Baby shower worries

aliassam · July 2015

My baby shower is in 4 days and hardly anything has come off the registry. I'm trying not to freak out, but I also don't want to have to fund everything myself. And I'm not sure I have thr energy for all that shopping. Anyone else in the same boat?

OperaSingerMommy · July 2015

Exact same situation here but try not to worry! A gift is a gift and in the end it is the thought that counts. I imagine people will continue to use your registry after the shower so maybe hold off on buying everything else yourself!

kim1228 · July 2015

Maybe you'll get tons of gift cards

A lot of times, people don't use the registry and just buy cute clothes they see (I know I've been guilty of that in the past!)

Krysta6 · July 2015

Take a deep breathe... I had a shower last weekend and a lot of things came off my registry they just forgot to update it or they grabbed a different size then I requested. But even the stuff I got that wasn't on my registry were just perfect (things I didn't think about like gripe water, etc). I only have a small bag of things to return that were duplicates.

altow1310 · July 2015

I wouldn't worry too much just yet, although I know that is hard. I had a baby shower a couple weekends ago with my family and felt similarly to you a day or two beforehand. I ended up getting many items that were on my registry but did not show up as purchased from my shower guests; they had just purchased the items elsewhere.

Most people who have had kids of their own know what to buy, so you may be surprised that you're getting a lot more of what you need than you think you are going to. Good luck!

FrozenMommy · July 2015

Yah I only got big things off mine the first time around. People like what they like sometimes. Last shower I went to, I got the tub from her reg, but I got it on Amazon instead of wal mart, because it was online only and wal mart has crap shipping times.

VioletandRose · July 2015

Don't panic just yet, you may just get a lot of gift cards and cash, like a PP said

You can always order online. That's my plan of action. As much as i LOVE shopping, it's getting harder and less enjoyable these days...

morganabyrd · July 2015

aliassam said:
My baby shower is in 4 days and hardly anything has come off the registry. I'm trying not to freak out, but I also don't want to have to fund everything myself. And I'm not sure I have thr energy for all that shopping. Anyone else in the same boat?

Online shopping will save you the hassle of having to get out and shop, and since it's your child, it's perfectly reasonable for you to need to fund most things. You're opening up the gates of hell on yourself here, girlfriend...

christina4436 · July 2015

My friends shower was last weekend and when I ordered her gift about a week prior hardly anything was bought off her registry. I was very surprised but then at the shower she had SO many gifts and a lot off registry including many big items. Apparently PPL just wait until last minute!

leighann1 · July 2015

Speaking as a shopper, I am notorious for going to the store at 8 the night before the shower.

VioletandRose · July 2015

leighann1 said:

Speaking as a shopper, I am notorious for going to the store at 8 the night before the shower.

I read somewhere that 90% of guests buy gifts within a couple days or the day before/day of an event. (this is me)

Rikki_5 · July 2015

don't check the registry!!

CCasey2015 · July 2015

Rikki_5 said:
don't check the registry!!

Checking your registry is like opening your gifts before Christmas, wrapping them back up & pretending to be surprised on Christmas morning.

FrozenMommy · July 2015

Am I the only person in the world that thinks about a gift a month in advance? No, I get that from my grandma. She buys cards for everyone 6 months ahead of time so she has a stash.

alhittner · July 2015

"Online shopping will save you the hassle of having to get out and shop, and since it's your child, it's perfectly reasonable for you to need to fund most things. You're opening up the gates of hell on yourself here, girlfriend..."

Exactly. This is your child so it is your responsibility to "fund everything yourself". Be grateful for what, if anything, people decide to be gracious enough and get for you

OliveOyl2014 · July 2015

aliassam said:
My baby shower is in 4 days and hardly anything has come off the registry. I'm trying not to freak out, but I also don't want to have to fund everything myself. And I'm not sure I have thr energy for all that shopping. Anyone else in the same boat?

If you didn't want to have to fund everything yourself you should have thought that one through before getting pregnant. I wouldn't count on your baby shower to provide everything you need.

fletcherj1 · July 2015

Do not panic some people make purchases of things on your registry but don't take the registry up there to have it taken off. As long as you have fun and baby gets what they need all is well.

jenspeake · July 2015

I'm totally a "go the day before and buy the gift" shopper! I have checked my list a few times becomes items start to become unavailable the earlier you make the list so I go and remove and add an equilvalant.

aliassam · July 2015

Perhaps I used the wrong verbiage, but there's no need to be rude about it. I'm just a FTM trying to share what's on my mind and get insight from others who have been there. Thank you to those with kind words, it has helped put my mind at ease.

altow1310 · July 2015

You don't need to explain yourself. I am a FTM as well, and I knew what you meant when I read your post. Obviously we aren't expecting anyone to buy everything we will need for our babies, or that we can't afford to have them, but I do think we all go into pregnancy with the assumption that friends and family will buy gifts and help with things we need. Of course, we need to be able to buy the basic items, but the other stuff is nice to receive in gift form from others.

Wigglesx2 · July 2015

Some registries take 24-48 hours to update so don't worry.

Online shopping and in store pick up is a good idea. Maybe make it a lunch date with a friend because it may be your last outing for awhile.

Don't freak out too much, it's not the end of the world and you should rely on yourself for everything rather than other people. It'll be okay.

JaqiDec04 · July 2015

A lot of people buy on the way to the shower, at least that is my experience. Or...they saw what you registered for at BRU or BBB and purchased the same thing off Amazon/Walmart etc for cheaper. Or can't find the exact registry item and buy you something similar.

For example, you registered for a certain pack of bottles, and they bought you a whole gift set of the bottles you like. That won't show up on your registry.

With DD, only about 50% of the items I received were off my registry, but I loved ALL of it. She got some super adorable piggy banks, and other things, and they are some of my most treasured gifts. The registry is to give you an idea of what you need, and your guests an idea of what you like.

You may be surprised all the lovely gifts you receive that are not from a registry.

ameares721 · July 2015

I created my registry really early on and I've been buying off it slowly. I made sure to include lots of stuff in the $10 price range and kept it to basics because 1) people want to help you with what you need but 2) they're still going to buy you other cutesy stuff you didn't request! My registry was more like a guide... Basically onesies and diapers.

I took what you meant about funding things yourself in a different way. Everyone says "wait until your baby shower to buy stuff!" But then what if you are still short on essentials and then you're left 30-something weeks pregnant, cash-strapped at the store buying ten packs of diapers that wouldn't even hold your tears. I got you!

Everycol0r · July 2015

Lurking...

Hm, what?

You are having a baby. You. From the moment you conceived this child it was your responsibility to pay for every facet of this human being's life. The gifts you receive at your shower, you are not obligated to receive and are a wonderful bonus. You shouldn't be worrying that other people won't be funding your choice to expand your family, you should be excited that you are receiving a shower (which is a gift that not everyone gets) and people will be spending their hard earned money on you, when they to may be strapped for cash.

Your baby needs very few things the first few months of their life: Boobs/Formula (plus bottles), Diapers, 1 place to sleep, wipes, car seat & 10 onesies. That is the basics of it. Everything else just makes things easier.

QueenWaldorf4 · July 2015

Everycol0r said:
Lurking...

Hm, what?

You are having a baby. You. From the moment you conceived this child it was your responsibility to pay for every facet of this human being's life. The gifts you receive at your shower, you are not obligated to receive and are a wonderful bonus. You shouldn't be worrying that other people won't be funding your choice to expand your family, you should be excited that you are receiving a shower (which is a gift that not everyone gets) and people will be spending their hard earned money on you, when they to may be strapped for cash.

Your baby needs very few things the first few months of their life: Boobs/Formula (plus bottles), Diapers, 1 place to sleep, wipes, car seat & 10 onesies. That is the basics of it. Everything else just makes things easier.

intheversa · July 2015

Don't worry about it. People are giving you gifts and I'm sure whatever you get will help you out. Plus people may not be showing your registry at the check out or maybe it's not updating correctly. Or maybe people are getting you gift cards like everyone is saying.

DH and I set aside a bit of a budget for things that we don't receive. Like our baby carrier which I'm sure no one will buy because it's $134 and I don't expect anyone to spend that much on me (but I will take the discount through BBB).

After my showers I plan on hitting garage sales, thrift shops, second hand stores, and any baby event where I can save money on things that I really need but don't get. Also following this wonderful baby sales thread: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12595194/baby-sales#latest

gograce · July 2015

Whenever I buy items off a registry, I often forget to let the cashier know. Shame on me for that because I obsess over checking registries.
I love knowing what's coming as a gift to me. I always convince DH to tell me what he's getting me for my birthday, Christmas, etc. I'm just too excited.

MariahOBrien · July 2015

Everycol0r said:
Lurking...

Hm, what?

You are having a baby. You. From the moment you conceived this child it was your responsibility to pay for every facet of this human being's life. The gifts you receive at your shower, you are not obligated to receive and are a wonderful bonus. You shouldn't be worrying that other people won't be funding your choice to expand your family, you should be excited that you are receiving a shower (which is a gift that not everyone gets) and people will be spending their hard earned money on you, when they to may be strapped for cash.

Your baby needs very few things the first few months of their life: Boobs/Formula (plus bottles), Diapers, 1 place to sleep, wipes, car seat & 10 onesies. That is the basics of it. Everything else just makes things easier.

I'm glad you're here. I have a crush on you. #everycol0r for prez

ems028 · July 2015

Everycol0r said:

Lurking...

Hm, what?

You are having a baby. You. From the moment you conceived this child it was your responsibility to pay for every facet of this human being's life. The gifts you receive at your shower, you are not obligated to receive and are a wonderful bonus. You shouldn't be worrying that other people won't be funding your choice to expand your family, you should be excited that you are receiving a shower (which is a gift that not everyone gets) and people will be spending their hard earned money on you, when they to may be strapped for cash.

Your baby needs very few things the first few months of their life: Boobs/Formula (plus bottles), Diapers, 1 place to sleep, wipes, car seat & 10 onesies. That is the basics of it. Everything else just makes things easier.

THIS! I don't understand people's sense of entitlement these days. Be grateful! How many parents in the world are unable to provide even a fifth of what your child will receive. Try to be a bit gracious, and be happy with what your lovely friends and family are going to buy for you instead of moaning that the items you requested haven't been bought for you.

babyynumbertwo2015 · July 2015

A baby shower shouldn't be so much about what you receive. All of those people who come are spending their time with you celebrating the pending arrival of your baby. Their presence alone should be enough, the gifts are "extra". So please, don't make your baby shower about the gifts or you will spend your time stressing or as you said "worried" when you should be enjoying every moment of the celebration. Not everyone is blessed with the friends and family to even come together to celebrate, let alone receive gifts.

And on a side note, I agree with the other "harsh" responses, this baby is 100% your financial responsibility. The way you worded your post made you sound incredibly greedy and irresponsible.

rue:D · July 2015

As others have said, some people forget to update the registry, some buy what you request but get it elsewhere, and some don't pick up a gift until the night before. Save the panic for after the shower (if this is your only one; otherwise wait until after the last one). I understand feeling overwhelmed by the cost of everything (especially as I'm having twins!) but you can't count on others to provide for your baby. I totally understand what you meant but the way you worded it is definitely going to bring out the snark in this group!

Sballerina · July 2015

@rue

put it well, @aliassam. Our babies are our responsibility. Whether we provide for them with top of the line new items or hunt every yard sale, thrift store, consignment store, and baby items page on Facebook, they will be fine and have what they need. We can do it.

Even though my mother-in-law is hosting a shower for me, my husband and I have been doing our best to save up for baby items. I have had to be careful to check my heart about my attitude about what I may receive at the shower. It is primarily about gathering in support of the mother and celebrating the baby. I train myself to remember this is about relationships and other ladies loving me and my baby, rather than a calculated gift haul (not accusing you of that, just saying I have to guard against starting to think in that direction). A registry is made to communicate what you need and prefer. Guests can come to a shower with or without a gift. I would never want one of my friends to not come because they couldn't give one. If they get an item off my registry, I will be appreciative because I chose those items carefully for quality, ease of use, etc. based off of reviews. I generally think it is a blessing to a mom to buy off the registry for that reason. But I also FULLY expect that my friends may also want to give me a gift that resonates with them, that they think is cute for baby. It's part of them contributing as an individual to the baby. And let me tell you, I would rather have friends that really love me and are invested in this experience and get me unique gifts (perhaps things I didn't think of), rather than friends that don't care as much but each dutifully bought me things off the registry. I purposefully kept my registry pretty simple, just with basics on it. I registered for hardly any clothes, blankets or toys, because it seems those are categories that people really do see something cute and just get it for you.

So bottom line: start saving NOW for necessities, choose to treasure relationships, and I recommend choosing ahead of time to be grateful for everything.

MaryBeth2015preg · August 2015

I agree with the posters here. A baby is our own responsibility! I have a friend who EXPECTS even more. Went from a Co-Ed Shower to a traditional shower, because she felt she wouldn't 'get enough' if it was co-ed! She also expects her In-Laws to fund day care. Because they did for her sister in law, who is single and had a baby at 19.. Maybe its all how you worded your original post, but I have started buying diapers and other things on my own, because this is my responsibility.

MamaBear345 · August 2015

fletcherj1 said:
Do not panic some people make purchases of things on your registry but don't take the registry up there to have it taken off. As long as you have fun and baby gets what they need all is well.

Yes I think this happens a lot. People check the registry on their phones, buy it, and then don't scan the receipt to get it taken off the registry. That or they buy the same thing somewhere else. And I don't think you meant the "don't want to fund everything myself" statement badly at all. We all accidentally word things the wrong way sometimes. But whether you meant to or not, it sounded bad. Just be thankful for whatever you do recieve.

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