IVF (ICSI) #2 Having a hard time staying positive

kwozniak330 · July 2015

Hi Ladies,

My husband and I have just started our second try at a FET and I am having an extremely hard time staying positive about it. Our first try was a couple months ago when we got a "slight" positive which ended with a negative. The result totally side-blinded us and we decided to take a couple months to get our feet back on the ground. I was hoping that by this point I would be feeling more positive and somewhat excited about trying again but I am more negative and fearful than ever. I know that mental state matters and I am trying to be positive, but has anyone else gone through this?

The first time we tried I was scared but also much more excited,

Thank you for your support.

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

***loss and bfp mentioned***

I completely understand where you are coming from. We did our first ivf last fall and it sadly ended in a miscarriage around 7 weeks. We ended up being forced into a several month hiatus due to my cycle being off and a corrective surgery being needed. It ended up being a good thing as we cleared our heads and get our feet back on the ground, just like you.
When we finally were able to start the process of fet, we were more nervous and apprehensive than the first time. It was hard to keep our hopes up knowing how terrible it could all end. There wasn't anything specific that would get our hopes up or keep us positive throughout the whole thing, but we took it one day at a time. We tried to make it not as big of a deal as the first time- not making a big thing about shots or appts, we'd make more jokes and try to just keep it as "normal" feeling as possible. I think that helped take off some of the pressure for both of us. As we got closer to the transfer, we got a bit more excited and then on the day of, when we saw the embryos on the screen, we got our hopes up a bit more.
But then after the transfer, I was in full doubt mood that it hadn't worked. And then when we got a positive hpt, I was still in a bit of a downer mood about it. Honestly, we didn't really start to get positive and excited until we were about 10w, and even then it was sporadic.

I don't know if any of this rambling is helping you, but just know you're not alone in your feelings. It's such a long journey and a deep let down when it was all over. Just try to keep it fun, maybe reward yourself at the end of each week with a special treat or date. Good luck and Fx for you!

susykat77 · July 2015

I can totally relate!! I am in my second IVF cycle (back to back) and I am not sure how to stay positive. I almost don't want to be positive because then somehow I think it won't hurt as much if it isn't successful. I know this is not helping at all but it is what my crazy mind is doing. This is hard. I don't know how to do it and I don't know how to stay positive but today as I was walking in the park, I started thinking about creating a vision board. Now, this may be a little oovy groovy but I need something to lift my spirits and remind me why we are going through this crazy emotional process. It may or may not help me get pregnant. But it is something I can DO to feel like I am contributing positivity and possibility to this process. Just an idea. Hugs to you.

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

I know exactly how you feel. Last month was our first cycle which ended in BFN, we were also excited and super positive where we didnt even think it could be a negative even though I told myself that was a possibility. I was so devastated after the news I cried for days! We decided to go straight into a next cycle thinking it would help me deal but it wasnt until the transfer where I felt a little positive. However, I have not pinned baby items or even researched anything baby related or symptom spotting. My beta is Wed and I dont "feel" any different and I am definitely not as positive as I was the first time. I am just hoping that I get the BFP this week. I think after a failed cycle its hard or may even be impossible to be as excited as the first time. But it doesnt mean (at least to me) that I am not embracing it. I am just a little more skeptical this time but I still have my fingers crossed and I pray about it. Sorry I dont have better advice for you, I did pick up yoga before I started this cycle, but my doctors told me to hold off until my test. Good luck to you and I am sure you will find a way to deal with all these emotions. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes!

kwozniak330 · July 2015

Thank you all very much for your responses and kind words. It makes me feel a lot better knowing that you all went through(and are still going through) the same thing. I almost feel like when people say "aren't you excited?! It's so cool what they can do!" I look at them like they are crazy!! "No I'm not excited!! We are terrified"

I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know their are people out their that even IVF is not an option for medical or financial reasons.

I wish you all the best of luck and will keep you in my thoughts.

wapeters13 · July 2015

Oh my, can I relate to you and how you are feeling. We are on Stim day 6 of our 2nd fresh cycle and I am having a really hard time handling it.

Our 1st cycle ended in a BFN last month and we thought that it would be best to start another cycle right away. I was excited for the 1st cycle and was happy every step of the way.

Fast forward to this cycle and I feel bad for not being excited. I mean, I am 100% greatful to have IVF as an option but sometimes I feel like it will not work for me.

By all means this is out of my character and I am always a happy go lucky person. These days it just seems hard to be. I'm very thankful to have a great boyfriend, doctor and family to push me along these days.

I wish you all the best with your cycle and have my FX for you! ☺

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

This has really helped me deal with this second cycle. Everything you ladies describe is how I feel! I haven't talked to anyone but my hubby about it so this is nice to have others understand and in the same boat. It makes me not feel so bad for feeling this way. FX we all get our BFP's this cycle!

Binnie505 · July 2015

I can totally relate. My first pregnancy ended being ectopic and they had to remove my right Fallopian tube. Different tests confirmed that my remaining tube is not fully functional. We decided to go for IVF in May 2015. I had consulted couple of fertilitu specialist and both said "it's a mechanical problem, and since there's no other problem with age, hormones and make factor, it should be easy enough". Started the Stim meds, everything grew normally, they retrieved 9 eggs and then the next day the call came "none of the eggs fertilized!!!". Seems like 7 out of 9 were totally immature, one seemed to be on the verge of maturity and one matured and they hoped that one would form the embroy but no luck. Now I am going to start new cycle. I started lupron from today and will start the Stim meds from 8-1-2015. It's a new protocol and my doc is keeping an extra eye on me because apparently she hasn't seen similar cases b4. She even gave me a free cycle. I only have to pay for anesthesia and meds. And luckily the insurance covers the meds. But still now I have to worry about if the eggs will be mature or not, if they are will it fertilize and form embryos, then comes the two week wait period and if it's not a success this time then I have to think about if I want to change the doctor. Too much stuff. So I hope all of us would find that little ray of sunshine. Cheers!

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