Stillborn at 22 weeks : (

houstongirl77 · August 2015

Hello fellow mommies, I am writing to vent to you all. I lost my son a month ago. I was 22 weeks along. I feel so angry lately because I don't understand why this happened to me and my husband. We wanted him so bad. I look at other pregnant women now and I'm angry that they are still pregnant and will be having their babies. I feel jealous of them and wish I was still pregnant. I also feel guilty for trying to get back to my normal life and be somewhat happy again....I know that sounds silly but its really how I feel. Any one else experience a late pregnancy loss? When it happens so late and you still have to deliver your baby knowing they will be still born in the end, it stings a little bit more. Not to minimize mommies who lose babies earlier, it just takes on a whole other range of emotions to me, Any advice you other mommies can give me will be greatly appreciated.

tpete12 · August 2015

I lost a daughter at just over 22 weeks gestation last June. It was and still is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. My emotions went crazy for about 1-2 months after we lost our daughter. You have every right to feel angry, upset, jealous, etc because you are grieving. Do you know why you lost your son? I found that once I had some reasons for losing my daughter, things got "easier." My husband and I started trying again right away and that helped to take my mind of things. I was still nervous and scared but it gave me something to be excited about again. I know for me, one day I just woke up to a new normal and things just began to work again. I also reached out to local women who lost their children and that really helped me to heal too. I hope you can find your new normal.

stefuge · August 2015

I am so sorry for your loss of your son. Did you name him? We would love to know his name if you feel comfortable sharing. The feelings you describe are completely normal and I think we all have felt them. Just take it moment by moment, day by day, and be gentle with yourself. Everyone grieves in their own way. Give yourself time and space to grieve the little one you lost and the hopes and dreams that died that day as well. I'm so sorry to be welcoming you to the board. ((Hugs))

MamaBish · August 2015

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's such a terrible thing to go through, I know. We lost our little girl at 28 weeks gestation in March and it's so hard. I know I will never be the same.
Coping methods that have helped me: therapy (helps me feel less crazy), gardening (gives me something to take care of), grown up coloring books (zen), and art journaling.

Be kind to yourself and know that it may not get easier, but you will come to accept your new normal. I've accepted that I will have to settle for "happyish" in the future. It is what it is.

ikrystal · August 2015

I am sorry for your loss. We lost our boys at 22 weeks as well, to different circumstances. The only advice I have is to let yourself feel however you need to feel, without apologies. If you are angry, be angry. If you are sad, cry. If you want to be happy, by all means, let that in. Be kind to yourself, don't let yourself do things you aren't ready for, and knwo that there is a whole community of wonderful, supportive women here for you if you ever need to talk.

kistra · August 2015

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my sone in April at 22 weeks and 3 days. You are not alone and it just sucks. Everybody is different. The only way I could figure out what would make me feel better and what was too much was to try and do things and I failed spectacularly at a few things and found other things that really helped. For me gardening (surrounding myself with life), exercise (tae kwon do... which helps with the anger too!) and talking about my son made me feel better. Going back to work too early and trying to do everything I used to do were major failures. And it is okay to feel however you feel. I was sad but not angry until I found out why my son died, then I got really angry at everything including the people that told me I would feel better if I knew why it happened.

The only thing that made me feel any "better" for the first two months or so was just accepting that anything I felt, anything I didn't feel, anything I could do or anything I couldn't do and anything my husband did or didn't do and did or didn't feel was all okay and right.

houstongirl77 · August 2015

Thank you all for your kind words. We did name him Blaise Teagan. The hospital chaplain performed a naming ceremony and we also got a little certificate with his name on it. I'm taking it day by day. I have good days and sad days when I'm really really down. I hope that over time it gets easier to deal with. I miss my baby boy every single day. He was only with me for a moment but he made such an impression on my heart and my life. I feel comforted knowing there are other mothers who understand the pain I have experienced.
Thank you fellow moms

msunshine123 · August 2015

Sorry for my late reply. Just want to echo what previous posters have said. All of your feelings are normal. It's such a roller coaster of emotions the first few months. Be patient and kind with yourself. Journaling, this board, meeting with a grief counselor and our local hospital support group helped me a lot. Hugs to you.

houstongirl77 · August 2015

Thank you @msunshine123 this board has helped me tremendously ❤️❤️❤️

jonahsma · August 2015

Sorry for your loss of Blaise. What a cute name! Like the women have said you will go through so many emotions and hopefully this board can give you some comfort like it has given so many of us. ((hugs))

mandyren15 · August 2015

I'm sorry for your loss momma. I lost my son June 20th at 39 weeks. My husband keeps telling me to take life one step at a time. Don't think too far ahead or you might overwhelm yourself. Journaling helps me get out pent up feelings. Just keep moving one step at a time and hopefully we all find peace.

houstongirl77 · August 2015

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I hope to be at a place where I am not perpetually sad. I feel the only thing that will take this feeling of emptiness away is having another baby. No other baby will ever replace my little boy, but at least the void will be half way filled and I can enjoy life a little more.

fiorip · August 2015

I lost my baby boy on August 3rd at 20 weeks 6 days and it's the hardest thing I've ever been through. There are no words anyone can say that will help you heal. Someone who had been through this before told me this isn't something you get through, it's just something you learn to live with, not because you are so strong but because you don't have any other option, it's true. I know for sure I'll never get over this, some days are better than others, but I'll never forget about him.

Keeping myself busy has helped, we just bought an apartment, I've been decorating, browsing Pinterest, painting, reading...

I have a question for other moms who've been through this, when do you go back to work? My doctor recommended 6 weeks off but I feel the sooner I get back to my daily routine, the better I'll start to feel

houstongirl77 · August 2015

@fiorip I went back to work five weeks later.
Although I was nervous to return to work it somewhat helped me not to think so much.
It gave me something to do. The routine was good. Yeah I agree. I don't think that I will ever get over the loss of my son. I am forever changed. Hugs to you..

msunshine123 · August 2015

@fiorip - I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Thinking of you and your family and sending hugs your way. I took 12 weeks - my son had been 39 weeks. Do whatever is best for you and what helps you. It's really just taking it moment to moment and then day to day in the beginning.

fiorip · August 2015

@houstongirl77 @msunshine123 thanks for the advise, I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's something you don't wish upon anyone. I like to think our angels were too good for this world. Hugs to you both.

jenn.schott · August 2015

I am so sorry for your loss.

houstongirl77 · August 2015

Thank you @jenn.schott I appreciate it

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