STM Question

Kelsie07Ulmer · July 2015

This is baby #2, so excited to be having a girl. We already have a son. Soo... Every time anyone ask what we're havin and I say girl they always come back with a comment of "oh you can be done now". As if having a child of each sex means that's all you should have. Like you've replaced yourself and your husband that's enough for you. I find it so frustrating. We're not completely set on the idea of having more, but I just don't understand the reasoning behind this. Do they mean if it turns out she's actually a boy that we must have more? Sorry this kind of turned into a rant. Any ways, just wanted to hear some of your perspectives on this. Are you STM getting this response as well?

Miz_Liz · July 2015

I am in the same situation - we have a boy and are having a girl and all of the time I get the, 'Oh the perfect little family," comments and people just assume we are done. We are not done, we are having one more after this (God willing) and I don't care if it is a boy or a girl. In fact, I think my family would be just perfect if we ended up with all boys or all girls. Yes, I am excited that I will be able to experience both a son and a daughter, but the implication that it would be any less perfect if I was having another boy is obnoxious. I want a healthy and happy baby, that is it. Just ignore them, that's what I do!

KateDerek · July 2015

I have two boys with a little girl on the way and people feel the need to comment on two of the same gender too, and comment about how I finally got my girl so my family has finally been completed.

I just don't get why people are so open with comments about what your family structure should be. Why if I have a boy and a girl should I be done? Why if I have two of the same gender should I be sad, and go on for another one to try for that other gender? Why if I chose to do it again does it have to be assumed it's because I'm only on a quest for a particular sex? Why if people have six kids do you have to comment about how that's too many? Why is an only child a sad thing? It is all so offensive.

e1223 · July 2015

I always found those comments so offensive too (especially coming from a family with 2 girls!) - I have a boy and girl and am pregnant with #3 (team green) and people say "oh, so it doesn't matter then" (because I have a boy and girl) - um well, it never REALLY matters... I also get a lot of "oh, is this your spare kid??" comments. So weird.

jlsweets · July 2015

Yeah I hear it all the time too. We don't know what we're having but people always go ohhh I bet you wish it's s girl so then you guys can be done. I never even think of something like that when some is expecting their second. While we would like to have 3, we may end up with 2 but boy or girl we will still feel like a "complete family" . I don't get bothered by it though , seems like a common thing people say these days.

SassetteSmurfling · July 2015

This is my third. I already have one boy and one girl and people were shocked that we got pregnant again and assumed it was an accident. It wasn't. Whatever. People are stupid.

laylababe3 · July 2015

e1223 said:
I also get a lot of "oh, is this your spare kid??" comments. So weird.

Lol, this is all I could picture..

Miz_Liz · July 2015

laylababe3 said:

I also get a lot of "oh, is this your spare kid??" comments. So weird.
Lol, this is all I could picture..

LOL! I am a 3rd child....guess I am the "spare"!

jessandandy09 · July 2015

WTF does spare kid mean???? seriously that is crazy and made me laugh, but then I couldn't find one possible reason to ever say that to someone.

jesselayne8 · July 2015

Yep. I get that a lot too. I have a boy and girl so I "should be done". Likewise if you have 2 of the same sex then it is expected that you "try for the opposite sex". Once again people have no filter.

breezymeema7 · July 2015

I get this all the time. We already have two girls and this baby is another girl. We honestly couldn't be more happy. We love our girls and feel blessed that we get 3 of them. These kind of comments/attitudes about having a boy AND a girl makes the perfect family really pisses me off. Like even as I am typing this I'm getting kinda ragey. My family is perfect because it's exactly as God deemed it to be, not because the certain amount of X and Y chromosomes.

hclzmm14 · July 2015

I'm pregnant with my second girl, and our whole family wants us to have a third, but I don't think it's because they want us to have a boy necessarily. I wouldn't mind three girls honestly. I don't see the need to have one of each. It's a fifty/fifty shot and I get what I get.

I haven't received many comments on this yet, but I'm sure once I have both girls out and about people will start asking if we are having a third to try for a boy. Thing is, we haven't told anyone other than immediate family what we are having so they haven't had their opportunity to be annoying yet.

KMBC2552 · July 2015

I have two boys and we don't know what this baby is, but I constantly get asked, "are you hoping for a girl?" I think I have heard it so many times now that it doesn't bother me anymore. If this one is a boy I am sure I will get the "are you going to keep trying for a girl?" I want to just get a shirt made that says "my husband got a vasectomy. We are done."

PurpleBookmark · July 2015

We have a boy and girl and actually had some comments about whether we would go for a "tie breaker".

Now that we are expecting a third we've been getting comments that we need to have four to keep it even! People are nuts.

ashbash1012 · July 2015

Same here. I give them the blank face. What makes you think just because I have one of each I'm done? Who made you the family wizard? Just wanna throat punch some people!

Saratiff · July 2015

Miz_Liz said:
I am in the same situation - we have a boy and are having a girl and all of the time I get the, 'Oh the perfect little family," comments and people just assume we are done. We are not done, we are having one more after this (God willing) and I don't care if it is a boy or a girl. In fact, I think my family would be just perfect if we ended up with all boys or all girls. Yes, I am excited that I will be able to experience both a son and a daughter, but the implication that it would be any less perfect if I was having another boy is obnoxious. I want a healthy and happy baby, that is it. Just ignore them, that's what I do!

@Miz_Liz can you let us know when you are trying for number three?!?!!

Joie80 · July 2015

We're pregnant with #2 and we have a daughter. We're team green and people keep "hoping" for a boy. I can't for the life of me understand why people are so concerned about the sex of OUR baby. We couldn't care less about the sex and it's not going to determine if we have more. People are dumb and I'm getting aggravated with them. I swear pregnancy brings out the stupid in people.

emmacake08 · July 2015

I was super stabby at the beginning of pregnancy because everyone on both sides of the family were actively rooting for a girl because we already had 2 boys. I remember saying a billion times that baby can't help what gender they are. If I was really annoyed I'd start talking about which hypothetical sperm did what

) Family balancing seems to be all the rage and I've even seen people do fertility to get a specific gender which I think personally is a bit much.
Whenever I hear someone is having a different gender than what they already have, I just make it a point to say how fun I think it will be and not pretend like I could or should have an opinion on their family planning.

Starynightsky24 · July 2015

I get this too. It's pretty annoying. And I've started to say that while I'm excited to experience both, I would have also loved this to be a boy because it would have been great to have two boys so close in age for DS and this baby. It shuts them up pretty fast usually.

jentatu · July 2015

We've gotten the "well now you can be done since you'll have one of each" comments too. DH and I are done after this LO, it would not have mattered the gender. What annoys me more is when my parents ask why we are done and give me the "well if we had stopped after two you wouldn't be here" speech. That's all fine and dandy that they chose to have 4 kids (and I am grateful since I am #4) but that isn't what DH and I want so just leave it be people!

CaliforniaDream87 · July 2015

We are also having a girl this time. Meh...it doesn't really bother me when people make these sorts of comments. It's really NBD to me. Often times, people just don't know what to say. I guess because we actuall are done after this one I've never thought of these comments as "rude" or "obnoxious". We've always wanted one of each so our family does feel complete. However, if I was having another boy I would feel the same. I would just ignore people and these sorts of comments if it bothers you. I guess I'm used to unsolicited comments/words of wisdom.

tarheelgirl8 · July 2015

Joie80 said:
We're pregnant with #2 and we have a daughter. We're team green and people keep "hoping" for a boy. I can't for the life of me understand why people are so concerned about the sex of OUR baby. We couldn't care less about the sex and it's not going to determine if we have more. People are dumb and I'm getting aggravated with them. I swear pregnancy brings out the stupid in people.

This amazes me too. This is our first but my sister has two girls already. Several people in our family have actually said to us, "we're happy for you but a boy would have been better". It took all my strength not to punch them in the face! Wtf, people? I actually decided not to do a gender reveal party specifically because I knew many in my family were hoping for a boy and I didn't want to deal with it. I seriously don't get why people place so much emphasis on it. So sorry that my child's vagina upsets you....

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