its a boy, its only gotten worse. "If its a boy, shouldnt you be bigger? I know you say you eat, but its apparently not enough"

Honestly, no matter how you look at it, if your "bigger" in someones eyes, they have to nit pick at it, and if your "too small" they do the same thing. So no matter what you do, someone will have something negative to say.

You can look through the forums & posts on here, even though we're all pregnant, there are some that seem to get a thrill from being absolutely hateful and negative. Sadly its just not avoidable.

The only thing you can do is keep up what you and your doctor feel is right. Ive gotten to the point that I just respond with "My Doctor, whos job is to watch the health of me and baby seems happy with where Im at, Im sorry you dont feel the same way" Ive even added "luckily hes a professional which means his opinion is the one that counts" after some of the responses Ive gotten even to that...

Melissadmag · August 2015

Thanks, you all brought up great points. I do feel better about it. I don't know why I let it eat at me so much.

maiatene · August 2015

This is funny to me only bc at every ultrasound appointment I would ask the tech if she was sure there was only one in there because my friend thought she was having 1 until her anatomy scan (I believe) showed that baby 2 was hiding lol!

To OP - easier said than done but don't let it get to you. People feel compelled to say something to pregnant women (and new mums). Often they really don't have anything to say but because of this compulsion they often go the funny route, only it's not funny. You can do like PP said and comment on their weight (if it's a woman her swollen ankles) and that'll shut them right up. If they get offended eff em but you can also point out that's what they just did to you so why are they offended now that the shoe is on the other foot. 99% of the time people who do this have zero experience with pregnancy and get all their info from tv and movies, which is just as bad as being completely ignorant. You could be nice and make it a teachable moment, but eff that no one has time for that - snark gets the point across much faster and more efficiently lol

angetralala · August 2015

OP - I know you've talked about the kind of work you do, and as I used to be in the same line I have specific advice to give: people love to be extra-mean to women in fields where your looks are very important. Believe me, I hate that this is the case, but it is. You'll just have to steel yourself against all the nonsense you will hear from people trying to make you feel large/old/whatever else.

I guess that wasn't really advice as much as commiseration. I just lump those comments in with all the other ridiculous things people feel like they have a right to say to you when you do certain work.

Melissadmag · August 2015

I know exactly what you mean as far as that line of work, people like to pick your looks apart. The other girls I work with, customers, managers, etc, you always have to be on when it comes to your looks and have a hard outer shell. Ironically I was actually on a business trip for my other, more part time job where I am a business consultant and it was from a coworker from another region during our national sales meeting. It was one of the most professional and HR appropriate things I've ever attended in my life lol. I was just blown away. I work with catty girls every day that live for their looks and all of them (except one) have been so cute about my pregnancy. Then I go somewhere where looks other than looking well groomed and professional don't mean anything and everyone is supposed to be so professional and an older lady from another region, so one I don't even know well comes up just to say that to me, and nothing else for the entire 5 day sales meeting....what the heck lol.

amorrow5812 · August 2015

I get this all the time but it's mostly from older ladies. They keep telling me they don't remember gaining so much weight and having a belly so early. I have actually lost weight through my pregnancy and not returned to prepregnancy weight yet. I gained back three of those pounds. I'm not a big person at all but my belly has continued to grow.
22 weeks 4 days

carraa · August 2015

I had this too- I was 13 weeks when someone asked me and the woman who asked me was far from skinny herself - I was slightly over weight before (168lb so Had a bit of a belly anyway) and it really offended me and I just wanted to cry. Luckily I had lots of support and if it happens again I have some nice responses to come back with - I'm carrying a good amount of water to my bump I guess is considers large for 20 weeks - all i care about is my boy being healthy

if it happens again just burst into tears - that will make them think twice as if we need reminding of our weight - fortunately we have an excuse

what's there's? Here's my bump at 20+3 xx

preggoandglowing · August 2015

People have asked me this several times and for some reason it doesn't bother me at all. I feel proud that baby is growing so fast and I'm glad I'm not the only one who think my belly is bigger than most at 20 weeks.

fmraglio · August 2015

What REALLY gets me is when other pregnant women say it... if non-preg people don't get that you shouldn't say that a pregnant woman should at least understand. One of my SIL's I saw after not seeing for a few weeks and the first thing she said was "Wow, you look REALLY pregnant, like...more pregnant than me! Are you sure they have your dates right?!" First of all, bitch, you're 9 months pregnant and I'm only 19 weeks, you went to my appointment with me so you know damn well my dates are right, what a f'ing rude thing to say. Secondly I'm standing RIGHT next to you and can clearly see your belly is huge and mine isn't even as close to being near that size let alone bigger than yours so shut your face.

It made me so mad I haven't talked to her since. Probably won't either.

Gingermom15 · August 2015

I miscarried my baby's twin at 8 weeks. I dare someone to ask me if its twins.

SkylaEmerald · August 2015

I guess things are different where I live. My sister was massive because of a large amount of fluid in her abdomen. I really thought she was having twins! I bugged her about it and she thought it was funny. Her baby was only 6 pounds. Now that I'm pregnant I can't believe how big I'm getting! At both my ultrasounds I asked the tech to make sure there was only one baby. I won't be offended if anyone asks me if I'm sure I'm only having one. I find it funny and usually respond with "I made them check twice!". Maybe it's cause I'm from Canada? Not easily offended lol.

mrs14678 · August 2015

I'm so tired of it too! Not because of being big or anything, it's more like they are trying to scare me with the prospect of caring for 2 or 3 instead of 1..... I say "no, I showed you the ultrasound picture" and they wink and say "one could be hiding!" Sorry, but... No. Doc only heard one heartbeat too... Pretty sure she knows more than you. What hurts is that it's mostly family members saying that and I don't know how to tell them to stop!

VixDecember2015 · August 2015

I went to get a pedicure the other day (because it is getting too hard to paint my own toenails). The technician asked if I had any kids, so I said that I have a 2 year old and will have another one in a few months. She had the nerve to say, "you don't look pregnant. I thought your stomach just looked like a regular fat person's stomach." Gee thanks, lady that I don't know. You just told me that I look fat instead of pregnant.

Next time, I recommend waiting until after you get a tip to call your customers fat...

duckinoven · August 2015

VixDecember2015 said:
I went to get a pedicure the other day (because it is getting too hard to paint my own toenails). The technician asked if I had any kids, so I said that I have a 2 year old and will have another one in a few months. She had the nerve to say, "you don't look pregnant. I thought your stomach just looked like a regular fat person's stomach." Gee thanks, lady that I don't know. You just told me that I look fat instead of pregnant.
Next time, I recommend waiting until after you get a tip to call your customers fat...

Wtf?! Unbelievable. I actually find myself slightly hurt when people say they can't tell. I kind of want to scream it's because I'm hiding a giant baby filled muffin top!

Oh well I know it will look truly pregnant eventually and lil man is growing just fine. I keep telling myself "suck it up buttercup you'll be swatting hands away in due time". I also had my hubs start taking weekly bump photos for my own peace of mind to give myself credit for growing a baby. I'm working on not calling myself fat while pregnant.

JElizbetty · August 2015

People ask me this too, but most know my mom has a twin brother so its usually in that kind of mannor, anyone else would be throat punched.

alyssa82511 · August 2015

I went to visit my husbands family yesterday and I was showing off the latest ultrasound picture and I got asked by his great aunt if I was absolutely SURE I was only 22 weeks. I said yes and she proceeded to say that she remembers seeing me right before I had my daughter and that I'm the same size now as I was then lol

chelsea7611 · August 2015

Ugh! I know exactly how you feel. I had that all the way through my first pregnancy.. People saying "are u sure there's only 1" Uh yes I have had scans and check ups n I'm pretty sure id know if there were 2+. Now in my second pregnancy and was out shopping with my mum, she saw her friend n mentioned I was pregnant her friend replied "yes I see that" then my mum said I'm 3months, I swear her jaw nearly hit the floor, I could still hide my belly if I wore the right clothes n don't think I was big at all.. And now get people telling me "ohh gonna be a big boy" Uh well for all u know I may just be fat from eating heaps, or... I could be further along then u know. Just hate people comments, could ask instead of assume things. I already feel like a whale, way to Mae me feel like it too and I'm only 21w 6d today.. Wonder what the comments will be like closer to the end

Whoops that was a long comment haha

Sunny2015 · August 2015

I don't have a problem with people asking me if there's two in there, they always ask if I'm sure I'm pregnant. One of my co workers particularly likes to stare at me and tell me I still don't look pregnant at all. I try to take this as a compliment, but considering I had HG in the beginning of my pregnancy I lost 25 pounds and I'm still under my pre pregnancy weight so it makes me feel awful. People really need to think before they say anything to a pregnant lady, it's not their baby or body so back off.

Want a personalized experience?

Are you sure there's only one in there? vent

Re: Are you sure there's only one in there? vent

Choose Another Board

Search Boards