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Oh DH, soooo not helping with TTC/Baby Fever...

bmo88bmo88 member
in Babies on the Brain
Just a bit of a grumbly Sunday post. We are both on the same page of when we want to start TTC (about 1 1/2 years) and I have posted on her quite a few times why we are waiting (mostly careers and finances), but it doesn't make the actual wait any easier. Also, with my best friend just announcing she is pregnant recently, it has brought on even stronger baby fever. 

Today I was looking at upcoming appointments I need to schedule and just jokingly said, "my next annual exam with my OB is coming up in November, maybe I will just have my Mirena taken out then." Usually, DH says something like, "the decision is yours" or something very casual. To my surprise, DH said, "Oh ok, so we could start trying by January? Maybe a baby by September? That works." I honestly didn't have much of a response. I was surprised, then excited and then disappointed because I also instantly brought myself back to reality.

It really wouldn't make any sense to start TTC next year. We could "make it work," but we are committed to our plans. It also sucks that our employer just raised the cost of dependent health care insurance to $415 a month (previously $280)! In some ways, that at least solidifies our financial plans we know we want to get in place before TTC.

For those who are waiting to TTC, what are your recent grumbles? 
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Re: Oh DH, soooo not helping with TTC/Baby Fever...

  • amandarinsamandarins member
    Well, mine would be a little different. I'd like to wait until DS is potty trained to add another, but I'm still trying to do some soul searching to figure out if it's best for our family. The first year was so tough and our relationship had a lot of stress, but now DS is so much more easy and more and more fun each day. I'd love to have another, and I don't want to regret letting he window of opportunity pass, but I have to think long and hard about it. It bums me out sometimes, but I hope we can decide soon to have a plan in place:)
     

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  • meggymemeggyme member
    I'm ready now, but DH isn't and doesn't really have a reason. That's the most frustrating part, I have no way to make any headway on the issue because there's no specific reason. I think it's fear based, but I can't squeeze a specific answer out of him. I've told him I'm going off the pill after this last pack and he can take charge of birth control for awhile. I've also been directing the infinite questions about when we're procreating his way. I don't think he had any idea how often I get asked that until now. Can't tell if it's helping yet or not though.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • MKM2014MKM2014 member
    the wait isn't easy! DH & I were going to try in June this year but pushed back our date when I decided to go back to school. the program is sequential & there's really no way to take a semester off- you'd have to take an entire year if you had a gap. With that in mind I just didn't feel like it'd be a responsible decision to have a baby while in this Masters program, and that means we will be waiting until next August to TTC. I guess I'm getting to "that age" where a lot of my friends and acquaintances are pregnant or new moms, and with new announcements popping up everywhere I can't seem to keep my mind off the baby fever. The excitement of going back to school was at first enough to temper the impatience of adding a year to the wait but now that we are actually into our original date its weird to think that we were "supposed" to be TTC right now. We also have projects around the house we would like to get done, credit cards that will be paid off before TTC, and would like to plan a vacation for my semester gap next year which coincidentally would also fall into our first month of TTC. So there are a lot of reasons to wait- some days I just have to keep going over them! I have a countdown app on my phone that I'm tracking several dates on- one of them is my last birth control pill July 30 2015 lol! I have half a mind to force myself to stay off Facebook and the Bump, delete that countdown and just ignore the whole thing- because it seems like this feeling is just a weird way to spend your last year before TTC, and that I should have an easier time focusing on the things we can do now- but im just too tempted some days!
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  • LewdijaLewdija member
    I joined recently because of this exact reason, so this is my first post. I've had babies on the brain for soooo long but with a new job and no real savings, I need to focus on getting financially stable, and have given myself at least one year to get ready. But the last month my DH has stopped trying to "calm me down" when I start ranting about kids and is instead totally going with it. I wanted him to be excited about it, but now, when he also finally seems emotionally ready to start, the forced wait just seems even harsher! Its funny that "Maybe we can TTC next summer!" is more frustrating than "Maybe one day in the future..."

    Meanwhile I've finally given myself permission to buy a couple of baby things, and crochet some toys and that helps in feeling I'm working towards something. Kind of indulging my longing!
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  • satuttle1014satuttle1014 member
    My DH always wanted kids but was always like let's wait for this, this and that. We were going to try later this year then out of nowhere he is like when your pill pack finishes don't start a new one. Totally random, they want a baby but sometimes use finances or whatever as a way to push it back. When I first told my hubby he was going to be a dad, he was so freaked out but now he is sooo excited and it's all he talks about.

    Babies don't need everything in the world and I have found some good "baby on a budget" lists from pinterest actually. The most expensive thing is diapers. The timing is never right and we just were like let's just try and see what happens. Hopefully you can come to a decision that is best for you and your hubby :)
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  • strickland8052strickland8052 member

    I have been patiently waiting for two years! H wasn't ready and we had some financial goals that we wanted to accomplish first. Well now... all systems are go, H is excited and financial goals are more than met...but we are waiting until after October, because we have a huge once-in-a-lifetime trip planned with tons of adventurous activities (stuff that pregnant women should definitely not do). So.... not only am I insanely excited about this tri,p but I'm also insanely excited about the fact that we will begin TTC while on that trip! I can't handle it!! I look at the calendar every day and count the days until October.

    I feel for you guys that are waiting a year. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I actually feel more baby crazed now than I did a year ago. In my two-year wait, I took up a lot of hobbies to keep myself distracted (ran two half marathons, took up candle-making, dog sat, hosted an international student, tons of DIY home projects, lots of weekend getaways). Well now, I have done just about everything there is to do pre-baby, and I have ran out of distractions. :( 

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    @strickland8052 where are you going? Sounds exciting!

    I continue to be the excited but nervous one in my relationship. Life is so busy now, and my job so stressful, that it's hard to imagine fitting a baby in. If I write a couple of grants this fall, however, we'll be able to hire someone for me to supervise, which would both be a huge help and trigger a raise about equal to the price of daycare. So, I guess that's my main grumble and distraction! We'll start around January either way. We have a trip planned to Europe in March, but I'm okay with going pregnant if I'm lucky enough to have it happen quickly. We'll save a fortune on Belgian beer that way!
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  • strickland8052strickland8052 member

    @xstatic3333 We are going to Iceland!  We hope to come back with a little Viking! ;)


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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    strickland8052 said:

    @xstatic3333 We are going to Iceland!  We hope to come back with a little Viking! ;)


    Amazing! Lots of my friends have been going there (it's a cheap flight from Boston) and it looks completely awesome. If you're feeling extra adventurous look into the continental divide snorkel-I want to do the diving version when I go someday.
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  • strickland8052strickland8052 member
    Xstatic3333 said:

    @xstatic3333 We are going to Iceland!  We hope to come back with a little Viking! ;)


    Amazing! Lots of my friends have been going there (it's a cheap flight from Boston) and it looks completely awesome. If you're feeling extra adventurous look into the continental divide snorkel-I want to do the diving version when I go someday.


    The continental divide snorkel is actually on our list. We booked a travel package that includes that and horseback riding through lava fields (hence why I must not be pregnant when I go!)  You are right... it is a very cheap flight from Boston. In fact, I can't believe how affordable the entire trip is. After food and gas, we are expected it to be about $5k total...and that is for 2 people taking a 7 day road trip!

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    strickland8052 said:


    Xstatic3333 said:

    strickland8052 said:

    @xstatic3333 We are going to Iceland!  We hope to come back with a little Viking! ;)


    Amazing! Lots of my friends have been going there (it's a cheap flight from Boston) and it looks completely awesome. If you're feeling extra adventurous look into the continental divide snorkel-I want to do the diving version when I go someday.




    The continental divide snorkel is actually on our list. We booked a travel package that includes that and horseback riding through lava fields (hence why I must not be pregnant when I go!)  You are right... it is a very cheap flight from Boston. In fact, I can't believe how affordable the entire trip is. After food and gas, we are expected it to be about $5k total...and that is for 2 people taking a 7 day road trip!

    Nice! Definitely post some pictures here or on MM!
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  • EQKarli88EQKarli88 member
    I feel like I'm taking to myself when I first read this. I really want to start TTC after our honeymoon in November. We too have put finances and careers first. My husband said next spring. I realize it will come sooner than I think. But it is still a long frustrating wait... Especially when everyone around me is having kids. I keep myself busy to make myself feel successful at something at least. While everyone is bragging about and showing pictures of their kids, I'm over here like "I just paid off another school loan. Go me." Blah. 99% of it is financial reasons. I work 12 hour shifts about 5-6 days/week. I pick up so many hours to keep myself busy and mind off it. Ooh well. I know our time will come, but baby fever got very high about 5-6 months after our wedding (it will be one year in November).
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  • mscrane09mscrane09 member
    Oh my gosh OP, reading your post was almost painful in that your situation is SO SIMILAR to ours! With the exception of the fact that we only use condoms.
    But I completely feel your pain on the topic of finances/careers...that's basically what we're waiting on as well, and it's SO HARD! :(
    I don't have much to offer in the way of advice, because I'm probably not handling it in the healthiest manner, haha! I have friends who are pregnant or just had babies, so I've been living vicariously through them and obsessing over every aspect of this website. XD
    Hopefully your stars align and you're able to begin trying soon! :)
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  • bbluemoobbluemoo member
    The only thing I'm waiting on is buying a house. While we currently live in a nice 3 bedroom rental, I want a home thats completely ours.
    The current game plan is to have a house before next summer (hopefully this winter sometime). After that, a baby can come anytime and I'll be happy!
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