Introduction. Looking for stories of you ladies journeys! (Warning... Long post)

Tinytank29 · July 2015

Firstly, I would like to thank all of you lovely ladies for being a constant source of solace and stability over the past 13 months. I have been consistently "lurking" through all your posts, reading and pouring over your insight and humor and find it truly uplifting through even my worst of times.
My fiancé and I started trying June of 2014. I am a very practical person so the poor man had to sit down with me and write out the pros and cons, go to a parenting seminar and read 11 baby books before I could even consider bringing a tiny human into this world. (As I write this I am realizing my "practical is very much CRAZY! Haha)
Well in the past year, we have emmassed three rescue dogs, a kitten, a stray cat and an injured duckling which has since been released to the wild (I live in a town house in the heart of Edmonton). But so far... No baby. I have mostly succeeded in staying positive and poured myself into my career succeeding in landing two promotions and being the first female operations manager in my company... but still... No baby.
I chart religiously, have an extremely normal cycle, have a fertility monitor, read "taking charge of your fertility"... Twice, eat an extremely balanced diet and taken all the herbs and vitamins you can imagine. I really wanted to do this naturally.
This month I start my journey into fertility treatments. I am both excited and extremely terrified. In the past 13 months I have had 11 friends get pregnant. ELEVEN! I have been supportive and kind and always taken a back seat as two pregnant women will always have more in common then one pregnant and one desperately trying for a baby.
I know this site is here for support and I guess I am asking you ladies for help. I am at the end of my rope. Fertility treatments sound like an amazing option but how would you deal with the fact that although seemingly completely healthy, you just couldn't conceive? I am having a really hard time looking at myself as I feel as I have failed myself to my unborn baby as I couldn't even create them on my own. I am not trying to hurt anyone or insinuate this feeling upon anyone else. I just feel broken and alone. I am not depressed, just having a really bad day and finally reaching out for some words those of encouragement and I guess to hear all your stories. Please let me know your journeys and what has led you to this forum. I know if I am feeling like this there is someone else feeling the same and I am hoping to get a smile and maybe shed a tear knowing I am not alone. No one is. Sometimes it's just nice to be reassured.
So there you have it ladies. My long winded introduction and pouring of emotions into a blog. I strangly feel a little better. Please enlighten me with your journeys and stories of progress. Also if anyone could give me some advice on fertility treatments I would greatly appreciate it all.
Thank you,
S

KidShrink · July 2015

Oh I hear you! I've stopped counting how many people I know have gotten pregnant because it's just been crazy. And everyone around us (including ourselves) thought it would happen in no time, because everything has just worked out so well in our life. Feeling like a failure (in being a woman, a mom) is frequent.

There's just no way to know who'll be able to conceive on the first try and who won't (unless you know there's something wrong to begin with). I had no way of telling (or no obvious one anyway), but I recently found out there's a small anomaly with the shape of my uterus and I have pretty severe endometriosis (with less typical symptoms). We've been TTC for 2 years, and it's been almost a year since we started fertility investigations. Now that I've had a surgery, we're moving on to IUI to increase our chances ASAP.

My one recommendation is to find an RE who will look for the real reason rather than settle with an 'unexplained' diagnosis. And a second one: talk about what you're going through. People can say awful things sometimes, but that's because they have no clue what it's like. You'll also quickly realize how many people around you have struggled in the same way.

Best of luck!

graphicgranite · July 2015

Hi there, you are definitely not alone! The feelings you described resonate a lot with me too - it's hard to accept that something that seems to happen naturally and without much effort for some people should be so hard for us!
It's good that you are seeking help as you move on to the next steps. Seeing the fertility specialist was scary for me but it feels good to know what the problems are and to have a plan to try to make this happen.
Good luck!

SmileyMcGee · July 2015

I'm in the UK, so slightly different over here. Nothing is done for the first year unless you are over 35 (& then you still have had to be trying for 6months before they'll even see you).

Our journey started in Dec 2013 & as we're pretty young it never crossed our minds we'd be on this journey!

So to cut a long story short, hubby is fine but the issue is with me. I've slightly polycystic ovaries (but not a "typical" sufferer) and rarely ovulate (twice in the last year)!

After having bloods, a semen analysis and a HSG we were put on clomid, so we're currently on round 4. Hoping it works before round 6 and we get into a deeper place of drugs etc.

I've had a particularly tough week and been hideous to live with I'm sure as my hormones are all over the place with the drugs. I've not actually felt like myself & had some really awful thoughts. On this journey you often feel very alone. TALK about it, especially with your partner, despite how difficult it may be. They're on this journey too.

If there's one thing my husband & I have taken from this is that no matter what happens, we'll survive it together!

Sending you big virtual hugs!

AdorkablePixie · July 2015

@Tinytank29 - I completely understand feeling like a failure. I feel like that sometimes too.

My body won't work and I don't know why. It sucks knowing there is nothing I can do to change it.

clt2pwm11 · July 2015

AdorkablePixie said:

My body won't work and I don't know why. It sucks knowing there is nothing I can do to change it.

and even when you do know why, there's no way for you to change it! I eat well and I exercise. Why isn't that enough? But to the original poster, yes. I sometimes feel like a failure. . .like less of a woman because I can't seem to ovulate or have a period. Especially because I'm one of those super type A people who has controlled every other little minute detail of her life. You are not alone!

AdorkablePixie · July 2015

@clt2pwm11 - Yeah, I agree. It's frustrating! I am the same way, I also need to be in control of my life. The fact that I can't control this drives me NUTS!

crazypixies · July 2015

@Tinytank29 I feel your pain. I have been TTC since last July, and have had numerous friends and family members get pregnant (some while even using birth control) while I have not had any success. My DH and I are both pretty healthy, and there have never been any signs with either of us that we would experience fertility problems, yet here we are, a year later. I have just started going though the infertility testing process, so I don't really have any advice to give, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

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Introduction. Looking for stories of you ladies journeys! (Warning... Long post)

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