MCs.... Everywhere?

SquirrelGiggles83 · July 2015

I've been doing a ton of reading in order to try and keep myself informed - it seems like there are so many miscarriage stories out there and so few of the "my pregnancy went perfectly" stories out there. I'm at 6w3d, and my pregnancy frazzled mind would love to have you share your positive stories.

popcornplease · July 2015

1 in 4 will miscarry. That's reality.
"Perfect" pregnancies are rare. Many women have extremely uncomfortable symptoms that last the duration of their pregnancies, have some sort of scare during pregnancy, have complicated deliveries, etc.

I suspect that you will find very few women who have had a "perfect" pregnancy, which is why those stories aren't out there. However, you will easily find stories of strong, brave women who have survived infertility, loss, extreme morning sickness, long pregnancies, premature births, emergency deliveries, scars, heartbreaking test results, and more.

I know it's comforting to hear the positive stories, but EVERY story is important. No one can promise any one of us a happy and healthy pregnancy, but it's something we can all hope for. Care for your body the best you can, because right now that's all you can do to help your little one grow.

katy0990 · July 2015

SquirrelGiggles83 said:

I've been doing a ton of reading in order to try and keep myself informed - it seems like there are so many miscarriage stories out there and so few of the "my pregnancy went perfectly" stories out there. I'm at 6w3d, and my pregnancy frazzled mind would love to have you share your positive stories.

I felt the same way, but then I noticed that I kept including miscarriage in my search terms, which would lead me to stories of loss. I am trying read more birth stories now, which has helped. Also, just think, every person you see was at one point a tiny bean like ours and their mother obviously had a successful pregnancy!

SmilesMcGee · July 2015

My DD is 4 and I consider my pregnancy with her as perfect as it could be. No MS didn't over eat or gain too much weight (right at 34lbs) blood pressure stayed normal. My DS was 3 at the time and I was able to take an afternoon nap at the same time as him every day so I wasn't over exhausted. The last month my feet did swell some, but that's expected. Delivery was great w/o complications..... Hope that's encouragement. Good luck!

yodapup · July 2015

Also, I believe women that went through some struggles are more likely to share their stories. People have "perfect" pregnancies have almost nothing to add and are boring. Hahaha kidding but not really kidding

bntfroggie · July 2015

I don't think anyone should sugar coat pregnancy. I agree with the PP that obviously there are a lot of successful births or else there wouldn't be so many people in the world, but for all the women you see that have had children or even the ones that you didn't know tried 25% of them have gone through a loss. I don't want to scare you, but only hearing happy "perfect" pregnancy stories isn't healthy either.

Jellybeanqueen13 · July 2015

I agree that women who had a miscarriage or difficult pregnancies are more likely to share their stories. My first pregnancy was very uneventful with very little along the lines of discomfort or symptoms until toward the end of the third trimester. With that being said, miscarriage is a real possibility too. I think the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and try not to worry. The rest is out of your hands.

Parker16772 · July 2015

I didn't realize how common MCs were until I had one and talked with a few friends about it. That being said I have been pregnant three times (counting this one) and have only had one MC. I am just trying to stay positive about this pregnancy since I have no control. My pregnancy with DS was almost perfect! I felt great with DS and had no problems until I went on bed rest at 36 weeks.

SquirrelGiggles83 · July 2015

Well I feel scolded....
Thank you to those who were positive. Obviously, I know that there are complications and what not and I'm not looking for things to be sugar coated. I tried for 5 years for this BFP, so it's not like I don't get that there are hardships that people have to deal with. I agree that people are more prone to share their trials and difficulties. All I was really asking was, if 3 out of 4 pregnancies do NOT miscarry, why does it seem like 90% of what I read is all about it.
I'm sorry, maybe this wasn't the place to bring it up.

OneRainDrop · July 2015

SquirrelGiggles83 said:
Well I feel scolded....
Thank you to those who were positive.

Confused on who you think "scolded" you... The answers all seemed informative and encouraging if anything.

I am guessing you either havn't been on TB very long, or you haven't seen some of the other threads. They can get naaaaaasty.

Edit- stupid autocorrect

llybeck · July 2015

SquirrelGiggles83 said:
Well I feel scolded....
Thank you to those who were positive. Obviously, I know that there are complications and what not and I'm not looking for things to be sugar coated. I tried for 5 years for this BFP, so it's not like I don't get that there are hardships that people have to deal with. I agree that people are more prone to share their trials and difficulties. All I was really asking was, if 3 out of 4 pregnancies do NOT miscarry, why does it seem like 90% of what I read is all about it.
I'm sorry, maybe this wasn't the place to bring it up.

You definitely weren't scolded. If your question was "if 3 out of 4 pregnancies do NOT miscarry, why does it seem like 90% of what is all about it?" Then you got great, informative, realistic responses. I'm not sure what else you're looking for.

ALapolla · July 2015

I agree with you (Squirrel!) BFP for me 6 weeks ago and this is my first time. I SHOULD be elated and joyful but all these MC stories are depressing me and making me that much more anxious which makes me not want to even go on these forums at all! I completely want to hear positive stories as well!

pumpkinhead4 · July 2015

I think the world population of 7 billion and growing is a great example of pregnancies working out fine. Yes MCs are very common but so are births. You never know how your body will react to a pregnancy but it's an adventure and your first test of faith and patience as a mother. GL and hang in there!

seminolegirl09 · July 2015

Totally understand how you can feel scolded. I, too, have been looking for positive stories on pregnancy. I am a first time mom (though not first pregnancy) and love to see words of excitement instead of worry. I am worrying enough inside my head, I don't need to read about it, too!
My suggestion would be to read more about miscarriage outside of boards like these. It's not as black and white as "1 in 4". It has so much to do with other factors. That made me feel much better.
I will endure a little morning sickness, constipation, and exhaustion and still consider my pregnancy to be perfect so far

treat yourself to a warm bath and enjoy the progress you have already made!

parenthood4 · July 2015

First trimester is a very tough time, with lots of fears, worries, and emotions. That's totally normal, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

My other two pregnancies were not perfect of course, but they were wonderful. Their births were wonderful as well. I have been very lucky, which of course makes me worry about this one.

Welcome to a life of mama worry. I hear it never ends!

Luckily, it's worth it!

cveliquette · July 2015

People generally post things on the internet that are negative- thats why your getting 90% bad. The majority of people aren't posting any stories on the internet period. I've found so far that books can be much more on the informative route instead of scary. There is no reason for us to read about MC stories anyways bc it is out of our hands. I was also searching for birth stories and guidance so Im going to just order a couple books on amazon.

yodapup · July 2015

SquirrelGiggles83 said:
Well I feel scolded....
Thank you to those who were positive. Obviously, I know that there are complications and what not and I'm not looking for things to be sugar coated. I tried for 5 years for this BFP, so it's not like I don't get that there are hardships that people have to deal with. I agree that people are more prone to share their trials and difficulties. All I was really asking was, if 3 out of 4 pregnancies do NOT miscarry, why does it seem like 90% of what I read is all about it.
I'm sorry, maybe this wasn't the place to bring it up.

Wait, what?? Nobody here tried to scold you. Im so confused. If you want a "good" story, my first pregnancy was extremely uneventful. My worst symptom was back pain in the 3rd trimester.... See, very boring. That's why you don't hear many stories of positive pregnancies.

lindscnn1 · July 2015

Out of my 5 previous pregnancies, my 1st was pretty normal and had an 18 hour labor. My 2nd ended in Mc. The 3rd was good and I delivered a couple hours before her due date. My 4th pregnancy was absolutely easy and I delivered him in the triage room at the hospital! My 5th pregnancy, 4th baby, was high risk and extremely difficult, full of complications, she was only 5lbs full term but healthy. This is baby #5, 6th pregnancy, everything is going well but I feel like s--t.
Every pregnancy is different, just take the good with the bad.

Vulpi · July 2015

I did the same freak out over all the MC stories and stats - especially after i had some minor spotting this week. Then I talked to my mother who had 8 successful pregnancies. She calmed my nerves and reminded me that most MCs happen in the first couple weeks before a woman even knows she's preggers, so the stats are nothing to worry about. She reminded me that every day of pregnancy I am narrowing down the possibility of MC, and to not let my hormones get the better of my good sense.

Thank God for sensible mothers that have been through this a time or two.

Hullabaloo2016 · July 2015

@SquirrelGiggles83 Can you pinpoint exactly which reply was scolding? All of the replies were helpful, pleasant and quite polite. So I'm interested to see what you consider a "scolding".

missfoxyleide · July 2015

ALapolla said:

I agree with you (Squirrel!) BFP for me 6 weeks ago and this is my first time. I SHOULD be elated and joyful but all these MC stories are depressing me and making me that much more anxious which makes me not want to even go on these forums at all! I completely want to hear positive stories as well!

I am a FTM and 6 weeks and I feel the same way. I feel like I can't be excited just yet because the chance of a m/c is greater in the first trimester. It also makes me stress and worry about it, which I know is not good but I can't help it. We have struggled TTC for 2 years and this was our 3rd round of Clomid + IUI. I'm praying and trying to stay positive!

ALapolla · July 2015

yes seriously!! @PocketFullofShells I'm not trying to downplay these horrific and unfortunate MC stories but you have to put yourself in the first time future moms' position too...it's very scary and off putting

bntfroggie · July 2015

Okay seriously I was a first time mom in February. We lost our child, it sucked nothing can prepare you for that. We decided to try again because if it happens again it will be just as devastating as before. But the first time I knew the percentages I followed them down to the lowest percentage we saw a heartbeat and I thought we were out of the woods at 12wks I was sitting by myself in a doctors office and they couldn't find a heart beat I then went by myself to the ultrasound room where I saw my child lifeless it had died days after my U/S the percentage of that happening was .05%. I then had to tell my husband that our child was gone. I get that you are a first time mom and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy, but maybe you should put yourself in someone else's shoes. I'm terrified, as scared as you are I am more scared. As the days go by I know that bleeding isn't the only sign of a miscarriage I constantly wonder if my baby is even alive so sorry for the Debbie downers that post their goodbyes but this is heartbreaking for them. My heart reaches out to everyone who has gone through this. Have a little sympathy.

flowerpower5838 · July 2015

@ALapolla I know you didn't mean it this way but as someone that has had miscarriages (AND is still trying to become a FTM) this is a little offensive. I have every right to share my struggles online in appropriate forums like these.

That being said - I UNDERSTAND what you're saying, but imagine how people that have struggled with loss and/or infertility feel in real life. Take how you feel and multiple it by like gazillion and know that it wouldn't be appropriate for us to say "man I wish all of the pregnant people would stop parading themselves around and announcing their pregnancies."

It's kind of the same to come on a website about pregnancy (in ALL of its glory not just the "fluff") and say things that kind of shame women for telling their MC stories.

Again, I'm sure this wasn't your original intent, but from my perspective, it almost seems like you're shaming women that have had less than pleasant stories.

ALapolla · July 2015

I appreciate your sentiments and wish you all the luck in the world that this pregnancy is sustaining! No it wasn't my intent to call you and other MC women Debbie downers but I'd just rather not hear the MC stories as it scares me even more so than I already am. Best of luck to you as I said, and no hard feelings.

yodapup · July 2015

Maybe you should check out the "Chances of NOT having a miscarriage" thread. I'm on mobile so not sure how to link it here.

ALapolla · July 2015

@yodapup I already have that chart saved thank you

ALapolla · July 2015

best of luck to you as well

have a great night

Newlywed_Amanda · July 2015

My 2 pregnancies were pretty "perfect" and uneventful. As were my labor and deliveries. My worst complaint was heartburn and fatigue. I haven't struggled with infertility or loss and this pregnacy is about the same. ( I hope I didn't jinx myself)
It feels like bragging though to say that. I know some of my friends like to hear my delivery stories because they weren't bad at all.
My only little bit of stress was my second, I had an extra u/s to make sure the placenta was in the correct location (it moved and fixed itself) and when she was born she was in the NICU for a couple of nights to monitor her low blood sugar ( they say normal for larger babies) and I supplemented with formula. It was difficult for me but in the scheme of things I was lucky it was so minor.
Point being there are good stories and the important thing is to stay positive.

ETA: I didn't find the answers scolding and I believe women should be able to discuss mc. I think like any loss it can be almost taboo so if women can find a comfortable place to share, it should be encouraged. Plus information is important. Most mc are early in Your pregnancy, sometimes before you even know and are usually not bc of anything you did so try not to stress. There's going to be something through your child's entire life to worry about. This is just the beginning.

Good luck!

oceanchild · July 2015

There's a reason that you see those all those little things about mc and loss that say “break the silence”
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/why-its-time-to-break-the-silence-about-miscarriage/article4268836/?service=mobile

jilloboe · July 2015

I loved reading Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth. The birth stories were beautiful and inspirational. "Safe" to read during pregnancy! (But has anyone here had an orgasmic childbirth?? I understand it in theory but WOW!)

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