How do I politely keep Great Grandma away from the baby?

EllioCor · July 2015

I'm not a huge germaphobe, and i'm not asking ALL my loved ones to get TDAP or anything, but my grandma has cold sores and the herpes virus can be deadly to infants. For most of the family, we're taller than she is so we can avoid well intended kisses, but how do I politely keep her from kissing my baby?

Nukke · July 2015

is it your maternal or paternal grandma? Ask your mum or dad to do the dirty work for you.

If they refuse, just straight up tell grandma that YOUR DOCTOR said that kisses are very dangerous for an infant his/her age. Just make sure it looks like you're telling everyone, not just singling out your g-ma with the cold sores.

FirstTimeMamaAricka · July 2015

I will be telling my family (all of them) no one that didnt help conceive the baby directly will be allowed to kiss him. If they can't try to understand then they don't need to come around my son until he is older.

dorkestofall · July 2015

As long as she doesn't have a sore she can't pass the virus. When I get a cold sore my husband refuses to kiss me and he's has not gotten the virus. It's the ooze that passes the virus.

leighann1 · July 2015

Oh man. If it were my grandma, there would be no keeping her away. It would be World War III up in here. No advice, but good luck to you!

LiveNLove44 · July 2015

First, she doesn't have the plague, so you've got that going for you. As PPs mentioned, she won't pass it to your LO just by virtue of having it, she'd have to have sores present at the time of contact and give your infant a serious kiss-ola. I do understand your concern, but I would also consider making a more blanket expectation about kisses. The cold season can present some pretty scary situations for our LOs (RSV can be really tough), so I don't think it would be inappropriate to make it clear that you'd prefer no one is kissing the baby. If you feel comfortable with your parents and ILs doing it, maybe ask them to refrain when you're in large groups so they can help you set that expectation.

Knottie59387608 · July 2015

This thread made me cringe and want to hide my unborn baby for the beginner of her life. Lol i would just make sure you are firm about telling people NO ONE gets to kiss the baby lol

michellelynn6 · July 2015

My grandma is not allowed to hold my baby because she refuses to sit down and falls about 4-5 times a day. I made her mad telling her she wasn't allowed to hold him, but she fell holding my nephew when he was a newborn and it was very traumatic for all of us. She just refuses to sit down while holding babies!!!

That being said... I think most people carry the virus that causes cold sores, right? Some people just aren't symptomatic so you never see them with cold sores. I get cold sores and people are so rude about them. I don't have herpes. I've gotten them since I was a kid. There is a huge weird stigma about cold sores!! Unless she has a brand new one, she won't get the baby sick. But I completely understand your fear.

moonseeds92 · July 2015

dorkestofall said:
As long as she doesn't have a sore she can't pass the virus. When I get a cold sore my husband refuses to kiss me and he's has not gotten the virus. It's the ooze that passes the virus.

I've been getting cold sores and fever blisters my whole life and I can attest to this

BBaires · July 2015

Is it totally out of the question to talk to her seriously about your concerns before the visit? Does she deny having herpes, or is this something you know but has never been openly discussed?
Maybe I'm naive, but I'd think her -- along with everyone else in the family -- would be concerned about keeping baby happy and healthy too.

aah1013 · July 2015

@michellelynn6, cold sores are actually herpes. They are caused by the herpes simplex virus-type 1. Genital herpes are caused by type 2.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cold-sore/basics/definition/con-20021310

EllioCor · August 2015

Actually the two types have combined in the past decade and can be indistinguishable with one transferring to the other. But yes, cold sores ARE caused by the herpes simplex virus, which if passed to an infant can result in swelling of the brain and death.

My grandmother is a slightly senile Hungarian who asks the same question every 5 minutes. She means well, but is usually just irritating. example: my mom has wooden cutting boards and a patinaed copper sink. She soaked the cutting board-warping it- and scoured the patina off the sink (it re-patinas but comes perfectly evenly patinaed) despite my mom repeatedly asking her to stop doing the dishes. Then having my Dad tell his mom to stop doing the dishes. I imagine my husband will also.

I think the "No Kisses" (for anyone) policy may be the best approach...

twogirlsandagreen · August 2015

Yes just instill a no kisses policy. HSV1 & 2 can be passed through viral shedding when no sore is present, so it is absolutely possible to pass the virus without a sore. The good news for those of us with HSV1 or 2 is that we pass our antibodies to babies in utero, so they have some natural protection :-bd

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