Is anyone NOT charting? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Is anyone NOT charting?

I don't mean to be flamed for asking about this, but i'm generally curious and want to share my reasoning. 

I had my IUD taken out end of March, pregnant right away, then lost the baby in May. We are just starting to TTC once again and I have the thermometer, the FF app, and almost purchased some OPKs yesterday. But then? Then I thought of how much pressure I feel like that would be. I more or less feel like I would just like to do this without having to worry about what day of the week it is, what type of things are happening in my body, etc. I would like to have a fun sex life with my husband (we were just married in May, just a few days after I began to miscarry). Obviously, if in a few months nothing has happened, then I would be checking to see if I was in fact ovulating and begin charting. 

But for now? I want to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. Anyone else? 
DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
MC - 05/15/15 & 7/29/15 & 11/25/15 (You were wished for, hoped for and loved)
BFP#4; EDD 10/21/16 - Praying for a miracle.

benicode

Re: Is anyone NOT charting?

  • I was the same after my mc in April until my first AF showed then i went into "must learn everything i can about my body mode" In the past 3 months i have learned that i don't ovulate on day 14 like i had thought all along. One month it was CD 12 the next it was CD 16. I would not have known this had i not been temping. Right now charting is was is keeping me sane and having a positive outlook on the If's and when's of TTC. 
  • I totally get where you're coming from. When we started TTC I wasn't temping but was tracking cm and my average cycle patterns. Like PP, I went into "must learn everything" mode after my mc a few weeks ago. At first I just wanted to learn in a general way and actually told my partner that I wasn't going to buy a thermometer or get into charting. 

    This week, as I wait for AF to arrive to start TTC again, I got a thermometer and the FF app (no OPKs yet). Part of me wants to fixate on charting and being more "precise" when we try again, but part of me definitely wants to be relaxed, reduce pressure, and just have fun! (telling my partner about my "fertile window" is SO not a turn on for him lol). I guess I decided on charting because I want to be more aware of what's going on with my body - like right now I have no idea when AF will get here and it's stressful. I imagine that when we start TTC again, I'd like to know when to expect AF so I can stay calm toward the end of the cycle and know when to start testing if it comes to that.
      

         TTC #1 --- BFP #1 5/15, loss at 5 weeks --- BFP #2 12/15, loss at 4+3 --- RE testing 3/16 normal, still trying for our rainbow    

    Sarahwillette
  • Loading the player...
  • I was in the 'i want to know everything' mode back when I first had the IUD taken out. I took all of the tutorials on the FF app, bought the recommended thermometer that everyone here raves about, read article after article on ovulation, hell... I even looked at pictures of what 'egg white CM' looks like. But then, I got pregnant first try and put that all aside. 

    My DH and I are intimate at least every other day as it is, so I'm not concerned I would 'miss' ovulation by not charting. I feel like a kick in the butt might be needed for me to get technical again. As in, if in two months I'm not pregnant again, then heck yes i'm going to want to know what's going on in there. For now? I'm in my honeymoon phase with my DH and don't want to ruin that. 

    Thanks for the input, ladies! 
    DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
    Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
    MC - 05/15/15 & 7/29/15 & 11/25/15 (You were wished for, hoped for and loved)
    BFP#4; EDD 10/21/16 - Praying for a miracle.

  • I'm not officially cleared to TTC until next week but I don't plan on keeping track... At least to begin with. If after a few months we are still unsuccessful I will proabanly start charting and temping. I've been advised by my OBGYN to avoid pregnancy for the past 7 months after a PMP and am super eager to get pregnant so it's taking a lot of effort to not chart but it's important to dh and myself that we dont the fun out of baby making...
  • I'm not temping. It stresses me out just thinking about it and I am trying to reduce stress at this point. I figured it wasn't super hard the first time, so we will try it the same way as before. I use 2 different apps to track my AF cycles (Glow and Ovia). I used one last time and it worked pretty quickly. I am only using two apps this time because my cycles have been messed up from the loss. I input different sets of info in each so I can better guess my ovulation time. 

    If it takes a long time, I will definitely consider temping.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
     ♥ 
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

            
  • WLJ2WLJ2
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Photogenic
    member
    First, sorry for your loss. Second, I will definitely be charting. Well, for at least 2 or 3 months. At which point if I don't get a BFP I will most likely stop and just kind of wait for it to happen.part of me coping with my MC I think is taking control of trying again. I feel like I need to chart and I need to use OPK.
  • This isn't even remotely a flame-worthy question, because there is no right/wrong answer. Temping/charting is a tool, and like all tools, there are appropriate times to pick them up and use them and appropriate times to set them down and try something else. I am a huge proponent of women detouring over to fertilityfriend.com and learning about charting. That is most definitely because that education beats high school sex ed hands down in teaching us about how our bodies work. But, I am absolutely on board with the idea that if this isn't the right time for you to use this tool, then don't, and definitely don't feel like you are doing something wrong by not using this tool, just because you now know about it.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

    diannahm
  • I feel the same way.  After my miscarriage, I wasn't sure if/when I wanted to TTC again (it happened last November) but this is the first month we are trying again.  I feel like after this or next month I will try to start temping again (I'm just charting now without doing much more than looking at CM) as well as next month using pre-seed which was useful last time around.  I don't want to put too much pressure on us right away.  
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Married Sept '13
    TTC Dec '13
    BFP 10/8/2014 MMC 11/20/2014 D&C 11/26/14
    BFP 9/20/2015 MMC 10/7/2015 D&C 10/15/15
    BFP 3/6/2016


  • I'm only 3 days post D&C, but temping, mostly to monitor for infection at this point.

    I think I'm going to throw myself full force into charting because I think it will help if I can observe my body healing and returning to normal. Everyone is different. I'm kind of a control freak. Can't help it. I WISH I could be more nonchalant. Let things be more natural. Let it be a true surprise. I'm a little jealous.

    For whatever reason, I'm determined to hide fertile times and any positive pregnancy tests from DH. Is that weird? Like, I want HIM to feel like everything is hunky-dory and just natural. To not worry. Is that cruel?
  • Spoke with DH last night about this topic. He said he supports me in whatever I decide to do, but he made me laugh... he said that knowing I was ovulating and that it was 'go time' actually makes him MORE excited to be intimate and that it makes him feel like he has super powers during that time, lol. He's also a scientist and relies heavily on data, so for his sake, I may start temping and charting just so he can analyze me. Either way, it was cute and funny and lightened the mood :) 
    This is awesome!

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

  • I'm only 3 days post D&C, but temping, mostly to monitor for infection at this point. I think I'm going to throw myself full force into charting because I think it will help if I can observe my body healing and returning to normal. Everyone is different. I'm kind of a control freak. Can't help it. I WISH I could be more nonchalant. Let things be more natural. Let it be a true surprise. I'm a little jealous. For whatever reason, I'm determined to hide fertile times and any positive pregnancy tests from DH. Is that weird? Like, I want HIM to feel like everything is hunky-dory and just natural. To not worry. Is that cruel?
    It depends entirely on your husband and the type of person he is. You can see from the OPs update that some husbands would want to know, but I've also seen too many times that the woman gets gung ho about temping and it puts extraordinary pressure on the partner to perform. Not cool. So, use your best judgment based on your knowledge of your partner, but it also never hurts to ask their opinion.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

    GhanimaAtreides
  • DH has been making sexual advances every day since I found myself craving touch and emotional closeness a couple days ago. I keep telling him that it means so much to me that he's still sexually attracted to me despite the loss. Well, DH being the "fixer" he is gave up drinking entirely and started on a multivitamin last week, which is more than he did last time, which is HUGE. I think he believes the sooner he can knock me up again, the quicker everything will be all better from the loss. I think I'm ok with that.

    I did go full crazy on him with the last baby, primarily because I was "swaying". Dietary changes, pH monitoring of my CM and his sperm, supplements by the handful, the whole shebang. DEFINITELY not sexy. In the end though, it was all worth it because I got a daughter finally. But I'm not up for all that this time. Team green.

    vallerickimey1
  • DH has been making sexual advances every day since I found myself craving touch and emotional closeness a couple days ago. I keep telling him that it means so much to me that he's still sexually attracted to me despite the loss. Well, DH being the "fixer" he is gave up drinking entirely and started on a multivitamin last week, which is more than he did last time, which is HUGE. I think he believes the sooner he can knock me up again, the quicker everything will be all better from the loss. I think I'm ok with that.

    I did go full crazy on him with the last baby, primarily because I was "swaying". Dietary changes, pH monitoring of my CM and his sperm, supplements by the handful, the whole shebang. DEFINITELY not sexy. In the end though, it was all worth it because I got a daughter finally. But I'm not up for all that this time. Team green.

    I could have written that first part myself. I felt like I wasn't 'me' for so long but still longed for DH to 'want' me. I wanted to be sexy again and feel like a normal woman. Now, it's even more pressure to get pregnant, but at the same time its almost as if we're on a team moreso than before.
    DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
    Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
    MC - 05/15/15 & 7/29/15 & 11/25/15 (You were wished for, hoped for and loved)
    BFP#4; EDD 10/21/16 - Praying for a miracle.

    GhanimaAtreidesvalleric
  • Not yet.  I have an app on my phone called PTracker.  I basically use an average cycle length to figure out an idea of when I should be ovulating.  Since AF has been thrown off so much from the MC, right now we are basically going to be doing it every other day for about three weeks.  That way all bases are covered.  If that does not work, then I'll probably start charting. 


    First Pregnancy
    • BFP: 01/25/2015
    • EDD: 09/28/2015
    • Incomplete MC: 02/28/2015

    Second Pregnancy

    • BFP: 09/11/2015
    • EDD: 05/25/2016
    Baby Born
    04/15/2016



    PGAL
  • I think I scared my husband with just talk about ovulation! I'm using opks but he has definitely been avoiding me during my "fertile window"... No temping for me... I don't seem to have a problem conceiving, just keeping the baby cooking.
  • I have not tempted. I was going to start trying this month after AF shows up. I'm kind of having second thoughts about it though just because I'm the type of person to stress about ANYTHING and temping every morning my mind will always be on "when am I going to ovulate???" The number one thing you're told while TTC is NOT stressing. So I think it's easier for me to go with the flow.
  • To be honest I never charted/temped or anything before. I never looked into all the intricate tips/products to help with ttc. When we were ready for the first 3 - we just did it and if it happend YAY, if not there's next month. They all happend quickly and successfully though.
    Then I had a CP in March while ttc our 4th and final baby. Stunned and confused I threw myself into trying to make it happen and was more stressed about ttc than ever. Got pregnant immediately and then at 11w3d I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. It's been a month since then and while we plan to keep trying Im not thinking about it too much right now. When I go with the flow things work out better for us. I give a lot of credit to those who have issues concieving and take all these steps. But my personal experience is that stress has done nothing for me and I can't juggle my daily life while worrying about what my body is doing all the time.
    Everyone does what is right for them but no you are not alone. I hope we all get our babies soon! Xox
  • I havent temp yet- however I know I would find it really interesting because I highly suspected last time I was a late ovulator based on cm, opks but couldn't truly confirm it. I have a bbt and tried to use it last time but found it hard because my schedule isn't the same everyday. I just need to commit and set my alarm for a certain temping time. Now if I just could get my AF... Like hearing everyone's methods thoughs! Keeps me going:)
  • kimey1kimey1
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I haven't and don't plan to until the end of the year. I will turn 35 next year so i feel like then perhaps I should? Age is such a stupid thing that bothers me! We have no kids yet.
    For now we are going with the flow because the doc said the mc last time just happened. He couldn't find anything wrong from test results.
    I also tend to over stress, going in circles overthinking things. So for now we will continue baby dancing but I won't consider keeping track till the end of the year.
  • I also tend to over stress over think things when it comes to ttc- just drives me crazy lol
  • I have not tempted. I was going to start trying this month after AF shows up. I'm kind of having second thoughts about it though just because I'm the type of person to stress about ANYTHING and temping every morning my mind will always be on "when am I going to ovulate???" The number one thing you're told while TTC is NOT stressing. So I think it's easier for me to go with the flow.
    Just to clarify for other ladies reading the boards, worrying about when you ovulate and worrying about not being able to get pregnant are not the kind of stress that doctors are referring to when they say avoid stress. Eating poorly, not sleeping well or not getting enough sleep, working very long hours, and general treating yourself poorly runs your body down and exposes you to stress-related risks such as high blood pressure, etc. Being worried is not the same thing at all. Do remember that when you are dealing with anything reproductively related, everyone has an opinion and most of those achieve old wives tale levels of 'kernel of truth, but still wrong'.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

    AL_TwinCities
  • I am not charting. I put in my period info in on the glow app so I know the week window. My husband and I tried for a year before I got pregnant and then had a mc. We've been trying again for 2 months. It's too stressful to chart. I'd rather know about when then worry about having to.
    kimey1
  • I'm not charting either. I tried to use fertility friend but found it way too overwhelming. I'm trying to be "relaxed" about TTC again (as relaxed as you can be after a miscarriage) and charting/temping/testing just doesn't do that for me. I also don't want to stress my husband out with all of that. So for now, I plug my period info in on the first response website to give me a general sense of timing, take prenatal vitamins, and have fun with my DH! Charting is great for a lot of people, just not me! That said, if we go a few months without success I'll probably revisit using fertility friend more to help us. 

    crob5685vallerickimey1vintagevice
  • I feel the same as @spatter1, just isn't for me. I was considering it, mostly because of my long cycles (40+ days) and the fact that because of my long cycles it was hard to date my first pregnancy. I worried a lot about whether what they were (or weren't seeing) was a result of my not being as far along as everyone thought. Turns out that wasn't the case, but I didn't want to have to stress about it again so I asked my doc about temping or OPKs and his response was "it depends on how anal you want to be about it". I thought perhaps his response was a bit brash at first, but then I remembered why he is the right doctor for me. From the beginning he has been very casual and laid back about everything, which suits my style. So I am going to try and keep being that way as we TTC again. Like @spatter1 said, I may revisit in a few months if not having success, for now gonna keep it simple.
    spatter1kimey1
  • You need to do what feels right for you.
    My SO and I had been trying for about 4 years with nothing. I MC the week before Father's Day at about 12 weeks. This past week was my first AF after the MC. I'm 32 and don't think I have much time left for it to happen naturally so I decided to start using the OPK again (how we got pg before). Well low and behold we got smiles on Wednesday! My SO was a little hesitant about trying again because he didn't want to see me go through the physical pain again but I told him that I felt ready.
    Enjoy being a newlywed! Have fun and relax while you can! Lol
    kimey1vintagevice
  • @foliver82 how exciting! Good luck! Hoping for a BFP for you soon!
    foliver82
  • Those period apps only are only accurate on the "when" for certain women. Luteal phases vary in length from woman to woman, and those apps and calculators assume an average window, which may not actually be when you are ovulating. And your ovulation can vary month to month, so using that average timing only, you might think you are late when really you might have just ovulated late. I didn't chart for a year, and used an online ovulation calculator. After no BFP, I read TCOYF and started temping and checking CM. Well, the previous year basically didn't count as trying because I was having sex according to the calculator's window, starting day 12. My first month of charting I O'd on day 11. If I normally ovulate early like that, I had already O'd by the time the calculator's window even began. I felt like I had wasted an entire year! So if it isn't working out when using the apps or calculators, give charting a try to learn more about your body and you mgiht be surprised by how wrong those apps can be.
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Femara + trigger + TI cycle December 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Short LP (8 days).
    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs starting January 2017, lengthened LP to 10 days 

    Summer 2016 LFAF awards: 



    Winter 2016/2017 LFAF awards:

    letyourheartbeyourguideMrsGargoyle
  • @AL_TwinCities totally true. I got pregnant my third month trying this last time and was using an app, and the app said my ovulation window was way earlier than I obviously ovulated based on when I got my BFP and based on my first ultrasound. Luckily DH and I clearly hit the right time as well. Some luck involved with that for sure. I can totally understand the feeling like you've wasted a year, I will probably consider temping if nothing happens in the 1st 3 months TTC.
    AL_TwinCitiesMrsGargoyle
  • As much as we can't wait to be pregnant again, I too felt like the pressure of charting and temping would be too much. That being said, we agreed that for 3 months we would just "wing" it, and if during that time there's no BFP, then we would begin tracking my cycle
    MrsGargoyle
  • I had the same issue. I use the my days app to get an idea of when if be ovulating. But I use the OPK a few days earlier because I had a feeling I was ovulating earlier than the app was saying.
    That's how we got pregnant his last time.
    I also am very in tune with my body and can recognize when I'm going to ovulate.
  • So I've switched temp teams. I became curious while looking at others charts and it seems interesting. I learned that one of the things I was worried about (temping at slightly different times) could still help, so I'm trying it. It hasn't added stress, so that's good. I like it right now because I can feel like I'm doing something productive while I am WTO or during the TWW. I now have 3 apps (Glow, Ovia, FF) and I'm hoping that with entering temps into all of them, I will hit my fertile window for sure.

    I will report back with my findings, lol
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
     ♥ 
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

            
    letyourheartbeyourguideAL_TwinCitiesMrsGargoyle
  • I wanted to come back with an update. After the first month post D&C ended with AF, I decided to start temping and charting, just to get a feel for it. Boy, am I glad I did. For me, it has given me a sense of control (like others had mentioned before) and I'm glad that I know at least i've ovulated and that my body is doing what it is supposed to. The OPK's were a fail for me... I got two (what I thought at least) positives a few days a part and my chart isn't 100% sure on when I ovulated. However, maybe digitals next time will be of better help if this cycle is a dud. 


    DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
    Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
    MC - 05/15/15 & 7/29/15 & 11/25/15 (You were wished for, hoped for and loved)
    BFP#4; EDD 10/21/16 - Praying for a miracle.

    letyourheartbeyourguidefoliver82
  • I did full charting for the first three cycles (temp, OPK, cm) we tried. I got pregnant on the 3rd cycle but it was a blighted ovum. After that first loss I thought not charting would be less stressful so I didn't do anything that first cycle post D&C - and I almost went nuts. So for the next cycle I went back to full charting but just happened to have a really wonky cycle and felt just as stressed. My third cycle after the first loss I only tracked cm and we consistently tried until my ewcm went away and I got pregnant again but had a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks.

    I'm two days out from my D&C and I'm conflicted about choosing between trying again or ntnp. I'm leaning towards just ewcm tracking - that seemed to be the least stressful cycle tracking and it did work for us once.

    I'm not 100% sure about how I feel about OPKs - I feel like they don't give me as much control as I want them to - but I'm definitely done with tracking bbt. Out of the 6 cycles we tried I tempted for 5 and I am confident I do ovulate each cycle - it's just really irregular which cd it happens (cd14-cd25 but on average cd 18-19) When I track bbt I end up waking up multiple times in the middle of the night and that's annoying.
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

  • I wanted to come back with an update. After the first month post D&C ended with AF, I decided to start temping and charting, just to get a feel for it. Boy, am I glad I did. For me, it has given me a sense of control (like others had mentioned before) and I'm glad that I know at least i've ovulated and that my body is doing what it is supposed to. The OPK's were a fail for me... I got two (what I thought at least) positives a few days a part and my chart isn't 100% sure on when I ovulated. However, maybe digitals next time will be of better help if this cycle is a dud. 


    One thing to remember is that the OPKs only pick up a LH surge, and a surge only predicts ovulation 36-48 hours later. You can surge and not ovulate, and then surge again later. If you kept using OPKs after the first surge, you could have picked up the second surge easily. You can also miss a short surge only testing once a day, never getting a positive, but still ovulation at 36-48 hours after the missed surge. That's why temping while using OPKs is such an awesome tool! :D

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

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