has anyone been a bridesmaid while caring for infant twins?

gibbiere · July 2015

Hi ladies. First post here!

I just finished my bridesmaid duties for a good friend's wedding this past weekend, at 28 weeks pregnant with identical twins. (This is my first pregnancy). Luckily I have been feeling good, and was able to participate in all aspects of planning, events, purchases, and handmade gifting. I have been out of work on paid preg-related short term disability, which allowed me the time and energy to do all of these things. Everything went smoothly and I felt I was one of the stronger supports in the bridal party of 7, and had a really good time with all of it.

While that's done, a second (equally close and great) friend is getting married June 2016. I have already been asked and have accepted to be a bridesmaid for her (which was asked of me before the pregnancy).

We all live in New York — Bride lives on Long Island, I am currently in NYC, though relocating next month with my partner about 60 miles north to the Hudson Valley, where I grew up, to have the babies and get family's help. Understandably, wedding, shower, bachelorette, dress fittings and bridesmaid meetings will all happen on Long Island.

Now, Bride is a great friend of ten years who truly has a heart of gold. Easygoing, undemanding and understanding. I really want to support her and I've always wanted to be a part of her future wedding.

She asked me today to really think about whether or not it's truly feasible for me to be a bridesmaid. It made me sad to consider that maybe I can't.

By wedding day my twins will be 8 months old. Not the worst, though clearly, there is much involvement as a bridesmaid in the planning of the events in the months prior (shower, bachelorette, etc). Though she has modest taste and wishes, our family will most likely be on one income in the new year when my maternity coverage ends.

Has anyone been a bridesmaid while caring for baby twins? I didn't have an answer for Bride today as I just don't know what life will look like in the coming months. I had been considering all along that it would be just fine, but her question is now casting some doubt.

Bride has scheduled a bridesmaid's lunch/dress fitting for this weekend, which I will be attending with my 28 week belly. I told her I truly want to be her bridesmaid, but at the same time, don't want to be a burden, a weak link, nor a source of anxiety, or a sense of anything less than 100% support for her.

Any advice, experiences, thoughts or musings you'd like to share would be most helpful!

blairdavis99 · July 2015

Wow, just the fact that she asked you this and you have put so much thought into it has formed my quick opinion: she's be lucky to have you! I have 3 mo old twins - they are no breeze as I'm sure 8 mo twins won't be but I feel fairly confident that I can handle most things I did pre-preggo. Fun adult activites to escape to like fittings & tastings & stuff sound like amazing sans-kids outings and probably will be really good for you. You can't just play mommy 24/7! It's especially nice if you'll have family nearby that can watch the kiddos periodically. Just my two cents!

Hanniez89 · July 2015

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding when my twins were six months old, it was fairly feasible. I was able to do most of the activities, in some cases I just had to leave a little earlier than the rest of the party! It ended up being really nice to have a little break while I had some alone time with friends! I don't regret it! I just had to pump a little extra lol!

snmom · July 2015

I am maid of honor in my sister's wedding on New Year's Eve, when my twins will likely be under 3 months old. We have done a lot of planning ahead, which she is fine with. I also have a 2 and 3 year old who are in the wedding too. I know it will be insane, but my sister is my best friend and I cannot imagine not being by her side on her wedding day.

rue:D · July 2015

They'll be old enough that as long as you have a couple of people with somewhat flexible schedules (Husband, partner, mom, etc) that can watch the babies when you need to be available to do wedding things, I think you'll be fine. especially if you have a pretty easygoing, flexible bride - which it sounds like yours is!

llwx2 · July 2015

I bet if the bride has realistic expectations then you will be fine. If she expects all of your attention and time and will be bummed when you can't attend an event or have to leave early, then it probably wouldn't work. Sounds like she is sweet and understanding, so I would say go for it, be honest with her and yourself, and enjoy, but know your limitations.

apbauer0615 · July 2015

My twins are only 3 months but I think it's doable! Aside from the time commitment if you're concerned about the $$ ask her if she knows about how much the bridesmaids dresses are going to cost. Talk to the maid of honor about the shower & talk to her openly about your budget. In my experience if you're upfront a yr in advance about your budget people are more understanding & easy going about it! For the bachlorette a night out will be good for you! But if it's a weekend away explain now that you prob won't beable to attend that, or if it's dinner & a club just go to the dinner if you don't feel like you can handle a late night.

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