My parents live 10 mins away and my in laws live about an hour away. I know this bothers my MIL so I try to keep her involved with DD as much as I can. My brother in law has full custody of his almost 5 year old son but he's such a lazy bum so my MIL takes care of him for the most part. Last week they were all over our house and I told MIL that I was going upstairs to give DD a bath. I thought she would be interested in helping since bath time is always a nice bonding time. She came upstairs with me, I started the bath, I turned my head around a second later and she was gone! I dragged bath time out as long as possible anticipating she would come back but she never did. When I went downstairs she was making my nephew a grilled cheese while his dad sat on his ass watching golf. I didn't say anything but I was furious inside. To make matters worse, she asked if she could give my nephew a bath before they left "so his dad wouldn't have to worry about it when they got home." Ahhhhh! We're going on vacation with them this weekend. Lord help me!
FIL calls DH every other day around 6:30, which is the worst possible time, to ask some dumb question or to ask DH to help them with something. We have a new baby and a 4-year old and we both work! We do not have time to help you out with every freaking thing! Call your other son who also lives 5 minutes away and does NOT have a new baby, and ask him to help!
My dad passed away on July 12 after a long battle with cancer. He had in home hospice care and passed at home. DS and I had basically been living at my parents so I could help my mom out and DH would join us weekends. We are still very much in the grieving process and having a newborn makes it just so bittersweet.
My in laws live out of state and already came and stayed at our house for a week after DS was born. My MIL has decided she wants to come again, and is arriving next Thursday. My SIL and her 11 month old son are also coming. They are all staying with us. Doesn't it seem like common decency to say.. "This is a tough time, lets reschedule?" It has been less than a month since I lost my dad. I should also mention that after he passed I didn't hear a thing from my in laws other than a card 2 weeks later. Not a call, text, nothing. They talk to my husband regularly, but never a direct contact to extend condolences. I'm baffled.
We had our baby shower this weekend. There were 50+ people there so DH and I decided that he would attend the shower just to hold DS so that we wouldn't have him passed around. We told both our moms that this was the plan so that they wouldn't be upset that they didn't get to hold him. We told them that after everyone had left they could hold him but we didn't want them to at the shower or else everyone would want to.
Well the shower starts, I run to grab DS's soother. Come back to find MIL holding DS while DH stands there with this defeated look on his face. Afterwards he told me that one of her close friends insisted on getting a picture of her holding him. But I have a sneaky suspicion this was planned so that she could hold him and no one else could. Totally ruined the point of us setting this precedent because then everyone was asking to hold him and we kept having to say no.
My dad passed away on July 12 after a long battle with cancer. He had in home hospice care and passed at home. DS and I had basically been living at my parents so I could help my mom out and DH would join us weekends. We are still very much in the grieving process and having a newborn makes it just so bittersweet.
My in laws live out of state and already came and stayed at our house for a week after DS was born. My MIL has decided she wants to come again, and is arriving next Thursday. My SIL and her 11 month old son are also coming. They are all staying with us. Doesn't it seem like common decency to say.. "This is a tough time, lets reschedule?" It has been less than a month since I lost my dad. I should also mention that after he passed I didn't hear a thing from my in laws other than a card 2 weeks later. Not a call, text, nothing. They talk to my husband regularly, but never a direct contact to extend condolences. I'm baffled.
I'm so sorry for your loss and can't imagine hosting that many people with a newborn let alone after your fathers death, too. Hang in there
My dad passed away on July 12 after a long battle with cancer. He had in home hospice care and passed at home. DS and I had basically been living at my parents so I could help my mom out and DH would join us weekends. We are still very much in the grieving process and having a newborn makes it just so bittersweet.
So sorry to hear about your loss. What a difficult time for you.
My MIL story is from month ago when she decided to come out to "help" for 10 days while my husband was gone on a 3 week tour (in army). Her first words upon arriving were "I don't cook and don't clean". Not as helpful as thought.
Recently it's been my mom though who is not supportive of my career as a yoga instructor and musician and my decision to stay at home more to be with DS and not have to have childcare costs.
How about a friend vent.... My best friend quit working to stay at home with her baby. Good for her. She also has barely taken him out of the house and is very very particular about her child to the point that's comical to others.
So we have chosen a very small, well respected day care for our LO. 3:1 ratio and impeccably clean. Recommended by several friends. She went on a rant telling me how she knows people whose kids were hospitalized from getting so sick at daycare. Like seriously?!? This is gonna be hard enough on me.
I have three younger brothers between the ages of 24-29. As adults, we haven't been super close (DH and I live about 2,000 miles away), but we've never had any bad blood or anything. Since DS was born, they have showed ZERO interest in him or in us. One of my brothers left me a congratulatory 20 second voicemail the day after DS was born, and that's all I heard from any of them. Is it me, or should they show some minimal interest in their nephew?? We are going up to visit my parents in a week, and my mom is like "your brothers will try to make it." Try to make it? They live 20 minutes away! Whenever I start telling my mom that I'm hurt they are so distant, her only response is "boys are like that." They're men, not boys, and I think it's ridiculous that they can't even congratulate their own sister or respond to a single text or ask how their nephew is doing. My husband's siblings are the same age and also live thousands of miles away, and we FaceTime with them once a week. It makes me sad that my family is so uninterested in having a relationship with me or my son.
MIL has been complaining to everyone (except me and DH) that she doesn't see DS often enough. So she asked to come over this week and I was the bigger person and said she could come on Tuesday. Then I get an email this morning asking if she can come again today. I said ok but we had a crappy night so I will be in my pjs (hint hint - don't come over unless you're going to help) she says see you at 11.
So now in one week, she will see DS 4 times!!!! (Our shower was on Sunday and DH and I were already planning on going to their house tomorrow).
I am trying to be the bigger person and give her opportunities to see DS. But I know her. You give an inch and she takes a mile. And that's exactly what's happening already! I wouldn't care if she was actually helpful but I can't leave DS alone with her. She is super rough with him and she has some weird love for babies crying. She insists it's "good for their lungs". So rather than soothe DS when he cries, she encourages him to cry louder. So I can't even rest when she comes over because I have to monitor their visit!!!
@rae430 my sisters have been the same way. My one sister just got married two weeks after DD was born, and she's been busy with stuff related to that (she's getting ready for her honeymoon 3 months after the wedding) so I've given her a pass. My baby sister however only saw DD once for about 5 minutes after other sister's wedding. She never asks about her. My dad says to forgive her because she's only 19, and kids her age don't care about this kind of stuff. But I was her age when my baby brother was born and I went to see him at every opportunity even though I lived 5 hours away at the time.
lola2bee
member
Re: 7/30 in laws/family vent
My in laws live out of state and already came and stayed at our house for a week after DS was born. My MIL has decided she wants to come again, and is arriving next Thursday. My SIL and her 11 month old son are also coming. They are all staying with us. Doesn't it seem like common decency to say.. "This is a tough time, lets reschedule?" It has been less than a month since I lost my dad. I should also mention that after he passed I didn't hear a thing from my in laws other than a card 2 weeks later. Not a call, text, nothing. They talk to my husband regularly, but never a direct contact to extend condolences. I'm baffled.
Well the shower starts, I run to grab DS's soother. Come back to find MIL holding DS while DH stands there with this defeated look on his face. Afterwards he told me that one of her close friends insisted on getting a picture of her holding him. But I have a sneaky suspicion this was planned so that she could hold him and no one else could. Totally ruined the point of us setting this precedent because then everyone was asking to hold him and we kept having to say no.
Recently it's been my mom though who is not supportive of my career as a yoga instructor and musician and my decision to stay at home more to be with DS and not have to have childcare costs.
My best friend quit working to stay at home with her baby. Good for her. She also has barely taken him out of the house and is very very particular about her child to the point that's comical to others.
So we have chosen a very small, well respected day care for our LO. 3:1 ratio and impeccably clean. Recommended by several friends.
She went on a rant telling me how she knows people whose kids were hospitalized from getting so sick at daycare. Like seriously?!? This is gonna be hard enough on me.
So now in one week, she will see DS 4 times!!!! (Our shower was on Sunday and DH and I were already planning on going to their house tomorrow).
I am trying to be the bigger person and give her opportunities to see DS. But I know her. You give an inch and she takes a mile. And that's exactly what's happening already! I wouldn't care if she was actually helpful but I can't leave DS alone with her. She is super rough with him and she has some weird love for babies crying. She insists it's "good for their lungs". So rather than soothe DS when he cries, she encourages him to cry louder. So I can't even rest when she comes over because I have to monitor their visit!!!